


Relearning to Breathe

by lacewing



Series: RLTB [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Gen, Interspecies, M/M, Xenobiology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-01
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-11 05:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 134,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/474788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacewing/pseuds/lacewing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two people, two worlds and relearning to breathe after the loss.<br/>The Troll homeworld was lost, and in seeking a new home they have found one in a little lonely blue planet called Earth. Trading their tech for aid they began to resettle to their new lives. And when one Human Hope Newell moved into an apartment complex next to the Troll Gamzee Makara, neither expected the way it would change both their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Neighbor

**Author's Note:**

> repost from ff.net. Enjoy the new beta'd version! Still working this out and learning. If there is a tag you think should be on this story, let me know!  
> While there is some basic beta done to this fic, it's not perfect. I just loved that someone was willing to go through and catch a few more of my errors!  
> Past that, I have mostly posted things as is and in the 'raw' so there are going to be errors. I do not work as hard on a fanfic as I would for paid work. Please do not expect perfection. If it really bothers you, by all means I do not mind more people willing to beta my work for me!

**Relearning to Breath**  
by Lacewing  
 **If you think I own anything outside the original characters I created just for this story then you are out of your ever fucking scrambled monkey brains. It belongs to the Huss of course!** _(this disclaimer brought to you by Karkat)_  
 **A new Neighbor**

  
**000**   


****

**000**

  
She smiled signing the paperwork. She'd gotten a look at the apartment. Everything was working, very little was overly damaged. It was in good shape, and for a decent price a month.

And she could not beat the move in special. In her mind she had a great deal and one that was well within her budget. Which made her happy, that meant that she had a little extra money for saving.

Considering the last few months had been a pit of hell, she needed this chance to start over. To focus on her stories and build up her savings. Fix her uneven teeth, and keep herself from getting ill. Perhaps, even get herself another cat. Or maybe a dog, if she could find one she could stand.

She really was a cat person.

Hope Newell picked up a box from her car and walked to the porch of the apartment. She set it down among some others and glanced up to meet a sleepy gaze of a man from the apartment next to her new one. Long messy curls falling around sharp features. With a cold golden gaze, and grey skin, topping the odd look was a pair of long spiraling horns on top his head.

She blinked and he matched the blink before giving her a very predatory smile. He wore only a loose pair of baggy pj pants, giving her a full view of his chest and the lean muscle pulled taunt over flesh and bone.

She blinked again and then broke into a friendly smile which made his disappear in surprise. "Morning!" she said cheerfully and went to her car to get another box, when she glanced up she saw the odd man scratching his head and looking a little confused.

"smile" she murmured to herself "they wonder what you're up to." she chuckled getting the last box from the car and closing the trunk.

Hitting the lock on her key ring the car beeped and she went up to the porch and saw the neighbor had left his porch and gone back inside. Damn had he been a skinny bastard. And she hadn't been expecting to see a Troll.

A couple years back, something happened. No one really explained much, but a huge group of aliens had landed.

And not as attackers, or dignitaries from some far off system.

But refugees. Sick and hurting. Needing a home. They traded off their tech and ships for food and shelter and health care.

She'd heard about them, and heard they were becoming more commonly seen as the call went out and more ships came. She knew a few details as she'd seen on the news and discovery channel. About them coming from a red dwarf star planet. That their world became unstable and literately fell to pieces. That they didn't have families like humans. Instead mixing gathered genetic material all together in a complicated slurry that was given to a kind of queen bee, they were laid in batches of eggs, and from the moment they burst from their shells they were hungry and would fight their way to the surface. Those strong enough to make it out of the 'hives' would then be raised.

It sounded harsh, and foreign to her. Hope has just shrugged it off as 'one of those things' and for the most part ignored the chaos and silliness. About how they were here to take their women, jobs, world, ect. Which sounded like the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. Yeah, they had to compete for some jobs, but they also brought their own work with them. A whole line of products that suited their particular needs. They needed hives for their young, they needed certain foods and the raising and care of their 'lusus' animals. Creatures that seemed to do the raising of their children rather than they themselves. Yes they where adjusting themselves to human way of things, but they had completely different family units and ways of thinking of romance and mating.

She highly doubted they would be much interested in mating with humans, female or otherwise.

Bringing the last box to the porch she started loading it all inside. She glanced about, a couple boxes in the kitchen, what remained of her cooking gear and dishes. A flat screen TV sitting on some crates that held movies, games, and a ps3 (the best of the old playstation systems in her opinion). Her laptop bag resting on a low table by a beanbag chair. Her mattress was on the floor in the single bedroom and her clothing was all in a couple black bags.

So little remained of her life. She looked around setting down a box of tools, a few knickknacks and some shelving was all there was remaining.

Most all fit in just a couple loads from the storage unit.

She pulled out a framed picture and stared at it a moment feeling her eyes tear up. She rubbed at them. She didn't need to start crying now. She set the frame down and kissing her fingers ran them down the side figure in the picture.

Best friend, sister of her soul.

She buried her Best Friend two weeks ago.

With a sigh she opened another box and made a face. Nope, the towels where not as savable as she'd hoped. They still smelled strongly of smoke and death. Closing that box she turned to put it back out on the porch when she saw her neighbor standing there. Watching her with an expression she couldn't quite read.

"Excuse me" she said politely and he shifted, barely letting her pass him as she put the box of bathroom toiletries outside again.

That down she turned and gave him a bright smile "Can I help you?"

"What is mother fucking wrong with you?" he demanded. His voice was rough, a little raspy, surprisingly deep. There was a sort of undertone. Like somewhere between a growl and a purr. Kind of pleasant she decided.

"Excuse me?" she asked raising a brow into her short hairline. Her smile getting wider. OH she must have hit a nerve!

"This" he indicated her growing amusement. "What the fuck is with this chipper motherfucking politeness!"

Yep, definitely hit a nerve.

She just giggled, winked and went on inside her place "What? A girl can't be friendly with her neighbors?" Hope asked him "If you'll excuse me, I got some unpacking to do." she said and with a cheerful tilt of her head she went back inside.

"Who are you?"

OH he could talk without overusing fuck in his grammar! She turned "Well, I would think it would be more polite to introduce yourself first. You know, a cheerful 'Hi I'm " and she held out her hand as if waiting for his answer.

He started at her a long moment, and she had a feeling of.. well.. compressed danger. Something inside of her tightens and was slowly growing towards panic. It was like she was a mouse testing a very large and very irritable predator.

Who after another long moment of increasingly awkward silence suddenly broke into an equally cheerful smile, his eyes falling into a sleepy contended amusement, his whole frame sagging making him seem less threatening. Well, not counting the mouthful of sharp teeth, long pointy horns and very sharp looking claws instead of nails.

"Honk" he said doing a really good imitation of a bicycle horn and his hands braced on the sliding door frame leaning him half into her apartment "Gamzee Makara, nice to meetcha motherfucking sis." he said.

"There! That wasn't so hard!" she replied her hands behind her clasped to keep her arms strait and hide the shaking she was feeling. "I'm Hope Newell!" and without thinking about it she moved a couple steps closer and held out her hand to him.

He stared down at the hand as if he was slowly contemplating what he should do with it, and then held out his own hand. Clasping her's in his rather large, but surprisingly firm grasp. He didn't let go as his smile spread a crossed his face and she found herself keeping her smile locked in place. A trick she had to learn the last few months. Not batting an eye, even when she wanted to pull away and scream.

He just stared at her and she had the feeling he was sizing her up, testing her, and if she failed she would be screwed.

She had no clue how she was suppose to win this weird contest of wills. So she just stuck to what she was always taught growing up. Be polite, keep smiling, and don't show them how scared and panicked you are feeling.

After a time that began to feel like a horrible eternity he released her hand "Well then." he said, everything about him relaxed to the point that he reminded her of some guy baked half out of his brains. "Let me know if you'd ever like to slam back a mother fuckin' faygo."

"Er.. sure." she said and he hopped the porch to his own going in and closing his door.

Hope sank to the floor and quickly closed the porch door and the curtains. In case he came back. She didn't want to him to see how utterly terrified she was.

She just had this feeling that would be a very bad idea.

000

Hope didn't see much of her alien neighbor. Sometimes she got woken at weird times hearing people banging on his door late at night. A web search told her that the trolls where predominately nocturnal. Because their sun was closer to their planet than earth's sun. Making it brighter and more likely to leave one permanently blind if you spent too much time in it. She did some other bits of research, but mostly came up with hate sites, and a few weird fetish sites rather than hard facts. Which was very annoying. It was as if all of the real hard information about the alien race was being suppressed.

She wanted to know more of what to expect from her neighbor. Not just the stuff she already knew about some of their basic habits, but stuff about interacting with them. Even if she only ran into him in passing, she didn't want to do something that could get misunderstood. But in the end just figured she'd do her best to avoid contact.

It suited her anyway. She wasn't up for contact with anyone really. She glanced at her phone as it rang. The caller id showed it to be some toll free number. No one she wanted to talk with them.

Next to the phone on the counter was the frame with the photo. Two shots really. One of herself and her best friend. They where back to back looking at each other and laughing. Each wearing only a fur wrapped around their shoulders and the picture doctored and fuzzed the hell out to give it an old fashioned look. The photo had been one of the few things she rescued from the fire at her old apartment.

Dark haired Susan had been about to bust her gut laughing during that photo session.

It was one of the last times the pair had actually had any real untainted fun.

After that, Sue had gotten ill. And she didn't get better.

Hope crashed into her beanbag chair and stared at the popcorn white ceiling.

Once she got sick, she didn't get better. It progressed so fast. No one had any real time to even consider any options. A bunch of short term things had taken place. But nothing to fix what was too late to fix.

It seemed she had had cancer for several years and hid it from everyone. Even Hope.

"Bitch" Hope said to herself. She could hear Sue's returned 'And I love you too.' Covering her eyes with her arms and biting her lip to keep herself from turning into a ball of misery and grief. "Why didn't you say anything?" Susan's parents of course blamed Hope. As if their daughter's death was somehow Hope's fault, as if she wouldn't have gotten cancer, or that they would have somehow found out about it sooner.

But then they didn't get their daughter that well. As much as Hope wished that the other girl had told her, she knew Sue never would have. She wasn't that kind of girl. She wanted to live her life, what there was of it, to its fullest. Not sick from chemo or slowly being watched to waist away.

Until those last couple months, there had been nothing to show she was ill. Nothing at all. She had been healthy, and happy. She took Hope skydiving, and roller skating, and hiking. They went snorkeling with whales in Alaska, and they had laughed and enjoyed being together.

Hell, it was kind of shocking how little 'sex' there was actually involved in their relationship.

But it had been enough for Hope. Hope the girl named so because she lived.

Born the day suicide bombers hit two towers. Her mother had been about 8 months along when the explosion rocked the ground and the falling debris. The shock of the event sent her into premature labor. The dust and debris had permanently scared her mother's lungs.

While the world watched, Hope was born in an ambulance on scene. Her mother was never the same. At least according to her father. She was quiet. Hardly never talking. Her father and mother lived in a house by a lake in upper state New York. Away from the city that had scared them.

Hope grew up. She got ill a lot, doctors said it had to do with damage from being born premature and lungs underdeveloped exposed to so much crap from the destruction of the twin towers. She grew to be a bit on the anti-social side, not liking prolonged contact with others. Mostly a home body who dreamed of travel.

So she dreamed, and she started writing those dreams down. Blogs at first, and people liked her ideas. She got good enough that even as a teen she wrote articles and short stories for magazines and compilation books. Making enough money to put away towards a college fund, or maybe just a 'move out when she was 18' fund.

Her last year of high school she had been dating a few people, but never really found that fit. Most the guys she met wanted to try and clumsily into her pants and she wasn't interested.

Then she met Susan Harper. The girl just appeared beside her and said that Hope had the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen. Like river stones.

Hope was not one to be vain about her looks. She was a dirty blond with a intermediate color of grey eyes that no single ID could agree upon. Her current driver's license decided to call them blue, her last one said grey and the picture ID she carried to get into the private rooms of the her old college library said they were green.

She wasn't tall, wasn't short, just, average. Average weight, average height, average, average, average. Could be easily lost in a crowd. Which as a child had been a terrible fear. That she was so average her parents would lose her and never find her again.

Sue on the other hand was never average. Chunky, with long black hair and eyes of chocolate. She had freckles a crossed her pale nose and could never get a tan no matter how hard she had tried, only burn. Sue was practically nocturnal and loved old black and white movies and Shakespeare in the park. She could quote the entire works of Edgar Allen Poe and every episode of the old 1990's program Who's Line.

And when Hope was with her, she never felt average. So when they graduated, Sue had gotten into a great college a crossed the country from their new York state home, Hope's grade had been average and she hadn't been able to get into anything but community school. So instead she took her savings and was able to put down for an apartment for the pair of them. Sue went to her school. Studying to be a teacher, Hope took a few classes at the local community college in the area. Mostly in creative writing and journalism. She wrote stories and Sue would spend hours reading over her shoulders as she worked (which she hated...)

And now, four years later, here she was. In the middle of the country somewhere in the deep south. Hiding from everyone. Surviving off a small income and savings while she wrote articles and tried not to fall into a black despair and get a gun so she could join Susan in death. Especially after some idiot had decided to set fire to the old block of apartments she had once shared with the other girl.

Hope had not been home at the time, had been arguing with lawyers of her friend's parents over what was to become of their daughter's remains. Sue had been very specific on her desires, but in the end, her parents had won that fight and Hope had been forced to give up. Not having the money for a long drawn out legal battle. She had spent nearly all her savings and Sue's in hospital costs.

Hope sat up suddenly when she realized that someone was banging on her door. Feeling confused she wiped her bloodshot eyes on her shirt and managed to not look like a total wreck, she hoped, as she opened the door. Someone was shouting obscenities at her knocker. Which really had her feeling confused and a little scared to even open the doorway. Outside was another Troll, some guy who was shorter than herself, with very nubby horns and a definite overbite. He looked taken aback by seeing her.

Silently she pointed to the door next to her's "I think you want that door." she said.

He blinked at her and then over at the other door that opened up. She saw Gamzee standing there in absolutely nothing but a bare wisp of a towel and sporting a serious case of bed head. "Fuck man. What's with all the mother fuckin' noise bro?" he said and the other troll was more than willing to turn his shouting obscenities at him as he pushed back the much taller troll into his apartment.

Hope felt her lips twitch at the sight. She started to back up to close her door when a dark grey hand suddenly slammed itself on her door making her nearly jump out of her skin. "Motherfuckin' sorry about that." he rasped at her. Still holding his towel in place with his other hand. She swallowed and fought to keep her own eyes up and focused on his face. Which was half lidded and amused.

"Accidents happen" she shrugged with her best smile to cover her nervousness.

"True that" he said and his hand came down running over her cheek which still had trails of dampness. He pulled his hand back and licked his fingers as if curious.

Her eyes were about as wide as saucers at that point. From the shock of the touch and the fact that he was just sort of standing there slowly losing his towel and staring at her with that unreadable gaze that had her trying to figure out just what he was thinking.

"Um... BYE!" and she practically slammed the door locking it and leaning back against it. She could hear a chuckle before the other door closed.

BASTARD! She fumed; he did that just to get a rise out of her! Creepy ass fucking stoner... HIPPIE! She went off to her bathroom to clean up scrubbing her face and trying to forget the slim hips and long limbs.

God damn it all! Why did the aliens have to look and feel so damn human, exotically lovely too? Couldn't they have been giant bugs or something so, utterly different that there would be no way anything could be misconstrued! It felt like he had been hitting on her, but she was just a boring little human girl and he was... Hell she wasn't even sure where his standing among the trolls stood. There was some weird thing about their blood color. She'd seen a few things online about it. But nothing overly clear, there had been a general warning about watching out for any trolls that bleed purple. Or who's center of their golden eyes reflected said color. That they tended to be the most volatile and dangerous.

As it was, there was more than enough time, she was going to get dressed, go out and find a bar. Maybe get herself plastered and if someone managed to catch her eye get herself fucking laid!

With a goal in mind she hit her own shower.


	2. Midnight Rendezvous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A03 additional notes: Right so it’s been a bit since the first installment. If you want to read ahead please check out my ff.net page (username Lacewing) for the whole of the first book plus the dabbles and the first five chapters of the second book. The dabbles can also be read on my tumblr page stiilbreathiing.tumblr.com and relearning2breath.tumblr.com   
> If anyone would like to contribute chapter art, I would be welcoming! Right now my time is gone ballistic and I haven’t had much time to do the art myself as I wanted to. Moving, deaths in the family, being suddenly left orphaned. Yeah this has not been a peachy couple years.   
> ALSO. Currently while I did have a beta reader, I seem to have lost them and the files they gave me were well, too much work to get into a format I can use easily (plus no matter how many times I ask, they kept taking off the chapter titles, notes, and footers, which really adds way too much work for me to be able to get them ready to just put over the old files) So, if someone does want to beta, please send me the beta’d work WITH my chapter titles and notes still attached. Thank you.

**Relearning to Breath chapter 2**

****  
A Midnight Rendezvous

*checks* Nope, this is based off the work of someone else. I’m just playing with his toys. (I won’t break them I promise!)

 

000  
Karkat fumed at his friend "Are you fucking DONE flirting with the human girl?" he demanded of his naked best friend.  
Gamzee chuckled in a way that suddenly made the smaller troll feel a little uneasy. The pair had practically grew up together. Best friends, as far as such things went among trolls. But it was always a bit of a volatile situation. Gamzee was a highblood, Karkat on the other hand had mutant blood. If it was ever discovered by some of the higher-ups among their society he would be instantly culled.  
There might be a change in that, since here, humans, (funny and rather retarded creatures as far as Karkat was concerned) had red blood like his own.  
Very few people knew Karkat's secret, one being Gamzee.  
So far his friend had never betrayed him. But it put Karkat in a position of owing a dept to the highblood.  
It wasn't hard, Gamzee never seemed interested in treating Karkat like something lesser than himself. Most times.  
Correction, so long as he remained hopped up on various drugs. Towards the end of the journey, before they landed here, Gamzee had gone sober...  
Karkat could still hear the screams of some of their friends. The worse was the loss of Tavros.  
Karkat had managed to calm his friend, and kept him calm. But Gamzee had gone into a horrible depression and grief.  
He'd lost his mind, and in turn had killed his closest friend. Closer than Karkat. Tavros, even with his blood being the color of the earth, and other than Karkat was considered lowest of the lowblooded Trolls, had been the closest of all of them to the highblood. Karkat was pretty sure they had joined together in matespritship. A deep emotional attachment for mating groups. Trolls forms multiple such groupings. Sometimes with three or more. So long as they could get enough genetic material together for the drones to collect and take to the egg hives, anything went for trolls. Male and female took on less substance as it seemed to still be with the humans. It was more about dept of emotion, making for stronger collections of material. So their attachments ranged from something similar to human concept of 'loving' romance to relationships that from Karkat's reading would be considered worst enemies.  
General word among the trolls was to do their best to avoid trying to form attachments with humans. Oh, attachments formed either way. Some quite strong even. But it was difficult for hte humans to fully understand the more complicated, and often convoluted relationship webs that Trolls formed, and the near monogamous pairings of the humans made the trolls' head explode with how little material that would gather for the drones.  
But then, far as he could see, every human female was a potential Queen. That it wasn't only special females born every generation among the trolls who had the ability to combine the gathered genetics of the other trolls and fertilize the eggs that hatched the young of their kind.  
So many huge differences in the two species that the idea of successful cross breeding was laughable. Trolls had three major life stages. Young grubs, looking more like some cross of a mammal and insect, that once they managed to escape the egg hives and reach the surface, would pupate into the young troll under the care of a Lusus. Then they would change again, when depended upon the color of one's blood. The higher the blood, the later in life they hit the third stage.  
They then became the Lusus who cared for the young and in turn where taken care of by the young. Often ending their lives at the hands of their children. It was a violent life they lived.  
Which had to adapt. Humans where soft, but tended to swarm together verses the Trolls who tended to be more solitary only forming small mating groupings. Not even all of whom were involved in the actual process. Lower bloods tended to mediate more for the stronger. Sometimes for really low bloods, pushing themselves into their third stage to help care for young if a particularly high blooded individual wished to keep a young troll that showed signs of being from their own linage nearby.  
If it came down to a war, it would be very bad for both their kinds. Trolls where volatile and powerful. But solitary fighters, each battling each other as well as their enemies, and again troll webs of romance would shove itself to the foreground. If a human were to prove themselves a strong adversary they are likely to find themselves sucked into a Troll's idea of mating and attachment before they fully understood what had changed.  
Humans on the other hand, would swarm the trolls. In sheer numbers.  
It would be a slaughter on both sides, and would not end until there were few left of both species, if not into complete genocide. Luckily there where less volatile heads currently among the oldest of the highbloods, and they basically decreed that everyone do their best to get along. Be nice to the stupid humans and try not to step on too many toes. It meant alot of changes to how they normally lived their lives. Allot of changes. Children had to be watched more, which meant more groups where keeping their lowblooded Lusus near and watching the egg hives for pupa. Snatching them up and raising them under greater care and guard.  
Felt unnatural to Karkat. Highbloods raising pupa along with Lusii.. He was afraid the children would start to lose their sense of independence. It was a key point of their culture frankly.  
But there had already been cases of crazy humans trying to make off with Pupa from the hives when they emerged. Some seemed to think they could raise the volatile and violent young better than the troll's could, others wanted to kill their children. For study or to try and rid the earth of a competing species.  
So to save their species they had to do something.  
And pupated children were beginning to be put into 'schools' with the human children. In a hope of forming lighter bonds a crossed species.  
That actually seemed to be working fairly well. Children could accept a whole lot more and if the human children's new alien friend was a little more prone to having a temper and thinking it was fun to tease and torment their human friends. They accepted each other a little easier than adults. Oh there was still issues, and misunderstandings, especially for those among the human 'teen' years. When bodies and emotions where changing and children were trying to discover the adults they would become.  
A couple generations and it was going to be a very different troll society though. Weather is was one that lived in near peace with the crazy humans, or was trapped in a war with them towards mutual destruction, Karkat couldn't say.  
But at the moment Karkat's real attention needed to be on his friend who was staring at the wall and his ears perked at the sound of the water running over in the human's dwelling.  
Great, this was not going to end well. "Gamzee." Karkat said and waved his hand in front of his friend's face. His friend turned his head and the center of his eyes where dilated and showing more purple than normal. Not good, so not good. Looking about Karkat found Gamzee's stash of drugs. Gamzee had found new human replacements once they had landed. Things that worked nearly as well as what he had treated himself when they were still on their home planet and later the refugee ship.  
When the native plants and glop and green sopor (a nutrient rich protein that was used for helping a troll heal and often used as bedding, but had to be cultured, which was not able to happen on the ship. Not without the light of the sun to let the slime cultures grow, most trolls did not eat the stuff, but Gamzee had downed it in great quantities.) Began to run low then out, he had slowly began shifting to the darker mentalities.  
Karkat recalled, before he had managed to calm his friend and kept him hidden and calm from the others on the ship, that there had been talk among the older trolls of the culling of Gamzee, that there might be something defective in him.  
Karkat knew it was more that there was so much rage held up in his friend. Rage he had not really known how to express. As his Lusus had started drugging him from the beginning. feeding him things that was not what a pupa should be eating, then leaving him for prolonged periods of time without supervision.  
Karkat was rolling a joint and couldn't help the slight snort. There was some human documentary he had watched on messed up family units and how it effects the children, sometimes for their whole lives.  
Behind him was his tall friend. Highest of the pure bloods, and unable to form proper attachments without first drugging himself to quell the rage inside him.  
And Karkat didn't know if he could be able to do much for him the next time Gamzee lost his mind. Or if he himself might end up like their friend Tavros. Dismembered, parts of him drug into Gamzee's nest to cuddle with like strange rotting toys. And if Gamzee lost Karkat, the smaller troll shuddered to think what might happen then. If Karkat's blood color was discovered and he was culled, hell, if Gamzee just ended up ripping off his head before he realized who was standing there trying to calm and quiet him down.   
He would have no attachments. Gamzee seemed such an easy going fellow, less prone to care about position and would share a drink with high or lowblood. But the truth of the matter was that for all that he was so easy going, it covered up the fact that he didn't know HOW to interact with others other than in ways he had observed. His personality was a sort as well that those of higher blood tended to feel disgusted with him and thus never stayed long enough to form an attachment. Lower blooded people tended to fear him instinctively because of his status. And that fear would trigger the hunt and dispose instincts in the highblood, meaning that it was nearly impossible for him to form the attachments necessary to give him the web of relationships that a troll kept.  
He had Karkat. Any others he used to call friend had all either left or he had killed.  
Single trolls where greater threats because of the solitary violent natures of trolls to start with.  
Lighting the rolled joint he pushed it into his friend's free hand and Gamzee took it to his lips and inhaled on instinct. He sagged and seemed to calm, becoming less.. alert.   
What did that human do to get Gamzee's attention?  
"Sister over there is a brave little motherfucker" Gamzee said as if he could hear Karkat's thoughts "I was off my meds and she just smiled at me. Like a mother fucking miracle." he grinned a bit taking another long drag "She got fucking fangs, almost proper troll teeth."  
Karkat was left blinking. "Oh, shit..." he said softly to himself. His friend was looking at the human as a possible romance. Was this red or black? Depending on which one would greatly affect how the human was likely to react to Gamzee's overtures. Let alone, well Gamzee was not overly smooth at the best of times. His nature was just as likely to scare her, and if she ended up going from 'brave' in his view to 'prey'...  
"Gamzee, FUCK! Are you off your fucking moronically half-baked brain?" he shouted at his friend, who just blinked at him, slowly, the inner lining of his eyelids moving far slower than his outer lids. Giving him a stupor glazed expression for a long minute, then he just grinned at Karkat and reached over, losing his towel completely since he dropped that rather than the joint, to ruffle Karkat's hair as his smaller friend went techno color under his grey skin at the sight of the taller troll completely nude.  
Gamzee just chuckled at him and went off to his room to find some clothing. "Maybe I mother fucking am, but it feels like a motherfucking miracle." he said and Karkat flopped onto the couch, sitting on a bike horn that startled him before he found the thing and tossed it a crossed the room to bounce off the laptop Gamzee had idling next to the television set stacked in a corner with a hap hazard collection of DVD cases, pizza boxes and empty bottles of dollar store soda. He let his mind wander to other things for now, like he needed to make some time to come over and try to help Gamzee make sense of the chaos that was his apartment, or at least take out the garbage, before the horrible little pests called 'roaches' moved in.  
"Just get fucking dressed so we can go out!" he shouted at his friend. There was a club in town they were going to visit. It was a place that was becoming popular among the trolls in the area and was a good place to hang out and meet up. There of course was a few humans. Some curious, some trying to start something. Likely there would be a fight by the end of the night, but hell, if he could mediate a proper relationship for his friend, he could worry a little less for him. It wasn't even like Gamzee would let Karkat stay with him. He said he wanted to have his own space while he got his head on straight.  
Karkat respected his wishes, be felt it was a very bad idea. So to keep him from just closing himself off from the world entirely (Karkat didn't enough know what Gamzee was doing to earn money, but the other troll didn't seem to be without anyway) he would drag him out a few times a month. More than that and Gamzee would start getting irritated.   
Gamzee came out in his loose pj styled bottoms, a black t-shirt and really bright purple canvas shoes. The laces were not even done up. Karkat sighed and made him sit so he could tie the laces to keep his friend from tripping over his own feet. Once he was dressed enough Karkat drug him out and to his car. Gamzee seemed to be contemplating something in the distance, but didn't fight his friend.  
"Hopefully not too many fucking humans will show up tonight" he muttered to himself as he belted into the driver’s seat. Next to him Gamzee pushed the passenger seat back until he was practically in the backseat. And then lounged back eyes mostly closed in a half doze.  
Starting the car he pulled out of the lot and headed off down the road. And while they drove to the club, Gamzee started to apply make up to his face. Covering scars and giving himself a clownish expression, which clashed with the heavy eyed zoned look he normally sported.   
**  
000**  
Gamzee really didn't want to go out. Hell he had more ideas of knocking on the girl Hope's door and seeing if he might be able to talk her into hanging with him for awhile. Maybe watch a movie or something. He had a couple new ones he'd picked up at the thrift store. He wasn't even sure if they were any good. One was lots of bright colors and had little fluffy bird like creatures on it he was told where penguins. The other had some actor named Nick Cage whom he'd gotten fond of. The guy was built like a very pale troll and his way of talking struck familiar cords with the alien.  
They pulled into the parking lot of the club that Karkat was fond of. Last time they came Gamzee had been amused watching a human try and bluff out a troll. It had resulted in quite a spectacular fight that ended with a very surprised dark-haired human getting himself kissed then half knocked out by the troll he had fought with. Aw, black romance, it was definitely one of the more amusing sides to troll's Gamzee felt.  
They reached the doors, he could hear the beep beep as Karkat locked up his car. Inside they were searched for weapons. Karkat had to give up a curved blade, but Gamzee didn't bring his clubs along so there was nothing he had to give up. He just sagged and walked into the club. Lights flickered in a spastic mess of color, they had a fairly good DJ tonight. Techno remixes blasted through the air at such volume nothing could be heard but the heartbeat of the base. Which was slightly fast, like lovers trapped in excited embrace.   
Motherfucking awesome.  
Gamzee planted himself by the bar and once Karkat was sure his friend would be alright he went off to see about doing some networking of his own.  
Gamzee for his part waved to the bartender, a troll with a duel set of horns, over and got himself something strong enough to help numb his nerves. All these people, the thrumming of the music, it called sweetly to the darker urges inside him. Telling him to paint the room in a new techno color rainbows of the blood of all these people. He tipped up his third glass of whiskey to his lips (he didn't even remember the first two, but there where the glasses lined up, one two three) and glanced back at the doorway considering taking a step outside for another joint, when the last figure he expected to see at a place like this stepped into the room.  
His lips stretched into a wide disturbing smile. Smoke forgotten in light of a hunt to get his blood boiling.  
 **000**  
Hope blinked at the changing lights as she stepped into the club. She'd driven by a couple places, but everything was crowded, seemed to be some sort of sporting event going on and so all the bars where filled to the brim with males screaming obscenities at little screens above the bar. Not really the kind of place where she could find herself company for an evening. She was about to give up and go home when she passed the club that just had the sign out front glowing red in the street lamp night "Trillians" Seemed to be some sort of dance club, she could hear the music even before she finished parking.  
But it was early enough in the evening that there was still parking, the club didn't look overly packed and if anything she could get herself a drink and maybe join a mass of bodies on the dance floor. Even if she didn't find herself a date, she could forget herself in the thrum of music and the pulsing lights and sounds.  
When she got inside she had to pause and reconsider. The guy checking ID was human, but the bouncer was a troll.  
And inside, she could easily see the mass of grey and horns on the dance floor.  
She seemed to have stumbled into a troll's club! Well, she could see a few other humans even from the doorway, which calmed her. The DJ was some guy with white hair and black glasses. There was a second bartender, a tall human woman who looked like she could shit bricks. A few other dancers among the sea of grey skin and light reflective golden eyes. Who's skin was either pale or darker than the trolls around them. She blinked to one side when she saw a human and troll making out in one of the side booths. A stair led up above the DJ's booth to what looked like a lounge area with tables and other humans and trolls interacting over drinks.  
Well, maybe this wasn't so bad. She could still get a drink and still dance. Just looked like her chances of getting a date looked to be slim to none.  
She did feel a little oddly dressed. Most everyone else was in variations of black. A 'vampire' club Sue would have joked if she was here. Hell, if she was here she'd have already drug Hope out to the floor and been dancing up one of the lady trolls. Which made Hope smile slightly. At least with all the pulsing color strobe lights and such, her geometric print sundress wasn't too bad. And her tights where at least black. She was glad to be wearing her flats rather than the first thought she had of her cork heeled wedges. Which while looking nice and doing great things for her legs and ass, where murder on her feet if she intended to be dancing. She checked her bag and coat, keeping some cash on her tucked into her bra for a few drinks at the bar. She managed to flag down the shithouse built woman who's long hair was tied back into a single braid and eyes spoke volumes of 'take no shit off anyone'. Hell, Hope figured this woman likely doubled as a bouncer! She ordered herself a rum and coke. Placing cash on the bar. The woman nodded and went to fix it. When she came back she put the drink down but didn't take the money "Already paid for sweetie" she said to her. Her voice a surprisingly sweet southern twang and not what Hope expected to hear.  
Hope blinked "Eh?"  
The woman laughed "Don't worry about it. When one of these trolls thinks you're cute they work fast. Just enjoy the free drinks." she said with a wide wink and left her to take care of another costumer. Hope brought her glass to her lips and glanced about to try and see who might have gotten her a drink. The bartender said it was a troll, so it wasn’t one of the few humans hanging around the bar. That did not narrow things down in the slightest. No one was looking her way to wave their drink, or invite her over or such. After a moment she gave a shrug, pocketed her cash and finished off her drink. Leaving it at the bar she headed for the dance floor. She knew the tune that just started up and the beat was too infectious.  
 **000**  
Gamzee watched his target. She tipped back her drink like a pro and then moved out to the dance floor. A spot of brighter color among the sea of bodies. The only other bits of color he spotted was either glowing sticks, bracelets, or necklaces and little splashes of brighter colors in forms of trim or small single garment pieces. Red, green, blue, purple.. it was like a rainbow of bloody wounds pulsing with the forms, giving a while almost sexual battle going on out there. And Hope eased into the mass as if she was use to blending in. He kept his gaze upon her. He felt a presence beside him and glanced out of his peripherals to see Karkat getting himself a drink.  
"Looks like it’s going to be a fucking slow night" he said to Gamzee who just gave a slow predatory smile.  
Karkat took a double glance at his friend then placed a hand on his face, forcing him to take his view off the dance floor and focus on his lowblood friend "How fucking fast are you burning through your smokes?" he demanded of him.  
Gamzee chuckled darkly "It’s all going motherfucking good Karkittie" he said using an old nickname for his friend that Karkat frankly hated.  
He got a dark look for that comment. "Take me fucking seriously Gamzee, how are you right now? You are starting to look.. off." he warned him.  
"On a hunt for motherfucking miracles bro" Gamzee grinned at his friend and he pointed out to the dance floor.  
It took a moment for Karkat's eyes to adjust but when they did his graze grew very round "FUCK! Look man! We should FUCKING go NOW!" Karkat tried to grab Gamzee's arm and pull him from the bar.  
Gamzee though went half limb and totally impossible to move, "Not yet Karkat my Bro, I want to motherfucking dance." he said.  
Karkat groaned face palming as he tried to think of how to stop this from getting worse.  
WHY did that girl have to come here? Tonight of all nights? When Gamzee was being.. weird. If Gamzee was being this way about another Troll Karkat would be happily mediating a possible romance. But this was a HUMAN. A motherfucking fucking pink fucking weak, fucking simple, fucking stupid HUMAN!  
But before he could even contemplate trying to stop him, Gamzee had wove his way into the crowd. A tall and intimidating figure among the trolls, many parted instinctively from him. The Juggelo found his mark and he began to move with the music, slowly closing in on his target. Karkat could only sit on the sidelines and feel like he was about to experience a horror show.  
 **000**  
Hope found herself dancing with a tall lean figure. She turned one moment dancing between a pair of females, one human one troll, to suddenly find herself faced with a dark clad male form. The strobing lights gave her a freeze frame of the scene around her and the changing colors made it actually impossible to really pinpoint any real details. She had an impression of bone white features and a wide toothy shark smile. The pulsing music kept her from feeling scared or nervous. The warmth of the alcohol in her system gave her a sense of safety. So she allowed herself to be drawn into a dance with the bold fellow. The press of bodies around her grew less as the dance went on, and she had to admit, he was good. Because of the press dance movements on the floor tended to be small, with a few getting enough room to be able to dance freely. He didn't just dance freely, his movements jerked, stopped, and then flowed like liquid water around her. He drew more steps out of her than the usual gyrations, and she found herself smiling widely as she moved. Feeling loose, free, and in touch with something.. almost primal. Arms circled her and drew her close, there was a deep well- thrumming- that she realized had nothing to do with the music and the amped bass. It was her dance partner. The sound came from deep within him, and when she found herself laying her head on his chest to try and locate it better, the sound pitched louder sounding almost pleased. As her body moved against his she could also feel a definitely bulge against her that said just HOW pleased her partner was with her at the moment. Which made the girl grin and giggle. Her body was on fire and she was seduced completely by the music and her partner.  
 **000**  
Author's notes:  
This story practically wrote itself. A good portion of the first part written between the hours of midnight and 4 in the morning.  
There are so many great characters in the series that I actually felt bad using an OC, but none of the other characters felt quite right for Hope's position. I thought about using Jade, but her personality wasn't quite right and I was wanting to keep the characters to as close as cannon personalities as I could manage. Rose again was the wrong personality, I wasn't using Jane because I haven't seen enough of her to be able to judge her personality, and since I was wanting to use a human/troll interaction for this story I wasn't going to turn one of the troll's human either.  
There is a universe change being that instead of the game there are refugees, and I admit to having a bit of fun going into more details on some of the aspects of troll and human interactions outside of the known quadrants. The idea that the trolls themselves change into the Lusii seemed like a terribly cool idea. I mean they start out as grubs and turn into bi-pedal creatures that closely resemble humans, enough that even the trolls feel a little confused as well over how to interact with us as we feel about them.   
Dealing a little more with adults verses children. And having fun going into subtle variations of Gamzee's madness.  
Some other things I decided not to deal with. We all know pretty much how the characters tend to talk. Karkat's a noisy little bastard who curses allot. Gamzee tends to be a bit more laid back with periodic explosions of violence when he starts getting sober. I didn't feel the need to wrestle with writing their vocal quirks for a story I had taken completely into the third person. This series in general has done wonders for teaching people who to write in the second person, but I've never been comfortable writing in either the first or second voice.  
Well I guess I will end this rambling note with the bit of info that likely will have been repeated at the top.  
I still only own the original content of this story, and even that I'm willing to share!


	3. Facts of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so, for the A03, I'm going to be trying to put up a couple chapters every weekday until I get caught up. If you want to read ahead, check out the story over at FF.net. Past that, if you wish to become a beta, let me know and please keep all my headers and footers with the story, otherwise its way too much work to just write over the old file.  
> Also! Looking for chapter art, any fanart I've already gotten I will be sneaking into the story, if you wish to do chapter art for me I would love it and put it up right away!

**Relearning to Breath Chapter 3  
**  
Still does not belong to me. Deal.  
Facts of Life

 **  
000**  
Watching helplessly from the sidelines Karkat had to admit, she looked good out there, half molded against his best friend. He could see the predatory, yet oddly soft expression Gamzee wore through the strobing lights. The tall highblood was on the verge of violence. But one slip of a human girl was keeping his full attention in a... well not quite calming fashion, but at least one that seemed to be keeping the rage contained.  
Karkat for his part ordered another drink. He needed it.  
"Aren't you usually driving?" the troll serving drinks asked him.  
"I am not sure I won't be leaving here in a fucking body bag." Karkat admitted.  
"Huh?" the bartender looked confused until he looked out to the floor and the pair who was getting a wider berth as the other trolls began to instinctively realize the danger that was among them.  
"Oh fuck..."  
"Yes. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!" Karkat angrily agreed downing the drink in a single gulp, hot fire burning down his center.  
"You his Moirail?" the other asked.  
Karkat nodded.  
"I'll get the boss from back. He’s high enough blooded to handle him. You get ready to get him and his little chicka out of here before someone decides to start some violence."   
Karkat felt a surge of relief. Someone was going to help him! Though he did hate the thought of taking her along too. The human girl was the cause of this mess! If she hadn't of showed up here, Gamzee would have smoked a couple joints, drank some booze and then likely gone home to sleep off his high. The bartender spoke with the other one and then left, quickly running up the stairs to the upper balcony and then through a doorway.  
What came out with the bartender trailing behind was a towering troll. With wild hair and eyes that showed little gold, instead seemed to be red and purple.  
Karkat blinked and felt himself gulp. It was another Subjuggulator, like Gamzee, but definitely much MUCH older and not nearly as malnourished as Gamzee. This troll was a solid mountain. Filled out with muscle upon his muscle. His wild hair hung down to his mid back and Karkat realized the brightly colored designs on the other's clothing was not dye, but blood. Troll blood.  
If this guy couldn't convince Gamzee to leave in peace, he'd just make him leave in pieces.  
Karkat rushed over and the Grand Highblood stopped at the bottom of the stair, the music had slowed and the couple where oblivious to being nearly the only ones on the floor at the moment. Karkat felt a little hope, Gamzee's eyes where lidded low and sleepy and his smile was not quite so predatory at the moment.  
The Grand highblood stared at them and then from a poke from the bartender he turned his attention to Karkat. Then took another look at him and suddenly the smaller troll found himself practically off the ground as the larger one took hold of his face and pulled him close.  
Staring into his eyes.  
Oh shit! His fucking eyes! He'd forgotten his contacts! So their centers where reflecting the color of his blood.  
Where reflecting red. And he wasn't blind to have been someone to have stared off into their home planet’s sun before they left.  
"Interesting. Name boy?" the highblood demanded. He was so close that the makeup he wore seemed more like some strange monstrous mask to the frightened troll in his grip's eyes.  
"...karkat.." he half squeaked feeling very very honestly completely one hundred and ten percent terrified for his life.  
"Don't forget your eye coverings. In the future." the highblood told him and dropped him. He looked to the pair and then moved in.  
Karkat was staring opened mouth at the scene.  
 **  
**  
000

Gamzee felt the intruder. Another strong troll was closing in. Either meant he was after the possible partner Gamzee found, or he was after Gamzee himself. Which would end in violence since Gamzee was not in the mood to move on or share his prize.  
Part of him smiled widely. Oh yes. He could taste the sweet blood and then he could claim what was rightfully his.  
The music cut, and the lights didn't blind, but they did stop strobing and became a little brighter more steady. Gamzee turned lazily and beside him Hope stopped and was blinking trying to focus on the scene. The change in light taking humans a bit more time to adjust to than the trolls.  
Before him was a grand highblood. Who held up a hand in a peaceful gesture. But Gamzee still didn’t trust him. He shifted his weight to put himself between the highblood and the woman he had claimed.  
The highblood's expression seemed to soften greatly. He sighed and shook his head "It’s time for you to head home." he told him. "Take your human and go."  
Gamzee blinked suddenly thrown completely out of the dark loop of insanity his mind had been taking. Out of all the things that could have happened this was not what he expected. The highblood reached out and patted the younger highblood's head and then the side of his face. It was a calming parental move that even Gamzee's Lusus had done for him when he had been small. A soft patting and softly whispered noises that calmed the young when they were upset. Gamzee half sagged, taken completely off guard by the show of parental care from someone who should have been a rival. A gesture from the grand highblood and Karkat was there, holding onto Gamzee's arm to keep him steady.   
"Get him home, let him sleep it off." the highblood told Karkat who nodded. Gamzee wasn't focusing, but one hand had snaked out and circled around Hope's shoulders and pulled her close. The girl squeaked, really not sure what was going on. Why she was suddenly being thrown out. Or well actually the guy she'd been dancing with was being thrown out and she was being drug along whether she wanted to be or not.  
Hope managed to at least grab her purse and coat on the way out the door, outside she started to try and pull away.  
"Don't struggle!" the other troll snapped and she noticed that the one who's arm around her was tightening with bruising strength. She was starting to feel more than a little scared.  
"What is going on, who..." and for the first time, under the harsh streetlights, she got a good look at the two trolls she found herself 'captive' by.  
Gamzee Makara.. and the troll who'd been beating on her door by accident earlier this evening.  
"What....?" at least in her sudden confusion the fear leached right out of her.  
"I'm sorry about this, but Gamzee's gotten it in his fucking damaged think pan that he'd going to fucking court you. Just, don't struggle. I'll be able to separate you from him in a moment."  
She gave a nod watching with huge eyes as the other smaller troll took hold of Gamzee's face and pulled him down to his level. Forehead’s touching. She started to hear whisper soft sounds, could feel that odd rumbling that she began to realize was... purring? Grey talonned hands stroking the other's face and hair in a strangely intimate and caring show of open affection between the two males.  
She felt the bruising hold on her relax, and slowly release. Then suddenly she was the one holding onto Gamzee when he went completely lax and crumpled into a jellified pile.

 ****  
000

Karkat sighed and caught his friend. He got the girl to help him get him into the car and then he leaned against the car for a moment while he reapplied reality to the world.   
"Do your best to fucking avoid him for the next couple days." Karkat warned her.  
The girl's wide eyes and hasty nod at least convinced him she wasn't totally stupid.  
He sighed and heaved himself around to the driver's side and got into the car.  
He saw the girl in his rearview. Watching them leave. She was out of his sight and still hadn't moved.  
Well hopefully she got scared enough to avoid his messed up friend.  
He just hoped his messed up friend didn't pull anything too stupid over the next few days.

 

 ****  
000

Hope woke the next morning to the sound of the phone ringing. Eyes crusty from sleep she managed to get to the phone and picked up without seeing the caller ID. She answered with a soft hello punctuated by a large yawn.  
She heard a computer voice start talking to her and with a growl she hit the end call button. She was stretching her arms above her head feeling a satisfying pop to her shoulder blades when she about jumped out of her skin. A sudden crash next door followed by shouts. She stared at the wall wide eye as she could hear the clear voice of the smaller troll from the nice before. it was like he was screaming in her living room right next to her.  
"GET DOWN YOU FUCKIN- NO! GAMZEE! JUST! FUCK NO!" there was some sort of growling rumble and suddenly another bang, one that actually CRACKED her wall.  
Her heart raced and she dashed back to her own bedroom and quickly got herself out of her clothing from the night before and into jeans and t-shirt. Shoving her feet into her sandals she grabbed her purse and car keys. More shouting was going on next door, and another bang, like someone tackled someone else by the doorway. She locked her door and ran for her car. Getting herself out of the volatile situation. The night before still in stark black and white relief in her mind.  
Hope was just glad she didn't have more than one drink. If she'd been wasted on top of the usual high she get on the dance floor she would have been in allot of trouble.  
Especially when the troll who'd thrown them out of the club came out after the others had drove off.  
She stopped the car at the red light and her fingers gripped the wheel of her car as she could see those strange red and purple eyes staring at her from under dark shaggy bangs. His black clothing was simple and covered in colorful designs that for some reason disturbed her. his face painted, like a clown's, but the lines where jagged around his lips, giving emphasis to the sharp tooth gaze he turned on her. The taller troll dwarfed the human. Making her not feel like she was in her twenties at all, but more like she was perhaps ten.  
This was not a guy one wanted to meet in a dark alleyway. And a street lamp lit parking lot wasn't much help either.  
Again that instinct telling her if she ran it would end very badly. So taking a swallow of nervous spit that filled her mouth she gave a suddenly bright smile. "Terribly sorry for the disturbance. I didn't realize that there was one. I should have been paying more attention."  
The other blinked at her and suddenly a wide smile split his face that made her not exactly feel better, or even that she could relax even minutely. Next time, she decided, if she walked into a club and saw it dominated by Trolls, she was going elsewhere. She didn't care if she had already paid the door fee.  
"Why don't you come back in?" he invited, a rumble to his words that made her feel like she should take a step back even though he hadn't moved at all. There was definitely an air of restrained violence in this one. More so than anything she felt off Gamzee. No, the difference was Gamzee felt... unpredictable. This fellow felt like a caged tiger that had no problem telling you he was going to eat you if he could get past those bars.  
But there were no bars between him and her.  
An old quote from a movie she watched as a kid came to mind 'never run from anything that is immortal, it only attracts their attention.'  
"I likely should be going home." she said politely. Hoping she was going to be getting a choice in this matter.  
Then he moved, and she wasn't sure how when he was several feet away he seemed to have taken only a single step and was at her side, "I insist, we ruined your evening. Let me make it up to you," he said and the large hand that closed over her shoulder made her restrain a shudder. There was absolutely nothing inherently friendly in this guy's overtures though she knew he was trying to make it seem so. No, this was a threat.  
And she was in no way able to fight him.  
Clasping her hands behind herself and keeping her arms locked and strait she kept herself from shaking like a leaf in the wind under his touch.  
"Oh fine!" she said starting in the direction of the club, it didn't seem to be the direction he expected so she managed to get out of his hold as she half skipped like she hadn't a care in the world. Smile, keep smiling. Always keep smiling; never show them how you feel. No one could see how she felt.  
She wouldn't let them. Spinning on her heel she gave him a mock glare "I want a fucking drink!" she told him "And not cheap stuff!"  
He blinked at her taken completely off guard and the sudden deflating was actually pretty humorous, she had to fight to keep her smile from widening. To keep herself from laughing at this guy.  
Because that might be the last thing she did.  
But after a couple slow blinks he smiled again at her "Very well" he rumbled and then moved off, leading the way back into the club, and upstairs.  
She found herself in the VIP.  
A car horn honked behind her and Hope jerked looking up at the light that had turned green. She put her foot on the gas and went up the street. A Starbucks on the corner was where she decided to pull into for the moment. She'd go elsewhere, but at the moment she needed stimulants and something to shove in her gob to calm the clenching of her stomach.  
She went inside and ordered a big coffee heavily doctored with crème and chocolate and a sandwich that cost way too much but at least was filling. She sat in a small table to the side with a window that faced the outdoor seating. She could see a troll out there smoking and watching traffic.  
Surprisingly the dangerous troll at the club had only wanted to talk. To give her a few 'facts of life' according to trolls.  
And she had been completely terrified.  
The little she had researched had not at all prepared her for the full depth of the confusing web of relationships and violence trolls engaged in that they called Quadrants. It was no wonder they kept alot of it to themselves. If the humans knew half of this in general, it would be a shock. It could possibly start worse trouble between two species trying to learn to live together as it was. It was better to take things slow. She fully agreed.  
And she knew why he had chosen to divulge this information to her. This 'Grand Highblood'.  
There was something dangerously wrong with Gamzee. When it was described to her she thought it sounded like he was bipolar, but Trolls did not seem to be strong on much in the way of mental health care. If the body was healthy, weakness was culled from the gene pool, because the way they sired the next generation did not allow for softness or any form of weakness. One either figured it out, or one died.  
So she had a neighbor who was bipolar, prone to violent bursts of rage and was becoming fixated on her.  
Now like back at the club she had buried her face in her hands with a groan. Why her? Seriously? WHY THE FUCK HER? She was a rather average normal human girl. No great beauty, she wasn't that strong, nor did she have anything that made her stand out in anyway. Did that make her attractive to trolls when it didn't seem to do much for her fellow man?  
The more she got about the hierarchy of the troll society the more she knew she was not cut out for this. She barely even KNEW the guy next door! She met him like, enough times to count on one hand with fingers to spare.  
Her sandwich crumbs on the plate in front of her she closed her eyes and took a long breath. How much trouble she was in right now depended on if Gamzee's one sided romance was in the black or red. Red, it would likely be something familiar to her, she would still have to walk carefully, but it wouldn't be too bad.  
Black, well if she didn't wake up one night with him ready to cut her to pieces she would have no choice to flee the situation.  
She was in a lease; Hope rubbed her face in frustration. She had a lease with the apartment complex and while she could cut lease, without her deposit there was no way she could afford another contract elsewhere. Her current book was nowhere near ready for publication and if she had to flee her apartment too much, it would be doubly hard to finish her work to make money enough to move out. She would talk with the apartment complex, perhaps there was another one bedroom, or even studio apartment available she could shift to, just to get a little more distance between her and Gamzee.  
It seemed that the Grand Highblood had shared a ship with Gamzee, and what happened on the vessel.  
She shuddered. The ships were not organized places of refuge like a scifi film would have it made out to be. There was no deep sleep as they crossed folded time and space. They where awake, and interacting. A few thousand violent unstable and unpredictable people shoved together in an air compressed metal tube flying through a vacuum.  
She was reminded of one of her favorite comic book heroes growing up. Hulk.  
Which mentally made her pause. Yes, the Hulk was horribly violent, rage filled, but he could be trusted to be in more control of himself than one would think.  
You just had to trust he would be.  
She wondered how many had given such trust to Gamzee? There was the little troll it seemed.  
And, the Highblood, but that seemed to be it.  
Sipping her coffee she leaned back in her chair her mind lost. Glancing up she saw the troll stand and greet a few others who join him outside. While still nocturnal out of habit, a lot of the trolls really seemed to enjoy being able to go about during the early and later hours of the daylight. The height of the day was still too bright for their eyes, but the further light of their yellow sun was easier on their eyes than the closer red light of their old home.  
For solitary creatures it seemed the need for connections was even more important than it was even for humans. Or maybe to say rather. It was just as important. They just went about it a bit differently.  
Standing up she threw away her rubbish and went out to her car.

 

**  
000**

 

Hope had chickened out. She had meant to go straight home and face whatever may come. But instead she spent the day shopping. She did come back with a few useful things. Some cooking supplies. A few new outfits, she even found a large incredibly fuzzy bath sheet that was large enough to wrap itself around her frame like three times. A random movie and a new video game. She sighed; it had been a long day. Her emotions had been all over the place. Fear, worry, elation, grief, anger, amusement. Her mind kept jumping from time to time. Memories of when she was a child, sitting in the window sick and watching the neighborhood children play in the snow while she had not been able to join them. The first time she met Susan to the day she died Hope clinging to her hand and just wishing so hard for just a little more time. Even as she shuddered her last breath, Hope had clung to her hand. She was there until Susan's parents came and then the other girl had been practically thrown out of the room.  
She had screamed her grief later. From the top of a building with only the cold stars as her witness.  
And from then on, she never showed her emotions in public. Never showed how much she hurt. Only wore the smiling face that said nothing about what she was feeling inside.   
But she made it through and as she moved quietly away to settle herself in this new apartment she slowly put her life together again.  
Her mind still recalled last night, the flush of heat from his body, the controlled promise there. The beat of music and the flash of color and light. It had been while since she'd felt that high. Since she felt that complete. Since she had been able to forget the last year and the loss and pain.  
She leaned against the trunk of her car as she took a steadying breath and then began to gather up her belongings. She glanced up seeing someone taking hold of one of the bags and her eyes met that of the smaller troll friend of Gamzee.  
She gave him a smile and taking a shaky breath she spoke "I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Hope Newell."  
"Karkat Vantas" he responded, his voice quiet. He looked, very tired.  
She closed the trunk and locked the car, "How is he?" she asked softly her head down, trying not to show any of the conflicting emotions she felt at the moment.  
"He's sleeping." Karkat said softly. "He refuses to take any of his drugs."  
She blinked. From what she understood it seemed that Gamzee was self medicating. It wasn't exactly with anything that was legal by human law. But Trolls didn't have the same view as humans did on such things. If it killed you, then you where not strong enough anyway, if it didn't kill you, then it was your own business and not anyone else's. Let alone, Hope remembered getting a small batch of weed for Susan towards the end. She'd heard it helped with the pain.  
And Susan had been in such pain. And it did help. It helped her allot. Making the last few weeks barely bearable.  
But Gamzee was choosing to stop medicating himself. He wanted to be sober.  
Was this trying to gain control or was he loosing it?  
She glanced at the smaller troll next to her and saw his open worry. He didn't have anyone to talk to. He was desperate.  
"Come on." she told him and made him follow her into her place. Sitting him at her beanbag chair she set the kettle on the stove for tea and found some hotpockets in the back of the freezer. A few minutes later she had something resembling a meal put together. She presented a plate to Karkat and then sat on the floor near him. He stared at the food and after a moment she took a breath.  
"If you need to talk about it. I'll listen. I can't say I'll get everything but I won't judge."  
"What would you fucking know?" Karkat demanded but there was no real heat in his words. He bit into the pizza hot pocket and took a sip of tea, he seemed ravenous, which likely meant he hadn't eaten anything all day.  
"More than I did last night" she said softly, "Your Grand Highblood fellow decided I needed a... talking to." she snorted with a bit of growing humor as Karkat suddenly stared at her with wide eyes "It felt like one of those uncomfortable facts of life conversations with one's parents. I guess Lusus in your case?"  
Karkat looked like he might have his eyeballs pop out of his head. Which struck Hope as incredibly funny. She giggled.  
"Fuck" he drew the word out at least a good minute or two and then silently took another bite of the hot pocket. Hope went to eating in silence. He would talk when he wanted to, not before. Susan always said that Hope was a good listener.  
Karkat shook his head "Why the fuck he feel the need to get involved?" it was rhetorical and to himself, so Hope didn't bother trying to respond. She munched her own dinner until he sighed.  
"I don't know what to do anymore. Gamzee insists on living by himself and won't let me take care of him." he rubbed his face. He looked so tired and hurting.  
She knew the feeling. "Sometimes...” she said softly "We gotta let them choose their own ways, even if it would hurt us."  
"What the FUCK do you know about it?" Karkat snapped.  
Hope stood up silently and picked up the picture frame she held it out to Karkat who looked at the image of the two girls. He recognized Hope, but he did not know the other girl. "Her name was Susan Harper. I buried her two weeks before I moved here." she said staring at him, her eyes daring him to belittle her relationship.  
His eyes widened and he glanced between the photo and the girl before him. "Fuuuuck" he groaned and let the frame drop beside him. This was all so stupid. He didn't need to hear someone else's sob story.  
But the girl didn't elaborate. Just took the photo and put it back on the counter next to the phone. Which the phone chose that moment to ring.  
She glanced at the caller ID and then with a sudden growl ripped the cord out of the wall. Effectively silencing the phone. The odd hissing growl she had rumbled had started the troll. Karkat worked at a call center and the humans he worked with did make allot of interesting sounds, but nothing so, primal.  
"God damn do not call listing not working right now." she grumped and then sat on the floor her back to the wall.  
Karkat chuckled his mood lifting a little seeing her grumble about telemarketers. Then after a moment he glanced beyond her and the photo again, the smiling dark haired girl covered in freckles. The sepia toning actually giving the pair a slightly more troll coloration.  
Which well, admittedly made Hope look a bit more attractive. Gamzee was right, the way her teeth where just slightly crooked made the puny human canines look a bit more like troll teeth. Just needed a set of horns and she really could be just one of them.  
Which was a bad way to start thinking. He did NOT need to mediate a relationship between his best friend and a human.  
Even if the Grand Highblood choosing to divulge allot of personal information about troll relationships meant he had given tactical permission for this case.  
Karkat covered his face with his hand and groaned. He did not need this! "FUCK!" he just screamed hating the world and everything and everyone in it. Especially this human girl who was doing her best to be understanding and as far as he could tell SUCCEEDING in understanding the Trolls, and MOST Fucking especially his best friend who was sleeping next door and growing increasingly scary and sober and decided he wasn't going to have a nice normal troll relationship with another troll but was going to go dating outside his species.

 

 ****  
000

 

Author Notes:  
DUM DUM DUM!!!! And will their romance blossom or is it doomed from the start? Don’t ask me, I’m just tapping the keyboard and have no clue how this is going to end!   
I’m actually have a lot of fun sneaking characters into the story. Not everyone knows eachother as they did before. So relationships between a lot of the characters who aren’t among the dead at the beginning (only confirmed being Tavros, and I AM SO SORRY! I DID NOT MEAN TO KILL HIM! I LOVE THE LITTLE TINKERBULL! *begs for forgiveness*) And I kinda am having fun with tossing in the ancestors (and I know from reading that they very likely are the same kids just older frankly, but I’m having fun, so hush! *pap-pap-paps*   
Added song to the playlist:  
Death Cab Cutie: I will Follow You Into the Dark


	4. Learning Curve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so my old notes are likely going to be at the bottom and not going to change much, but my new notes go up here. Since the story is getting caught up, when it comes to some of the things I had 'voted for' in the old story, those won't show up here. So on and so forth.  
> All I can say is this story was by far one of my favorite to write, I seriously enjoyed it and enjoyed everyone's reactions to it.  
> As I said, this whole first story is up on FF.net if you want to read it, or you can wait for the chapters as I release them, a couple a day during the weekdays until I've gotten caught up.  
> Artwork added from icoulson off tumblr!

**Relearning to Breath chapter 4**

**Same disclaimers blah blah blah**

**Learning Curve**

**000**

Hope curled her feet under her and leaned forward “Karkat?” she finally asked as the silence stretched. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but he was still very much bothered and not talking.

He glanced at her over his teacup looking a little irritated. She just pointed to the wall and the crack down the wall “Just what happened this morning? Scared the shit out of me.”

Karkat blinked at the wall and sighed rubbing his face “Gamzee decided it was a good idea to try putting his dresser through the wall. It kept leaning too far forward for his tastes.”

Suddenly she snickered “that’s so likely coming out of his deposit.” She responded.

Karkat suddenly chuckled caught off guard by the comment, he almost smiled. “Very likely” he agreed. He finished the tea and set the cup down next to the plate “I should get going.”

She nodded. “S’kay, if you need anything just “ she paused, she almost said ‘just call’ but remembered she disconnected her phone. She was going to have to plug that back in soon.

“I’ll knock” he said with amusement in his voice. Then he left.

Hope locked the door behind him and sat down, trying to sort out of her head and everything going on around her. Why did life decided to get complicated now?

**000**

It was pretty quiet for the next few days. Hope spent her time glued to her laptop writing articles and editing finished ones. She’d ordered a couple pizzas and been leaving off the remains aside for a couple sodas. Rereading her latest piece about collar training in dogs she chewed her thumbnail ragged as she looked for errors.

It was looking good, and might actually be done, and ahead of time for once. She stretched. Back popping and closed her eyes. She could feel the bags under her lids. Tired and stressed from the last few days. The writing at least let her forget, and as Karkat suggested, it also let her avoid her neighbor. She heard them sometimes. Seemed Gamzee was still redecorating. She felt sorry for the apartment complex, they were going to have to fix the mess he made over there.

But a set of headphones and a playlist set up on youtube and she could block out most sounds, except the period bang when someone decided to throw something against the wall connecting their apartment.

Hope removed the headphones from her head and finished off her mountain dew. She paused her head tilted feeling a bit confused for a moment. There was a scratching. At first she thought it was from the wall, but realized it was her front window. Standing she padded over barefooted, dressed in pj bottoms and a wife beater shirt. Parting the blinds she blinked.

It was still early evening and she saw Gamzee looking up from where he couched and scratched and tapped at her window. Seeing her peek out he broke into a large smile.

His eyes, where oddly dilated. The centers very wide and incredibly deep purple.

She swallowed hard “Gamzee?” she questioned.

He suddenly held up an empty coffee cup “Can I barrow some sugar?” he asked overly innocently.

She paused and then stared. He… just… used the CORNIEST line ever invented, and she had to admit. Pulled it off brilliantly. She suddenly cracked up and with a sigh went and opened the door. He was still crouched next to her window and tilted his head back. He looked like he was beyond wasted. What on earth was he on? She thought Karkat said he was going sober?

“Where’s Karkat?” she asked him. Crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame. He stood up and towered over her.  Not slouching but he loomed over her.

OK, she was slowly figuring this out. At the moment keep things friendly and impersonal. Perhaps he would give up or his feelings might pale to something a little less, intense. But don’t let him try to bully her into something that was familiar to him. Keep it friendly, not uncivil, she could do this.

As he leaned a bit closer to her she felt herself unconsciously backing up. Not quite so sure she could be as brave as she was mentally telling herself to be.

“Mother fucking bro is away.” He said.

Oh, meant likely Karkat was at work. The guy had to have a life elsewhere.

“Ah, well. Still want that sugar?”

He was nearly nose to nose with her and just smiling widely.

She was forced to back up despite feeling like that was a bad idea.

She turned and quickly went to the kitchen grabbing the whole bag of sugar off the shelf and bringing it back before he could get any ideas.

She held it out to him. The taller troll leaning against her door jam and into the room. He was looking about and not at the bag she held out “Nice mother fucking digs” he said.

“Um, yes, sugar?” she asked.

“Aw, you don’t have to get all mother fucking sentimental sister.” He said and it took a moment for her register what he likely meant.

She gave a sigh “You said you wanted sugar.” She shook the bag.

He just hummed and then one foot moved into her apartment, followed by the other. “So I mother fucking did.”

She stared at the ceiling and wonder how she just walked into a horribly BAD pun. “OH SERIOUSLY!” she said and before he could react she shoved the bag into his arms and then with a sweet smile.

Shoved him out the door. She slammed it closed before he could react.

Hope bit her lip and really hoped he didn’t react badly out there. Leaning against the door she heard a low chuckle that turned into a full throated roar.

Ok, he was laughing. Why did that not make her feel any better? There was a soft knocking and she groaned “Seriously, I’m busy!” she said and made sure the door was locked before she went and put on her headphones and got back to her work.

**000**

 

He had been knocking for 3 hours strait. A constant drumming that was beginning to get on her last remaining nerve. She’d taken a shower, and could still hear it over the water. She was now dressed in jeans, a game shirt and fuzzy domo slippers.

And currently pacing in front of her door. She really did not want to open it. After a call to information she managed to get Karkat’s number and left him a message as he did not answer his phone.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” She screamed at the door finally.

There was a pause then the knocking started again. She could hear him laughing as well and it was not a sane sound.

Hope was feeling honestly freaked out. She didn’t know if she should call the cops. She didn’t want to get him shot, but if he was out of it enough to attack the officers. She dialed Karkat again. After a few rings he picked up.

“What the fuck is going on over there?” he demanded.

“He’s knocking, he won’t stop, he’s laughing now and it’s honestly starting to scare me.”

“Fuck….” There was a sigh and she could picture Karkat leaning against a wall and rubbing his face. Someone said something and she heard him respond “Nothing, just a friend being a fuckass.” He said and then his voice returned to her “Hope? Look, just, calm him down. He likes physical contact. I can’t get there for a couple hours at least.”

“Physical contact is kinda what I’m a bit afraid of.” She responded sarcastically.

“No seriously, he’s just a cuddlier. Put something bright and shiny on TV, he should get distracted.”

Bright and shiny? She glanced at her movie collection, all stacked on a couple shelves by her TV. Well, she could do bright and shiny. “Seriously, if he kills me I swear I will haunt your ass.” She told Karkat.

The other chuckled “Making jokes, good. Now I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

She didn’t bother saying anything, just hung up on him. Her, cuddling? With her psycho neighbor who wanted to get into her pants worse than her last high school boyfriend?

She closed her laptop, went through the movies for a couple oldies in the animation department. Remaining relics of a bygone age of animation. She put in the Last Unicorn and opened the door.

She ended up with a knock on the head as he was still knocking in the same spot on her door even after she opened it.

“Ow” she blinked. Reaching up and realizing that the idiot had left something wet, her fingers came back with purple smears. She looked at her door and saw the purple smear of where he beat his knuckles raw on her door.

The opening music of the movie started behind her and she heard a, squeal. She turned disbelieving eyes onto the psycho-asshole and before she could open her mouth he had flopped himself bloody knuckles and all onto her beanbag chair staring captivated at the TV. “Come in why don’t you?” she said and saw her sugar and his cup still by the doorway, so she picked that up and closed the door.

The sound of the door closing got his attention, and before she got more than a couple steps she found herself snagged and bundled between his long legs wrapped up in his arms and his chin resting on the top of her head.

She froze wide eyed. OK, Karkat was serious about his crazy friend’s tendencies.

Crazy ones, she is getting the crazy ones.

Fucking  fantastic.

**000**

Karkat managed to get himself out of work early. Rushing through traffic as fast as he could manage without getting himself pulled over for ‘friendly advice’ from the local police. He stopped in the parking lot and did not even bother locking his car as he rushed around to the apartment.

He had several real horrifying fears. His advice to her over the phone had mostly been guess work and bravado. Tell her to stop being afraid and Gamzee would stop treating her like prey.  

He hoped.

 Right now he was hoping he didn’t come to find red painted walls or worse.  He had just been going on how Gamzee would treat him some days when he was feeling particularly fuckass-ish. He got to her door and reached up, he saw the drying purple blood on it and knew that would have to be cleaned up.

Baring there wasn’t more inside.

He grabbed the door knob, it turned and the door opened. He peeked in. At first all he saw was the back of Gamzee’s head. There was the end credits of some film showing on the TV and peeking around he saw a very irritated young human huddled in the hallow cage Gamzee had made with his limbs.

Though that was very likely not why she was looking irritated. No, the irritation was because said troll was sound asleep.

And drooling.

Into her hair.

Karkat fought down a smile. She glared up at him like a baleful wet feline creature he’d seen outside his window once, fur all plastered from the rain. “I blame you.” She hissed at him.

And Karkat sat down on the floor hiding his face in the folds of his knees as he tried NOT to laugh outright. Relief mixed with the crash of adrenaline. All that rushing for something so anticlimactic.

“Get me out doofis!” she complained at him.

Karkat lifted his head, tears dripping down his face and she glared ever more darkly at him. Which sent him into further epileptic convulsions.

**000**

Author’s notes: If it’s not already clear this takes place a few years in the future… If you figure most the cast to be between 21-28. Starting from Sept 11, 2001 21 years in the future would be 2022. The Trolls came to land on Earth about 2-3 years prior with the first ships coming and more following. They traveled a long way but basically figuring they are using a sort of stable wormhole or folded space tech letting them cover greater distances that are currently impossible. But they had still been on the ships a long time. Karkat and Gamzee likely started at about 6 or 7 sweeps and now they are like 12-13 sweeps. Putting them in their mid twenties by human years.  Likely should have made it clear in the first chap, but thought with the ideas of ages and dates I was giving this would be clear.

OK this chapter a little shorter than the others. But I think I’m finally getting tired enough to sleep..WEE! What is this sleep you complain of mortals? Karkat has ordered we never sleep!


	5. What the future holds?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last one today! Stay tuned tomorrow, and then you will have to wait til monday.

Relearning to Breath  Chapter 5

Do I still need to say it? I don't own shit in this story!

What the future holds?

**000**

 

It was a few days later when Hope logged into her computer. She blinked as her messenger logged in and a message popped up, offline someone wanting to friend her.

HoNk ;o)

She stared at the message and sighed at the name. "How on earth did he find my..." she stopped, the obvious answer was he likely got it off of Karkat. She'd given her messenger handle to the smaller troll for a back up. He could message from his phone, likely Gamzee just got a hold of his phone.

Lovely.

She sighed and for the moment ignored the message. She had no clue what she wanted to do about this. Since a couple days ago Gamzee had been getting more forward. Thankfully nothing too bad. He usually just wanted to watch movies together or watch her work, or well, just watch her. Which was freaky enough but sadly she was getting use to it. At least he was easy to entertain.

Give him a drink, a fast moving and not too violent movie and he was cool. (Well violent movies didn't bug him none, but he tended to get a little weird after...) Anything with clowns in it and he was happy as a clam.

He'd also taken to actually dressing himself up a bit more. Well not clothing wise, he was still half dressed most times,  or just jeans and t-shirts with those ratty purple canvas shoes. But he'd taken to wearing more makeup of all things. Of course it was more theatrically done. Very much like some kind of scary clown.

Hope wasn't sure what to make of the situation, but Karkat seemed pleased. According to him it was a step towards more normal behavior. Hope wasn't sure how normal it was, it felt a bit more like he was hiding. Afterall with the painted smile made it a little more difficult to notice the slight twitches of irritation or anger. Hope felt she was getting better at noticing his moods. Watching his posture or the shift of his eyes. If he went still he was watching something, and it was those moments of complete and utter stillness, when he didn't seem to even breath that made her the most nervous. And since Karkat was over every time he was not at work currently, she could notice that they made him nervous too, though he would not admit to it. She tried asking and he just turned prickly and cursed her out very thoroughly.

If it wasn't for the fact she could see that he was honestly scared, she might have been insulted.

Hope was at the least getting fascinated by the range of emotion from the trolls. They felt much of all the same things humans did.

Love, hate, joy and so on. There was allot of things where human and trolls could share the same feelings. Like a joke, or seeing a couple in love. (Trolls though seemed to view love as akin to pity, well she could see their point.) Not always though for the same reasons. Just slight differences in how they felt things. And let alone the very complex traditions that trolls associated with love and courtship. Hope wondered if the complexities grew out of the fact that once a young troll left the egg hive they were raised basically as only children. Would it be a different matter if they were raised in groups like human children?

Learning to forge relationships at an even younger age? Hope was an only child herself, and one who was a bit of a loner from the start so she didn't have many deep connections or friendships until Susan.

Maybe that was why she could look at the trolls and if not completely understand them at least have a better idea.

Of course she'd been seeing people around as well who haven't even tried understanding the trolls. Figured they were here now, so should change millions of years of development and culture to suit the human way of doing things. Or in this case, the human AMERICAN way of doing things. Trolls had their own language (though they all learned English well enough, one could not say they where stupid with how fast she'd seen even Gamzee pay attention and pick up new concepts and ideas, and according to Karkat, Gamzee wasn't considered the brightest bulb among their kind.) their own culture, their own way of doing many things and one could not change what was frankly million of years of evolution. Nature verse Nurture. It would be interesting to see how much was one or the other. As trolls where slowly forming tighter family groups to protect their young from well meaning or not so well meaning humans. She had to flip off the news the other night when both Karkat and Gamzee where showing that they were getting incredibly irritated by a troll/human debate on fox over a recent scandal that happened with one of the local hives. Seemed some of the 'pro life' human groups got it into their heads that the well frankly -thousands- of troll infants that did not survive the hive was somehow a horrible practice that should be stopped.

She could still hear Karkat's anger in the back of her mind. Allot of the young that died did not even hatch, or had severe birth defects. The way their process went basically meant that many undesirable or unwanted traits where bunched together in a few who tended to die quickly. The ones that managed to live to escape were given a chance to grow and if they showed enough intelligence to be able to adapt and grow, enough strength to be able to survive and didn't do anything too stupid that got them killed off, then they earned the right to pass on their genetics to the next generation. Or even generations down the road. That news broadcast had gotten the pair talking and while she had to filter out the absolute abhorrent amounts of foul language, she got the idea. And she ended up learning a piece of history that she found to be hugely interesting.

A new blood color had appeared among the trolls several hundred years ago. Perhaps longer, troll's way of judging time and human was very different. She was sure there was some math equation out there, but troll's didn't tend to keep hard and fast dates for events like humans did. Once things where a few generations back it just sort of went into 'history' and wasn't paid as much mind to.

When an event actually managed to make its way into the culture and stay, then it was very big indeed, because even if it was thousands of years ago that it happened, they still felt as strongly about it as if it was just last week.

But some time ago there was a troll born with a new blood type. He was deemed a lowblood, but the odd thing was how this type effected the others.

He did not act like a low blood, he acted like a high. But not in the violent sort of way. This troll nearly took over their whole world.

Not with violence.

With peace.

He could calm the unpredictable natures of the high bloods, he spoke sense. He did allot of great and wonderful things, especially from a human stand point.

But he also basically frightened many people, he threatened the order and very foundations of their culture.

In short, their world had not been ready for a person like the Sufferer.

So they killed him. Trying to wipe out his new blood from their ranks. But, the Sufferer had not been alone. He had formed attachments like any other troll, and he had those whom he shared time and even passed his genetic material along with.

He had a wife. Or a Matesprit as the trolls said it. Someone whom after he died took the material she had from him and took it to one of the hives. His genetics still lived on. Even now. Hundreds if not thousands of years later. His blood type still showed up now and then. Genes coming together from other trolls who had his genetics in recessive. Pieces of the Sufferer would live on for generations more. After that the highbloods created the drone system for gathering up the material from the various couples. To dispose of any unwanted matter from the start, as well as catching any spotted obvious defects, such as mutant traits.

Which meant they were going for what they considered more desirable. Like Gamzee. But that sort of selective breeding resulted in more undesirable traits, like insanity and birth defects. Birth defects where weeded out by the way they handled their breeding program, but insanity? It could range from subtle to completely batshit. And unless the person went off the deep end in a completely destructive way, they were encouraged to battle each other. It was perfectly acceptable and part of their complex webs of relationships. Enemies where just as important to them as friends and love.

It took a bit longer to get though what was so different about the Sufferer's blood, it was Gamzee who finally dropped it to her.

His blood was red.

Like humans.

Hope shook her head to get her head out of past conversations and distractions so she could get back to her current work. She had a deadline to meet.

And Gamzee was sending her another silly honk on her messenger.

She threw one of her piled research books from next to her seat at the wall between their apartment and could hear his muffled laughter.

**000**

The color of troll’s blood was the distracting thought that had been keeping Hope from being able to fully focus on her work the last few days. Currently with her laptop open and Gamzee curled up like an overgrown puppy in her beanbag, she tapped on her keyboard. She groaned softly to herself and giving up completely on her current editing work she opened up her paint program and made some color swipes with the blood types she knew of, from her  reading and from what the boys told her.

But there was missing bits. She looked at the half dozen colors and felt that something was missing.

"Gamzee?" she spoke up and looked up as Gamzee looked up at her, she gave him a smile "Mind telling me all the blood types in order?"

He blinked "What for?"

"I just had an idea and I wanted to test it." she said. "At least on paper."

He uncurled himself and rose to his feet with a boneless grace that frankly was irritating. She always had to brace her hands on her knees to get up and he just rose up like it was the easiest thing in the world, but he came over and hovered over her shoulder to see what she was doing. "See," she showed him the colors she did have and he tilted his head curiously. Then started pointing to the colors that she hadn't had  from the rainbow pallet on the side bar and corrected some of her order of importance.

And once she had a line of the colors, she turned it into a circle.

Red was the connection between the purples and the coppers. They where the between that had been missing.

Gamzee blinked and then his face broke into a huge smile "You are a fucking miracle worker. Show this to Karkat, the motherfucker will love it." he told her patting her head. She shook her head smiling at his enthusiasm, it was just a silly idea and frankly was not likely even on any form of 'right track', but at least the thought was out of her head and she could get back to her real work. Instead of focusing on some half understood aspect of her friend’s culture.

 

"I'm sure someone else had noticed."

He folded himself up behind her and wrapped arms around her shoulders pulling her back against his chest so he could look over her, well head, at her computer screen. "That just, makes fucking sense." he said to her, and then fell silent, likely lost in his own thoughts. By this point she knew that if he got himself wrapped around her she wasn't going to be able to move without making a scene out of it. So for the moment she just brought back up her current writing project and kept mentally telling herself he very likely wasn't even seeing her screen so he couldn't be reading over her shoulder. (God she hated that...) Which was another thing she noticed about trolls. (great more distractions, maybe she should write a book about it!) It was like they had to push everything, including their relationships. If there was a way to tick off or annoy their friends and partners, they did it. The old internet term 'trolling' had recently started to take on new meanings and connotations since the trolls were beginning to take on greater presence in the world and its events. Especially in terms of their technology. She was staring at her screen for awhile, lost in her own thoughts when she suddenly realized that Gamzee was asleep.

And was drooling into her hair, again.

"GOD DAMMIT!"

 

**000**

 

Karkat wasn't nearly as excited about Hope's little 'discovery' as Gamzee was. He did find it an interesting thought. Just also had to point out "Won't fucking matter to those being culled though." Not unless the undermining problem with the views of those who make the decisions.

Hope was seeing a likely change to that herself even if the boys were not. "You know, it might fade out naturally." she told him batting ineffectually at Gamzee who was grinning like an idiot and trying to draw purple dots with a marker, he’d found in a box somewhere, on her skin.

Karkat raised his brow sitting back and cracking open the can of beer from Hope's frig. "Oh? Fucking enlighten me"

"Stop that!" she snapped at Gamzee who just grinned all the wider at her. Teeth looking very sharp and she just sighed rolling her eyes as she turned back to Karkat "There are already changes. When was there a time where mated groups kept the lusus near them and raised the young trolls from the moment they emerged from the hives?"

He paused thinking "Not, for a long time."

"When did the selective breeding and cullings start?"

"When...." he paused suddenly getting the image she was pointing out "When we started using drones to take our genetic material to the hives instead of taking it ourselves."

She grinned "So, now suddenly your people have a stronger invested interest in making sure ALL the children make it to adulthood who they have taken in."

"Not all most,” he corrected her, his thoughts still following the train of reasoning, “but yes you are right. We can't afford excessive cullings, our numbers are not what they once were and we don't have the liberty what with sharing space with humans to be able to keep to all the old ways." he tipped back the beer and raised one knee lost in thought.

"And if say, any mutant effects like what you guys where telling me a red blood could do, then it would be BETTER for you to keep them for the more." she glanced at Gamzee who hid the ink pen looking sleepy and innocent "Unstable, elements, of your people."

Karkat looked at Gamzee who was so carefully painting strands of Hope's blond hair purple with his pen. She had a point. Hell, he was wondering if humans might have the similar effect as well. Hope certainly seemed to be having Gamzee under control, admittedly he was still only half sober, and there was a very different relationship developing between them than between himself and Gamzee.

Gamzee for his part wrapped his arms around Hope's shoulders pulling her back, one hand still clutching his pen loosely in his long fingers. His nose buried against the skin by her neck, smearing some of his make up on her flesh, which darkened it from pink to something more natural in his eyes. He could smell her blood, and it wasn't the same as Karkat's, but it was so similar, and he bet would look just as beautiful. He wanted to bite her to see how it tasted, but there was time enough, patients, patients... Not his strong suit admittedly. When he had her, she would be his, and he would hear her scream.

Karkat blinked as Hope was starting to look uncomfortable "Gamzee, loosen up will you, I can't breathe." she complained trying not to panic.

Gamzee was rumbling low and the smaller troll got up and went over giving his friend a swift kick in the backside. Which made him turn and growl at him. But he blinked and the wide purple around his eyes began to fade to a paler color and after a couple blinks it was nearly gone.

"She said you were choking her, you idiotic fuckass!" Karkat yelled at Gamzee, who blinked at him then turned to Hope.

"I'm fuckin' sorry sis" he told her and she sighed.

"It’s good now" and she stole the pen "What on EARTH did you do with this damn thing?" she demanded capping it and went to check for spots in the bathroom mirror.

Both trolls chuckled at the series of expletives, a couple Karkat was making mental notes on for later use. He had one particular idiot at work he could try them on even if he was sure the guy was too dense to get them. A human about his equivalent age who didn't seem to get that Karkat loathed him. He just laughed and would pop in on the troll's cubical and make a pain of himself. Stupid John. Even more stupid John for bringing cool snacks that were not overly sweet, and be willing to share them.

He hated the guy, he couldn't even get him out of his head when he was not at work!

Karkat suddenly felt grumpy even as he was still amused by Hope's continued outbursts which were becoming more creative since Gamzee decided to go and see if he could 'help' her out.

 

**000**

 

It took awhile for Hope to get a chance to get herself cleaned up. It so did not help that Gamzee had decided the best way to help was to make all her hair purple. And it was permanent ink he was using which meant trying to wash it would was proving to be a pain. Especially as he was adding more every chance he got. Kicking him out of the bathroom wasn't helping he just came back. So now her shirt was wet and covered in purple blotches (and she just bought it too!) and her skin, and her hair and she was getting really irritated with Gamzee, who's grin said he knew he was being an ass and was having too much fun doing it.

She finally stole the waterlogged pen from him "FINE!" and started chasing him down to see how he liked being a purple people eater.

With a wet purple human diving over furniture and a wet crazy clown laughing at her and honking up the place Karkat found a whole new reason to be irritated. "Fucking act like fucking adults with a fucking half a braincell!" he shouted at them.

Which of course meant they both stopped and suddenly turned rather scary identical expressions of mischief upon him.

It wasn't long before Karkat was fleeing outside covered in purple, red, and whatever other color had been in that pack of permanent markers Gamzee had found.

Getting one outside, Hope managed to kick out Gamzee too and was able to set to cleaning up and checking the damage. Which, other than the three of them ending up covered in ink, silly pictures (she was pretty sure Gamzee managed to draw a dick on Karkat somewhere, and she ended up with cat ears on her forehead) and wet mess. Little ended up in uncleanable places of her apartment thankfully. She got into the shower and did her best to get herself clean as she could scrub.

 

Outside Gamzee was still grinning like an idiot at Karkat who was cursing out his stupidity. This was more fun than he'd had in a long time. Mixing a kind of game with the hunt, and no one got hurt. Which, well had been the whole point of it. To try and stay in control.

"Got something on your face mother fucker" he said suddenly breaking into Karkat's tirade just as the little guy was getting really wound up.

Karkat stopped and blinked, then rushed past the taller troll into Gamzee's apartment. In the bathroom he stared blankly in the mirror for a bit as he registered the mix of foul language and lude images.

And the bucket on his forehead.

Gamzee sat on the walkway outside laughing when he heard the raging roar from his best friend. He paused and found himself staring up for a moment caught off guard by a large form coming into his view.

A hand was offered to help him to his feet and he blinked at it feeling a little slow. Looking up from the hand he stared at the serious expression of the Grand Highblood.

"What-" he started but the Grand Highblood took his hand and pulled him to his feet. Standing strait Gamzee didn't quite match the other in height. The highblood had a few inches on him still, and definitely had more bulk.

"Came to check on you." the highblood said.

Gamzee's expression fell to something darker. He glared at his elder. Silently daring him to pick a fight on HIS turf.

The highblood waved that off, "I was assigned to watch you, admittedly I've been a bit.. well fucking lax. I got all busy in running a business. Glad to see you are pulling yourself together." and he patted Gamzee's shoulder. Gamzee found himself grinning widely at the highblood. He did not trust him as all and was waiting for the shoe to drop.

The Highbloond looked a bit nervous and crossed his arms a crossed his chest and seemed to be trying to figure out what to do with the younger clown.

"Look kid, just drop by the club now and then to show you're still sane." he finally gruffed and turned to walk away. Karkat came out that moment to chew Gamzee out since he couldn't get at Hope, who had locked her door quite securely against the trolls.

He came to a stop eyes growing huge and deciding right then and there he was getting a pair of sunglasses to wear whenever he didn't have his contacts.

The highblood glanced over at Karkat and suddenly got a bit of a feral grin "Hello there" he greeted his mouth full of teeth.

Karkat visibly gulped.

Then Karkat found himself staring at Gamzee's back. The other growling at the highblood. "Mine" was all Gamzee said his voice dripping threat.

The Highblood just laughed "Good" was all he said and left without a fight. The pair blinked. Karkat staring  from around Gamzee's back. The taller troll suddenly sagging in confusion. He was keyed up for a territorial fight, and nothing happened.

"What the fuck did he want?" Karkat finally demanded of his friend.

"Said.. he was keeping an eye on me and to drop by the club to show I’m sane." Gamzee said, his shock making him completely drop his usual colorful additions.

"Okay.. I'm fucking weirded out." Karkat said.

Gamzee honked in agreement.

 

**000**

Author notes:

Another chapter, this thing is writing itself fast. Likely I should have spaced out the posting rather than just posting it all at once. But like Gamzee, I’ve never been the patient one.

Overall this is proving to be quite a bit of fun. Got a lot of pages all together with this story and seriously enjoying expanding upon this little world.

Thanks for the pms and faves peeps. Makes me happy. Though a few comments in the review box would be appreciated too lol!

So, another human definitely making an appearance I think. Karkat I decided I’ve been too mean too and he needs some love. He of course tells me he’s very fine how he is and doesn’t need my help for pity. But he’s just a fictional character so really doesn’t know what he needs. *evilevilevil*

Added a couple more songs to the play list, I was watching online the old Raggedy Anne and Andy musical adventure online and could only giggle thinking Gamzee would likely like it. It’s bright, colorful, and has a bunch of clowns in it!

So enjoy ‘Candy Hearts and Paper Flowers’

And while I know someone’s going to nitpick my grammar. I do my best, I don’t have a beta reader and aside from reading and rereading myself to make sure it at least makes sense I tend to post most all my stories in the ‘raw’ as it were.  I save massive edits and revisions for articles and stories I intend to make money on. My fanfic is my brain dead bubblegum. I use this as practice. It lets me play with characters I didn’t necessarily make and worlds I don’t have to make so much up for. There are fanfic authors out there that do massive amounts of research and cross reference every detail they ever come up with before putting even a single word on paper.

I am so not one of those! I just will do my best not to post utter rubbish. LOL

Anyway, if you enjoy the story please leave me a message. I will love to hear from you and I enjoy reading and replying to everyone who enjoys my rather eclectic collection of random stories. If you don’t like it, still feel free to comment. I just might roast your comment and eat it with ketchup LOL.

Till next time folks! 


	6. Sleeping with the Enemy

Relearning to Breath chapter 6

The usual disclaimers have not changed.

Sleeping with the enemy

**000**

 

Gamzee curled in around himself. Shivering in a cold sweat as he did battle with the demons in his mind, he returned to consciousness with a snap and shoved himself back against the wall. Covering his ears as his form was wracked with shaking as if he was freezing. His teeth clattered, he couldn’t focus, he bit his lip as a line of purple blood dripped down his chin.

He was utterly alone in the darkness that seemed to be getting darker. Indigo eyes trailed up and from one of the shadows he saw, himself, but not as he was not but as he was on the ship. Smile wide as he held his juggling pins. Rainbow blood mixing together into a slurry of color and dripping to the floor. He watched himself raise one pin and point it at himself seated on the bare mattress he used shoved up into the other corner of the room.

Gamzee dove for the nearest source of light, his fingers closed around the curtains that blocked the earth’s sun from getting into his room and he ripped them down, the bright noon day sun blinding him.

But it was better to be blind than to see what came next.

Curled up, his forehead resting on his knees he whimpered softly. His eyes closed so tightly against the pain building in his head that tears streamed down his cheeks. A pierce pounding that beat a cacophony of horror just behind his eyes.  Mucus dripped from his nose and he half sunk his teeth into the fabric of his pants tearing little holes into the soft material.

Suddenly out of the din of pain and horror he heard something, looking up he saw a figure in his window tapping lightly on the glass. Water streaming from his eyes as he squinted against the glare, the figure shifted to block more of the light.

Hope.

She was standing there, looking concerned. Reaching out he grabbed hold of the edge of the dresser, half falling out of the room, not nearly as graceful as usual and he got to the door, unlocking it he flung it open before she could turn the knob.

“Are you ok? I heard the crash as I was getting home, and saw your curtain down. Do you need help getting it back up?” she asked half crouching over his crumpled form. She saw nothing but pain in his gaze that turned up to her.

Long arms reached out and he pulled her down. Curling himself around her and with his head buried against her stomach he wailed like a pupa into the coat of his lusus. Hope was startled by this reaction but after a moment she started to stroke his hair back from around his horns and face. Hope curled herself around him so his horns wouldn’t be poking into her side and she just let him cry himself out doing her best to mimic the soft gentle whispers and shushing she heard Karkat use with Gamzee in the past. She could make out strangled words in his incoherent speech. About carnivals, rainbow covered canvases, and someone named Tavros.

She for her part just filed it away for later conversation, preferably with Karkat when Gamzee wasn’t around. She just stayed there for her mentally anguished friend and as she leaned down over his back she switched from mimicry of sounds she’d heard, but couldn’t quite reproduce to just humming softly. A sad little lullaby from a movie she saw once as a child, though the soundtrack stayed with her since.

 

**000**

 

Karkat adjusted his sunglasses. It was too early to be at work. He’d been trying to get on the budding overnight shift, but this city wasn’t quite large enough or trolls common enough for it to go completely 24 hours so the hours were just not there to give every troll who wanted them.

Damn humans and their daylight loving eyes. Why couldn’t they be nocturnal like a normal sane being in the universe?

‘Hey Karkat” he heard and mentally groaned.  Getting his satchel out of his car and locking the door with a click of the button on his key ring he tried to ignore the other annoyance in his life. Maybe the thick human would take a hint.

Of course this meant he did not, and the young man with dark hair and thick rimmed glasses smiled at him.  As Karkat turned and found himself face to face with the human.

“AARG!” Karkat jumped back startled and hit his car, which of course set off the fucking alarm and he had to struggle with his keys to find the right button to make it stop “What the ever pitying fuck is wrong with those monkey brain cells of yours?!” he demanded of John. The young man currently in jeans and a rather plain blue shirt just gave him a huge smile.

“Hey, sorry about scaring you.” His shoulders scrunched up as he put his hands into his pockets.

“I wasn’t scared. Just…. Temporarily startled.” Karkat corrected knowing he sounded lame, but having to defend himself anyway.  He found himself crossing his arms childishly infront of himself. Paused and then put his arms down and balled his fists to keep from pouting. This guy was so FUCKING annoying!

“Um, sure,” It was obvious that John did not in the slightest believe him, “anyway me and some of the other guys are going to be checking out this club we’ve heard about tonight. Trillians.”

Karkat groaned a bunch of human nerds in a troll club? It would either be a slaughter, or funny as fuck. He wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with it either way. “I don’t care.” He finally just said.

“Wait, Karkat,” John reached out and took hold of the troll’s arm. The young Trolled hissed at him and tried to pull away. “Wow, you make such funny noises sometimes Karkat” John said cheerfully, “Look, we were just wondering if you wanted to join us?”

“NO” Karkat snapped, go to a troll club with a bunch of humans? “Now get your stupid hands off me before you give me some sort of disease that wipes out what remains of my intelligence.”

“Oh come on Karkat, it would be fun” but John did at least take his hands off him.

Karkat did not think walking into a nest of already volatile trolls -especially into a place that was the territory of one of the troll Grand Highbloods, a sort of elder leader- was a very good idea. Especially one that knew his secret and as of yet hadn’t killed him. He did not wish to push his luck. “Yours and my idea of ‘fun’ are vastly different” Karkat growled darkly at John before he marched his way into the building. Out of the glaring heat and light of the sun and into the welcomed dimmer artificial light of the building he worked.

John was trailing after him and Karkat sighed, it was going to most definitely be a long day. John seemed to be under some misguided notion that Karkat might actually want to hang out with him. Or that maybe the alien needed a native guide or whatever. Karkat really did not care.

He just wanted this day over with so he could go home. Well, first he’d have to go check on his Moirail, make sure Gamzee wasn’t trying to set fire to anything or knocked out a few walls.

**000**

Hope got Gamzee calmed down, it took a bit, and then he just sort of curled himself into a quiet ball and fell to sleep on his ratty couch.

After some thought Hope decided he did not need to be alone right now, so she decided to keep him company, at least until Karkat got back from work.

Her original intention had just been to get a book or her laptop and just hang out until he woke up. But as she stared around his apartment she felt a kind of growing horror.

There were empty drink bottles, pizza boxes (not all of which were empty, some were turning green, or just little husks of mummy forms) dirty laundry, (how many pairs of grey pjs did he really need?) clean laundry (hard to tell…) ash trays that never been cleaned out, unidentified smudges all over the walls, floors and well there was also the damage. Holes in the walls, broken tiles, counter looked like someone took a butcher knife to it, or more likely that he never used a cutting board.

So Hope ended up cleaning his house instead. Some things she couldn’t do anything for. Like repairing the holes in his walls or the damage he’d done to the counters. But she could gather his laundry, put away the clean stuff and take a push broom to the rest of the litter to get it out to the garbage. She’d even found bags with food that hadn’t been put away. Cans of chef boy r dee, and pizza sauce, boxes of twinkies and other junk food. She stared at all of the accumulated stuff and could figure out why he was so horribly skinny. He wasn’t eating and what little he ate was all junk.

When Gamzee woke later, he had to blink and wonder if he’d fallen asleep at someone else’s house. Other than the neatly piled dvd cases had been all his movie titles. Just, neater looking and organized. Someone had thrown a light blanket over him and he could smell something good. Looking he saw Hope in his kitchen stirring a pot over his stove and he blinked again, did he fall asleep at her place? No, she had mostly all the folding furniture and that really cool bed sized fluffy bean bag he loved to snuggle himself into. And there was that hole in the bar that he ended up putting there with his foot.

So why was she at his place? And why was everything so, clean?

He could remember waking up and being trapped in a nightmare for awhile, there was someone singing to him, which was nice actually. Then he had slept again, this time thankfully without any bad dreams. He must have slept hard then, for a lot of stuff happened while he was out.

He padded softly into the kitchen. Hope was humming to herself and the tone of her voice if not what she was singing was familiar, so it must have been her singing to him earlier. Well since she was in his house rather implied that it was her, and he must not have done anything horrible if she was here cooking.

“That smells mother fucking nice.” He said looking over her shoulder at the pot full of miracles as far as he was concerned. Hope nearly jumped out of her skin, which made him grin. She obviously needs to pay a bit more attention to her surroundings.

“Oh Gamzee! Feeling better?” she asked him and he gave a shrug “Just making some soup, you really don’t have a lot available.” She gave a theatrical sigh and waved a spoon at him “So be grateful I brought over a couple things form my place to share.”

He watched the spoon wave before his nose like a cat with a teaser toy and she paused before raising the cream covered spoon higher, his eyes followed, she went lower and he practically followed after. So she started going around in circles watching his eyes and head follow the spoon.

As Karkat came into the apartment and blinked first seeing that the place looked.. well clean.. and then he could smell something cooking that wasn’t pizza, cheap canned crap or something he would rather not know the identity of, and Hope was grinning like an idiot, waving a spoon about with Gamzee utterly hypnotized by its movement.

“What the fuck you two idiots doing?” Karkat growled, he was not going to admit that what he walked in on was funny as shit, not after the day he’d had. He still hadn’t fully escaped the nerds. John managed somehow to get Karkat to agree to join up with them at Trillians later, and he was still trying to recall just what led up to that particular promise in the first place.

Hope turned and waved her spoon at Karkat and then pouted at Gamzee when he stole it and put the whole bowl of the thing in his mouth happily sucking off the mix she’d been making. “Hey Karkat” she said with a sigh and after hunting a couple drawers she came up with another spoon, then had to beat Gamzee off with it before he went sticking the spoon he’d had in his mouth back into the pot. Then she bumped him back with her hip as she opened the stove pulling out loaves of bake and serve bread.

Gamzee for his part looked like he was contemplating something that was likely rude, if not crude, that Karkat would rather not see at the moment so he went over and grabbed his best friend by the horns and drug him back out of the kitchen “Let the woman cook!” he told Gamzee.

“Aw, but it all smells so mother fucking good” he complained rubbing the side of his head he’d been towed out of range with.

“And it’ll be ready in a second” she said rolling her eyes “hey, Karkat can you set the table?” she held out some tableware to the other troll.

Karkat thought about telling her to do it herself, but decided that if she couldn’t stand guard at the entrance to the kitchen there would likely be no food if Gamzee got to it, and it never even crossed his mind to trust Gamzee to do it all either. “Fine” he said and took the items, though he did shove the spoons and forks into Gamzee’s hands. The taller troll following the few stops over to the table. It’d been awhile since the surface wasn’t covered in unopened mail, littered food and an overfull ashtray full of spent joints and other substances.

Now it was clean and the old half peeling linoleum table that had to be reaching a century in age Karkat was sure, definitely needed some work. It worked well enough and well it was Gamzee’s tastes. What tastes the other troll actually might have had anyway. Likely it was just the thrift store or garage sale find.

So Karkat set out the plates and bowls, Gamzee added spoons and forks to the places. Then they had to figure out where to find a third chair, and in the end with Hope’s keys stolen off the bar Karkat went and got a folding chair from her side.

He came back finding Gamzee sopping a ripped piece of bread with soup. Karkat had to admit it all smelled very good. He set the chair down and took a seat, reaching for the ladle to get a scoop of the creamy soup filled with large chunks of spicy meat.

Hope came out with a small salad, she knew the trolls were not likely to take much of that themselves. They could eat some plant matter, enough for things like bread and some of the crap that Gamzee ate they could still process just fine. But with their sharp teeth it was rather obvious what their preferred diet was.

Not so much for the leafy green stuff. Some trolls like it, Gamzee wasn’t picky and he took some of the mixed greens covered in sprouts, boiled eggs, cucumbers, and even a bit more meat sliced up.

Karkat picked a little bit off the top to be polite himself but left most of it for the human and the not too picky eater.

At the same time, Hope managed to get Gamzee to eat, and she kept filling his bowl until he leaned back looking a little on the stuffed side. The taller troll leaned backwards in his chair reaching a long arm towards the small mini frig pressed up against the sliding doors to the back porch and pulled out one of his preferred sodas. Taking a long swig of it then belching.

“Seriously! Have you no manors at all fuckass?” Karkat snapped.

Hope just giggled “hey, some cultures it’s considered a compliment to the chef.” She said taking a sip of her water glass.

Karkat just rolled his eyes “it’s fucking gross!” he complained.

“More soup?” she asked

“Sure.” He responded and held out his bowl as she gave him the last from the pot. Which made him happy as there was more meat in it than his last bowl. Another piece of bread to sop up the remnants and the bowl was nearly clean enough to just put away.

Karkat stared at the bumpy ceiling a moment and stretched he paused realizing that he was asked something “What?”

“I said what are you plans tonight?” Hope repeated, “Gamzee ended up ripping down his curtains in the bedroom and if you got a bit of time to take a trip to the hardware store with me I can get some things to fix some of the holes.”

Karkat blinked at the girl, she glanced at Gamzee her expression worried and turned her face back to him waiting for his reply. Something happened today.

Karkat gave a serious nod and then pulled out his phone blasting off a quick text. Giving his ‘heartfelt’ apologizes (if one could call it that) that he ended up with an emergency and had to help out a friend instead of joining the humans at the night club.

A few moments later his phone dinged and he saw the reply from John, which was a simple ‘maybe next time.’ Followed by a ridiculous buck toothed looking smilie.

Karkat rolled his eyes but was glad to get out of that mess  this time.

Gamzee could not be trusted at a hardware store, so they got him set up with a dvd and full and currently content the tall troll was just as happy to sit and stare at bright colors while Hope cleaned up real fast again and then got her keys back from Karkat. She returned her chair to her apartment and got her purse.

Karkat insisted on driving once he realized her car was the absolutely miniscule hatchback. The thing was so tiny he had a feeling he could likely make it fit in his pocket and that just felt too small to get into. Karkat might not have the horns that Gamzee did, but bumping one’s head on the roof of a car was not comfortable!

Once they were in the car Hope sighed and sunk into the leather bucket seat of Karkat’s midsized torus. He glanced at her as he pulled out of the parking lot. Wondering what happened to get her to clean Gamzee’s house, other than well, it had been a nightmare of a disaster that even Karkat had considered attempting some order to.

“Gamzee… did not have a good afternoon.” She said rubbing her face and Karkat blinked. It could not have been that bad, if Hope and the apartment complex were still in one piece.

She leaned against the window with her forehead and then glanced at Karkat, “He… was talking about a lot of random things, but some of it was kind of disturbing.” She told him.

Karkat’s face was set, trying not to show any emotion as his hands tightened on the steering wheel. He glanced at Hope who pulled her legs up into the seat and rested her chin on her knees. “Who’s Tavros?”

Karkat swallowed and took a moment to debate how to reply to that one and finally he sighed “It was, back on the ships.” The car came to a stop at a light and he stared at the red color trying to relax himself, “He, was our friend and for Gamzee, he was a lot more.”

“Matesprit?” she asked “Or this one of those black things?”

“No, red, it was matesprit.” He was glad she was being calm and really did at least accept if not fully understand the troll romance. He’d been doing his best to help and he knew that the Grand Highblood had talked to her as well. So she was among the growing population of humans who began to understand the troll society. Unfortunately it wasn’t so much the other way yet. A lot of trolls viewed human relationships as simplistic. Hell, Karkat sometimes thought something similar, but Hope pointed out to him that while trolls had their quadrants and complex dealings, they still wanted to put everyone in neat orderly boxes of feelings. Humans had a circle that a person could be put on and be slid around the edge to innumerable shadings of feelings. Were fear, love and hate where practically right next to each other with a confusing muddle of grey between that people still couldn’t sort the three clearly.  Though with the black romances of trolls, love and hate could be the same thing. Fear on the other hand usually led to a prey hunter instinct that could lead to tragedy.

Karkat started moving the car as the light turned and followed the little GPS devise built into his car, directions to the hardware, “Tavros.. died” he said as they began moving. “it was not a quick death and, Gamzee did not take it well.”

“Loss of a love one, I would be shocked if he did take it well.” She agreed, “So, he blame himself?”

Karkat nodded and then sighed “because he did kill him. Gamzee… lost his mind towards the end of that trip. He ended up, killing, a lot of other trolls. Tavros hadn’t been able to find me.” Karkat’s head sunk down, “Because I… had been scared. It, happened so fast. Everything was fine and suddenly trolls, especially those of Gamzee’s blood caste began to snap.” He pulled into the parking lot and then once parked he rested his head against the wheel, he didn’t look at Hope, he didn’t what to know the sort of horror she must be feeling right now. “I hid myself like a scared fucking little pupa! And Tavros was left trying to calm Gamzee alone. I was Gamzee’s Moirail and I… wasn’t there.” Red tinted tears gathered in his eyes. “It wasn’t until Gamzee had accidently killed Tavros that I finally came out of hiding. My best friend killed the love of his life and I didn’t try to stop him! I calmed him, but he retreated to dark places in the ship, until we landed. I, remember in the clean up trying to find Tav’s body and I couldn’t find it, not until I found Gamzee, and he had curled up with Tavros.” Karkat just had to close his eyes to remember the scene the horror he felt as he found his friend curled up protectively with the rotting corpse of the other troll. The macabre twisted nest that Gamzee had built for the pair of them and the utter madness in his eyes when he smiled and greeted Karkat. Even now his throat closed with the horror, the nightmares he’d had since that time. He couldn’t tell her that he still curled up in a corner of his apartment and screamed. Trying to block the horrors from his mind.

  He half started when he felt a hand placed on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Hope smiling softly at him, her eyes incredibly sad. Not pity, but understanding. She reached over and turned his head placing her forehead against his in a comradery that had his eyes wide. When she learn to shush? “It’s okay” she told him softly “it’s not your fault, you where scared, its not his fault, you said yourself it was an accident that a lot of people had gone crazy then.” She’d seen pictures of the ships on the internet. They were not refugee ships, they where military vessels not meant to hold the thousands of trolls of all ages that got packed into them like so many sardines in a tin.

Karkat’s eyes filled with tears as someone told him the words that he needed to hear, that part of him knew but still blamed himself for. And here this soft pink human was offering something he so badly needed.

While he had to remain strong for Gamzee, there was much Gamzee couldn’t do in return while he himself was so broken. So Karkat had to remain strong, no matter how bad things got, he had to be the one to hold firm, or Gamzee would be completely lost.

Even as Karkat himself was falling off the edge himself.

Hope didn’t say anymore, was just humming softly to him. It wasn’t quite the same as a troll’s shush. The comforting sound they could make for distressed trolls, but it was having a similar effect. He broke into tears and she just smiled and gave him the comfort he needed. As a friend, as if she was his Moirail. One of her hands resting on the back of his head stroking his hair and brushing against his horns, slowly he relaxed, the pain not gone, but eased. He pulled away after a few more moments and wiped his nose on his sleeve and coughed, trying to regain some composure.

Hope for her part just kept humming to herself as she hunted through her purse and came up with a package of disposable tissues. He offered them to him and he accepted gratefully. He knew he was a mess.

“You know, there is a condition you might want to look up. Might help both you and Gamzee.” She said softly and he glanced at her, it was on his tongue that no human condition could compare to a troll’s mental health but seeing the soft way she smiled down at her hands made him stop and say nothing, “Post Trauma Stress Disorder.” She glanced at him “Survivor’s guilt sometimes gets wrapped up in it too. It was first identified and labeled after a very bad war we had. So many people died, and the fighters who came home from the front lines were changed people. Nightmares, flashbacks to things that happened, even physical and other mental problems become tied up with it. Depression, unexplained reactions of the body. Panic disorder.” As she spoke Karkat was becoming quieter. She was hitting the problem dead on. “Wars aren’t the only thing that can cause PTSD; wrecks, abuse, any form of trauma that can make your mind snap.” She glanced at him and he stared back at her.

“How is it fixed?” he asked.

“Time mostly, you can take meds to help, but time, understanding, and learning to take a breath to calm yourself.” She held out her hand to him and smiled “And having a friend helps too.”

He stared at her his jaw working making his cheek twitch as he tried to take this in. And after a moment he reached out and took her hand in return. “I already got a Moirail” he finaly managed.

She laughed “Great thing about human friendships. We can have more than one best friend.” And she squeezed his hand in return. “You and Gamzee have becoming my friends, and its helped me too. Even if Gamzee can be an annoying motherfucker.”

This startled a laugh out of Karkat as she did a near perfect mimicry of Gamzee’s lazy way of speaking for the last line and he squeezed her hand back “Come on, lets get the stuff to fix that bum’s house.”

“Hmmm” she agreed and giving his hand another warm squeeze she got out of the car, “Does remind me, I know he pays his rent, I’ve seen him drop by the office, but what on earth does he DO?” she’d been wondering since other than a periodic trip out she’d never seen him do much but bum about his apartment, wander the complex or bother her.

“I believe he stuffs envelopes, and I think he mentioned something about selling information to companies.”

She froze and then her eyes narrowed “….. is HE the reason my phone keeps ringing with telemarketers?”

Karkat smirked “Likely.”

“I’ll kill him.”

 

**000**

 

Author’s notes:

Just a warm ‘thank you’ to my reviewers, the people who’ve faved and watch this story and those who’ve pestered me with emails, pms and IMs. You guys are all great! Love you!

 

Added playlist:

Sally’s Song – Amy Lee

Little Lion Man – Mumford and Sons

Someone else’s star – Bryan White

I will always love you – Unknown artist

So Much – Newton Faulker

My Immortal – Evanescence

The Sufferer’s Final Sermon

Safe and Sound – Tailor Swift

Fucking Perfect - Pink


	7. Happy Birthday

Relearning to Breath chapter 7

Same disclaimers as always

Happy Birthday

**000**

Hope sat down next to the mailboxes that belonged to the entire complex her eyes staring down at the letter in her hands. Shaking head to toe she felt her lip tremble and her mind blank. She was trying to get herself collected, and failing.

A grey hand took hold of her mail and she heard a mumbled “what the motherfuck is this?”

Hope didn’t even register when Gamzee picked her up. Just completely taking her off her feet and started a determined walk towards their apartments.

It had been a few months. Gamzee had calmed down and hadn’t seemed to have any more episodes currently, though he was back to smoking. He seemed to be trying out nicotine, which at least had the bonus of being relatively legal.

Once at the apartments he debated which side, and decided familiar would likely be better, so he fished her keys out of her purse and took her into her apartment. Dropping her on her pillow sak bag chair.

Then he went to her phone and dialed Karkat. Still holding the letter while out of the corner of his eye he could see the human rocking in her seat eyes wide and unseeing.

He was glad when he heard Karkat’s voice and not his answering service. “What the fuck Hope? I’m at work, it better be fucking good!”

“My best mother fucking bro” Gamzee said but there was no grin in his voice.

“Gamzee! What are you doing using Hope’s phone?”

“What is a mother fucking subpoena?”

 

**000**

 

Hope was trying to figure out how she ended up in this particular lawyer’s office. Well it was admittedly Karkat and Gamzee who drug her there.

It was a troll lawyer.  The woman behind the counter was dressed in a very neat red and green top that did not scream ‘Christmas’ somehow. Her slacks were black and pressed into perfectly straight lines. The only thing out of place aside from the grey skin and shark’s smile, where the red shades over her eyes. Dark hair half combed over the frames. She stood with a long cane in hand, one that was banded with the colors of the carrier being blind.

“Karkat! Gamzee! I have not smelled you two since the ship. And,” she took a long sniff “Who smells like gingerbread and Lysol?” there was just something so intense about the woman who seemed to look right at Hope as she was compared to cookies and cleaning supplies.

“Terezi, I do wish this was a social call, but our friend here is in need of help.” And he held out the letter to the lawyer. Who took it and Hope was about to ask how she was expected to read it since she was well, blind, but the woman put the page between two clear plastic magnifiers and then; she licked it.

“A subpoena? How exciting!” she said and seemed to be reading over the letter by well… licking and smelling it.

That was seriously weird for Hope.

“So the parents of Susan Harper are calling Hope Newell to stand as to whether she is guilty of neglect of their daughter’s health and thus cause of her death. Interesting.” Her head shot up and the odd troll looked right at Hope her smile practically splitting her face in half “Did you do it?”

“NO!” Hope snapped “Sue didn’t tell anyone she was sick, not even me. Hell they couldn’t even abide by her final wishes when they found out! Likely why she never mentioned to anyone in the first place.” Hope was shaking again and felt a calming arm around her shoulders; she was half pulled to lean against Gamzee who stroked back her hair and rumbled softly.

Karkat stood up and leaned on Terezi Pyrope’s desk “I know this is more to do with human law than troll” he started.

The lawyer waved him off “Oh this is just a case of silly people wanting to blame someone and wasting everyone’s time and money doing it, I’m surprised it’s made it this far at all. What I see here” she tapped the file she set back on the table, “this case doesn’t have a leg to stand on.” She snorted “One thing I miss about back home, there were so many fewer silly cases like this when the losers got executed.”

Karkat coughed as he could feel Hope’s bug eyes behind him. “Yes well, do you have the ability to handle this case?”

Terezi snorted “Oh sure, and since we’re old friends I won’t even charge you nothing but dinner until the case is done.” She waved them off. “Human law says I have to have some sort of retainer. Which is so boring.” She waved up at a frame behind her desk “I have a license to practice. This might require some travel, but since the accused is a resident of this state then I can still defend her. And after I’ve finished calling a few people she may not have to go on this silly thing at all.” She chuckled putting the letter into a file then held out her hand “Human.” She said and Hope blinked looking at the other two who nodded at her and she got up going up to the other troll. Who grabbed her hand and then stabbed her finger with a claw, her other hand gripping Hope’s wrist to keep her from pulling away. Terezi smeared some of Hope’s blood on the file and sniffed it “Yep, most definitely gingerbread and Lysol.”  After another sniff she grinned “And a hint of lime!”

She released Hope who wide eye rushed to half hide behind Gamzee and Karkat. Karkat hadn’t batted an eye though Gamzee was looking hugely amused at the moment by Hope’s reaction to Terezi’s way of labeling her files.

Terezi waved the folder to dry the blood before she put it away in her desk, “Right, now I will have to make a few calls, I’ll see how much of this BS I can get thrown out right off and if we have to transport the accused to the court sight. Oh, it is so sad that none of the judges from home where able to get work.” She lamented “I bet we could have just intimidated the silly humans into going away.”  And she waved at them before she sat down slamming her feet up on her desk and picked up her phone licking her fingers before dialing.

Karkat took this as a dismissal and shooed Hope and Gamzee out of the office. Hope was still holding her bleeding hand and Gamzee was staring at her red blood with wide eye interest. Until they got outside and he could light himself a camel. Karkat got a bandage from the secretary and helped Hope clean up.

“What. The. Fuck?” Hope said staring at Karkat “Is she crazy?”

“Most likely.” Karkat agreed. “But she is also one of the best lawyers I know. She might seem a little off, but she knows law and lives it. Human or troll won’t matter to her. Order does.”

“Well, the price is right” she had to admit. A few dinners did not seem like that big a deal, “So, she came on the same ship?”

Karkat nodded, “We use to hang out when we were young. But everyone kind of went their own ways once we got here.” Partly he knew it was because they were afraid of Gamzee, and admittedly he himself didn’t make many attempts to contact them either.

“At least she doesn’t mother fucking decorate with those little plushy fuckers of her’s anymore.” Gamzee threw in.

“Eh?” Hope asked.

Karkat slapped his face but chuckled “Terezi like to hang toys as her favorite form of punishment for the guilty when she was young.”

“Her whole hive was covered in the things. It was kind of fucking freaky” Gamzee chuckled.

“Huh, so... is it true about law back on your guy’s homeworld? The losers got executed?” Hope asked. Gamzee finished his smoke and took hold of Hope’s uninjured hand as they started for the car parked in a garage a couple blocks down the road.

“Not, completely true, but yea. We had a lot fewer of these sorts of fucking nooksucking idiots like your friend’s parents trying to get this far with a case. The judges would have thrown it out likely. But since on our world someone dying of disease just means they were not strong enough to live. It wouldn’t have made it this far at all no matter who was pushing the case.” He shrugged “But then, our guardians where the Lusii and they didn’t exactly get that attentive. And if it was a case of a Moirail or other quadrant, well.” He shrugged helplessly.

Gamzee snorted “Then the troll in question is allowed to call out the motherfucker and challenge them to a duel. Especially if they are a higher blood spectrum than the one they go after.”

Karkat nodded “True that. Of course if they could get through one of the royal lines, they could also just call in one of the subjuggulators to do the job.” He added thoughtfully.

Hope rolled her eyes “Oh great, so on your planet they would have come after me or just hired a hitman to have me killed.”

Gamzee chuckled “they’d have to get through me first.” His smile was wide and dangerous.

Even Karkat had to pause and swallow a moment to get himself under control “Let’s go get some food.” It was late evening the sun setting in a spectacular red sunset. Almost like home other than the sun was just too far away.   

On the way they spotted a restaurant. Well Gamzee spotted it “Lookie! The walls are like all decorated in fucking dead animals!” He nabbed Hope before she could say anything and drug her inside, Karkat following.

Hope though was staring up at all the glassy eyed taxidermy with growing nervousness “er.. guys…” she started but the waiter had come up to seat them.

“Three?” he asked getting menus and started towards a table right beside a huge bear and under the head of a deer staring down with condemnation in its glassy gaze.

“No, not there!” Hope squeaked and both the trolls blinked at her. “Er…”

The waiter paused and then blinked at the stuffed animals “Aw, scared of taxidermy?” he asked her.

“I can’t help it! It’s creepy!” she agreed holding her hands behind her back to keep from shaking.

Gamzee started chuckling and pulled her over into the loop of his arms “I’ll keep the motherfuckers away.” He told her.

She gave him a push “Shut it!” she glared. He was still laughing at her.

Karkat sighed and looked about “What about over there?” the table was a bit on the bigger side, but there was no stuffed things on the wall, which admittedly he was finding a little creepy too. The only thing was some sort of chandelier made of some antlered creature’s horns all interlaced with each other and then wired with lights.

“That’s better.” Hope agreed and managed to get away from Gamzee by dropping strait down and crawling between his long legs before she trotted to the table and sat down. The waiter watched the antics between Gamzee and Hope with growing amusement. At least he wasn’t one of the humans who’d stared at the trolls and especially trolls hanging out with a human with disgust.

Karkat gave Gamzee a smack for being an idiot and sat down as well the remaining troll just grinning as he stalked over. The mix of her fear and her ability to escape his hold (well he wasn’t holding that tightly to start with) just made him hungry. Not really for food, but that would work as a good replacement.

Menus brought proved that the place had a ‘north of the boarder’ esthetic.

“What the fuck is ‘discofries’?” Karkat demanded.

“OMG! They got discofries? We gotta get those.” Hope said with excitement.

“What the fuck are they?” Karkat demanded again.

“They are French fries.” She stated.

“Then were does the fucking disco come in?”

“Because they are covered in gravy and cheese.” She grinned at him.

Karkat made a face “That does not even SOUND fucking appetizing. It sounds like something Gamzee might put together after a bender.”

“Its way better than it sounds. Trust me. Plus if you don’t like them I’m sure Gamzee will inhale them” she said.

“True” Karkat agreed.

Keeping herself focused on the menu she was able to ignore the stuffed animals outside the little sheltered area they got, and she was able to pick out something for herself. She decided to go with a southern pulled pork bbq burger that was sure to be messy but good. Karkat just went for a bacon cheese burger and Gamzee after some thought added fried pickles, meat stuffed mushrooms, a bowl of clam chowder and the triple threat burger that from the description along had Hope feeling like her arteries where hardening.  Three types of meat piled between two huge buns and then covered in a ton of toppings and sauces.

Karkat’s expression mirrored her thoughts as Gamzee ordered. But once the waiter was gone the three where left to talk.

“Sorry about spazzing.” Hope said “earlier. It was, just a bit of a shock getting that thing in the mail. I had thought I was done with that whole mess. I mean, they won the battle over Susan’s remains.” She stared down at the napkin she had, slowly tearing it into strips.

Gamzee was quiet but he was watching her with a heavy gaze. Karkat was the one that reached over and shook her shoulder. “Hey, don’t sweat it, you’ve been here for our break downs, it’s time we return the fucking favor.” She gave him a half smile.

They moved onto less traumatic conversation. Though Gamzee still had a strange quietness to him, usually just honking a reply to comments or direct questions. When their food came he dug in with gusto. Karkat tried the fries, commented that they were not as revolting at they sounded but declined to have more. Hope had to battle it out with Gamzee for them. As he was going through the food with single minded determination. The last few months he’d started filling out with Karkat and Hope making sure he had real food and not just junk snacks and soda.

Though it was turning him from gangly limbs to a mountain. He had abused his body too much over his short life so that he was likely going to stay a little stunted, but Hope had to agree the resemblance between him and the Grand Highblood who owned the nightclub was uncanny. Gamzee still favored his loose fitting clothing and ridiculous purple shoes giving him a look like a clown what with the way he wore his makeup (and seemed determined to get it on Hope as well. With Halloween coming up and her having explained the concept to the pair, she was finding so many pictures of Haley Quin all over the place. She had a ‘feeling’ he was passing her a hint.)  but his personal look was a little less threatening than the club owner. 

Hope was pretty sure though that Gamzee didn’t want to be threatening. He seemed to want to separate himself as much as he could from whatever that fellow was. Subjuggulator, well she got the idea that they where sort of hired killers, or at least under someone’s command. And it was a variation of the word ‘juggelo’ that she had heard Karkat and even Gamzee himself refer to the tall troll as.

“You know,” she said as she wiped her mouth from sauce sitting back a moment to contemplate the rest of her plate. Karkat looked up at her chewing on his own bite and Gamzee just seemed to pay more attention to his food so it was difficult to tell it he was paying her attention, “I’ve been wondering about a few terms you guys use. Some, I’m pretty sure I’ve got figured.. Moirail is a kind of best friend/family member all in one.”

“Yeah, sorta like that.” Karkat agreed, “It’s a bit deeper than that, but you get the general idea.”

She shrugged “It’s the best I can come up with for descriptors between our language and yours without getting too wordy.” She pointed out.

Karkat chuckled and then threatened Gamzee with his fork when the troll eyed his French fries. Gamzee grinned and seemed to take that as a challenge.

So while the boys battled over food she leaned on her elbow and pushed the remainder of her plate towards Gamzee which distracted him enough Karkat was able to get the rest of his own burger down in a couple bites. “I get the complicated romance boxes. It make sense once you stop comparing it to human ways of doing stuff.” She said and Karkat raised a brow munching a fry.

“But there are other terms you guys toss around sometimes I don’t get. Like, what’s a subjuggulator. I know it’s related to a term used for Gamzee, a Juggelo. But that doesn’t tell me much.”

Gamzee tapped her nose with a fry covered in ketchup “honk” he said to her and she stuck out her tongue at him.

Karkat took that as tentative permission to discuss this topic with her. “Well, it is and it isn’t.” he said “Subjuggulator is a title given to few trolls, but all of them are of the same stamp as Gamzee, sort of a bloodline if you will. The first subjuggulator was born thousands of years ago, and now and then his descendants pop up and they tend to get the title. Its, not a nice position.”

“It motherfucking sucks. I don’t want it. But with the Grand Highblood still alive I don’t have to have it.” Gamzee suddenly rumbled and then stuffed his mouth with food. 

Karkat waved a fry “There are several positions like that, a mix of hereditary and certain qualities lends a troll towards following in those footsteps of one of their ancestors and they will inherit that title if that troll had one.”

“OK I think I get that, but what’s a Juggelo?”

“Clown.” Karkat said “but not in the way I’ve seen humans use it. These guys don’t entertain.”

“It’s for the land dwelling purple bloods.” Gamzee said, “Us indigos tend to be a type, plus we get raised with the Mirthful Messiahs.”

Hope leaned forward fascinated.

Karkat coughed “Let’s just sum up the Messiahs, they basically are considered to be a pair of trolls who will bring about the end of our existence.”

“No, not the motherfucking existence, just the way things are done now motherfucker” Gamzee corrected.

Karkat waved him off “Anyway, the main thing with them is that anything that’s not immediately explained, or happens with good or bad luck is a ‘miracle’.” He said “That pretty much sums them up.”

Gamzee snorted “So says the troll who cannot accept his ancestry.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair his arms crossed “I am NOT the Sufferer returned. You know I don’t believe in that shit.”

“Sufferer, that guy who nearly took over the world?” Hope asked, “The peaceful troll?”

“He started a revolution.” Karkat nodded “it didn’t change much other than to get more harsh on breeding programs. But admittedly his life was fascinating piece of history.” Karkat said scratching his nose.

“And why won’t you want to be compared to him?” she asked, hell he seemed like a swell type. If it was that Karkat didn’t think peace was worth it, or kindness, she didn’t get him too well. Since he was the gentlest and kindest person she knew. Even if his mouth was incredibly creative and insultive. He could be scary sometimes, but that seemed to be trolls in general really. He wasn’t nearly as intimidating and frightening as Gamzee could be when he wasn’t trying.

Gamzee leaned on his elbow and grinned at Hope which was an intimidating motion at the moment, “Because for trolls who try to follow their ancestors , to live like them and even die like them is their greatest goals.”

Hope had to gulp a bit. The Sufferer was called that because he was hung off a rock and other trolls took shots at him with arrows while his loved ones watched on until he died.

Not exactly a comforting thought.

“Ok, yeah I think I could see his point…” she admitted.

Karkat snorted “I ain’t him. I’m not someone to change the world. Hell we don’t even have a world to CHANGE anymore.”  he said taking a couple fries dipping them in sauce and popping them into their mouth.

“It’s just part of the mother fucking miracle Karbro” Gamzee said finishing his own meal and taking a long drink of his soda. “It all will come to its head soon. As the Messiahs’ will.”

Karkat rolled his eyes “I think the world already ended Gamzee, it’s kinda hard to keep following those guys, or even believe in much of anything when our world is nothing but fucking star dust.”

Hope thought and blinked as Gamzee seemed to wilt and Karkat’s mood was growing sourer then she tapped the table drawing their attention “Belief is something in here.” She said tapping her chest “it’s not something that you have to have proof for. It’s just what gives us hope that there is something beyond ourselves.” She smiled at Karkat “No matter where you go, you can carry belief with you. And this is your home now too. So who’s to say if the messiahs are real or not?”

Karkat snorted “Did you hear what those loons believe? The world will end.”

She gave her own snort “Should read a book called the Bible, it’s got a similar story of the world ending too. Though I heard some of the various theologists are having a heyday trying to fit you guys into their ideology. Everyone’s going to have to make adjustments. In a few years there won’t be much difference.” Barring the conservative nut jobs didn’t get their way and force trolls to be second rate citizens. A few years back it was gay marriage, and that was finally settled after years of silliness on all sides. The world did not end and the country carried on.

Now it was trolls and she hoped in a few years it would settle as well. Some countries where having an easier time than others. Although she heard there was a riot in London. Mainly because the already crowded city was now bursting at the seams with trolls as well as humans.

In the US, of the areas that handled the trolls the best, New York City was getting to be nearly half and half on its population base and the city that never sleeps was handling the changes thrown at them with the usual New Yorker charm and style. As in they just rolled with it and there was now a night market on wall st. and not just a day one. Which was starting to have a worldwide impact on the stock market, but actually for the better as trolls who turned their minds onto that sort of number crunching where brilliant at it.

Karkat was thoughtful and seemed to be having similar thoughts as Hope had. She leaned on her elbow as the waiter came and refilled glasses and then asked if they wanted desert or the check.

Gamzee lit up at desert, but Hope and Karkat said “Check please.” In the same breath. Gamzee pouted but gave a shrug. He was already full to bursting and he had some ding dongs back home. Hope showed him that they froze great and he fallen in love with the chocolate cream filled cupcakes.

“How many checks?”

  
“2”

  
“1”

“honk”

The waiter chuckled, “I’ll just bring out the check and let you all hash it out then shall I?” and he left.

“I can pay my own, you guys don’t have to pay for me.”

Karkat raised a brow at her “I already know his finances, while they aren’t bad he’s still basically broke and you aren’t much better!”

“And how would you know?”

“He’s seen you balancing your books when you guys go shopping together.” Karkat responded.

Hope gave Gamzee a look that clearly said ‘traitor’. The clown just grinned at her.

She crossed her arms “I’ll cover the tip then!” she stated.

“Sure.” Karkat responded and when the check came he took it and pulled out enough cash to cover it. He had one of those ATM things, but it didn’t feel as comfortable as paying cash. There was only a few things he had to pay with card or check and he preferred to keep it that way. Most trolls felt a kind of apathy towards credit cards and ATM cards. The ATM at least used money you had; the credit card wasn’t even that.

That was just not how a troll preferred to work. Working numbers was easier when you knew exactly what you where worth. Hope got a look at the check, which wasn’t as bad as she feared with as much as Gamzee tacked onto it, and figured up the tip for the fellow putting cash out on the table. Once money was put down they got up and Hope had forgotten about the taxidermy until they got into the main room. Her eyes went wide and before she realized Gamzee had picked her up and slung her piggy back style. And with a wild laugh he dashed past several waiters and other tables leaving the doorway flapping in his passing.

Karkat just shook his head at the retreating laughter and squeals of the pair as he followed after at a much more dignified pace.

**000**

“I got the court situation changed. There is still going to be a hearing, but you will be here at my office and on video conference. The Judge doesn’t expect this to go further than that. On the judge’s suggestion, and I think it’s a good one, we’re going to send you to a psychiatrist to be evaluated.” Terezi was a little easier to handle over the phone than in person. Hope wondered if it was a difference in males and female trolls. Where the females all so crazy? Although a lot of people thought that of human females as well. So maybe it was true what they said that the female was the more deadly of any species.

“Why?” she asked nervously, “I mean, is it to see if I’m telling the truth?”

She heard the cackling of the lawyer “No, we’re establishing you as a victim and sane one here. As well as having a third party to evaluate your story. I’m also getting a hold of doctors who treated your friend. Especially her primary physician.”

“oh” she said her voice small as she leaned against the wall cradling the phone.

“Now don’t worry, thanks to the changes the date for the hearing will be pushed back a bit, so you have time to get ready for it. A couple months. We’ll have this all wrapped up before that winter holiday you humans like to shop for.”

“Christmas?”

“Yeah that one. Or that hacky one that no one can agree how it’s spelled.”

Hope couldn’t help her chuckle at that “Well there are several winter celebrations. It’s pretty common.” She said and the lawyer hummed agreement.

“Yeah, pretty sure we had a holiday too, but I can’t remember it off the top of my head. I never was one to keep up with dates.” She admitted “Now I have another client coming in, I’ll call with the doctor appointment once I have the confirmation.” She told her.

“Thank you again.”

“Hey not a problem, it’s a favor for Karkles and I‘ve been getting fed out of the deal. No complaints here.” She laughed and hung up.

At least Hope was getting use to the woman’s abruptness. But she paused staring at the phone a long moment “Karkles?” and she giggled picturing his face when she used that one on him.

Her giggle at least bought her some calmness. This whole thing with Susan’s parents was dragging her through the grief she hadn’t really fully dealt with. Just kept putting on the back burner. And since moving here and getting involved with the trolls, she had to put it even more on the back burner. Especially with Gamzee as a neighbor. The other troll was volatile and her initial instincts for self preservation had been right on the mark. He seemed so goofy and relaxed, but was a rather dangerous beast all together. Because of breeding and his blood.  

She hung up the phone and about then heard the knocking on the wall. Seemed the surprise Gamzee and Karkat said they had was ready.

With a sigh she knocked back a light pattern to let them know she was on the way, before Gamzee started knocking stuff off her walls with his banging.

Grabbing up her keys she locked her door and stuffed them into her pocket. She gave a quick knock on the door to let them know she was opening it and when she did she blinked as something popped in her face and streamers of confetti fell over her face.

Gamzee was standing there grinning like a loon as he held the little popper, behind him Karkat was looking amused but much more somber holding a sheet cake.

Happy birthday. With another set of words she figured must mean something similar written in troll under it.

She stared her eyes wide and then started laughing, tears streaming down her face. “How...” she got out looking up as Gamzee took her hands and pulled her into the home and shut the door behind her with a foot.

“Internet search, pretty easy to find out when you actually have the person’s fucking name.” Karkat said with a smug smile.

“We got a mother fucking cake!” Gamzee said flopping into the sofa as Karkat set the cake on the coffee table. Another new addition and like the rest of Gamzee’s furniture, there was no real telling what made him get this thing. Other than it seemed to be the right height to put his feet on when he stretched out on his couch.

Hope sat next to him and Karkat sat on the arm of the couch as he handed over glasses of something bubbly and when she sniffed it proved to be decent champagne. Gamzee off course knocked his back like he was tossing shot glasses and used a long arm to get something from behind the couch, it proved to be a small package “here you go!” he said with a smile.

It was a sloppy wrap job and done with the cover of a playboy magazine of all things. She smirked and unwrapped it, finding inside a copy of an old Disney collection of animated shorts “OMG!” she laughed and gave him a hug. She was a huge fan of the old animations and finding the old vault Disney’s, especially the animated shorts, was nearly impossible. “Chip and Dale too!” she said and admired the disk “Where you find it?” it was like new, she opened the case and admired the shiny old DVD.

“Online somewhere” he shrugged but looked pleased with himself.

Karkat handed her a much nicer wrapped package, a little smaller than Gamzee’s. She opened it up and it was a small narrow box. Lifting the top she gasped her eyes widening. “Wow,” she said pulling out the pendant. She turned it in her hand and found it was a watch. Polished metal, no gemstones or anything overly distracting from the way the metal itself was curved and shaped to give it a feeling of a silvery leaf. She admired it and then checked Gamzee’s laptop (half climbing over him to do so, much to his amusement) and set the time on the time piece before she let the delicate chain fall over her head. If fit perfectly. She grinned widely at the pair and on impulse she reached over to wipe away some make up from Gamzee’s face and gave him a kiss. Then gave Karkat a kiss on the cheek as well. Gamzee smiled widely and Karkat blushed but looked pleased she was so happy.

She couldn’t remember there ever being so perfect a birthday. Being born on a day that for the longest time was one of somber remembrance, and with parents who while kind did not need to recall that day itself, she never really celebrated her birthday until she was much older. The first time being with Susan who drug her to a bar on her twenty first birthday. The pair of them had gotten completely plastered and there were a lot of blank spots in her memories of that night. But it had been loads of fun. Even if the next morning involved spending half her time bent over a toilet bowl. Susan had laughed, until she turned green and her head went over the bathtub. Which made Hope laugh at her.

They had really made a stupid pair.

Both males where incredibly pleased with themselves. Hope had been very melancholy the last week or so. Karkat had gotten to do a bit of looking because Terezi told him to, when he stumbled a crossed her birthday. So he told Gamzee who said that a wiggling day should not go unnoticed. They looked up some human traditions for such things and found out that small gifts where common. A couple web searches later they both had something they felt appropriate. So now here they were, Gamzee poured more booze and Karkat fetched the lasagna out of the oven. It was store bought and warmed, but filling and they had more cake than the three of them could eat (well, two plus Gamzee, they managed to put a sizable dent into it) and enough booze to get them all pleasantly buzzed but not drunk. Their relationship with each other was too delicate to risk it to a night of too much indiscretion.

But Karkat did find himself smiling more as Hope put in the new dvd Gamzee found and they watched the antics of a pair of chipmunks driving everyone around them to distraction, especially a short tempered duck. Partway through the second episode Gamzee was roaring, Hope was doubled over and even Karkat was wiping tears from his eyes as he laughed at the stupidity.

It was a good night.

 

**000**

Author’s notes:

Thank you all for the beautiful reviews and faves! I’m enjoying writing this bit of what is turning into complete fluff at the moment.

No new additions to the playlist.

No other thoughts at the moment other than I want to watch chip n dale now. LOL


	8. Big Bad Wolf

Relearning to Breath chapter 8

Disclaimer placeholder

Big Bad Wolf

**000**

Hope had none of her namesake’s virtue at the moment as she stared at the red and black outfit Gamzee was holding in front of her nose. “Where did you get that and how did you…” she was going to ask how he got her size, but decided not to bother. Because either he would be bluntly honest and thus embarrassing, or use one of his ‘miracles’ to answer her question, there were times she wondered just how ‘idiotic’ he really was. She knew he was not stupid, but Karkat claimed him to be an idiot and she was really beginning to think he was not at all. Laid back yes, idiotic? Not a chance.

Gamzee just wore a wide smile his makeup having taken a slight change she couldn’t put her finger on, something about it seemed, a little more intimidating somehow.

“I am NOT going to be wearing that!” she told him, “I’m not a little kid going trick or treating!”

His smile was still wide as he said “What’s trick or fucking treating? There is going to be a party down at Trillians and I thought we could go as a set. I even have a motherfucking outfit for Karbro.”

She had to pause and raise a brow in curiosity “Which one?”

He pulled it out from somewhere behind himself and she groaned.

Of course.

**000**

“Hey KK!” Karkat groaned rolling his eyes as he was half pounced from behind by the annoying human John. The dark haired youth leaned against Karkat’s chair and was half over the troll’s shoulder holding a flyer in his face “There’s going to be a wicket Halloween party at Trillians, want to go with? I’m seeing about getting a group together for the costume contest.”

“Why would I want to go to such a fucking pathetic gathering of idiots in cosplay?” Karkat demanded.

“Gee Karkat, it’s not like this is a con or anything, it’s just a bunch of people getting together for a bit of fun. You know, that thing you do that makes you feel like smiling?”

Karkat gave the human an incredibly dark stare and John finally backed off a bit. “Hey, it’s cool. I’ll talk to you later about it.” He said and went off catching one of the other employees about his little group cosplay idea. Karkat was getting tired of doing his best to avoid the group. He snorted. Fun. He had fun. He hung out with Gamzee and Hope, that was enough fun for him.  Gamzee was getting better, which made him happy. He was getting better, and with the help of Gamzee and Hope they were helping each other survive this mess. He didn’t need other friends. Didn’t want added complications in his life at the moment.

He arched back in his chair and stretched, checked the call list and found he’d done all his call backs for the afternoon. So he got up to get himself some coffee and close his eyes for a few minutes before picking up a new list.

As he walked past the offices he paused, the lead tech was waving at him. With a pause he stepped into the office “Yeah?” he asked mentally reminding himself as he did when he was on the phone, especially with a particularly stupid person, that he needed to stay ‘polite’. This had led to amusement for Gamzee when Karkat would kick his door open and just stand there screaming off every expletive he could think up and more that he would make up on the spot. He’d found out recently Hope was keeping a list adding new words as he came up with them or learned them and keeping little check marks next to words he used a lot.

Needless to say he knew his half dozen favorites as verified by her list.

“Karkat Vantas. Yes, I’ve been meaning to talk with you. Have a seat.” The middle management monkey in a suit indicated the chair by his desk. Karkat walked over to it but instead of sitting he kept standing. He hated putting himself below this asshole in anyway shape or form. Maybe it was just his contrary nature, but went out of his way to keep himself at least level with the other man. The fact that the nookstain was taller than Gamzee did not help matters. At least the man was too lazy to get out of his chair but on rare occasions.

“Sir” he managed to bite out hoping his tone stayed at least neutral.

“Yes,” the man was looking at a file “You’ve done some good work since you got here.” He said as if bestowing some great honor on him and looked at him expectantly as if expecting Karkat to say something.

Karkat bit the inside of his cheek to keep from saying what he wanted to, to this overblown self important… He stopped his thoughts right there before he ended up glaring at the human.

Karkat’s opinion hadn’t always been so low. It use to be no lower than he held most humans in regard. But the man proved to be ineffectual, was only there as a figurehead and even as a figurehead he was horrible at it. Self important and with no real clue how the job was done. He was called a ‘lead tech’ but he didn’t actually do any of the work that those on the floor did. He just called them in periodically to give them ‘pep talks’ or some such nonsense. Then send them on their ways. Karkat wanted to be sent on his way so he could get his caffeine fix and shut his tired eyes for 10 minutes. He was getting use to the longer hours of being awake, but his body complained. He wanted to still be in bed, or maybe now just getting up and having some breakfast. Not halfway through his shift and then still going to be up for another 10 hours before the early hours of the morning crawling into his nest and blacking out for a few short hours before he had to get up, clean up, and come back here.

Even his days off he had to keep closer to the schedule or risk not being awake at all on the job.

That happened early on, and it was not pretty. He had to have several talking to about conduct with clients.

He had so much more patients with the few clients he would get who were up front that they had no clue about the electronics they stared at. That they had just gotten stuffed onto the job or some such. It was the people who SHOULD know what they were doing that annoyed him the most. The ones that pretended to know more than they did who made him want to pull out his horns and stuff them in his ears.

That had so not been a good day. Which when he thought about it, was the first time John started to hang around him. The stupid human had thought it would be funny to shake up the troll’s soda and hand it to him. Karkat had gone off on him. But he had managed to keep himself contained the rest of the day.

Well that only proved that the human was incredibly messed up in the head.  He must like punishment.

After Karkat’s silence and obvious miss of the opportunity to thank his boss for the compliment the tech coughed and straitened his tie, which Karkat barely managed to suppress a smirk over.

“Yes well, What I wanted to talk to you about has to do with your job.”

Karkat raised a brow and waited. This was either going to be good, or he would have an excuse to throw the chair he was standing behind threw something.

“I am getting a promotion and will be leaving this branch for the main branch next month.” He seemed to wait expectantly for Karkat to say something.

Karkat was finding himself amused by how he was making the man nervous and agitated with his continued silence. Mentally he laughed and screamed ‘take that you imbecilic desk monkey!’

The man coughed again and then stood up which made Karkat frowned slightly as the man turned his back and looked outside. Luckily his office did not face the direction of the sun as he parted curtains letting in light that stung the troll’s sensitive eyes.

“Yes well, anyway to get to the point, the main office has taken under consideration my replacement and after much thought they decided that someone with the motivation to help lead this company in the direction of mutual human/troll relations.” He paused dramatically.

Karkat was feeling a strange sinking in his chest, oh no no no no no no…. Karkat liked leading when he got a chance, but if this guy was saying what he thought he was saying. Did he even READ those files on troll hierarchy? Karkat knew he’d gotten them. The troll had been the one to deliver the stupid things! He kept his blood color secret and there were other trolls who worked at this place. If he got made their head... their leader... they would want to know what color was leading them.

He could continue to keep it quiet but it would get found out eventually, and if they knew it was red, that he was a mutant.

This was not what he needed right now!

After Karkat went into stupefied silence, his eyes huge, the human seemed to take that as a sign that he managed to finally get the troll to react.

He got him to react alright “Anyway the board has decided that out of all our employees here you are the best quali-… Mr Vantas?” the tech leader turn and then leaned over his desk to see Karkat’s eyes had rolled up into his head and he passed out.

**000**

Karkat was currently beating his head against a wall.

“Hey, Karkat?” the voice was  one of the last ones he’d wanted to hear right now. John came around the corner and blinked at the troll who was standing facing the wall, hands balled into fists tight enough to turn his grey knuckles pale and was currently repeatedly beating his head against the wall in angry protest and frustration.

“…..” John didn’t seem to know what to do then suddenly pulled out a notebook and scribbled something. With a bit of tap on the piece of paper he slipped it between the wall and Karkat’s head.

Which made the troll pause and blink. It was a rather well.. horrible picture of the tech leader . There was a sort of button that had spikes on it pointed right at the human’s middle, and was right where he’d been beating his head at.

Karkat just stared at the image blankly for a long moment before he just crumpled covering his head with his arms and head tucked between his knees. He gave a pathetic angry growl and pulled at his hair. Ok, the image was funny and the idea of using his head to beat a torture device into that stupid brown nosed, nook pitying, overstuffed.. ARRG!

The last came out from the tiny angry troll’s vocal cords, ripped from his chest like his vascular pump. John knelt down next to the troll and didn’t offer to touch him, but just stared at him with concerned wide blue eyes. WHY did this human have to be so concerned? Couldn’t he just leave him alone?

And the thing with the wall, that actually had to be honestly funny.

Karkat was just so, pissed off!

“Common buddy-“ John started and this ended up setting off the little troll’s fuse. He turned and grabbed John by his stupid geeky t-shirt collar and pulled him close enough to growl at and make it very clear that Karkat was angry. Incredibly, terribly, angry.

“I never have been and never will be your ‘buddy’” he hissed at him. His voice dropped to quiet levels in his anger. “I will never accept you in any of my quadrants.”

“er…” John seemed to after a moment think it was best not to say anything at all.

The stupid human did have an iota of brains it seemed. Too bad, Karkat would like to have ripped out his spleen. He was also glad that there were no other trolls about to witness this. They might think he was courting the human for a black romance.

Far from it. Right now he just wanted the human to go away. To stop trying. There were people he had already disappointed in his life and there were two very important people in his life whom he knew he was going to greatly disappoint.

Because he was not going to be able to be there for them. He was going to die, he knew it. That stupid human put him into a position where the truth of matters was going to come forth and once they did, he was a dead cull.

John for his part had heard about the promotion. Frankly everyone hand, because once the boss had finished talking to Karkat he had announced it to everyone else.

But when John went to congratulate the troll, who he just knew was going to be way better at this job that the other reject from ‘The Office’, he found Karkat in quite a state. This, was not right. Shouldn’t he be happy for the promotion? He’d be able to get himself on the closer to the nightshift he been wanting for ages!

Something was definitely missing here and John knew who to talk to about it, but that would have to wait until after Karkat let go of his front. The troll was shaking horribly, and the human just knew instinctively not to touch him right now.

But from the tears forming on his shirt he was going to need a new one, too bad too, this one had been one of his favorites. A vintage game shirt from the early 2000’s.

Karkat seemed to get himself under control and released the human, his face a stony grey that looked much too pale to John’s eye. But he stepped out of the way and decided not to go playing anymore pranks for the time being until he figured out a better way to handle this.

First would be to warn the rest of the unit Karkat belonged with. Most people liked getting a rise out of the little troll, just to see what came out of his mouth. Such a mix of profanity and elegant diction had the troll considered a bit of a hero to several of them.  There were only three trolls on the day/evening shift. The rest where night shifts. Even then there were not that many on the payroll, just not yet a large enough group.

And this was a rather small tech station. John remembered when the trolls first came a couple years back. He had found it to be the universe’s richest joke. A huge ‘fuck you’ to those that seemed to think that humans had to be the only intelligent species in the universe. Because another species was dropped right on their doorstep. Intelligent and from the way things seemed might even be an older culture. It was difficult to say since the trolls did not seem to keep dates past a generation or two, and the way they figured time. John was keeping a small growing file of information. Much of what he knew came from a troll he’d met at Trillians.

Vriska Serket was, intense. He wasn’t sure half the time if she liked him or hated him.  But in the end he had decided it didn’t matter. She was willing to fill in his curiosity about her people and it helped him in dealing with the trolls at work. Kanaya Maryam was a well dressed troll and the only one that John met who seemed awake during the day, who also never seemed to wince when she was hit with the sun as the other trolls did. But she was quiet and while always polite she didn’t really make herself readily available to just approach for random conversation.

For now, he was going to get the word out to be careful around Karkat at the moment. And then tonight he was making a trip to Trillians and hope that Vriska was in.

**000**

Gamzee had already eaten and was watching TV while sitting in what had to be the most awkward position Hope had ever seen him. He was, well mostly upside down and then had himself twisted in one of those positions she was sure only a cat could get into until now. Of course he had to twist because of his horns, to be able to watch TV without his neck strained and still be able to have his back on the floor. She had another plate set aside to stay warm for Karkat and was wondering if he grabbed himself something on the way because he was running so late. If he wasn’t going to make it he would have called.

“Hey, chill.” Gamzee said without moving his eyes from the television. He had old Batman animated episodes playing.  He’d even grouped them by his favorites. With the Joker episodes of course being on the top of the list. “He’s likely just got caught in traffic or some shit. Overtime, not the first time he didn’t make it sis.”

“I know, he just.. normally calls.” She said, and when she had called, it didn’t go to voice mail, someone answered, then hung up.

Gamzee twisted in a way that made Hope’s back scream in protest for him. Then he gave her a very toothy smile. “Seems like someone needs a distraction.”

She did not like that smile. Slowly she stood from the place she’d been sitting at the table and began looking for a fast escape route. The backdoor was barred since the lock broke and the maintenance pretty much refused to come to Gamzee’s apartment barring a real emergency, not after the last time they showed up and he nearly put one man’s head through a wall. In that particular case Hope was with Karkat. The guy had been beyond stupid. He mistook Gamzee’s friendly cheerful stoner nature as being slow and stupid. Then the man had basicly ended up challenging the troll. He had definitely been a troll hater.

The fact that Gamzee hadn’t killed him, hell he hadn’t hardly hurt him just scared the shit out of the man (literately) was the only reason when the police were called things ended up going at least somewhat smoothly. Hope had done some fast talking on Gamzee’s behalf and the police let him off with a warning, because yeah, the other guy had been an utter moron.

Hope was pretty sure the police just didn’t want to deal with the paperwork when having to handle the trolls at the moment. But since no one was hurt, only one idiot scared, all was well.

Just that meant there was a small amount of damage stacking up that wasn’t getting taken care at Gamzee’s place. (and her own by default since she was now dubbed the ‘troll lover’) One was the lock on his backdoor.

Well she could kick the bar and get it open. But that would take time and she would have to be perfectly precise if she wanted escape. And there he was slowly turning and getting to his feet. Well there was the option of going into the kitchen, but that was walking into a dead end, no good. Where his couch was located that blocked easy access to the doorway, which left the bedroom or bathroom. The Bedroom was out of the question, which might give him wrong ideas. So that left the bathroom, where she could barricaded the doorway…

Other than the fact her thinking left him enough precious seconds that he was already going over the couch rather than around it.

Seeing no other option she dove under him and rolled to the door and..

Couldn’t get up fast enough. Gamzee grabbed the wall and practictly threw himself after her. And he was a lot of troll who could move surprisingly fast and with amazing nimble agility.

She did not have a chance.

“ACK! GAMZEE!” she shouted as he buried her in a tackle of limbs and then sharp fingers found ticklish points on her sides and especially her shoulder blades. She never even KNEW she was ticklish there until he found it one day and there was no way for her to be able to twist and escape. “hahahaha! STOP! GAMZEEEEEEEEEEE!” she whined trying to get away as she could, and keep her pants. She was wering her loose yoga pants when he grabbed her, which meant she had to keep hold of the garment that was only held up by elastic and a loosely tied string.

Then he had her completely pinned and was staring down at her with heavy eyed amusement. “Distracted?  Or should I continue?”

“You are a fucking asshole you know that don’t you?”

“Aww, I’m blushing like a motherfucker.” He chuckled.

She rolled her eyes. She’d hit him if he hadn’t had her hands pinned above her head. So she tugged on her wrists “Ha ha, let me up.” She told him. He was heavy. Especially since he started putting on more muscle mass.

“hmm no” he said grinning at her and then nuzzling the side of her face smearing makeup.

“Gamzeeeeee!!!!” she whined and he chuckled which was a rumbling sound that vibrated her form. OK this was getting decidedly uncomfortable.

“No can do sis” he said.

“Yes” tug tug.

“Nope” toothy smile.

“GAMZEE!” frustrated growl.

He just gave her a lazy blink grinning wide enough to split his face. Which if she wasn’t use to it would be very scary right now. Especially with his makeup smeared and his teeth looking so white and shiny.

OK where was Karkat right now? She really could use some of his perfect timing right now.

So she tried pouting at Gamzee which only made him laugh at her until she started glaring at him again.

“What do you want?” she finally asked half giving up.

“For you to wear the costume I picked out for you.” He said.

“You play dirty, you know that?”

He was grinning like the fuckass he was “Ye-up”

“FINE! I’ll wear the costume!”

He laughed and giving her a particularly loud and wet kiss on the cheek let her up finally.

She rubbed her wrists and glared at him “This is not fair! You’re bigger than me!”

“You could have given me a kick in the bulge, I didn’t pin your legs.” He pointed out.

Her eyes widened, he had expected her to fight like that? “…” she tried a couple times to get her jaw and voice to work before she got out “Why on earth would I do that?!”

His grin was unusually vicious. “Because, I would mother fucking eat you.” He said and went to the table stealing Karkat’s plate to eat.

Hope sat a little longer on the floor before she decided she was going to go spend the evening on her own side.

**000**

Karkat stared at the phone and with a sigh he made a call. He got Gamzee’s answering machine with its rambling rather disjointed message before it finally cut off with the beep. “Fuckass, just telling you I won’t make it. Don’t do anything stupid” he said crankily and hung up. He’d seen some old human movies with phones that had a receiver one hooked the hand device on. He really wished he had one of those phones. The ability to slam the thing would if help, at least let him vent his sour mood. Instead it just turned off and tossed the cell phone to his couch. It was almost odd being home awake enough to recognize his surroundings. He’d spent more time with Hope and Gamzee that their apartments felt more like home than his little condo. He didn’t have the stoner eclectic of Gamzee or the mismatched simplicity of Hope. His furniture was all clean lined, black or grey and little touches of color here and there. Very bare really. Minimalistic.  Irritated from work he flipped the TV onto the news to run while he warmed a pizza pocket. Weather report, stock exchange. Normal things. Stuffing his mouth with the hot pocket from the microwave he started shedding clothing on his way to the shower. He’d pick it up later but for now he just didn’t give a fuck. The television was reporting about increased human/troll violence and he snorted. No duh dipshit. He had initially been on his way to Gamzee’s when some asshole cut him off in traffic. Then had attempted to get the troll to hit him.

Troll reaction times were just a little faster than human, he was able to avoid the collision, but when he came to a stop at the light, he had to slam his foot down on the gas. Someone had taken a shot at him!

He was not looking forward to having to explain the hole in his windshield to the insurance. He pays them to fix shit when it goes wrong, mostly because to get the car and driver’s license he had no choice in the matter -more human law stupidity-, but when he actually needed them to fix something they made a stink about it.

He crawled into his shower. Hot water pouring down his back and he got rid of the contacts, putting them in their solution capsules. Then shaggy dark hair turning wet and stringy he leaned his forehead against the prefab walls of his shower unit.

He just stood there and let the world wash away with his anger.

**000**

 

Author’s notes: OK there was still fluff in this one, but a little less. Which is good, if I ended up writing something too fluffy this chapter I was going to go puke rainbows.

 

Thanks to the awesomesauce people commenting! You guys rock!

Til next time.


	9. You spin me right round baby…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little extra for the weekend

Relearning to Breath chapter 9

Ladies and gentletrolls it’s a record! Nine chaps and another disclaimer!

You spin me right round baby…

**000**

Karkat gulped finding himself staring at the other trolls in the room. He could care less about the mixed looks from the humans. Well there was a small group to one side that confused him. They had party hats and big smiles. Hell, at least one troll from the day group joined them, well Kanaya was not wearing a party hat, but she was standing by them.

That, was actually hopeful. He knew the rainbow drinker had a lot of respect among the trolls. Mainly because few wanted to tick off a troll ‘vampire’ without a good portion of backup behind them. It was one of the few accepted mutations among the trolls. One was born now and then, who was pale compared to their blood and when they grew older began to drink the blood of other trolls. Oh, seldom detrimentally. Rainbow drinkers were not the ‘vampire’ stories he’d come a crossed of human beliefs. They had the ability to stand the sun of their world. Oh, still not a good idea to go standing about staring up at it.

Being able to move about during the daylight gave them an advantage. So they where a mutation that was tolerated.

He was surprised to see as well near, though not part of the group, a copper blooded. A good portion of the lower blooded population were killed on the ships when resources became low and quarters were too tight. So very few of them made it at all. This fellow with his large horns and very bronze skin (still touches of grey about the edges of his features) stood with his arms crossed and didn’t seem to care for being here. Since Karkat didn’t recognize the troll he was either new, or one of the late night shifts who left in the morning well before Karkat started his shifts.  Seeing the copper made him miss old friends. This fellow’s hair was dyed with red streaks. And he wore a long loose duster. 

Karkat cleared his throat and before he glanced away from the stupid party hat people he caught that ass John giving him a thumb up.

Which… PISSED HIM THE HELL OFF!

“ALRIGHT FUCKASSES!” he shouted fists balled and standing the best he could to at least appear taller, even as he was pretty much the shortest guy in the office. Oh, there was a couple of the human females shorter than him, but everyone else was of a height or taller than him.

Loads of blinks and the dumbass he was replacing looked utterly shocked by Karkat’s language.

The troll grinned toothily, let him. He was cut from a very different cloth than that ridiculous looser. “I’m Karkat Vantas. They aint’ giving me shit choice on this promotion so you are all stuck with me. I don’t tolerate stupidity. So if any of you moronic imbeciles expect to bring me all your problems and for me to be ‘understanding’, forget it! If it isn’t in the fucking contract you signed to get this piss ass job or is not somehow connected to work in this company then I don’t give a swollen bulge about it! Now, we got another week to deal with this asshat” he indicated the former Lead tech who was looking positively red, his eyes bulging from his face. Which was more than a little funny, he allowed the titter from his ‘audience’ before he continued “before you are stuck with me on a semi permanent basis until powers that be decides I ain’t worth their effort to keep happy.” Hell, if they didn’t fire him over this speech he would be surprised! “Till then, I want things to stay fucking smooth and ran tight.” And he flashed a smile at the group; this was not a nice smile. If anything, he had to thank Gamzee for the lessons. This smile made even the trolls who didn’t like him take a step back and wonder just what they were dealing with. Good, maybe he could keep his blood a secret a bit longer.

He was so tempted to quit, but in the end decided he either get himself fired first. Well he’d quit if that was how he could stay alive anyway.

There was a pause of silence then it started with Kanaya who began a calm clapping, then the copper blood near her joined in, followed by the idiots in the hats from his section giving a cheer.

He blinked when he realized the whole office was clapping, smacking backs in comrade and he blinked stunned as John came up beside him and gave him a back pounding too “What the fuck is wrong with you people?”

John laughed “What? Can’t believe you are actually popular in the office?” his smile was wide and infectious.

“EH? ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR EVER PITYING MINDS?!”

**000**

Hope was currently standing in front of a mirror Gamzee was holding up and trying to keep the bottoms of the tights from crawling up her ass. Which was too amusing to Gamzee who’s long arms where folded over the top of the mirror while he watched.

“Will you stop that!” she snapped at him and he just laughed at her. So she glared back. She was wearing the outfit. “it’s not even Halloween night!” she said.

“What? The party is a couple weeks early so what?” he commented. He was already dressed as well. Head to toe purple with his hair surprisingly combed and slicked back with green colored goop to keep it chunked into a dreadlocked style.  “You said you didn’t want to motherfucking trick or treat anyway.”

She pulled on the hood and tucked her hair in under the ridiculous hat. Red and black, Harley Quin stared back. Only her eyes where silver and she didn’t have the makeup on yet.

But then, the Joker with the mirror was waiting for her to finish dressing to fix that problem for her. She could see the little pile of cosmetics. Whites, greys, and a couple new colors, the tubes still not opened yet.

Hat on and that part looking at least to Gamzee’s tastes she sat down as Gamzee set the mirror Hope had gotten aside and sat down before her. He picked up the cosmetics and began lining up the ones he was going to use for her face. Taking a small facial sponge in hand he set to work.

There was more to it than Hope would have done. She barely wore cosmetics of any sort. A little eye liner, maybe a bit of lipstick or gloss and she was done. And from the pictures she’d seen, she would have just painted her face white and added some black lipstick. Gamzee was far more thorough. He started with a powder that he made sure her skin was coated with. Then began adding the white paste over that. Once he was satisfied that he had her face was completely covered he started with her eyes. Adding dark eye pen until she felt she must resemble a raccoon. He did something with a blue pen as well and while she was confused he rumbled at her every time she so much as attempted to sneeze.  So she kept her face as perfectly still as she could manage.  A touch of mascara to her lashes and there was a bit more use of white, to fill in a few corners, and he moved onto the lipstick. Outlining her lips with a liner before he filled in with the black.

He added a little mark to her cheek and pronounced her done. She turned to blink at the mirror.

Blue eyed Harley Quin stared back.

“….WTF!”

He chuckled before his face went still and he began working once more on his own look, completing his Joker appearance.  Well, Joker if he had huge goat horns on the top of his head. But the golden gaze seemed fitting for the clown prince of crime.

She leaned past Gamzee and stared close into the mirror. No, her eyes were still grey; it had to be that blue pen he used! The color was a thin line closest to her eyes, and thus the grey color was picking up the blue. Like water reflecting the sky.  That was... Brilliant.

Even if the makeup was thick, and kind of itchy.

Bare toes wriggling he put the final touches on his own face far faster than her’s, but then he was use to painting his own face. This wasn’t the ‘classic’ joker that he was using, but one from an alternate show that aired. One of the various animations he found in her collection, though this one he pretty much stole from her. The Batman. One of the many reboots of the series that happened between the 90’s and early 2000s.

As he finished there was a knock on the door and Hope got up to answer. Karkat was standing there and blinked at her multiple times. “What the fuck?” he said. Karkat had come to Gamzee’s, found him not home so figured he had to be next door at Hope’s watching movies. He did not expect to have Hope answer the door looking like some sort of phsyco clown in an outfit that hugged her form a little too well and her eyes surrounded by a painted on mask.

Hope nabbed his arm and pulled him in before he could decide to run. If she was putting up with the torture of the night, so was he damn it!

“What the-?” and he stopped and found himself faced with a whole lot of black latex.

“No.. NO FUCKING NO!” he shouted.

Gamzee rose from his cross-legged seat and dressed in blue pants with a weird purple swirled painted jacket , with buckles and sleeves falling nearly down to the floor and gave Karkat a wide sharp red lined smile.

The little troll had not felt suddenly so terrified since the ship…

 

**000**

Batman AKA Karkat got out of his car and stood there glaring and hating the world. The club was looking to be a full house.

Oh god, he could see the Geek Squad ahead led by John. Great.

Just, fucking, great.

Hope had to crawl out over Gamzee who was getting a little too into character. It was not Gamzee Makara tonight, nope. It was Joker. She had to admit the incarnation of the Crown Clown from The Batman series really suited the troll, she’d seen firsthand how he moved. Sometimes a little closer than she wanted to. The style suited the character.

She still couldn’t believe though he wanted to bring REAL razor sharp playing cards to this thing too. That took a lot of convincing on both Hope’s and Karkat’s part. Which included death threats and not going at all.

So once they reached the door they got in. Hope wanted a drink. Karkat was already on his way there and if he wasn’t smashed before the end of the night he wasn’t trying hard enough. But before she could take more than a couple steps she found Gamzee’s hand on her wrist “Common Harley! Let’s dance!” he drug her out instead to the dance floor. She sighed. But at least she was able to look about the club and the other inmates.

There were more humans here tonight than normal. Although a lot of trolls were getting into the idea of costumes and shenanigans. There was a good size gaggle of trolls who seemed to take to the idea of doing costumes that seemed to be original; Hope figured they must be dressed as figures from their own culture.

The Dj was the decent one from her first night to this club (although she had come several times since, usually with Gamzee. Mostly when he decided to put in an appearance to ‘look sane’ for the Grand Highblood) he was looking like a cool kid version of the wolfman. The troll at the bar was dressed in an interesting outfit of black and yellow. Bicolored shades on his eyes.

Before they reached the floor Gamzee came to a stop and Hope ran into his back before she could stop herself. “What is it?” she asked.

  
Gamzee was looking towards the balcony “Well, that explains a few things” he said and her gaze followed. She recognized the horns of the Grand Highblood, but he was dressed in a hooded cloak and rather simple clothing leaning against the rail. She spotted the bartender/bouncer lady who wore an old 70’s catsuit and was actually rocking the look with her incredibly built figure.  The two of them where laughing over something as she was serving a few drinks to the ‘specials’ in the VIP.

“Why? What he dressed as?”

“The Sufferer.”

Her eyes bugged “Seriously?” her face broke into a smile “Damn, that’s kinda sweet.”

Gamzee paused and then grinned at Hope and with a tug and a backwards hop he got her onto the dance floor.

**000**

John parted with most his group. Getting himself a dink at the bar. Suddenly a plastic sword was held to his throat, and for something fake it... kinda had an edge on it. He paused blinking a few times and followed the blade up to the arm holding it, then to the face.

Vriska gave him a wide toothy grin. Dressed like a pirate. She considered using her ancestor, but the human pirates where so much more fun and sexy. Which seemed to suit the night. John had to admit, the troll looked good with her tight pants, the top that was well... barely... laced to hold in her assets and the large coat that was cinched at the waist with a wide belt that was laced in black.

“Looks like I might have myself a captive for the night!” her grin was positively viscous “Should I make you walk the plank or take you to quarters?” she asked him.

John laughed “Good one Vriska, but you forgot to say ‘arr’”

She pouted “Aw! And here I thought I had the threatening pirate thing down pat!” she dropped an eye patch over her multifaceted eye grinning widely at John. She tucked her sword in her sash and rested her hands on her hips.

He snickered “Oh, you got threatening alright” he said and then pointed to the bar “Look, I’m getting a drink. Like one?”

“You -buying me- a drink?” she said with amusement and flipped her hair out “I don’t think so. I’ll buy” and she drug John to the bar behind her.

“er.. ok?”

 

**000**

It was a couple dances when Hope had to bow out, the costume was hot and the makeup wasn’t helping matters either. If she wanted to last at all she needed to pull out of the crush before she melted. Gamzee was having a ball. Pulling all sorts of gravity defying moves that was getting him quite a crowd, and for the moment it seemed safe enough so she managed to escape and found Batman, who was currently stuck with a couple more batmen of different types all comparing how well they did.

She snickered, Karkat looked miserable. He got stuck with a group of nerds on a series he knew next to nothing about. Karkat wasn’t much for action films. He preferred romances. Which had to be the weirdest thing she’d ever seen. Gamzee would fall to sleep with his head back and drooling while she and Karkat would be wearing identical tearful expressions over what was essentially a chickflick.

Hope was either way on romantic anything. She wasn’t one to go watching by herself, but with someone else it could be fun. Susan had hated the romantic films with a small passion of a burning sun or two. So while she was with Susan she didn’t watch many of those sorts of chick flicks. And suddenly now she had someone to watch it with and it was rather fun again.

But then, getting Karkat to watch the action films usually involved duct tape so she could actually hear the soundtrack over his mouth. Gamzee loved them, but then she had to be careful because if it got too intense, he tended to follow suit, which usually ended with them having to stop the film and calm him down. She still had a few movies she never got to finish because she ended up just taking them down to the local pawnshop to get rid of rather than keeping them in the house were Gamzee might get his hands on them.  Although she still had a couple old Pixar and Disney films she just hid under the mattress rather than get rid of.

Really was weird what could set him off some days.

But for the moment Hope closed in on Karkat/Batman and stole his drink. Tipping it back she could see the other batmen watching her with wide eyes. “Hey there sugar!” she did her best Harley impersonation which got the group grinning at her as she grabbed Karkat and twisted to wrap one of his arms around her “Bat looks good on me.” She said “Let’s Dance!” and she drug him off to the other side of the room skipping along. Once she got into character it was actually pretty fun!  

Karkat was blushing like mad, but he was grateful for the rescue. He grumped and thought he could find a spot to play wallflower until he realized she was dragging him out to the dance floor.

“HEY! I don’t fucking dance!”

“Well how long will you avoid the other batmen if you don’t at least take one dance with me?” she asked him.

He raised a finger like he was going to contest that and since he couldn’t immediately think of something she gave him a push onto the floor.

“Hey it’s my best motherfucker.” He was caught in a strong set of arms and blinked up at Gamzee in his ridiculous outfit. His makeup melting from all the activity and heat on the dance floor, which only served to make him actually kind of scarier.

But at the same time, he recognized the look of challenge there. His eyes narrowed. He got to his own feet and took a pose that was familiar to the other, who suddenly broke into a huge ridiculous smile and laughed, taking a counter pose.

They waited a few beats and then broke into movement. Hope ended up backing up and backing other people up with her. At the moment Joker and Batman had the floor. Seeing the almost mock battle of the dance the two preformed going on the DJ switched tracks and a tune almost reminiscent of the old video game series Mortal Combat started up and the increasing speed suited the steps.

“Damn! Go!” hands started to clap in time, and then a couple more trolls suddenly jumped into the fray. Hope blinked; it really did almost look like a real fight out there. Other than there was no blood and everyone seemed to know where the other was going to be at any time so the moves that could have been deadly instead was just graceful.

By the end of the dance there were at least a dozen trolls dancing and the humans were watching with the rest in amazement. Hope started to take note of the colors. It really was unconscious, everyone tended to incorporate their color into their wear. With the exception of Karkat who did his best to hide his color.

Most of the ones on the floor were all higher colors. Another indigo like Gamzee, a couple different blues and even a purple fellow dressed like a British spy spoof Austin Powers. Though one green was out there, dressed like a pirate.  Glancing around Hope noticed this dance definitely got attention. The trolls where excited and the humans fascinated. She was going to have to ask what dance this was later.

The dance came to an end, the participants breathing hard but smiling huge. Gamzee and Karkat fist bumped and the others were taking bows about the room to the cheers. Then the music went to a new track and everyone either moved off the floor, or back onto it. That dance seemed to have brought out a bit of a competitive edge and people where showing off moves not normally brought out in a place like this. Hope had to grin when she saw a couple humans showing a few trolls a line dance.  They somehow made the country dance fit to the hip hop beats playing.

Gamzee and Karkat were laughing as they came to the side Hope was and she led the pair to the bar for a deserved drink. Bumping glasses with them in happy cheers, even Karkat was still smiling big as he tipped his glass back. Soon the little grouping was swarmed by those either impressed by the performance or by the costumes.

And leaned against the bar talking with the bartender while Gamzee launched into the tale of his trail to get his and his friend’s outfits, which he managed to make sound more impressive despite just going onto eBay and buying them, she had to smile and think.

Ok, tonight wasn’t so bad after all. This Halloween, was actually pretty cool.

**000**

The three managed to get home, and not pulled over, at the end of the night. Karkat waved  about the bag full of their loot from the costume contest (A very drunk Hope managed to get ‘sexiest girl of the evening’ prize with her rendition of a Harley routine on the balcony, and they had a ‘best group’ for the three of them. As well as Karkat and Gamzee got a ‘most popular’ prize. Very few people went home without at least something from the night.) and he and Gamzee were singing a song that Hope was fairly certain had to be in their native tongue, either that or they were so drunk off their asses that they had no clue what they were saying at all.

She was still leaning towards troll. Hope on the other hand was just trailing along her arms swinging and enjoying the utter high she was on. Oh come morning when she recalled details like using the Grand Highblood as a prop for her impromptu pole dance (he did not seem to mind one lick) Or the fact she kissed both Gamzee and Karkat and introduced them as her ‘bitches’ to a group of guys dressed as the Geek Squad, all that among a bunch of other details, yeah come morning she very likely would not want to show her face to the world ever again.

But for now, she was just high on life and dancing goofy little steps around cracks in the sidewalk to her front door. Gamzee laughed at her and patted her on the head while Karkat was cussing out his keys trying to open Gamzee’s door.

Hope reached to put her key in the door and paused as the door swung open on its own.

“I.. thought I locked up…” she muttered poking in her head and reaching for the light.

Wincing under the glare of the bulb in her living room she starting to feel unwelcomingly sober. The bottom dropped from her stomach and she could only stand there her bottom lip starting to tremble.

Gamzee blinked “-the fuck?” he started and then leaned over her shoulder to see what had his best little sister in such a state.

Karkat stopped messing with the keys when he suddenly heard a thunderous rumble next to him. Turning he saw Hope slowly sink to her knees and Gamzee had gripped her doorway and was well, snarling.

“What?” Karkat looked under Gamzee’s arm and paused.

Her place was utterly trashed. He could see her computer and electronics, they were not missing, just broken into a million pieces. Words were scratched into her wall and spray painted, the back sliding door had been broken and likely was point of entry.

Karkat wasn’t feeling so drunk anymore either. Gamzee continued to growl and grabed her door pulling it closed with a loud slam that likely woke up neighbors.

But as Karkat had his phone to his ear and dialed the police he felt his mouth gone dry. Her door had horrible things painted on it. Words even he didn’t use. Insults of her sexual orientation, calling her after body parts in crude human fashion and over it all had painted ‘Troll Slut’.

But it was in troll blood.

“911 what’s the nature of your emergency?”

 

**000**

Notes: I’m evil. ^^

I started this chapter a bit on the late side today and it’s 1 am now that I’m loading it.. heh.. Blame it on Sunday.

Anyway, yes, did add a song to the playlist, but now I can’t remember since I don’t have my list playing while I’m editing at the moment (don’t want to wake anyone up).

OK thanks a mega ton to my reviewers, and stalkers! You guys really keep me motivated.

Oh and I’ve decided after watching a ‘mean boyfriend’ song turned into an awesome ship song.. This is the BEST fanbase I’ve ever decided to jump into.

You guys just utterly rock.

*to take favorite quote of the day*

‘Welcome to Homestuck, were the fans are raping every meme out there.’

 

 

 


	10. Mother's Day

Relearning to Breath chapter 10

More of the usual disclaimers apply

Mother’s Day

**000**

Karkat was currently talking with the police while Hope stayed in the protective cage of Gamzee’s limbs. The larger troll growling at anyone that got too close.

Since she didn’t really wish to speak with anyone this was fine.

Hope wasn’t really scared at the moment. She was angry, she was humiliated, she was –okay- a little scared, but that was overpowered by the sudden current need to throw up.

Pretty sure Gamzee would not appreciated her tossing booze soaked cookies over his front she managed to make a dive to the side of the sidewalk they had been seated. Gamzee had kept somewhat of a hold on her, but that just kept her from clocking her face against the concrete.  Which was handy, he pulled back the ridiculously long flaps of material from the hat she still wore. Which kept it out of the mess she was currently making.

She heaved and the nearby police officer looked on with sympathy. After all the three had gotten home from a party, they likely expected to crash in their respective places and be hung over the next morning. Not having to call the police because of a hate crime.

Karkat glanced back to see Hope not handling things with any form of grace, but Gamzee’s growling guard dog act was beginning to worry him. He was focused for now, but that was only because no one made themselves a target for the rage that was burning as a purple blaze behind his golden eyes.  He just hoped people kept themselves sensible and stayed away from the pair for the time being. More people began to gather, the neighbors were curious. Talk behind hands happened, others were sending texts, likely updating their social media websites.

A police officer came out and looked grim “We have a body.” Karkat heard before he tuned out. He didn’t want to know. Did not want to know who it was. The color on the door spoke volumes already, a bright purple, brighter than Gamzee’s shade, meaning it was very likely a sea dweller. While some where still currently on land, many had started a program to build themselves homes in the ocean’s of Earth. They were getting help from the scientific community who wanted the sea dwellers to help with research. Some were willing to give their aid.  Some just wanted to be left alone. But it still worked out well enough.

But his head snapped up when he couldn’t help overhearing the next part.

“I would have thought it was some sort of animal if I hadn’t seen the little buggers…”

Karkat felt himself go still, his eyes huge.

There was a grub, a baby, who was murdered to paint the walls with its blood.  Karkat went to the side and pulled out his phone, this… unfortunately needed to go up the line. He sighed because it meant he had to call the one person he really did not want to talk to.

He had to call the Grand Highblood.

No one was currently paying him mind. The police where checking out the scene, taking notes and waiting for a homicide detective to show up now. So Karkat took the moment to call the club. There was a long pause and finally someone answered. The party was over mostly and it wasn’t too noisy so they were likely closing themselves down for the night. Considering it was about 4 or 5 in the morning he couldn’t say he was surprised.

“I have to speak with the Grand Highblood.” He said to the person that answered. Rubbing his forehead. He was so glad today was his day off. After this was over, he was going to go crash and not move until the weekend was over. 

There was pause “Can I take a message?” the person asked. It kind of sounded like the bouncer.

“I’m afraid not. We.. have a situation.”

“Gamzee?”

Karkat snorted “I wish. No, worse.”

“Worse than a highblood going mad? I’ll get the boss.” And there was silence on the other side.

Soon he heard someone pick up “What’s up motherfucker?”

Unconsciously the greeting, so like something Gamzee would say, actually made Karkat’s shoulders unwind, just a tiny amount. But he took a breath “We need you at the apartments. Hope’s home was... violated.” He said.

He could hear the raised brow “And what are you not telling me Mr. Vantas?” the tone was suddenly dead serious.

“Because,” he took a breath “There is a pupa body involved.”

The phone hung up but Karkat was pretty sure they would be seeing a representative of the trolls on this one. The trolls needed to know who that pupa was and how the ones who preformed this crime managed it.  Which egg hive did this child come from? And how many others did they have? While the trolls did believe in a sort of tough love with the raising of their offspring. Once a pupa was out of the hive they where grabbed very quickly. There was already massive security on the hives since the last time some humans tried to ‘help’ because they thought that the trolls were purposefully killing their children as they were born or some other nonsense along those lines. He wasn’t fully sure on the details, it was just stupid in his mind. Trolls didn’t go into human birth places demanding that they change how things were done. Insisting that wiggly helpless little human grubs have to fight their way out of the hospitals or some such thing like that.

He hung up his phone and blinked as an officer was staring at him “Who was that?”

Karkat decided lying was not worth the bother “There was a troll death involved, and one of an infant.” He pointed out. The cop’s frown eased to sympathy “We need to know which hive that pupa was from and the Grand Highblood of this area would be the one to likely know.”

The police officer gave a nod “As long as he doesn’t mess with the crime scene.”

Karkat shook his head “He just likely needs to see the grub.”

The officer nodded and then pulled out his notebook “Well if we can find out where the little fellow came from it will likely help our investigation too. Mind if I ask a few questions?”

Karkat was glad that this officer was being sensible and agreed to fill them in on whatever they needed to know that he was able to give them.

 

**000**

 

The officer who talked to Karkat proved to be the only real sensible fellow. The Grand Highblood showed up with the human woman from his club, the one built like a brick house, who worked as a bartender and bouncer at his club.

The homicide detective did not want to let the Grand highblood into the scene at all. But then, in the end he was given no choice as the highblood troll was a lot bigger, stronger, and far more intimidating that anything else on scene.

He went in, looked silently on the body of the little one wile people took photos of the scene. He came out a little later. He looked for Gamzee, but he had gone inside the other apartment taking Hope with him. Last Karkat saw the two where curled up on his ratty couch. Hope had washed her face and rid herself of makeup and the hat, but was overall still dressed in costume. Gamzee hadn’t bothered with any of that and just sat with his head back and arm over Hope who was curled against his side.

At least Gamzee was calm, which was better than right before Karkat suggested he take Hope inside. One of the officers attempted to ask questions of the girl and when Hope began to grow panicky Gamzee had nearly gone into a complete homicidal rage.  

So the sun was rising, Karkat was in desperate need of sleep, but still had to deal with the mess. He sat down on the steps leading up to one of the higher apartment levels and watched the scene was a sort of dead disassociation. He was done. Completely done.

“Hey sweetie” the surprisingly sweet and as the humans called it ‘southern bell’ accent of the Highblood’s bouncer made him look up and she held out a cup of something that when he took it in his hands was warm against his numb fingers. He pulled it back and held the coffee close. Just letting the warmth leach into his frozen fingers.

She sat next to him and watched as the police where slowly filing out and away. The tiny body was taken out in a bag.

“That is just, so sad.” She said “Did they even view the little one as a child at all?” she asked.

Before Karkat could say anything a rumbling voice snorted “No, people capable of this sort of hatred do not see a child. They saw a monster, an animal, something below them.” His face was still, quiet, and unmoving.

Karkat was silent too because all he could think as he stared at the tips of his cold fingers, which slowly warmed and showed the color of his blood. Yeah, he knew the feeling. It wasn’t just a human who could have that view. Trolls did it too. Weather they viewed the humans as lesser beings, or each other.

The troll was beginning to feel horribly depressed. Because not only was he left to deal with this because neither Hope nor Gamzee could, he was going to have to spent time making sure Gamzee did not go completely crazy.

Especially if he decided to go find the people responsible.

There would be more bodies than one little pupa.

After a moment he reminded himself to breath and took a long shuddering breath. The highblood looked back at him and then moved over, crouching down to stare face to face with Karkat, which made him feel decided nervous.

“Is there somewhere you can take Gamzee and Hope?” he asked him.

Karkat thought a moment and then nodded “I can take them to my place.” It wasn’t ideal, but it would be away from here. There was no way hope could stay in her place, not with the doors broken and the destruction. While she could stay at Gamzee’s, the other troll was going to be… incredibly unpredictable for the time being.

It would be better to have his Moirails closer to himself, a comfort.  The highblood nodded like he approved and then sighed “Get your friends gathered and get out of here. I’ll take care of the rest of this mess.”

Karkat felt a rush of gratitude and he gave a nod. Standing he went to the apartment and carefully aproched Gamzee, he had to make sure he didn’t come a crossed as a threat to his friend. That he did nothing to startle him, or he might find himself thrown crossed the room, or in a stranglehold, or worse, before Gamzee even knew who was there.

“Gamzee” he said softly and very carefully reached up, stroking Gamzee’s rather disgusting green goopy hair. A moment later the other troll opened eyes, the centers wide and incredibly deep purple. He gave a mild growl but it was at least safe levels. A hand reached up and wrapped around Karkat’s wrist and pulled the other troll down suddenly.

Into his lap and he clutched Karkat like a lifeline. Karkat relaxed and wrapped his arms around his friend. He was still here. Gamzee hadn’t completely checked out on them yet. “Common.” Karkat said after a few more minutes. Trying to get Gamzee to release him long enough to get to his feet and see about waking up Hope as well. He could hear a mild commotion outside, seemed the Bouncer had set herself on the doorway and one of the officers seemed to think he needed to come and ask a few final questions of the trio inside.

Grand highblood’s voice rumbled dangerously and a few moments later the officer seemed to have given up for the time being. He poked Gamzee in the shoulder the other troll rumbled grumpy but at least seemed to be calmer, even if his eyes had not shifted back to the more ‘normal’ look Karkat was use to. They were at least half lidded and calm.

“Lets go to my place Gamzee.” He said “We can sleep without anyone bugging us.” Gamzee paused and then gave a silent nod. He let him go and shook Hope’s shoulder. The girl blinked up at the pair her eyes gummy from being a mix of tired, and hung over.

“We’re heading to my place, it should be safer there” Karkat told her. She gave a nod and sat up. The looked down at the gloves she wore “Will they.. let me get some clothing?”

Karkat wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, but after a moment decided that she would likely be more comfortable in her own clothing “I could get something.” He started.

She shook her head “I.. need to see.”

If the body had still been there, Karkat would be much more hesitant. “I’ll ask.” He finally said and got up. Hope stayed seated on the couch while Gamzee got up to go to his bathroom. Karkat heard the shower running, so he was at least going to get cleaned up before they left.

Karkat was still going to have to wait until he got home. He clothing before being stuffed into the role of batman had been at Hope’s. He had little hope of any of that having survived. But for the moment he poked his head out. Highblood was standing, glowering at the humans as they filed out. Daring them to try anything he did not express a need to have done right now. There was one cop, the sensible one, standing next to the bouncer and asking about their involvement.

“Excuse me” Karkat was so tired that his voice was softer than usual the bouncer looked back at him and he sighed rubbing his face “Hope wants to grab some clothing, if thre is anyting to grab? We never made it past the doorway last night.”

The police officer looked over “Well everyone’s out, and the body has been removed. The bedroom wasn’t touched too bad, so you might be able to find something there.” The officer said. “Just, be careful.”

Karkat nodded and went back in, taking Hope’s hand and leading her back to the other apartment.

She looked completely down. Reminding him a lot of that first time he’d met her. When he had forgotten which door was Gamzee’s and pounded on her door instead. She had looked out completely nervous and scared, her face a mask of tragedy.

He hadn’t known what caused her pain then, he did now, and in this one he was more than intimately familiar with what was causing this retreat into the shell she wore in public. She was so friendly and open with him and Gamzee that he forgot often how shy she was with people she didn’t know and how she didn’t show grief to strangers.

She was locking herself down and by the time they reached her door only the shaking of her hand in his was all that remained of how terrified and sick she was. Her eyes were flat. There was a slight smile in place on her face.

They all wore their masks and this one was her’s.  He tugged her, he wanted this over with quickly. He did his best not to look at the mess on her walls, the destroyed furniture, her laptop. He would take that down to see if at least her information could be saved. At her bedroom door he let her go find clothing while he looked about to see if there was anything he could salvage. At least Hope did not own much. The destruction of her DVD collection was a sad loss, the girl had a few rare finds in her collection. He found her watch pendant he’d given her for her birthday. The face was smashed but he picked it up anyway. Then he paused seeing the simple frame that held that photo of herself and her friend Susan. Reaching out he picked it up and felt a growing sense of bile in his food chute. They had broken the glass on the frame and gouged out the girl’s eyes. Then wrote derogatory remarks about her sexual preferences on the photo itself. He gently set the frame down again. He wouldn’t let her see that one. He gathered up her laptop remains into a bag when a startled yelp from her room sent him tumbling over the ripped beanbag pillow and around the corner to her room. He found her half dressed, bra not done up but wearing her yoga pants. She had something clinging to her leg, but it was under a blanket. Karkat’s eyes went huge when he heard a tiny chirping cry.

He reached out and pulled off the blanket and then stared in a state of shock.

Shaking and crying softly was a little troll pupa.

000

Hope with a shirt on was cradling the little grub in her arms over at Gamzee’s. Gamzee was dressed in more usual attire and had not bothered with his makeup. Wet hair dripped onto his shirt leaving the shoulders soaked as he stared down at the little grub who stared back with a wide green eyed gaze.  The little grub had latched itself onto Hope and no one was going to get it to let go until it had calmed down. The girl seemed perfectly content to cradle the little one stroking its head and tiny horn nubs that would start to grow once the little one went into its chrysalis stage to pupate into a young troll.  It was a distraction for her. Which at the moment was good.

But was bad for the rest of them. The highblood was currently sitting his head resting on the back of the human who had come with him. He wondered if the woman was in one of his quadrants. That would explain why he had given his ‘blessings’ as it were for Gamzee to pursue Hope. Perhaps the humans did have a calming effect on the higher blood trolls.

The woman was watching the scene with Hope calming the little grub and Gamzee starting to play a game of peek-a-boo which was helping, the little one started the clicking infectious noise that was its laughter.  Reaching out its front claws to wave them at Gamzee. The heavy lidded eyes of the other troll grinned lopsidedly at the little one and went back to making faces. Hope was laughing at his silly antics as well.

The Highblood started banging his head lightly against his bouncer’s back “Unique… do me a favor and fucking shoot me.” He rumbled and the bouncer chuckled reaching back and taking his hand.

“You can get through this Gingo” she said and Karkat blinked. The Grand highblood had a name? Well, of course he did, and Karkat’s mind was babbling. So he instead sighed and leaned on his fist “So what do we do?”

“For now” the highblood rumbled “Take the grub with you. It seems to like the human well enough and after the trauma its been through taking it away from her right now would be more trauma. We’ll find a lusus for it later.”

“Do you know which Hive it came from?” the bouncer ‘Unique’ asked.

“Yeah, the one In this city” he said “Down by the river. It’s got a mixed bunch there, water dwellers have been coming up the river to use this one.” He gave a low rumble “its not ideal, but most the coastal hives are still getting set up”

“I thought they got set up a couple years ago?” Karkat said “I mean, they told us that was the case.”

“Sort of, we ran into zoning issues with the human laws. There are some coastal hives in Europe and Asia, as well as Australia, but the ones here in the US are spotting and not overly reliable yet, and the Florida gulf side hive got flooded and the Queen was drowned. There’s a couple being set up Canada side, but the water is a bit cold that way and the sea dweller’s aren’t as fond.”

“So the dead one was a sea dweller?” Karkat said, the two ‘species’ as it were of the trolls were completely compatible with each other. Which sometimes led to having water traits showing up on land dwelling trolls and vice versa, but the two tended to be a little more agnostic towards one other. But some of the water traits were obvious in the grub state. They tended to sport more fin like appendages rather than claws and had tails to swim with. They could live on land just fine at that age, as well as in the water, but they preferred the water. It was easier to move. So coastal hives were necessary, because while the adults had to come to the land to gather their material for the hives, they would rather live most their time in the water. Earth’s water coverage made quite a few of the water dwelling trolls happy, although there was still complaints that the water was a lot colder than the seas of their old home had been.

Many humans did not like the current arrangement. With more beings in the water meant that they had to be more careful with fishing and other sea harvesting practices. And the sea dwellers were already causing a stink over the amount of litter in the water.

But then the land trolls just shrugged and said ‘they are always like that’ and went on ignoring them.

Grand Highblood nodded to Karkat’s question about the dead grub’s traits. “Now we just have to figure out how those humans got the grubs and if they have more.”

Gamzee went still behind Hope and the little grub she held began to buzz softly and she glanced back. Her eyes widening and before she could move Gamzee leaned over her, long arms closing around her and the grub and his head rested against the back of her’s. He was making a low and very scary rumble, but seemed to be keeping himself contained for the moment.

Hearing the rumble the other three looked up and saw Hope and the little grub’s almost identical expressions of wide eye terror from where they were held by the other highblood. Karkat got up and Hope found herself between the two trolls as the smaller one started calming his larger friend. The Grand highblood just stayed silent and watching. Not shifting so much as a muscle at the moment with as on edge as Gamzee was. After a few minutes of Karkat shushing his friend the troll relaxed a little, but his sleepy gaze remained very dangerous.

Karkat sighed “I think we should head to my place then.” He commented, “let us all sleep off this nonsense, before it gets too bright.”

The bouncer nodded her head “We’ll lock up behind you.” She said and Karkat nodded. The Grand Highblood was doing his best to stay ‘unnoticed’ to keep Gamzee calmer. But also likely keeping himself under control. This whole situation was something that brought out a lot of anger in all of them.

Of course it just added to the whole mess of the last few weeks since Hope got her subpoena. Karkat got Gamzee to get up and then taking Hope’s hand, led them out. Outside he paused as the little grub, eyes still very sensitive started to cry and click. He took the cape off the outfit he wore (at least he dumped the headgear awhile ago) and draped it over Hope’s shoulder and covered the little one, who started to settle again with the girl quietly rocking and shushing the little one. Who quieted again but then started fussing.

Hope frowned “What’s  wrong with him?” she asked the two trolls.

“Little motherfucker’s hungry” Gamzee rumbled.

“Oh.. um.. what do they eat?” she looked completely lost. This was so not like taking home a lost puppy.

Karkat shrugged “Anything we do. They got teeth.” He pointed out.

“Shush,” she soothed stroking the cape and the little one under it “I’ll get you something to eat soon little one.”

Karkat opened the door to his car and Hope crawled into the backseat with the little one. Laying herself out and once curled up both she and the little one started to fall asleep. Gamzee got into the front seat and pushed the seat back as he normally did closing his own eyes. He covered his face with his hands and just rumbled for awhile. It was a disturbing sound.

Karkat got into his side when he saw that the Highblood and his bouncer left the apartment and the bouncer gave him a friendly wave as she handed the Grand Highblood a pair of sunglasses and then went to their car with its dark tinted windows.

Karkat got in his and after a moment to make sure he was OK to drive he started the car and drove off for his apartment.

000

 

Notes: OMG I actually had to do a little research for this chapter…. I needed to look up butterfly life stages so I could get the spelling right since my spell checker decided to crap out on me.

To my reviewers. I WUV YOU!!!

Song list:

The song I can NOT believe I forgot and didn’t add to the playlist.. Miracles by Petshop Boys. Seriously. That is definitely a song that wouldn’t send Gamzee into a murderous rage unlike the ICP lol.

 


	11. Avalanche

Relearning to Breath chapter 11

Pretend there is witty disclaimer crap here

Avalanche

**000**

Hope was feeding a cookie to the little grub who rested on her belly. She smiled at the little one and got a toothy smile back. Which made her giggle and the little grub click. Karkat had locked himself in his room with Gamzee and his only warning was that if she heard any blood curdling screams to take the grub and run for her life.

  
So far there had been a lot of shouting, but no screams and for awhile now it was quiet. So with nothing else to do but sleep and try not to think about a lot of different things, she cared for the little grub. Who had needed a bath. That had been a bit of a fight. The little one decided that it did NOT like the water. That nearly got her bit, but in the end a bop on the head and a stern look the little grub pouted and she managed to get it clean. And once wrapped into a fluffy towel she tickled and teased the little one until it was clicking happily again.

Then she found something it would eat, trying bits of several things until it took to chicken nuggets and ketchup. She was pretty sure that was not incredibly healthy, but for the moment she had no better suggestions. The little grub had taken a nap, then it was time to clean it up again as it had a little... accident.

Hope rather hoped Karkat wasn’t too attached to that shirt.

So now here she was feeding it bits of cookie and the little grub happy as can be. “You are just so cute!” she laughed and reached out to poke its snubbed nose “beep” she said and the little one blinked huge green eyes and then clicked happily, so she poked its nose again “beep!” This made the little one practically dance about and strain towards her fingers. She laughed and beeped and honked all sorts of body parts. Nose, claws, the center of the belly that proved to be incredibly ticklish, Hope played with the little one for awhile. She glanced up from where she laid on the floor when she saw Karkat’s door open. The little grub had hold of the towel in its teeth and was playing tug-a-war with her.

Karkat came out looking like he’d just woken up. Which considering the silence was just as likely.

“How is he?” she asked.

Karkat blinked at the woman and grub playing on the floor and came over crashing down onto the couch limbs flopped and gone completely lax. He wore black skinny jeans and a turtle neck top “Still asleep.” He said “I don’t know if we can pull him back from this one. He’s been too long without his drugs and he’s too sober.”

She tugged at the towel when the little grub started a complaint that she’d stopped. “You know, maybe we just need to trust he’ll keep his shit together.” She said and gave him a smile. “It’s Gamzee. He’s one chill troll bro.”

This made Karkat smile at her for her wishful thinking, but then, maybe that was all they needed, a little Hope.

**000**

Gamzee padded softly out of the bedroom. Karkat was out for something or other, and Hope was lying on the couch, remote half held in her hand off the side, resting between her bosoms was the little grub. A towel between her and it, the little one drooling and twitching in its dreams. He leaned over the back of the couch and reached out one hand to stroke back Hope’s bangs. She shifted a little. He reached over and picked up the little grub, setting it to snuggle into the blanket over a soft pillow he tossed onto the floor from the couch. Then shifting Hope carefully he got her to curl up on him as he stretched out on the couch under her. Rumbling softly he began to relax. “mine” he whispered into her hair and closed his own purple tinted ones. His features relaxing into rest. Karkat had calmed him earlier, but he was on edge and worse was the threat to those he claimed. He saw the bullet hole in Karkat’s window. He saw the things done to the tiny space that held all Hope had in this world.

He was not going to let anyone take anything from him. Not these two. Not now, not ever. He would even fight death to keep them.

He half growled a possessive phrase as he completely drifted off.

**000**

When Karkat came back in with his mail from the main floor he paused seeing that Gamzee had come out of the bedroom and was stretched on the couch. Hope was sleeping curled up on him and he saw the little grub resettle itself on her, in the dip between her arm and curve of hip.

He blinked at the sight this made and shook his head. At least it seemed Gamzee had calmed down. Which was good, Karkat had almost been afraid to leave the apartment. He had ordered pizza for them which should arrive. No faygo, but he figured Gamzee wouldn’t be picky for sodas.  He just ordered pretty much everything they had on the menu. Wings, strips, a couple loaded with meat and cheese pizzas. About 7 or 8 two liters, bread sticks and dessert stuff. This was breaking into his savings, but they could likely eat on the leftovers for the weekend. And at the moment, the less they had to go out the better in his mind.

Karkat leaned back against the door and slid down. This was just turning into a weird weekend all around; the party, his promotion, Gamzee doing a swan dive off the deep end of sanity to reveal he attached a bungee cord to his feet just to piss people off, the attacks, the dead grub and the live one. Karkat leaned his head against the door and with a sigh he started opening his mail.

“Junk, Crap, Who the Fuck they think this is for?” he tossed the pieces. “Bills, bills, bills…” cable, electric, rent. “More retarded crap…. Catalog, burning material,” he listed softly to himself and then paused and started looking through the Oriental Trading company. OK the stuff was cheap, and stupid, but it was bright and amusing. And at the moment he needed a little bit of bright, amusing and not rage inducing. He snorted over the religious crap and laughed at some of the random weird shit that humans associated with some of their holidays and festivities. Some left over Halloween stuff, this catalog was for a holiday called ‘thanks giving’ and several revolving around their winter solstice celebrations. Seeing the others he thought about it and pulling over his laptop he started looking over various human holidays and how they where celebrated.

Ok, admittedly this Christmas thing looked kind of fun. And he had a feeling the New Year was definitely going to be popular among the trolls. It was similar to a celebration they had at the turn of the sweep. Human years were just a bit faster in time frame. But that just meant more parties as far as the Trolls were concerned.

He looked up from his research and saw Gamzee staring at him with a heavy eyed expression that was all too familiar and normal. Half stoned looking with a smile. But the lidded eyes hid the now permanent purple and deep reddish gold of his eyes. It, was disturbing.

“Feeling better fuckass?” he asked him.

“As much as I ever motherfucking am these days.” He rumbled back.

Karkat sighed, “I ordered pizza” he told him.

“Got any faygo?”

He shook his head “You know I don’t drink that shit. But I got a few liters with the order, all pepsi and crap, but figured you’d deal.”

Gamzee just turned to stare at the ceiling “yeah, motherfucking deal.” He murmured and then glanced down “little grub bro is all got his cuddle on.” He seemed amused poking the little grub who just twisted to its back and batted at his finger as he came in again for another poke. It gave a little buzz and click.

“She’s spoiling it.” Karkat said blandly going back to his reading.

“Little motherfucker been though a motherfucking bad time. I say the little bro needs a little motherfucking love.” Gamzee rumbled and then chuckled when his rumble made Hope shift and she tucked her head under his chin. He stroked back her hair looking content.

“You look like a bunch of idiots.” Karkat said staring at them.

Gamzee gave him a grin “You can come get your cuddle on too bro.” he replied in a lazy amusement.

Karkat could not stop the immediate blush and crossed his arms “Stop trying to pull me into your littler perverted circle nooksucker.”

Gamzee just laughed, which woke up Hope and the grub. Both were staring with confusion. The grub wondering what was wrong with the adults and Hope wondering how she ended up with a Gamzee body pillow and why was Karkat blushing to his ears and trying to hide down his shirt. “if you guys are going red rom, at least have the decency to leave me and Jinglebutt out of the middle of it.”

Karkat started to splutter and Gamzee began laughing hard enough that Hope had to roll off with the grub.

Then suddenly Karkat’s spluttering mind was able to latch onto one thing, “JINGLEBUTT?!” he shouted at Hope who raised a brow at him. Which was an impressive feat, and one she practiced as a kid because she was a fan of ‘Startrek’ and Spock growing up. (Who wasn’t? Leonard Nemoy rocks)

“What?”

“You cannot name a grub ‘Jinglebutt!’ I fucking forbid it!”  He shouted at her. The insane clown was curled up on his side and snorting out honks between guffaws.

“Well the little one likes it!”

“The grub would come to ‘Zoosmell Pooplord’” he snapped “Grubs don’t get named until they become Pupas for that reason!”

“Well then, until then I can call him whatever I want!” she grinned “So. Here little Jinglebutt!” she cooed sweetly holding the grub up and making ridiculous faces at it. The little grub just clicked and waved its little claws about happily.  She tapped her nose to its smooshed face one and murmured a, well cute, ‘beep’ at it and the little thing mimicked the sound right back at her.

Karkat crossed his arms and pouted. Gamzee fell off the couch. Hope was fairly sure he stopped breathing.

**000**

Hope had adjusted an old sheet that Karkat gave her permission to tear up. Although he didn’t get why at first until he saw what she made, and figured it was actually pretty useful. Gamzee called it brilliant.

Ripping the sheet into long strips of equal length, she made use of a sewing kit she found stuffed into a corner and forgotten in Karkat’s place (Likely replaced a button on something and never had need of it again after) she used her, rather pathetic, sewing skills to sew the strips together and then trim off the sides so they didn’t look so rough.

Then she had a long baby sling she could wrap around herself and the little grub. Leaving her hands free. Admittedly the little grub was perfectly capable of hanging onto her shoulder, or alternatively, ride in Gamzee’s hair. But the little one was prone to falling off to sleep at unexpected moments, so having a place where it could curl up and sleep, warm and protected, was useful.

Especially after two days of staying cooped up at Karkat’s surviving off of pizza slices and an incredibly dwindling limited wardrobe (and at least one male troll with questionable hygiene) Hope had enough of hiding. So while Karkat went to work, she and Gamzee went to the mall. There were a bunch of other stores and strips within very easy walking distance. Just making sure to stay in the mall around the dimmer areas during the brightest point of the day (and sunglasses for Gamzee, the little one complained a bit but it took to hiding in the sling she made and was comfortable) maybe catch a movie at the 5 screen that was in the mall, and they where golden. Gamzee slept through the movie, the grub thought the film was a riot bouncing about on her lap. She did go for something a bit more kid friendly. This movie had a pack of children going on an adventure while playing a game together. There were actually troll actors in this one as well, which was kind of cool. It was a little convoluted and the timeline was definitely confusing, but it was bright and had lots of cool action scenes. A couple of the troll children even reminded her of Karkat and Gamzee.

Oh but there was a ton of things in the film she knew Karkat would be commenting on, so if she ever wanted to see it again it would have to be either when he was at work, or with duct tape on hand.

Which reminded her, she should pick up more. Maybe she could find some of the fun colors instead of just the silver tape?

When the film was over she woke Gamzee and the two of them went wandering stores. Predominately Hope needed clothing. Her poor savings couldn’t handle a new computer, but Karkat said he had that covered and took the pieces with him to work.  But she needed at least a couple pairs of jeans and some shirts as well as undergarments.

The mall itself was too expensive for a lot of her shopping, but she did get herself a nice blouse and a stop at Victoria’s secret got her under things. Even if by the end of it she was beat red and ready to pummel Gamzee with one of the store manikins. And he hadn’t even SAID anything. The way he just watched her being all mysterious, and then his grin would just get bigger until he was laughing at her and she was pushing him out of the store so she could finish.

Gamzee sat outside the store his chin in his hand and a little grub in his hair. “Well my little grub bro” Gamzee said “that was fun. Wonder how else we can piss her off today”

The little grub just clicked at him mirthfully. He smiled and looked up to see the little one hanging down to stare him in the eyes. He reached up and flicked its little nose saying ‘honk’. The little motherfucker honked back at him and then just clicked joyfully. He grinned back “Now you are one cool little motherfucker.” He said chuckling and then started filling the little one in about the Mirthful Messiahs and all the miracles that could be found in the world.

Including in his mind, the greatest miracle, was that the humans had a soda that so closely matched the one from back on their old home world “Even call it the motherfucking same name.” he said tickling the little grub who decided to playfully ‘savage’ his finger claw. “Mother fucking Faygo, it’s a motherfucking miracle.” He finished.

“What song are you spinning?” Hope said with amusement as she came with her couple bags. She pushed those into Gamzee’s hands while she took command of the grub, retying the sling so the little one could take a nap.  One thing she fetched out of one of the bags Gamzee was holding with amusement was a pink spotted tote. Which she put over her shoulder and seemed to like the fit of since she nodded her head.

“Just telling the little fucker about all the miracles in the world.” He said with amusement then titled his head “What the motherfuck you up to sis?”

“Well, they were giving away free totes with large enough purchases. And I thought this would be perfect for holding stuff for the grub, you know when out an about.”

“What sort of stuff?” Gamzee seemed curious as to what Hope would deem necessary to take along when making a grocery run.

She started to list ticking off with her fingers “Stuff to clean up his messes, he can’t hold it all day and I’m still working on potty training. That also means keeping an extra change for us in case the accident ends up ON us.”

Ok, Gamzee was with her “Still that’s a fucking big bag.”

She added another finger to her list “Well also need snacks for him, the little one can’t go as long as us without food and stopping every time he starts crying won’t work. Now” she added a third finger “Also need toys and other amusements, he’s pretty easy to entertain but doesn’t mean there won’t be times when he just needs a chew toy that isn’t parts of our anatomy.” She added as an afterthought.

“Wow, you really thought about this whole grub care thing.”

She laughed “Well, some of it is stuff that humans carry about for our own young.” She admitted “Bottles, diapers, toys, changes of clothing. Burping cloths, which could be useful for other things.” She adds that to her mental list “And a blanket to wrap him in.” and she tapped her chin “I wonder if one could make some sort of little grub onesie? While not containing all of it, it would help cut down on messes, and help keep the little one warm if it gets a bit cool. Can’t have him catching a chill.”

Gamzee was just grinning at her leaning on his palm one leg half folded over to the other, his other hand around his ankle. She blinked at him “What?”

“You are cute.” He said and reached up honking her chin “Getting your motherfucking parental on. Even if I don’t fucking know what most of that stuff is.” She blushed and started down the mall isle. Gamzee was picking up the bags and hands in his pockets just ambling along behind a smile in place and feeling happier than he had in a long while, and he didn’t even need slime or drugs to feel this way.

“Mother fucking miracles.”

**000**

Karkat dropped the bag on John’s desk in his cubical. The young man blinked adjusting his glasses. “Er… what… is… was this?” he asked.

“A computer, can you either fucking fix it or save the data?” he asked him “This sort of work is beyond me. I do some coding, but I don’t do hardware.”

John looked in the bag and paled “Er, well I can see how much data I can save, if the hard drive is still intact I can likely get something out of it.” John said “But I might have to ask a friend to help.”

Karkat just flopped down into the chair of his own cubical and closed his eyes “Then fucking do it.” He said.

John overlooked the side of the cubical “Mind if I ask what’s this about? I’ve seen your laptop, and that alien ware monstrosity is not this little thing.”  Hell the computer in that bag was pink and covered in stickers. What was left of it anyway. Someone did a number on it.

Karkat gave a low growl that had both John’s eyebrows going into his hairline. At first he thought perhaps Karkat wasn’t going to answer but finally he said “My friend was vandalized over the weekend.” He said bluntly. His dark look promised pain if he ever found the people responsible.

“Oh man, I saw a report about an attack over the weekend too! I mean, must be a rash of them or something. The news story was about this really nasty hate crime, someone’s apartment got trashed and then there was messages written in troll blood…” he trailed off when Karkat stared at him. Something in the shocked expression he wore made John trail off and then he half lowered himself to just stare over the cubical wall like some ‘kilroy was here’ bathroom graffiti.

“That, was your friend?” he said softly.

Karkat crossed his arms and looked down, but he did not say no.

John felt stunned. After a long moment he said “I’ll make sure she has a new working computer.” He promised the troll he gave him a startled look. Then when John went back to sit at his desk and start a new call he paused and smiled.

Because he heard a distinct though quiet ‘thank you’ from the other side of the wall.

**000**

 Several hours later they were both back at the mall in the food court. Gamzee had his feet up on the table and the chair balanced on its back legs. The grub was on the table enjoying a soft baked pretzel and Hope was just crashed as well in her seat head back and contemplating the very tall ceiling. It seemed to be growing further away. She could hear a snore from Gamzee that said he was out cold. Glasses balanced on his face one side not anywhere near hooked around his drooping ears. Hope for her part felt like her feet were going to throb off at the ankles. She heard some buzzing and looked up to see some young men approaching the table. They were looking at the grub their expressions not the kind expressions that they had been seeing most the day when people noticed the little troll grub. At the moment the little one was buzzing angrily at the humans and backing up towards Gamzee.

 “Who let the animal in here? I thought there was a law about that” one of the men said.

Hope put herself between the little grub and the humans “EXCUSE ME!” she stated. Anger overriding her usual discomfort of new people. “This is a child. Just move along.”

One of the young men looked at her and grinned moving closer as she quickly gathered up the little grub and held it close. The grub buried its face against her chest fearfully.

“What have we here? Adopting outside the species?”

“Na, like I said that thing is just a pet.”

“Ha! When you’re done banging aliens why don’t you let us show you a real man.” One guy said grabbing himself crudely.

“Ya, maybe we can take care of that ‘empty nest’ problem you seem to have.”

Hope’s eyes went huge, she was utterly humiliated. And she curled her arms protectively around the little grub in her arms as the young men started to get more forward. Gamzee seemed to still be dead to the world and all around them people were quickly ignoring the situation and no one was standing up to defend her.

One guy poked Gamzee “Look at this fucker. So this the troll you’re banging? Must be gifted somewhere else since he doesn’t seem to be so bright.”

“Um... I wouldn’t…” she started because she could _feel_ the rumbling from Gamzee.

“What the little girl say?” one guy grabbed her arm and she tried to pull it back. He was reaching with his other hand for the grub “Hey guys, lets see if this thing can fly. Didn’t I read in a wiki some trolls can fly? Like fucking pansy _butterflies_ ”

A grey hand suddenly grabbed the young man’s and the man’s eyes where wide with fear as he looked up the long arm and saw the troll who had shot forward and grabbed him. He wore a very wide toothy smile and the half lidded gaze he wore was not a pleasant one.

“What this motherfucker?” he rumbled, there was an odd quality to his voice, as if under it was laughter. The other men started to back up, and for precious seconds Hope was way too stunned to act. “Mayhap I heard wrong that this country gave away education, because I’m about to motherfucking school you motherfucker.” And he dropped his feet to the ground and the young man found himself suddenly shoved down to his knees “There’s a motherfucking order to trolls. Lowbloods obey the highblood. Now see, I’m highblood.” He reached up and nicked his face, so that the color of his blood was more obvious than just the intense indigo of his eyes, “But you motherfucker? Oh you are just motherfucking SHIT out of luck. Because you? You bleed red motherfucker.” He leaned ever closer, and Hope leaned back as he was practically over her lap, she was forced to being an unwilling witness to the rumbling danger in front of her and at the moment too terrified to even attempt to stop him in case he decided to turn on her next.

“And red is at the bottom of the food chain were I’m from.” His eyes and his smile grew dangerously wide.

The young man screamed and Hope blinked and both she and the grub turned to see that he had completely soiled himself.

Gamzee chuckled “Oh, I think you learned.” And he suddenly let him go, with a slight shove that sent the young man back a foot or two on his backside. “Now just fucking go... **GO**!” he shouted the last command into the silence of the food court. Only the sounds of farther conversations down the hall could be heard, and the music from the TVs above them.

Gamzee sat back in the chair covering his face. Hope looked up and saw some security staring to head their way “I think we should go now Gamzee” she said hesitantly.

His hand moved fast and she found it suddenly wrapped around the back of her head and she was pulled close so that she nearly felt like she would fall out of her chair. He face was inches from her’s, she could feel his breath as he seemed to be trying to regain his breath after running a mile. His lidded eyes just staring into her wide ones.

She kept herself still, locking herself so she wouldn’t start shaking. Even though she knew she was never more terrified.

Instead he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against her’s, as if just trying to regain himself. Then just as suddenly as he grabbed her he let her go. Getting the sunglasses back on his face he started picking up the bags around them as the security guard got there.

Hope stood and when the guard looked like he was going to say something to them she turned her own fear and rage on him. “Those….. ASSHOLES!” she shouted at the rent-a-cop “They came over here and threatened to toss this child about like a football! A BABY! What is WRONG with people today?” she was shaking as she cradled the grub against herself “We were just minding our own business! If this is the type of people that come here, I don’t think I will be doing anymore of my shopping in this place!” she said and seeing that her little tirade had let Gamzee gather all the shopping bags she turned on her heel and marched for the nearest exit.

The security guy looked a little lost for words. Outside she relaxed and glanced back at Gamzee who was completely relaxed as if he’d done nothing more than chug a soda and gave a huge belch in public. But he did reach over, bags clanking up his arm and patted her back “Good one.” He said “Had that motherfucker all confused.” And he chuckled as Hope then turned to find her cell phone that was currently ringing.

She picked up “Hel-“

“Were the fuck are you two?” Karkat’s voice cut her off.

“Um, entrance B near the food court.” She replied glancing behind herself at the entrance they exited through.

“B… There is it. Just stay put I’ll pick you up.”

She relaxed, “Thanks. Have I ever told you that you have the most perfect timing?” she said with a warm smile.

He spluttered a bit and then hung up on her.

Hope didn’t let herself completely relax until Karkat pulled up and she could help Gamzee get the bags into the trunk. She crawled into the backseat while Gamzee too his customary front one, leaning the seat back so he could lounge without punching holes through the roof. While Hope curled up with the grub in the back seat, he started regaling Karkat about their day.

She just closed her eyes and tried not to think about it.

**000**

 

Notes: its late… like.. 2 am as I finish this chapter.

I love this little grub. It’s so cute. (And its learned to say Honk and Beep! Just how cute is that? )

I haven’t decided yet on gender or name for the little one. So welcome to make suggestions!  Just make them in the review! I know Karkat would insist on something trollish. Hope just wants to name it something cute. And Gamzee just thinks it’s all a grand miracle so it doesn’t matter. Me? I’m thinking something stylish and humble. Like MEGAMIND! LOL

A couple new additions to the playlist:

Mordred’s Lullaby

Foster the People- Pumped up Kicks

Savage Garden- I want you

Goo Goo Dolls – Slide

Madonna – Frozen

Savage Garden – To the moon and Back

 

I need sleep o.0 Why Karkat? Why you order no sleep Karkat?


	12. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a note, this story is complete over at FF.net thus the 'voting' on the grub's gender and name was already taken care of.

Relearning to Breath chapter 12

The madness! The madness! More of the usual culprits in disclaimers.

Choices

**000**

Hope covered the grub’s eyes and blushed as she stared up at the ceiling, Karkat was  glaring at Gamzee who seemed to have forgotten, yet again, that he was not in his own home when going from the bathroom, to the kitchen, and then to the bedroom. He at least remembered a towel this time. Last time there hadn’t been a stitch of cloth on him.

“HEY IDIOTIC BEST FRIEND!” Karkat screamed at him and Hope just covered her eyes and pretended she and the grub was somewhere else for the time being. Gamzee recently had been giving her a few lessons in troll anatomy she was so not needing.  “Get some fucking clothing on moronic sponge pan!”

Gamzee blinked sleepy at Karkat. Hope was just quietly thinking if Karkat had not said anything this would be over faster. The little grub had taken to grabbing her fingers with its mouth and making little ‘grr’ sounds.

Gamzee gave a lopsided grin “Hey, motherfucking good morning… afternoon?” he seemed confused at the time of day and went to the window to check outside.

“DON’T DO THAT YOU IDIOT!” Karkat shot to his feet and went to grab Gamzee and start shoving him towards the bedroom “Go get dressed!”

“Huh? Oh, hey yeah, I took a shower…” he said and Hope was seriously wondering how much of this was just an act. How much he wanted to embarrass her, or piss off Karkat. Hope didn’t know, didn’t really care. She kind of wish he’d stop for longer than a few days at a time. She just knew that as of this moment, any possible curiosity she might have held was stanchly stomped into tiny bits of fairy dust and no amount of clapping was going to bring it back.

Living with Gamzee and Karkat in the single small condo was proving to be a trial. Let alone she was a single woman living with two single men, troll or not. There were multiple things that just came up in living arrangements. (Arguments over toilet seating positions not withstanding) The guys took the bedroom, which meant that the last few weeks Hope had been sleeping on the couch with the grub. But the couch was not the most comfortable piece of furniture in history. She was still doing searches on the net for a new place. Karkat let her barrow his laptop while he was at work. Her’s still being repaired although she nearly kissed the smaller troll when he came with a flashdrive a few days prior that held whatever had been salvageable of her work. All her stories, articles and blogs saved. Which meant she had fewer excuses to make for missing deadlines because she was able to actually make a few deadlines. More money in her pocket and into the tiny and ever shrinking savings account she had. After several days that first week she had made it back to her old apartment. That had not been comfortable. The little grub had not wanted to go into the place, so Gamzee watched the little one in his old place while he started some packing there.

None of them could stay where they had been. Things had changed and the world was changing very fast around them. The sort of hate crimes that happened to Hope was becoming more common. And not just of Humans against trolls or those who interacted with Trolls, but violence of trolls on humans as well.

That usually always ended messy.

Sorting through her apartment had not been easy on Hope. Karkat helped. Often getting vocal on his thoughts about the people who did this, which worked as a distractions, but he also was able to take things and toss them when she would have collapsed into a quivering ball of grief and rage.

Especially when she found the picture of herself and Susan.

The last thing she held of her best friend. The only surviving photo of that fire to her old apartment. Destroyed by careless hands that just saw it as a venue to insult her from. So many insults and much of it untrue or just rude.  There had been a bit more vandalization since that day as well, the apartment was not able to be properly locked. Someone had already picked through the DVDs and games taking anything that had not been wrecked by the original vandals. Others had emptied the kitchen of her food and cooking gear. Which mildly irked her as she had a kick ass steel pot set, and her stock pots had been favorite items of hers.

Someone had stolen all her fancier clothing articles from her room, and a few other things had gone missing or were damaged.

She found though the little envelope under the edge of the carpet in the closet of the bedroom. Which held a small stash of emergency money. Escape money. It was just enough that if she had to she could pack up whatever could fit into her hatchback and drive somewhere. It wasn’t enough for an apartment deposit, but alternatively it could cover part of an emergency bill, or be drawn on for whatever reason she might have serious need of it. And unlike a checking or savings account were she could see the number there, this was a case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’.

It was not much, but at the moment every little bit helped. There was so little left, that the two small bags she managed to rummage together felt, underwhelming and hardly worth the effort of sorting through all the destroyed pieces of her life.

Hope was just, standing, in the middle of the room when Karkat came out of the bedroom with the single bag from there. At her feet was her other bag of random bits of things.

She was staring at the destroyed frame and the photo there. Her face completely dead. But Karkat felt he’d known her long enough to know when she was just being fucking stubborn about her feelings. He walked over and took the picture from her hands, which made her blink at him, not focused and her eyes were overly bright.

The troll just gave her a tight hug. Closing his eyes when he felt her begin to shake then burst into tears on his shoulder. Karkat shushed and stroked her hair letting her cry herself out as long as she needed.

For all the changes in their lives, it was surprising how much was good. Gamzee was doing much better living with people than alone. He stayed calmer. For all Karkat got louder as time went on, he also seemed to relax more and smiled more as well. For Hope, she’d found it difficult ot live with others in general. Her parents had been standoffish, and while she lived with Susan, the two of them had their own spaces still.

Having no real space of her own that she didn’t have to share was getting to grate on her nerves. The little grub not so much, the little one needed attention, and wasn’t overly demanding. Often content to play with a toy on the floor while she worked or curl up beside her for a nap. And while the little one was growing at an almost alarming rate (she gave up on the onsie idea.) the grub learned fast and had a couple  dozen words in its vocabulary (one of course being ‘Jinglebutt’ just to make Karkat go off the deep end, the other favorites included ‘beep’ ‘honk’ ‘miracles’ ‘fuckass’ and ‘motherfuck’. The last two usually resulted in Hope going off the deep end.) aside from the usual buzz, clicks, purrs and other ‘normal’ sounds for a young troll. When Hope was feeling crowded she usually took the little grub outside to play in the grass and climb on the slides. The human children who frequented the playground in the complex of Karkat’s condo quickly learned that while delicate the little grub loved to play silly games, and a couple of the larger children had endless fun coming up with games that included the grub. Hope kept a close eye, as the grub could get a little rambunctious and accidently hurt its friends with his sharp teeth and claws.

Currently Hope was sitting in the grass in the shade, the little grub playing a ‘memory’ game with another child, (score at current being 3 to 1, with the grub kicking ass) who sat between his mother’s legs and would put the cards out carefully so that both he and the grub could reach them easily to flip them over.

“I can’t believe you managed to adopt one of the troll young.” The other mother, Jade, said as she watched the children play.

“I was told this was temporary. This poor little one, well had a rough time.  I’ve been taking care of him until someone finds a Lusus. I’m surprised they let me keep him this long.” She smiled though as the little one started flipping cards and was clicking in mirth while Jade’s son groaned in defeat. They started to set another game.

“Have you decided on a name?” the long haired woman in glasses asked.

Hope shook her head “Not really, the guys made it pretty clear the tradition of not naming grubs has a good reason, seems many don’t survive the change from grub to pupa.”

“That is so sad!” Jade said stroking back her son’s hair. The boy grinned up at her and then flipped a pair of cards, they were not a match so he flipped them back over. The little grub flipped a couple cards, also not a match, so Jade’s son flipped them back for it.

“Their bodies go through so many changes in a very short time. Losing the middle claws, which aren’t real limbs as of yet.” She said, willing to share some of the things she’d been learning about the early stages of troll development. “While they have limbs growing, their internal anatomy still shifting and changing under their skins, until they chrysalis, they start massive amounts of growth in a matter of a few weeks. Then they pop out looking like our children.”

Jade reached over and patted Hope’s hand, “Your little one will make it, I’m sure” she said sweetly.

Hope gave her a slight grin in return. Then picked up the little grub who gave a huge toothy yawn. “I think it’s time for someone to take a nap.” She said cradling the little grub. Who blinked at her sleepy, then gave a slow wave at the other boy who gathered up his cards and waved back.

“bye” the boy said and hugged his mom. Jade grinned “See you later Hope.”

“Later Jade.”

**000**

Karkat looked down at the note that hit his desk. The young woman before him he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. She wasn’t smiling or much of anything really, but then it was likely because she looked like she’d rather be home in bed.

“What’s this?” he demanded.

“Hospital note.” She stated blandly “Why I’ve been gone the last few days. I’ll get to work then Sir.” Lucy was one of the few in the office that used any form of ‘title’ with Karkat. Most everyone else just called him by his first or last name. He didn’t really care either way. The other people who called him any form of title, “Boss” was most common, a couple other people called him ‘Sir’ but that was usually stupid humans thinking they could nose their way into his good graces, or were in trouble with him. He didn’t get that vibe off this woman.

Picking up the note he raised a brow. Trolls were a hardy bunch, but he saw the note said she’d been sick and frankly had a prolonged excuse on it. So, why was she here instead of at home?

“Lucy” he said and she stopped at the door looking back at him, confused then suddenly he saw her face fall into a weary kind of acceptance.

That confused Karkat, what she think he was about to do? Yell at her?

“Why on earth are you here? You had pneumonia, I don’t know a lot about your pathetic human diseases but I know this one is supposed to be dangerous.”

“I.. already missed nearly a week of work.” She said starting to look confused.

He pulled a drawer and looking through he found her folder and was surprised at how, well, thick it was. “Sit.” He told her and hesitantly she did. Seating herself on the very edge of the chair like she expected to run. Karkat leaned back and started looking through the file. It was actually pretty substantial and a lot of it good, but then he found the write ups.

‘Lack of attendance’ ‘called out sick’ obviously the prior guy seemed to think she was doing this on purpose, but behind the write ups he saw notes. Loads and loads of notes. Every time she was out, even just for a day, she had a doctor’s note. Hell there was one write up attached to a FAX that listed a series of injuries that looked like she had been in a car wreck. She was out for a couple months that time.

Yeah, the asshole before him likely had her convinced her job was on the line. Well, this whole ‘Corporate America’ nonsense was ending here.

He pulled out all the write ups. And holding them so she could see and know what they where, he ripped them in half dropping the pieces into the trash bin next to his desk.

“Let’s start again. I’m not that fuckass monkey bulge that was here before. According to the rest of this file you are at least half ways competent.” Not just competent, brilliant. She had several recommendations from her supervisor and even a couple ungiven awards. He would have to correct that. “That’s enough for me. Now, your attendance does need some work, what causes you to be out all the time?” he asked her leaning folded arms on the desk in front of him.

She blinked rapidly. He waited, rather hoping she didn’t start crying.

Instead the young woman took a long breath and then broke suddenly into a bright smile at him. She relaxed into the seat and held shaking hands in her lap. This wasn’t Hope’s ‘I’m scared and won’t admit it’ shaking, but honest ‘I’m very sick right now’ kind of shaking, “I have practically no immune system. When I was just a baby I ended up getting sick before my immune system fully developed.  I’ve gotten better over the years, but well. One person comes into work with a sniffle and “she gave a helpless shrug.

He got the idea. This was one of those vicious circles. She got sick, lost time as work, lost money, had bills to pay, hospital fees, insurance, and missed work so that she had less money to pay those bills. Her missed time at work got her employers to instead of working with her obvious disability instead they just fired her and she had to find another place to work. No wonder she had so many notes on file. She likely kept them too, so that when she was fired for some bogus BS she could take her ream of missed days and doctor’s notes and at least get some unemployment until she got a new job. Leaning back in his seat he thought about this, there had to be a better way to handle this. Suddenly an idea hit him. “How would you deal with having a later shift?” he asked her and she frowned a little.

“Well, I’m a bit of a night owl, so I guess a later shift wouldn’t bug me too much, long as I’m not screwing with my sleep cycle. The doctors don’t like me doing that.”  She admitted.

“I’m thinking the 5 til 1 shift.” He told her.

“Well, yeah that wouldn’t be so bad.” She agreed.

He gave a nod “Fewer humans on that shift and far as I’ve seen so far Trolls and Humans don’t tend to transfer much between each other. Now, the office next to mine is currently empty and being used as storage.” He pulled a pen and some forms starting to draft up the changes “If you have your own environment to escape to we can likely do our best to avoid more of this nonsense.” If anything he needed someone who was a problem solver. And from what he was looking over her file it looked like she was just what he needed. Her supervisor had multiple recommendations for promotions, several he noticed would have put her into one of the few ‘self motivated’ sections of the staff. Would have meant she did not have to deal with everyone else and their germs.

Of course all ignored. He cast an eye to see who her supervisor was, and his pen paused. Kanaya. Interesting.

The way the human stared at him, this sort of understanding she was not use to. Karkat found himself feeling amused. Mainly because it really did feel like a big ‘Fuck You’ to the previous asshole and to the higher-ups who where after him to try and ‘cut back’ on his work force. What sort of idiots were they? This was one of the best producing facilities they had and the workload was already fucking insane.  Unlike the prior fuckass he wasn’t sitting on his ass back here playing solitaire. He was still taking calls, as well as dealing with sorting out the employees under him and going through the comment box that far as he could see the prior guy never did more than dump it into the garbage once it got too full. So he was looking over the stuff, most of it admittedly he was chucking as well. Suggestions for office parties and other bits of nonsense. He already hated these guys, why would he want to have a party with them?

“For today” he told her “Get your supervisor to help you clear out the office, the files can be stacked in the file room where they belong and we can get someone to sort and file them later.”

The woman nodded at him. He was glad she wasn’t blubbering. He already had that for today. When he promoted John to the new supervisor of his old section.  If this worked out, then he would have himself someone he can toss files onto and basically be his secretary (he was told he wasn’t allowed one, well she wasn’t taking calls for him so they could suck his bulge) thus leaving him more time to take care of other matters.

“Right then, when you are done with that. Go home and don’t come back into this office until your doctors have cleared you.” He nodded “And since this change in your job starts your clock over, you have some sick leave you can use. So no loss in pay.” And he had the thought that since much of the stuff he wanted her to do could be done out of the office, he could have her sent home with a laptop or something and so long as she doesn’t fill it with porn or some such thing, he could have her work from home several days a week. She was listed as being a very motivated and honest individual. He waved her out his attention on paperwork and bringing up the computer files to see how much else needed to be purged off this record.

Lucy stood at the doorway a few moments and gave a respectful nod before she left him alone.

**000**

Hope really wanted Karkat to be home right now. Really _really_ wanted him home. She sat between very volatile juggelos and watched the little grub tumble through the tiny play set she’d set up. Thick formed plastics wood and other materials that could be chewed on with little detriment to the troll teeth and insides incase the little grub swallowed a little. All stacked and shaped with items that could be moved, pushed, lifted and otherwise there to engage the grub who was currently happily pushing a wooden bead from one side to the other of the twisted contraption.

“That is ingenious.” One voice to her right said. “Many a lusus would enjoy having something like this around. Might give them time to sleep instead of being a grub’s jungle gym.”

“It wasn’t that hard to think up.” Hope rubbed the back of her head glancing nervously at the Grand Highblood.

On her other side Gamzee gave a warning growl, so she snapped her eyes back down to the little grub.

The highblood gave a nasty smirk and put his arm on the back of the couch, which Gamzee immediately shoved away and made sure his arm was there to keep the other highblood from getting any closer to Hope than he already was. So the highblood rested his hand on Hope’s back which made the girl go incredibly still as he leaned closer to Gamzee “Wanna push harder motherfucker?” he asked him dangerously.

GOD! She just wanted to scream right now, stuck in a pissing contest between two trolls. And it really wasn’t even about her really. She knew instinctively that the Grand highblood didn’t give so much as a flying fuck about her. He was just trying to push Gamzee’s buttons.

And Gamzee was letting his buttons be pushed.

“OK! So, who wants a soda?” Hope got up to try and break this oppressive mood. Suddenly she found herself nabbed and staring into the Grand Highblood’s eyes, he was staring at her with a sleepy amusement “So, you been pailed yet?” he asked her bluntly.

Hope felt her eyes go big and spluttered. Trying to pull back from this troll and finding herself unable to. What the hell was wrong with this guy?

Well until suddenly Gamzee grabbed her and pulled her back against himself. He just growled at the Highblood. Who was leaning back on the couch looking amused. Hope could only stand there feeling a bit trapped. She heard a sound behind and managed to look around Gamzee to see that the little grub was staring, little green eyes wide and unsure.

“OKAY! ENOUGH!” Hope managed to drop herself to the floor, which got her away from Gamzee. Cause either that or he’d have to follow her down “Both of you! I am not going to be in the middle of your testosterone laden pissing contest! I am NOT a prize! And you are scaring the baby!” she went over and picked up the little grub and with a glare at the pair of them marched off and slammed the door to Karkat’s room. One of the few rooms that even had a lock on it she could just shut against them. Let them duke it out without her.

On the other side of the door both males watched the door slam, one with a slight feeling of confused befuddlement and the other with growing amusement.

“Feisty!” the Highblood laughed.

Gamzee growled at him and he waved him off “Oh, I’m not here to do more than yank your chain. Though advise from me, humans can be incredibly fickle, if you want to keep that one better step up or change tactics.”

“What the motherfuck would you know?” Gamzee demanded.

The Highblood raised a painted brow “Oh seriously? You think that Unique just hangs around me because I pay her? Well, she does that too.” He laughed.

“She is in your quadrants?”

“Nope.” The Highblood grinned “Not a one. Its... more of a human thing we got going.”

Now suddenly Gamzee sat down flopping onto the floor like a puppet whose strings were suddenly cut “Seriously?”

The highblood nodded and leaned forward “Humans feel a bit differently, not putting a box on my relationship with Unique means that I get to keep her forever and always. In turn she has in her freedom given me everything she has. She both is, and is not everything to me. And I’m old enough to be cool with this.” He leaned back in the couch and glanced back to the door “She likes that wriggler doesn’t she?” the sudden change of   topic made Gamzee stop and change gears for a moment before he figured out what the Highblood meant.

“Yeah, she even got toys and books and these flash card things. Karkat indulges her. I think its motherfucking cute. She’s even taught the little motherfucker words.”

The highblood’s brows shot up “Really? That is interesting, so its vocal cords are developing already? That is fast. I wonder if we will start seeing similar speedy development among the grubs being taken into troll families with adults as well as lusus?”

“I know the little thing gets more play time with other children. All human, but it makes the thing much more active than I ever was.”

This made the highblood thoughtful, but he did sigh “Well, I mostly came to tell you that we may have a lusus for the grub. It took awhile because we had to figure out first how the human’s got hold of the grubs” he sighed.

Gamzee tilted his head and the highblood rubbed the bridge of his nose, wiping the makeup he wore from it “They found a spot were some grubs had come out of the hive from and dug their way in, then snatched a dozen or so infants and slipped out before any patrols came by. This, is going to make things incredibly difficult. We can’t just go stopping grubs from digging their way out, the coppers and maroons tend to prefer that way, and the water dwellers prefer finding a water source to escape through, so we can’t go blocking those ways either.” He looked like he had a bit of a headache over this matter.

Gamzee’s eyes darkened and narrowed “Do we know who did this?” his voice was low and very dangerous.

The highblood blinked at Gamzee and grinned widely “Looks like we might make a subjuggulator out of you yet.” He said with a laugh “not yet, but now that we have a rough count of grubs they have taken we can start looking for patterns that should hopefully lead us to them. Unless they have just chopped up the rest of the grubs and are keeping them in a freezer, then not much will be showing up at all.” He shrugged; it was the facts of the case. Human law of course was butting their noses in, but when it came to the hives themselves, that was troll territory. No humans allowed.

He stood up “When Karkat gets back, the Lusus will be at the Hive, come on down and we can see about if the exchange takes.” He told Gamzee.

Who frowned and glanced at the doorway were Hope and the grub was. Reaching back he shifted one of the clunky beads with marks from the grub’s chewing on them to the other side of the sliding wire twisting paths it could follow.

“yeah.. sure.” He said quietly.

**000**

Karkat came home to a depressing scene. Hope was curled up with the grub and Gamzee watched her half sprawled in his seated position. He glanced up at Karkat “They found a possible lusus.” He said.

“Oh… well, that’s good.”

“We’re to head to the hive tonight.”

Karkat blinked and looked at Gamzee, he, really didn’t seem to like this at all. And from the way Hope was protectively curled. Karkat sighed and rubbed his head near his horns in frustration “Why didn’t they do this shit sooner!” he growled “That way no one got fucking attached!”

“They were trying to figure out and prevent more such things as this.” Gamzee said softly “The motherfuckers dug their way into the hive between patrols. They stole the wigglers before they even properly left the hive.”

“That’s... disgusting!” Karkat said. If they had not even left on their own, what if something was wrong with the little ones? Let alone, the numbers that died in their chrysalis shells. This was just all wrong. Here they were with a grub not yet ready to leave the hive, and where all going to be sentimental and stupid about this he knew it. He pinched the bridge of his nose “Fine, let’s... just get this over with.” He said softly and gently went over touching Hope’s shoulder “Common, it’s time to go.”

The girl sat up and he saw her scrub at her eyes. Something in him twisted. It just, felt wrong. So wrong.

They got up and together. Hope gathered favorite toys, blankets, and snacks into a bag. Then putting on the better sling than her original makeshift one she’d created from torn sheets she laid the little wiggler in the hollow and pulled its blanket over it to guard it from any lights that might wake up the sleeping little one.

Gamzee took the bag from her and headed for Karkat’s car. Hope followed and Karkat came along behind.

He… did NOT fucking liked this. Their little group was not traditional; there were no quadrants involved (other than his and Gamzee’s moirailship) they had no reason to be raising a grub, it wasn’t how things were done! They were completely silent when they got into the car in their usual spot. Karkat pulled out of the lot and headed for the Egg Hive near the river.

When they got near they stopped at a public parking lot. They would have to walk the rest of the way to the hive. Currently there were a few other troll groupings bringing their material to the hive, and the trio of two trolls and a human with a grub garnered a few stares.

Hope just kept her head down and arms wrapped protectively around the grub. She felt like her heart was breaking. Like she was losing something important to her. But she couldn’t go against the ruling on this one. Trolls had their way of doing things, it was not just tradition but part of their identity. She couldn’t help though to wonder what the little one would have been like, would he have had the same infectious smile? Would the giggles of the pupa be as adorable as the clicks of the grub? Will it be a boy or a girl? Will it proudly show off its latest crayon creation or decide to be a book worm?

Hope bit the inside of her lip as they reached the hive. It was a simple but large and very organic looking structure. Adult trolls were directing things and seeing to the constant repair and care of the hive. From the outside it seemed to be an almost 3 story building of a sort, built almost more like a bee hive. She’d been told that it went down several hundred feet below ground and possibly even below the riverbed. Grubs tunneled and repairs had to be made or risk the hive flooding.

They paused by the gate that blocked the entrance to the hive, the sorting room, were all grubs who finished their journeys in the lower sections were gathered to and would chrysalis or would be picked up by a lusus before or after that stage. There were various Lusus around. Waiting for their chance to choose or be chosen. Hope had no clue how this choosing process went. She had the impression they were assigned, but from the way things were situated at the moment she wasn’t so sure about that.

The guards looked like they were going to say something when the Grand Highblood came up behind them “We’re all ready” he said and opened the gate letting the three in. Hope was feeling very nervous as they got closer to and then entered the building. They came into what well, appeared to be an arena. The highblood put a hand on Hope’s shoulder and waved a hand at the guys.

Karkat stopped Gamzee from following anyway and drew his friend to the side were they could watch.

Hope felt a growing sense of unease as she went down to the arena floor with the Grand Highblood. “What…” she started but he silenced her and down on the floor she looked around.

There was nothing there, but a large white form in the center of the floor. As they drew closer to the white shape, it slowly unfolded and stood up. The creature was huge, vaguely dog like. Except its tail was so long it draped like a train along the floor as it took a few steps towards them and it had long elegant horns from its head.

Hope found herself drawing back, this was once a Troll? The thing was bigger than the Grand Highblood, hell it was absolutely enormous. Seeing her nervousness the Grand Highblood stopped where they stood and kept a hand on her back to keep her from moving.

He bowed to the Lusus who sat down trail curling around its feet and it inclined its heavy head towards them as well. Then lowered its head until it was at a level with Hope leaning forward.

She found herself staring into its eyes, and it made a soft, trill. Like the little grub would make when pleased. Slowly she reached up, as if asking permission and the dog like beast put its narrow nose into her palm, eyes dripping closed. She found her nervousness dripping away. It was, so soft. There was a rumbling purr from the creature and she smiled at it.

 _It’s ok_ , the voice didn’t feel like it came from her own mind, it was like it was outside. She blinked at the Lusus who gave her a nod.

Biting her lip she removed the blanket from over the sling and the little grub twisted and blinked sleepily, then let out a large yawn. It blinked its bright eyes up at the Lusus staring down at it and made cheerful clicking noises. Slowly Hope pulled the little grub out of the sling and gave it a cuddle. Then set it down on the floor.

The grub immediately wanted to investigate the Lusus’ tail, and the creature lowered its head to seem to commune with the little grub, who seemed to have absolutely no fear of the huge being.

Hope took a couple steps back and swallowed. Feeling like her heart was shattered at her feet. She blinked a couple times and then just closed her eyes. Waiting for the Highblood to tell her it was over.

Instead her eyes snapped open when she heard a sound of the little one in distress. She saw it suddenly trying to get away from the Lusus, crawling very fast back towards her. The Lusus did not move, just watched, the tips of its ears twitching. She tried to stay put, she really did but the little squeals of fear made her rush and pick up the little one who buried its head against her and started to cry.

The Highblood blinked and went to the Lusus who lowered its head and let him lay his hand on its now. The two stayed that way, silent, for awhile talking to each other. Hope shushed and calmed the little grub who clung to her desperately.

“Huh…” the Highblood said and rested his hands on his hips “Well that is fucking unexpected.”

Gamzee was clutching the side of the arena from their perch with hands so tight he cracked the wall under his fingers. Karkat kept a hand on Gamzee and was just as confused by things.

Below Hope started to take a couple steps towards the Lusus, as if to try again, but stopped when she heard from the grub “momma!” it was like a stab through the heart and she wrapped her arms around the little grub sinking to her knees and crying.

The Highblood looked back and then at the Lusus who tilted its head as if to say “see what I mean?”

The large troll rubbed his head “Well, this is definitely unexpected. And there are going to be a lot of confused trolls.”

Hope looked up at the troll not sure what he meant. From the stands Gamzee escaped Karkat and jumped over the side. He landed lightly on his feet and marched a crossed the floor to the set, coming up behind Hope he glared about “What is the motherfuck is all this?” he demanded stopping behind Hope and hovering protectively. Karkat rushed down the stair to come onto the floor from the lower way rather than jumping as Gamzee had done but he rushed over and was watching the scene just as confused.

The Grand Highblood walked over and knelt before Hope, resting an arm on one knee “The bond between Lusus and Pupa runs very deep.” He told her “All trolls have a small amount of psyonic powers, for some it becomes very strong, others it’s only enough to form the Lusus bond. When this Lusus attempted to form the bond with the grub, he was rejected.”

Karkat got there “Rejection? So it’s not the right lusus?”

The Highblood looked up and shook his head “No, because the grub had already bonded.”

“With motherfucking who?” Gamzee asked.

“With her.”  He nodded his head at Hope.

Who was blinking very large round eyes “What?” her voice echoed both Gamzee’s and Karkat’s similar expletives.

“She must have enough psychic power in herself, or the grub was strong enough to form the bond despite the lack of ability in the human.” The Highblood stood and was speaking more to Gamzee and Karkat. “Either case, this is going to make things more difficult, especially with some of these ‘well meaning’ humans running about. If they can form the guardian bonds with our children.” He gave a shrug.

Hope was staring down at the little grub who calmed down and after a few moments looked up at her and gave a shaky smile. Which she returned. “I love you.” She said softly and was rewarded with an even bigger smile and a cuddle.

She looked up as the Highblood was behind her now, talking with Gamzee and Karkat. For Hope she stared into the eyes of the Lusus, who leaned down and nuzzled her. It was like getting a warm hug from someone who wiped away the tears and said everything would be alright. Reaching up her hand she touched the nose of the Lusus and felt her mind fill with all the little details she had to struggle to figure out. The missing pieces for how to take care of a grub, a chrysalis, and pupa. In return she gave all she knew and the things she’d been doing. Showing the toys, and the play between the grub and the human children. The lusus gave a happy rumble. It was a silent exchange, but then, it didn’t need more than that.

“So, what is going to be done?” Karkat asked.

“It’s a strong bond according to the Lusus” the Highblood said, “The only way to break it without breaking both their minds would be to kill one.”

Gamzee started a growl that said clearly what he thought of that idea. The Highblood raised his hands in placations “She’s already gotten the Lusus’ blessings.” He pointed behind him and the pair holding so still with the human’s hand on the other nose. “They are trading parenting tips I’m sure.” He said with amusement.

“But, about the Chrysalis?” Karkat asked.

“We can keep her and it here. From this moment on her status will go down in the troll logs as a Lusus.” He shrugged “It’s about the best I can do at the moment. If the grub passes on, it will mean she can have another chance, but I wouldn’t suggest it. As it is the little grub is actually very premature. It will be another month or two before it starts its change.”

“No kidding.” Karkat said “Wow, this... fucking complicates things.”

The highblood gave a wide eyed look of ‘you’re telling me’ but sighed when he turned and saw Hope stand with the Lusus’ help. The grub had fussed itself back to sleep. So she settled it in her sling. Before she had a chance to say much of anything she found herself enveloped by Gamzee who hugged her tightly.

The highblood came over “I assume you will know now what to do when the grub starts to pupate?”

Hope nodded “I come here.”

He nodded “Right, well I will have to go make some arrangements and excuses.” He rubbed his head “I am so glad we are between empresses at the moment.” He said.

**000**

Notes: And here lies the longest chapter to date! Most the others I’ve been keeping around 4000 words and less than 10 pages, this one is over 10 pages and closer to 7000 words LOL.

Alright! I’ve gotten a couple votes for gender and LOADS of suggestions for names. I’ll keep track of the more popular choices. It’ll be a few chapters yet before we discover the gender and name of our young troll! Baring evil plot bunnies ruining it all and killing my cast LOL.

Feel free to post comments, suggestions and hopes in the review!

LOL, and this is the first time I’ve started to consider a tumblr… I tend to avoid excessive amounts of this sort of stuff... but what you all think?


	13. Word Up

Relearning to Breath chapter 13

This out to lunch sign replaces the disclaimers warning

Word Up

000

Terezi waved the push in front of the little grub who clicked and made sounds that almost sounded like a human child’s giggle trying to catch the dragon looking plush. “Oops!” Terezi pulled it just out of reach as the little wiggler made a jump for it. This drew out more happy noises so Hope let the Lawyer go on torturing her ward. The lawyer offered to come along with the human to her doctor appointment. Which was good, since she wasn’t able to leave the little grub anywhere at the moment. It was being a bit clingy, not wanting to be too far away from her. A trip down to the hive proved it was rather normal with strong bonds and especially with a ‘premie’ like this little grub was.

Gamzee was having one of his low times so she couldn’t trust the grub at home with him, let alone that would likely have been outside the ‘radius’ of what the grub would allow for distance before it would start trying to get to her, or pitch a fit. Karkat had to go yell at people in a meeting at work, so while he was originally going to go with the human to her appointment he ended up having to go to work instead.

So when Terezi offered to come along she was relieved. At least the Lawyer seemed to be able to entertain the little wiggler for the hour or so Hope would be talking with the doctor.

Hope had brought along her bag with all its usual supplies. Food, drinks, toys, cleaning supplies and a blanket, but Terezi seemed to have brought some of her own. A rather cute plushie she called a scalemate, and some treats that were unfamiliar to Hope, but the little grub seemed to absolutely love. They looked homemade, she was likely going to have to get the recipe from Terezi for them.

The nurse came to the doorway of the waiting room “Ms Newell? Dr. Scratch will see you now.”

“Knock em dead” Terezi told her as if she was going to some sort of job interview or audition. Hope just shook her head. She told the little grub to be good for Terezi and then followed the nurse back.

000

“I am glad I don’t have to talk to that guy more than once.” She admitted to Terezi as they sat together in a deli. Terezi was currently sniffing condiments on the table and seeming to debate on if she wanted to add any of them (or possibly all of them with the way she was going back and taking little tastes with her fingers) to her food. After a moment she ended up adding mayo to her drink instead of her sandwich, tasted the result, shuddered, then drank it anyway.

Hope pulled a face and decided not to ask and went back to eating her salad and pushing bits aside for the grub to take. The little one was happily munching a piece of grilled chicken, and had laid claim to the strawberry that was on the plate. It seemed to be saving it. The little one was by this point as long as Hope’s arm and a bit big to be sitting on the table, but it didn’t fit in a highchair very well with its current configurement. So they made do.

“When I heard you shouting, I thought things must have been going smashingly.” Terezi said to Hope.

She rolled her eyes “The guy was being a bit of a long winded ass. How on earth did he get his license? Did he even listen to a word I said? I think I got more out during the written portion of that interview. But, so long as we get what we need for the hearing, I don’t really care.”

Terezi chuckled “that’s the spirit!” she said and offered a bite of her sandwich to the grub who opened wide and took a very big bite, nearly getting Terezi’s fingers. The other troll just seemed to laugh it off if she actually noticed how close her fingers had been to peril.

“So when we going to see the results of this thing?” Hope asked the Lawyer who paused and rested her chin on her hand.

“Well, we should be getting the results back in the next day or two. I’ll forward that to the judge for review.” She sighed “Back home was so much easier.”

“So you’ve said.” Hope had made the mistake of asking for more details already and got more than she ever wanted to know. Aside from being much more brutal a law system, it involved fights with monsters and all sorts or strange confusing things. If anything jumping the hoops of troll law was even more convoluted than human law.

Although Terezi told her, tax code was pretty close to the troll justice system.

Which just made it sound even more painful to Hope.

“Once the Judge looks it over he’ll note it down. If anything comes up during the hearing he can pull that out and tell the other side to go stuff themselves.” Terezi commented. “So this should be painless as possible.”

“I am glad.” Hope said with a sigh “I just hope the hearing comes before this one has to go back to the Hive.”

Terezi nodded “It should and if by some small chance it does actually make to trial, I’ll make sure it’s so far out a date that this one will be in college.” The lawyer promised her.

Hope laughed. She’d found that her lawyer had a rather warped sense of humor most the time, but periodically could come up with an answer to a problem that amused her. Like making sure if Susan’s parents tried to push things past the hearing that it never saw its day in court at all.

But after all the talk she had with Terezi over the case, she was pretty sure after the hearing that would likely be the end of it.  And the other troll had a way of wording things that let Hope see the absurdity of the situation and that she really didn’t need to feel panicked or worried much about it. Oh, shit could still happen, but the chances of this getting out of hand was low. Terezi doubted that Susan’s parents money would outlast the troll’s patients in this matter. All Terezi had to do was outwait them. It wasn’t any skin off her nose and she wasn’t paying for any of it. Neither was Hope. Well other than she and the guys had to buy Terezi meals. Today was Hope’s turn. And it was down to the local sandwich shop called ‘Fat n Skinny’s’ A place that Hope was growing fond of and was close to Terezi’s work. It was inexpensive and filling with a fairly good sized menu.

Finishing its bit of food the little grub went to the bag sititng on the empty chair between Hope and Terezi, then half falling in (Hope had to reach over to keep the little one from toppling completely rump over head) it came up with the new scalemate that Terezi gave it. Then snuggled with the toy. Hope grinned “Seems your gift was a huge hit Terezi. He love it.”

Terezi grinned widely and chuckled “I’m glad. That one was one of my favorites growing up. One of the few that didn’t hang. Innocent enough to give onto the next generation I say.”

Hope laughed “Just don’t go trying to turn him into a lawyer too.”

Terezi waved her hand “Na, jobs tend to be more connected with blood type among trolls. Various catagories that a troll will go hunt through for work rather than the way you humans do it.”

“What if someone wants to go outside that?” she asked.

“Doesn’t happen really. I mean there was a few wars, but that was more over equality than work.” Terezi said, “We do tend to be predisposed towards particular activities.”

Which made Hope think about Gamzee and his constant struggle with himself. “I, can see that. I guess.”

Terezi seemed to stop and stare at her. Taking off her red glasses she licked the lenses before putting them back on again “Makara is, a kind of rare case.” She said suddenly as if she could follow Hope’s thoughts. Or perhaps it was licking the lenses that gave her a better ‘look’ at Hope’s facial expression. “Most  trolls of his hemospectrum are not so conflicted, it’s the conflict that makes him so unpredictable.”

“But he’s not happy.” She said leaned on her elbow “He really doesn’t like hurting people.”

Terezi leaned back and seemed to try and think how to word things “Its, sort of a troll thing, but he’s a rare case. Something in him got broken somehow, and he hid from himself too long. Its caused a kind of, applification. The side of him is more violent than it has to be. I mean” she thought “Have you met any others of his blood type?”

Hope groaned “Dear lord, yes..” she covered her face. Sure the Grand Highblood was alright, so long as he didn’t get it into his head to torment Gamzee, and usually he would do that through her or Karkat. Which made both of them more than a little nervious. It he had his bouncer with him it wasn’t so much a big deal. The woman had a way of making the highblood back off.

Hell, Gamzee’s bad mood this morning was because of the Highblood last night.

Terezi laughed at Hope’s despairing tone of voice “Oh? So someone I might know?”

“He, runs the club Trillians outside town. Everyone calls him Grand Highblood.”

Terezi went still “Um, he might not be a good example then of that blood type.”

“How so?”

“He’s nuts”

Hope rubbed her face and pulled lightly on it and gave Terezi a very long suffering look “OK, so both the indigo blooded trolls I have met are considered insane. Are you SURE the whole spectrum isn’t batshit?”

This seemed to be incredibly funny to the other troll who just laughed. “I’m sure. The Grand Highblood is actually the eldest of that line currently in existence. It is likely what has led to his insanity.”

“Eldest? Like, how old?”

“Well…” Terezi was trying to think “I haven’t any hard numbers, and I don’t even want to attempt the math conversion for your human years. But I know in troll numbers he’s at least a couple thousand sweeps. Maybe more.”

Hope felt her eyes pop “Thousands?” the general consensus that had finally come up was that for sweep and year conversion was about two and one half years for every sweep. So, even just keeping the half year out of things the Grand Highblood in human years was well over four thousand years.

“Seriously? I mean… I heard that there was some aging differences with troll and their blood types but.. Really?”

Terezi nodded “The higher up the blood spectrum one goes and the longer they live, usually the higher bloods end up killing each other off, or die of disease, accidents, not so accidents, or choose to force themselves into a lusus state, that always shortens the lifespan.”

This had Hope utterly silent. One hand over her mouth as she tried to wrap her mind around the concept.

That unless something happened, Gamzee was going to live a very long time.

The Grand Highblood, who was already old. Over Halloween he had dressed as the Sufferer. It now made her wonder about that. Was he old enough to have actually met the troll?

Which made one also wonder about his costume choices that night. Was that just a personal costuming choice?

Or a statement?

“So, what about the lowest bloods?”

“They have the shortest lifespans.” Terezi admitted “the copper I believe the math goes live roughly the same as humans. Part of what makes them more common among the hatchlings. Then the years go up from there. You hit the purples and you get really long. Our Empress lines as far as I know never die naturally.”

“Empress?”

“Only one of that blood color is born at periodic intervals. The prior one may choose to retire when the new one is old enough to take over, or more likely what has happened is she’s been assassinated by someone along the lines.”

“Well, that sucks.”

Terezi waved it off “Don’t worry about it.”

Hope sat back then smiled as the little grub was curled up sleeping on the edge of the table. She set out its wrap on the chair and carefully picked up the grub setting it into the little nest that made and put the plushie in with it. Then picked the blanket out of the bag to cover the little one up and smiled at it clicked contently.

Terezi seemed to ‘watch’ the whole thing with utter fascination. “It’s strange seeing a human lusus. You can’t even turn yourself into a proper one. But that just makes me think of the stories of the sufferer. He was not raised by a Lusus.”

Hope blinked looking up “Really? I’ve been very curious about him, the guys talk a bit about him, but Gamzee follows the Mirthful Messiahs, and Karkat just doesn’t like to talk about history much.”

Terezi chuckled “well, I can’t say how accurate I would be. Most of what remains about his history is known because it was written down by his Disciple. And then recopied by others over the years. So I can’t say how accurate some of the stories really are anymore.”

“I’d like to hear them.”

“How about we go by my office. I actually have one of the books.”

Hope laughed “I couldn’t read it! I’ve seen the troll dialect.”

“Oh!” and the lawyer face palmed “I forgot.” She pointed to her eyes “Blind. And you talk so much like one of us half the time I keep forgetting you are squishy and pink.”

She chuckled “well from you I guess that’s a compliment.”

Hope spent the rest of the afternoon listening to Terezi weave stories of some of the trolls historical figures.

000

Bag over her shoulder and the grub currently sleeping in its wrap nest, Hope locked her car door and started up the path towards Karkat’s condo. She paused when she spotted Jade looking around. “Jade?” Hope walked up to the woman “Loose your keys or something?”

The woman grabbed Hope’s shoulders “My son! Eric is missing. He was playing and I took a minute to answer an IM on my phone. When I looked up he was gone. I’m been trying to find him for an hour!”

Hope felt her throat go dry “Have you tried inside? Maybe he wanted some juice?”

“Yes, all his usual hiding spots! OH god!” Hope grabbed the woman’s shoulders and gave her a light shake to pay attention to her.

“Call the police,” she said “And I’ll help look ok?” the franticness of Jade and Hope woke up the grub who seemed confused. Then seeing Jade it suddenly put up its little claws clicking “err errrrrrr!”

“Eric isn’t here, we’re trying to find him.” Hope told the grub, who scrunched its face and before she could stop it toppled itself out of the wrap and flopped on the ground. Then seemed to sniff about.

Before Hope could pick up the little one again it had already started it’s loping little amble towards the playground. Hope went after. It wasn’t long before the little grub was going in a few circles growing more confused.

“Common sweety, it’s…” she stopped when the grub ran to the side and one of the bushes, pulling out something, it was Eric’s memory game.

And something was scrawled crossed the front.  Hope felt all the blood drain from her face.

Jade rushed over and picked up the box, then clutched it to herself screaming, the little grub stared up confused at the adults.

000

Hope sat holding the little grub and her head resting against Jade’s shoulder. The woman was weeping. The police arrived and were currently conducting their own sweep of the area. The commotion got Gamzee’s attention and he came down. Hope was glad to see he looked calmer. Though his eyes where still a little on the dark side.

He sat down next to Hope and dropped his head to the side as if trying to figure out what was going on.

“Eric, had been kidnapped.” Hope said softly into Jade’s shoulder. The woman buried the palms of her hands into her eyes shaking with more sobs.

Gamzee seemed to darken a little more and Hope lifted her head and looked at him She could see bared teeth, “Gamzee?”

“Who.” Was all he said, not a question. A demand.

Hope bit her lip, “It.. might be related to what happened at my apartment.” She said softly.

Hope fought not to withdraw from Gamzee, unlike the grub who hid itself down into her arms. He hadn’t moved, but something seemed to become deeply disturbed about him. “motherfuckers.” He snarled. Then he stood and walked over to the police. The officer who had taken the memory box was carefully looking through its content, and seemed to be about to say something when Gamzee suddenly grabbed the top of the box looking at the words written there.

Kill the Bug

The drying red blood was human, but splashed a crossed it was a more purpley-pink color. A troll’s blood.

000

Karkat answered the phone in his office. He was tired. All night and the early morning trying to calm down Gamzee after that fucking highblooded bastard started his crazy version of some sort of mediation to provoke Gamzee in concern of his relationships at the moment. Namely Karkat and Hope. Then he had to come in and listen to a bunch of idiots from a so called ‘board of directors’ who kept showing him some bogus report that if he cut back his staff, and pulling out a bunch of names of people he could afford to ‘let go’. They wanted him t o work with half the people and still have the same output. Which basically in Karkat’s mind means someone wanted to try and pocket the difference.

He told them what he thought of that plan. Especially since their list, consisting mainly of his MOST experienced and the younger but highly productive employees would kill this office.

Oh he loved in that when they attempted to threaten his job he only grinned and dared them to. It was surprising how well tricks he learned from mimicking Gamzee did on cowing stupid humans who thought themselves better than he.

Overall, thanks mostly to Lucy, who once he put her in the position he had was going above and beyond the call of duty. She had reorganized the entire file room and taken some of the numbers she’d found to a few of the best crunchers in the collection’s department.

What she came back with gave Karkat so much dirt. It was kind of sad that while he wanted them to fire him, he had a feeling that they would not with what he got. All it would take is a single call and the government would be all over those directors.

Although one bit of information he found he was definitely going to be passing on, just not to any human authority.

One of the directors was funding one of the growing troll hate groups with company money. He was pretty sure the others didn’t know about this, but he wasn’t taking a chance.

And he definitely was not letting them know he had found this evidence at all.

He finished the one call, a simple dispatch calling in that they had finished the job and were on their way back to the office, and hung up. No sooner had he done that then the phone rang again.

He answered bored and feeling a sense of growing irritation at how often the phone had been ringing. He was still sorting through all the messages that many of which would have already been taken care of it the stupid board would let him have a secretary!

“Karkat!” it was Hope’s relieved voice.

Karkat frowned “Why didn’t you call my fucking cell phone?” he couldn’t help that his tone was bitey and a little clipped.

“Because it went right to voice mail!” she snapped back at him and made him blink. He checked the phone and found it was off.

“Battery must have died” he told her.

“Never mind that. Gamzee ran off! I’m afraid he’s going to kill someone!”

“WHAT?” Karkat stood up and his shout was loud enough several people outside his office stopped to stare though the window at the smaller troll.

“Someone kidnapped Jade’s son, and Gamzee went off the deep end.”

“Who?” Karkat blinked in confusion.

“One of the mothers in one of the other condos. Don’t you EVER pay attention when I’m fucking talking to you? I’ve told you about her. She’s got the kid that would play card games with the Jinglebutt” she was really annoyed with him, being she used the ‘name’ that Karkat hated most in reference to the grub.

“OK OK! I get it, so someone fucking ran off with this lady’s kid, how that set Gamzee off?” hell, far as he could tell Gamzee showed absolutely zero interest in anyone around the block he lived in.

“Because the people that took the boy left a message. It was written on the child’s game box, and had both human and troll blood on it.”

Karkat felt himself go dry and what she said next made him sit in shock “The color.”  She paused on the other side as if trying to figure out how to describe it. Which made Karkat fear the answer “Well, it’s definitely purple, boarding on pink from what I recall. I know that’s high on the spectrum.. right?”

Karkat leaned back in his chair his jaw moving and feeling as if someone ripped the rug out form under him “Yes, that’s.. pretty fucking high” he said softly.

She paused and said softly “How high Karkat?”

“Those humans have the next empress”

000

The police had not let Gamzee leave with the box lid, but no one stopped him when he started down the road.

He was angry. He was so motherfucking angry.

And at the moment, the people who could calm him were not enough. He needed more. He needed.

Violence. Death. He needed to paint the walls with the blood of those who had made themselves his enemies. He needed to grind their bones to dust and feel their flesh congeal under his weapons. He blinked when he found himself outside the nightclub, how long had he been walking? It seemed his feet knew where to take him.

He kicked the door, which knocked back that troll bouncer who had been sticking up fliers on the walls around it. “Highblood.” The blue blooded motherfucker stopped whatever he was going to say when he saw Gamzee’s dark gaze. He broke into a sweat, bowing his head with its broken horn, as he just got hastily out of the juggelo’s way. Marching in Gamzee got to the main floor and just let out a roar of rage and fustration. From above the Grand Highblood stood from the table he had been taking care of balancing books with his accountant, and looked down at the angry troll in confusion, sure he had teased him the night before, threatening to make off with Hope, but he was just playing and it was a bit of a push to make Gamzee do something about that relationship

 “Those motherfucking motherfuckers who trashed Hope’s hive took the next empress!” Gamzee shouted his fists tighten until his claws bit into his flesh and drew blood. He was shaking he was so angry, random honks and other noises escaped his throat when he wasn’t shouting at the top of his lungs.

“What?” the Highblood’s eyes widen then narrowed “How do you know?” the other trolls in the establishment had faces reflecting surprise and growing rage.

“Her mother fucking blood. It was on a warning.” He said. “Those motherfuckers took a human pupa and told his mother to motherfucking kill Hope’s grub!”

The Grand Highblood growled dangerously. This was, definitely, big news. “Get up here juggelo, we have a hunt.”

Even the humans backed up at the identical blood lusting smiles the two wore.

 

000

Notes: OK first one, yeah started a tumblr (even though it keeps crashing my display settings… ) Anyway, you can find thoughts, notes and whatnot.. People are free to comment, suggest, post their hopes for the story and if you have a particular question for one of the cast, feel free to ask away! (they may not always answered though. I’m not giving away too many spoilers ;) )

Tumblr name is relearning2breath (.) tumblr (.) com (of course no brackets and remove spaces..)

Anyway I do love talking to people so feel free to stalk, comment, suggest, ask and have fun. 


	14. The Boil

Relearning to Breath chapter 14

Do I need these now? I think a reasonably intelligent person like yourselves know that I don’t own nothing in this story but original characters…. *realizes I’ve written another disclaimer* DAMMIT!

The Boil

000

After hanging up the phone Karkat had to take a moment to breath, to collect his thoughts. Head in his hands he pulled at his hair. This was so bad. He could think of several ways this could end and most of them did not end well.

A soft knock made his head shoot up and he saw three people standing at his door looking concerned. The humans, John and Lucy, and with them the troll Kanaya.

“WHAT?” he snapped, his fear making him more testy than usual. Lucy wore a slightly disapproving expression but John and Kanaya did not seem phased in the slightest.

“We heard, well, everyone heard you in here.” John said as he came into the office and leaned on Karkat’s desk his shoulders hunched a little as he tilted his head at the troll. Lucy was keeping a ‘guard’ on the doorway and Kanaya followed John into Karkat’s office.

Karkat felt his jaw tighten and a glare at Lucy the girl shut his office door.

“One of my friends has gone after some… fuckasses, who stole a bunch of grubs and now it seems a human kid.” Karkat admitted to the three.

John’s eyes widened “Oh my god! Has anyone called the police?”

“My other roommate.” Karkat said “But that’s not the issue..” he trailed off rubbing his face “The issue is that one of the grubs has royal blood.”

And then there was a reaction from Kanaya “WHAT?” she suddenly said and Karkat looked up startled and suddenly rather scared of the usually calm troll. Her eyes were blazing “The royal? The Empress?”

“Er.. yeah, far as I can tell. I only got the description of the blood from a human.” He said hastily trying to calm the other troll.

“Er, excuse me for being, well.. dense.. But what’s all this?” John said and Kanaya looking at the two confused humans seemed to calm.

“We have a few blood types who are very rare. One is our empress. One is only born every few thousand sweeps. Always female, and always destined to rule our people. She has in her blood incredibly powers.” Kanaya, “and our last empress was killed during the exodus off our planet, as far as anyone knows anyway. But if the humans had stolen our next empress.”

Karkat nodded “If they end up killing her, they will likely trigger a war.”

Lucy was the one that spoke then “Sir, you should go find your friend before he does something too hasty, and we can keep the office from burning down tonight.”

Karkat blinked at the woman and found himself relaxing under her calm statement. Yes, he should go find Gamzee before he killed anyone, and make sure that the proper channels knew.

Gods, even just knowing, if the wrong highbloods got this news. He felt like just shooting himself in the head and saving himself the trouble.

But these humans had to be found; the Empress had to be retrieved, and they couldn’t wait for human authorities to do this or they would end up with a riot among the trolls. Which that sort of conflict would push the human/troll relations right over the edge into anarchy.

He seriously bet that the humans who took the grubs did not know what they were taking, because they would have not put the empress’s blood on a mere threat against a green blooded grub being raised by a human.

He was almost glad. It meant they could keep this quieter… If they knew though the grub would be safer. Since they would not likely risk her life for some warning or another. They would want her for something larger which would give them more time.

It was both fortunate and not this situation.

He grabbed his keys “Right, keep things quiet at this end. I trust you to keep this censored. If I come back and find the whole office knows that these fuckasses have that grub then I don’t care what sort of work you guys do, you’re all fired!”

Lucy gave him a weird motion that John mimicked, though his was more mocking than her’s. Holding two fingers to her head and then flicking them out towards him. Took a long moment for him to recognize the motion from one of Hope’s more ‘action’ films. Human military gesture. Well at least they understood.

Kanaya stopped him and he looked into her odd pale eyes “Bring her back.” She said softly. “Please.”

“I’ll try.” He promised.

Then he left the office. Once in his car he had to laugh. Him, the mutant. Out to save the world.

This was fucking ridiculous.

000

Jade was currently seated on Karkat’s horribly uncomfortable couch. Currently cuddled with the little grub who was crooning at her. The little one didn’t really know what was going on, but it knew when the adults were upset and right now, its friend’s Lusus was very upset. Hope at the moment was on the phone and feeling, horribly disturbed.

“I’m sorry, you just missed them. Gamzee left with Gingo and Equius” it was the other bar tender, the troll one “The juggelos have a mark, there isn’t much you can do once they announce a hunt.”

Hope banged her head against the wall “But, they might kill the kids!”

She could hear the shrug on the other side “Equius will likely try to do what he can. He’s at least in control of his reasoning rather than the other two.” There was a long sigh and Hope realized a slight lisp. She never recalled hearing the bartender with the red and blue glasses ever lisp before. Well, they never talked much before. She usually ordered her drinks, he’d nod and make it, then take her money and give her the change. Or she got the other lady, Unique, who would work the bar during the busy hours, went by Bouncer when needed and tended on the Highblood the rest of the time.

“Any clue where they are going?” she asked feeling slightly desperate.

“Not sure, I know they headed for out of town, but still near the river.”

“that is so not helpful.” She said dead pan “Look! Karkat will want to know where they went, I know I can’t go because I have the grub to care for. I have to stay for the little one. But Karkat can go, and possibly at least get the kids out of harm’s way before the juggelos go completely AWOL” she half shouted. Behind her Jade was watching her intently.

The bartender sighed “OK look, it’s still a basic area they are heading for. I can give you some better directions, some of the intel we’ve been gathering pointed to this area, but I can’t give a specific address. There isn’t one yet. I’m pretty sure that the Grand Highblood went by the egg hive to pick up a lusus who can smell the grubs blood.”

“OK fine give me what you can and I’ll get it to the people that need to know.” She said. He rattled off a narrower set of parameters. She said them back to make sure she got them right because he was starting to lisp pretty bad the longer he talked with her. When she was sure she had them right she thanks the troll and hung up, turning to blink.

The little grub was waving at her and pointing towards the front door, which was swinging open. Jade was gone.

“Oh... crap…”

000

Karkat got back to the condo, he had forgotten his phone was dead and needed to make sure Hope was holding her shit together.

When he got there he was met by Hope who while paniced was managing to stay somewhat calm. “I’ll fall apart later!” she told him when he commented on it and then shoved a series of directions into his hand “They are heading for this area, and I think Jade might be heading there too! Kar, Gamzee and the Highblood are going to KILL these people, they might get the children by accident if any of them still live, and Jade is walking right into this!”

Karkat’s eyes were very wide at the moment and he knew his grey paled to ashen at the thought of a human marching into what was going to be a slaughter. Even if the humans where armed, this.. was personal for the trolls. This was a matter of an empress.

“Fuuuuuck!” he screamed and attempted to pull himself bald “Give me that” and he took the directions she gave him “Just, get inside. Lock the door.”

She nodded and handed him another cell phone. The bright purple thing belonged to Gamzee “Take this, keep me updated so I don’t get completely worried.” She told him.

He took the phone and then before he left went to his car to pull out a small case from under the seat. Opening it he took out one of the items inside. A small sickle shaped weapon. He took that back and handed it to Hope. “Stay safe.” He told her wrapping her hands around the weapon’s handle.

Her jaw tightened and he could see the strain around her eyes. “Both of you. Come back to me.” She said hoarsely. “I mean it too!”

He chuckled and touched his forehead to hers for a moment, feeling a little calmer. “Right. It’s a fucking deal.”

000

The Lusus sniffed about, the pristine white coat reflecting the moonlight. It was a beautiful clear night.

Gamzee flipped the club in his hand, his mind focused for once. As completely serene as the smile on his face. Everything felt as clear as the cloudless sky. Randomly he started juggling the pins he held. Three brightly colored miracles. That would soon bleed red.

Circling around the Lusus, who Gamzee had only met a little while ago with the failed bonding, sniffed the air and tossed its head in a direction. They followed. Three trolls had started out, when they reached the Hive the grand highblood demanded to speak with the Lusus Sirius, and it wasn’t long before the pawbeast Lusus was leading them up the river in search of grubs.

Gamzee’s smile widened. Oh the motherfuckers will never knew what hit them.

They’d almost ended up with an army, but the hive had to be protected. The Grand highblood said that the three of them, Gamzee, Equius and the Highblood himself were more than enough.

Hell, Gamzee knew he was more than enough to take on a few ignorant humans. He started to chuckle, singing a little to himself. A song he heard Hope singing to the grub. He couldn’t help the mad giggle that started to enter his voice as he sang.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star,_

_How I wonder what you are!_

_Up above the world so high,_

_Like a diamond in the sky!_

_When the blazing sun is gone,_

_When there’s nothing t’shine upon,_

_Then you show your little light,_

_Twinkle, twinkle, all the night._

_Then the traveler in the dark,_

_Thanks you for your little spark,_

_He could not see which way to go,_

_If you did not twinkle so._

_Though I know not what you are,_

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star._

He kept juggling as he walked. His giggles breaking the song up at random pauses, he could not wait to silence those motherfuckers for good. Trying to take what was HIS, trying to rise above their station! Stupid red blooded motherfucking humans. They would soon learn. Those cherry punch line blooded motherfucking bastards would be schooled.

And THEY _would_ KNEEL.

And _THEN_ , they WOULD motherfucking **_DIE_**.

000

Karkat heard the howl of a lusus. He was in the right area. This was the place that Hope had given him the directions to. Around him was nothing but brush, a few trees, some paths leading down to the river. There was one of the bridges over the huge river ahead of him. But nothing to tell him were the grubs could be.

The he heard the howl, and a few moments later he heard gunshot. At first he thought that he was too late and the battle had engaged. But the hoots he heard said that the humans where likely being stupid.

But, it seemed he was definitely on the right track. Taking his weapon in hand he headed down the path and slowly could see a light. A small shack near the river marked the spot, and there where a group of at least a couple dozen men, even a couple women. They had obviously been having too much to drink. He could smell the disgusting cheap boxed wine and piss beer from where he stood at the edges of their clearing. They had a bon fire and were tossing in things.

His eyes widened when he heard a scream from the fire.

“ROAST THE BUG! Let’s see how it tastes!” someone shouted.

Karkat gnashed his teeth as his fingers whitened around the grip of his weapon. But he kept himself from jumping in. Just barely. Edging around the side he looked for the other children.

And he saw a large cage. Inside was a small dark haired human child, who was comforting a pair of grubs, in the back of the cage was a chrysalis. The poor thing, pupating in this position. If anything, if it did not make it, at least it would be less painful way to go, sleeping in its cocoon.

Karkat saw that he could sneak around a little more, possibly get to the cage, if he could open it, he could carry the children out. A blanket there he could rip and tie together to make one of those sling things to carry the grubs and chrysalis. The boy could likely walk. He paused to see if there were others.

There were parts. And not just grubs, but lusus. Some of the small ones, like the tinkerbulls, were impaled on spikes. Someone had skinned one of the catlike pawbeast lusus. Its bloody corpse hanging nearby. From the gashes in the tree it was hung from, it was alive when they skinned it.

Karkat felt his eyes narrow and closed them to take a moment to breathe and relax. He could do this. He could get the children before the humans knew what happened. Just as he was ready to move a hand suddenly dropped on his shoulder.

He jumped and had to cover his mouth to not let out the most undignified scream possible. Turning his head slowly he was pretty sure it would be to look up the barrel of a shot gun and be likely the last thing he would ever see.

Instead when he saw was quite possibly worse.

It was Gamzee.

Who was smiling very widely at the moment, his other hand holding three juggling pins.

“Hello motherfucking best friend.” He said softly, his voice shifting slightly and still smooth as spider silk.

“Gamzee. Look, I just wanted to get the children.” He said pointing to the cage.

“Aw, yes.” Gamzee seemed to waver a moment, as if he was trying to remember something, “get them.” He said and then releasing Karkat, Gamzee walked calmly right out into the group.

Juggling and singing a cheerful tune.

The humans stopped as the troll walked into their midst. A black t shirt and grey pants with dull purple polka dots, and bright purple canvas shoes. His long hair bushy and floating with the breeze and the sparks from the fire.

“WELCOME TO THE DARK CARNIVAL MOTHERFUCKERS!” Gamzee greeted laughing, “are all you peasantblooded motherfuckers, READY TO MOTHER FUCKING DIE?” he started laughing. As if this was a grand joke.

The humans were stunned into shocked silence, well, truth be told, so was Karkat. Just it wasn’t shock that froze his feet, it was fear.

“It’s just one troll, someone shoot him!”

“I wouldn’t mother fucking do that if I was all motherfucking you motherfucker.” Gamzee warned, his voice dropping and his expression changing. “I would motherfucking kneel and beg for my pathetic motherfucking life. Or just mother fucking PREY to whatever motherfucking GOG of your motherfucking CHOICE.”

Karkat managed to rip his eyes from the scene building. One clown was currently holding off the whole group of humans with nothing but his unpredictable way of speaking. They were not sure what to make of him.

They were afraid.

That was what finally got Karkat to move. The children needed to not be afraid.

He needed to not be afraid.

He couldn’t hide himself in a corner and wait for things to pass.

He couldn’t allow for another Tavros.

Karkat liked to imagine the girly squeak that came out of him when someone else put their hand on his shoulder was just a passing frog.

He was fucking kidding himself.

He glanced back to see the troll bouncer from the nightclub. Who put his finger to his lips and started towards the children.

Karkat felt a small burst of relief; he wasn’t the only one who was going to be doing this then.

He glanced up and while the humans were focused on Gamzee who was currently laughing, half folded over himself. He was laughing like this was the grandest joke there was.

Very likely it was, because Karkat could see the Lusus, the huge dog like creature from the arena, and in front of it.

The Grand Highblood.

“Hello my motherfuckers.” The highblood greeted, smiling just as widely as Gamzee.

Shit was about to get real.

As Karkat and the Bouncer Equius began moving towards the children again. When there was a sudden sound of gunfire. Both trolls’ heads turned and they saw one of the humans down, with hole in the head, right between the eyes. Karkat’s eyes grew wide and he followed the trajectory back to the path.

And the very angry mother standing there. The human woman, with her hair tied back into a pony tail, and was stringed with enough ammunition and guns to make the shoot out scene from that one old movie, which was it? Oh yeah, Matrix, look pathetic.

“Give me back my son assholes.” She hissed.

Gamzee started laughing again, head falling back and arms lax at his sides. “TELL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS SISTER!” he screamed joyfully and with a nimble flip he launched himself into battle.

000

Karkat could still hear the screams, even from here. The Highblood and Gamzee were not being kind in their murder. Oh they had such lovely examples of some of the creativity of the humans on the little ones and the Lusii.

So they were just returning the favors.

Karkat swallowed and crossed his arms to hide the shudder he felt. He did not shut his eyes. No, he could not shut his eyes, or he would go back to the ship. So the rocking in the corner and covering his eyes and ears.

_Cover my eyes, for I can no longer breathe…_

 Equius rested a hand gently on his shoulder and he looked up at the blood blued troll. He did not smile encouragingly or anything of that nature. “The children are safe.” He said only.

And he was right. The children were safe. They had managed to get to the cage and while Karkat dealt with the surviving grubs; Equius gently picked up the chrysalis and with one arm got the human child up onto his shoulder.

The pair of them fled the slaughter. Karkat’s car was the place where the children were moved. Covered in a blanket from Hope’s grub bag and the one Karkat had salvaged to carry the children in. The two remaining grubs and the human boy slept, but it was not a pleasant sleep. He could see that from where he stood leaning against his car. All of them twitched, and were restless. Dirty and hungry. His arms felt heavy, and fell lax to his sides as he leaned his head back and stared up at the part of the sky he could see.

He would not close his eyes.

Maybe not ever again.

000

Notes: GAH! These last three chapters have been really emotional for me to write. Very intense. After this a few things will settle for a few chapters at least! ….. I hope.

Voting still on for the grub, so far male is winning by 1 vote! And check out my new tumblr for this story relearning2breath on tumblr (dot) com. I am posting artwork there, answering questions and even doing a little ‘ask the cast’ fun to toss in.

And today we add to the playlist.

Down with the Sickness – Disturbed

Duality - Slipknot

 

 


	15. Reconstruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ended up putting up a few chapters over the weekend even if I was going to take a break and do weekend things. Karkat and Nepeta wanted me to write...

Relearning to Breath Chapter 15

Disclaimer for the road

Reconstruction

000

Hope rocked the grub who was being fussy because Hope was not calming down. She spent the next few hours waiting for a call. Checking every phone in the house for missed calls. She even charged Karkat’s phone on the off chance he called that one.

So that when in the early hours of 4 in the morning, when the phone rang she was on it in a heartbeat. Grub in one arm, the phone to her ear.

“Hello!’ she did not even check the caller ID, she had no clue who was on the other side.

“We’re safe.” Karkat’s voice.

Hope felt such an utter swamping of relief that she collapsed to her knees, almost faint. Tears filling her eyes “The children?”

“We saved three grubs and the human child.” He said “We’re currently at the hive. The empress…” his voice trailed off.

“What’s wrong? Did you not save that one?”

“No, we got her, but, she went into her chrysalis, and according to the boy, she was not in good shape when she went in. We… might lose her.”

Hope felt her lip tremble “that, won’t be good for anyone will it?”

“We’re, keeping it quiet.” He said softly.

“Look, I’ll come down.” She started.

“You don’t have to, everyone’s safe for now.” Karkat told her, something in his voice, he sounded so tired, so, afraid.

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t come to you when you’re in need?” she said softly. “If anything, I don’t think me or the Jinglebutt will be able to sleep until we see you guys are all safe.”

“I forbid you getting attached to that ridiculous fucking name.” she smiled, he sounded at least a little more like himself.

She chuckled “See you.”

There was a sigh and then a quiet “Yeah.” And he hung up.

Hope got a bag together for the grub, with a few things for the guys as well. Like a bottle of faygo and a thermos she could fill with coffee on the way and picking up the sling and little one she locked the door behind herself.

000

Hope reached the hive. It was a mess of activity. Even if she had not known what transpired this night, she would have known something was up. Especially with human news crews attempting to get through the gate, they actually had their trucks pulled right up to the entrance. When she came up she stared around trying to figure out how to get through the mess of onlookers.

One of the guards she knew spotted her. He had on large dark glasses, early morning shift, but he gave her a way and directed her to the side. Before anyone else noticed who he was pointing to she hurried along the fence until she reached a small maintenance entrance. There was a guard there, hand up near his ear obviously talking to someone else down the way “Hurry, before those annoying new crews notice!” he said and she picked up the pace.

She rushed in and was thankful that the crews seemed too busy to notice one girl with a grub. She did not want to get mobbed. As they walked around to the entrance again, she saw that a couple Lusii were making a lovely spectacle of themselves and cameras were snapping away. Ah, distraction.

So she got snuck it with none the wiser for now. Eventually someone was going to notice a human, and the listing of Lusus was public record, which meant her incredibly untrollish name was on that list. They walked in and to one side was a small series of rooms. Chrysalis chambers. Artificial stalactites and stalagmites where spread about for young grubs to attach themselves to, and their Lusus should they already have one would stand guard.

She saw Jade rocking her sleeping son seated on one of the outcroppings. Her little boy for his part was snuggled with one of the surviving grubs. A very small grub in comparison to the others she’d seen. It must have been incredibly young. Another of the survivors was resting its little head on Jade’s leg and had its incredibly blue eyes open wide, staring in a kind of blank shock at the world. Jade would reach down to stroke back its hair back and it would shift briefly before resettling into its shocked state.

She found Karkat leaning against a stalagmite, an incredibly long structure that went from floor to ceiling. He was watching as several trolls and lusus were examining the Chrysalis.

She came up beside him. The little one now fully relaxed and asleep in the sling around her back, and she touched his arm lightly.

Karkat half jumped and turned to stare at her with a scared expression she’d only seen after he was fresh woken from a nightmare.

Silently she just hugged him tightly. A brief moment later he hugged her back, she thought he was attempting to break ribs with as hard as he clutched her. Face buried against the curve of neck and shoulder. He began to shake, and then cry.

Hope didn’t even bother to shush him, just held onto him just as tightly. Just as scare as he was.

The contact seemed to be enough and the troll calmed. Once he calmed she started to as well. On her back the little grub began to stir sleepily. Separating from the troll Hope fished in the grub bag and came up with the thermos of hot coffee and a package of cream and jelly filled donuts.

“You are a fucking lifesaver!” he said and took the stuff promptly sitting down to stuff his face. Sitting next to him Hope let the grub climb down and into Karkat’s lap, the little one not wanting food, just comfort. Karkat stroked the young troll’s head and back as he ate, his face getting covered in sugary goodness that he swallowed down with hot coffee.

Hope looked about and spotted the Grand Highblood who was supervising the placement and care of the Empress’s chrysalis. She was getting the best care the trolls were capable of, but even with that in the end they had to wait and see. Her survival was still up to her.

“Were Gamzee?” she asked Karkat. Looking about he was the only one she did not see.

Karkat went still “He is,” he paused and looked to the side “Another room. He had to be subdued after the fight was over. He’s been currently locked up for his safety,”

“Shushing didn’t work?”

Karkat looked down at the grub and shook his head. “Too soon likely, I think he needs to fucking chill for a little before we can shush him. Get it out of his system.”

She sat for a few moments and looking to the side spotted the Lusus she’d talked to before walking by outside the chamber “I spotted someone,” she said to Karkat “Can you watch the little one?”

He nodded “Be careful, and don’t go deep, it is dangerous.” He replied.

“I promise” she told him and briefly touched her forehead to his. He took a breath and then went back to stuffing his face.

Grabbing the faygo and a pack of cigarettes from the bag she headed out of the chamber.

Outside Sirius was waiting. When the dog like lusus saw her come out the creature started its slow way down the long hall, tale trailing behind. She walked along behind following the Lusus.

Deep down the hallways there was a door, currently closed. This seemed to be a much smaller chamber than the chrysalis chambers behind them, but before getting into the large open labyrinth of tunnels and water ways down to the egg laying chambers below.  She could see the white hides of other Lusii, but they seemed to be avoiding Sirius and Hope. Just watching from the edges. She paused her hand on the door and looked up at the Lusus. Who lowered its narrow head and rubbed the top of its long nose against her and she felt a strong feeling of support.

Hope took a long breath and then eyes closed a moment to steady herself she opened the door.

Stepping inside the first thing that hit her was how, utterly dark it was. There was some light, once her eyes adjusted. Luminescent lichens growing along the walls of the chamber, which was quite a bit bigger once, she was into it. It was also horribly empty. Other than the faint colored glows of the mossy stuff there was little else. It made it difficult to figure the exact size of the room.

The door closed behind her and Hope took another long breath. She had to trust, and even hope, that Gamzee could recognize her as a friend and not something to take out.

A low laugh sounded around the room. It startled her and the way it echoed gave the feeling that it was coming from all around her, throwing off her sense of spatial orientation.

Hope knew she should be feeling scared at the moment, that she was in honest danger doing this.

Instead she felt a sudden rush of anger. She stamped her foot “Stop being an ass Gamzee! You’re upsetting Karkat!”

Something pushed her into the room further and she stumbled falling down to her knees. The soda and pack of smokes she held sliding into the darkness around her. “Owie..” she muttered. She scraped her palms, little pricks of red coming to the surface.

“What did you think you would motherfucking accomplish motherfucking coming here?” the voice around her again, fluxuating in volume, as if he couldn’t decide if he wanted to laugh and shout or whisper.

“I don’t know!” she said exasperated. The lusus told her to come, but that would sound weird, “Just brought you a couple things I know you would want. You know, like a friend.” She snapped sitting back.

She ended up nearly hitting her head as she was shoved forward again. Hope caught herself on her elbows, making more scratches. This, was getting very annoying, and kind of scary. This wasn’t her place, this was Karkat’s job, he was the moirail, not her. What did Sirius think he was doing leading her here?

Why did she come? Hope couldn’t say why she came, she saw the Lusus and just, felt compelled.

“I DIDN’T TELL YOU TO MOTHERFUCKING LOOK UP!” she could feel Gamzee’s breath on the back of her neck and a hand wrapped itself around her wrist suddenly pulling her forward more until she was practically prone on the gritty floor. Her arm was twisted until it felt like it might break.  She glanced up though her bangs and saw Gamzee’s face, eyes a dull glow in the darkness his smeared make up picking up the colors of the glowing moss around them.

He was contemplating her. His voice a low rumble deep in his chest, “This blood.” He said putting his face down close to her palm and slowly his blue tongue flicked out tasting the darkening drops.

“Is red, just like Karkat’s.” she responded. “And didn’t you say many times in the past that no one really knows where the redbloods are located in the order?”

“At the bottom.” He snapped as if he changed his mind and all past arguments were null and void.

“Connecting the circle Gamzee. It’s like the card games I was teaching you. An Ace can be both low and high.” She was surprised how steady she was keeping her voice. Because right now, she was terrified. And why was she still talking? She should shut up now. Really really should shut up right now.

Maybe it was because it didn’t feel like he was going to hurt her. Well, not intentionally anyway. She wished he’d let go of her arm, that was getting very uncomfortable.  “Let me go Gamzee.” She said and he released her arm.

Only to knock her back flat on her back. She let out a startled gasp as the air left her lungs in a loud expletive and it took a moment to sort out the sparkles in her eyes to realize Gamzee was crouched very closely over her. Not touching, but she so much as shifted and she would touch him.

She blinked into those reflective eyes. Like something out of a child’s nightmare.

“Never let go” he growled “and you can’t motherfucking make me! Mine!” he growled at her.

She sighed “Gamzee.” And stopped when a hand slapped itself over her mouth to prevent her from talking. His grip was like iron and she could feel the clawed tips of his nails half digging into her skin. His long fingers felt like they were practically wrapped around her head.

“mine.” His voice was a low and dangerous hiss.

Ok, now she was scared, as in shaking terrified. She had no clue what his intentions where, other than the feel of his breath on her face and the hand over her mouth, she could feel the heat of his body but nothing else but the cold gritty ground beneath her and the prick of sharp stones poking into her back and legs. She was literately too petrified to move a muscle.

Then he shifted. Resting his head against her forehead and it took a moment to realize that the choking sound she heard wasn’t him laughing, but that he was crying. “honk”  His hand removed itself from her mouth and he leaned down further, arms on either side of her head and she could feel his tears dropping onto her face.

Her fear leached out of her, because in the end, her friend was just as scared, just as terrified as she was.

After a moment she reached up and carefully wrapped her arms around his head and shoulders. Almost afraid he’d take it wrong or go back to the manic craziness. Instead Gamzee quite literately collapsed against her. Sinking his head down against the cool floor and he shook from the tears he shed.

She closed her eyes and stroked his hair. Giving and taking comfort herself. Wonderful thing about hugs, give one and you get one back. A few moments and she was able to shift. So he wasn’t crushing her under his weight. He rested his head against her shoulder, cuddled up to her like a small child would. His eyes closing and after a few moments he stilled, his breathing turned shallower. He’d fallen asleep; his long arms wrapped securely around her and half curled against her side. She took a long breath and while it was not the most comfortable place she’d ever slept, actually it was pretty high up there with the most uncomfortable place she’d ever slept. Hope closed her own eyes, trying to relax.

Then pausing when she realized he had started to drool.

“ew…”

000

Karkat rushed down the hall. STUPID STUPID STUPID! He should have told her to not go wandering off. To not leave his side.

He had a horrible suspicion that he knew were she’d gone. This was so not like the other times Gamzee had come close to losing his shit. This time he actually had, and coming off that dark carnival ride took awhile.

And he just knew, KNEW she had to have gone to find him.

Currently the grub was in the temporary care of one of the lusus and Jade, who still remained in the Chrysalis chamber for the time being. Hope had not gone far enough away that the grub was uneasy.

As he went further into the hive he became more uneasy. He was being watched, and it was not overly friendly eyes. Slowly he made his way to where he knew Gamzee was being kept. When he reached the door he found it blocked. By the pawbeast lusus, who raised its narrow muzzled head and titled its head at him.

“She’s in there isn’t she?” he growled at the creature.

It just slowly deliberately gave a slow nod of its head. “You led her here?” another nod. “FUCKING WHY?”

The lusus leaned forward and rested his head against its forehead. And for a moment he felt, calm. So very calm. Something he couldn’t remember since days long gone. His lusus died when he was still a boy, died so he could escape being culled. He felt himself start to shake a little at the memory and the Lusus calmly took away that fear as well, draining some of the pain out of that memory, as if wrapping an open wound with cotton made of clouds. It was still there, but it hurt less. It wasn’t a voice he heard, but a series of feelings. Of understanding pain, and that there was a power inside the girl. Similar to Karkat’s own power, but she was not as angry as him. Not the same as him, and she had a position different in the dynamic of the moirails. She could be without caste, without quadrant.

“Just, who were you?” he asked and felt the amusement of the Lusus and then got a nuzzle which meant the Lusus was clearly treating him like a little pupa.

Which made him glare, and curse and he turned on his heel walking into the room. He, wasn’t as afraid of what he would find there. The lusus had been on guard, if she had been in trouble it would have done something. If only so the grub would not be alone.

In the center of the room Hope was currently leaning back on her palms, half seated with Gamzee half wrapped around her and using her lap as his pillow. The clown was sleeping at the moment and Karkat walked into the room and then sat down his back to Hope’s and leaned back against her. She returned the favor.

“Sorry I didn’t get back sooner, Gamzee seemed to need the sleep.”

“Yeah, well not your fault so much as that stupid Lusus out there.” He growled and crossed his arms pouting. Even if he was currently feeling better than he had for a long time, and not nearly so scared anymore. It was still strange and different and he didn’t like it.

She chuckled “Sirius isn’t bad. I rather like him.” She replied. “We trade parenting tips. He said he’s looking into building a slightly larger version in the hive for the little ones, he thinks they can also get some underwater bits in as well for the water dwellers. Little hoops and stuff to swim through. I suggested diving sticks and pool noodles. “

“Hmm” Karkat leaned his head back and closed his eyes, he was, well, sleepy. All the stress just about to crash on him all at once and make sure he is K.O.ed. So he just listened to her chatter about jungle gyms for grubs.

Hope talked a little bit more about a few things and realized that Karkat was feeling a bit heavier, and that he also was not replying to her in any form.

Glancing over her shoulder she paused, she could see his face turned slightly and eyes clearly closed.

And he was also drooling, though not nearly as bad as Gamzee tended to. It’s had to be something with their teeth she decided and sighed rubbing her face.

Great. She was trapped.

“Sirius? I could really use some help! I can no longer feel my legs and these guys are heavy!”

She heard a clicking laugh with a touch of a bark in it. She got the strong impression she was told to figure it out for herself.

Damn trolls. Even when they where giant animals they were still just a bunch of assholes…

000

They stayed in the hive until the mess outside calmed down a bit. Once the news reporters either got enough t satisfy their current curiosity (Hope only preyed that they didn’t have anyone’s names here to start hunting them at home. That would be bothersome, death threats was more than enough. Hope didn’t want to deal with paparazzi too) or the trolls convinced them that it would be a risk to their personal health to stick around, she wasn’t sure. But she was glad she was going to get to leave the hive. It was big, but not really set up for the comfort of adults. Just Lusus and grubs. And in some ways, not even their comfort either.  This place was meant to weed out the weak. The jungle gym for the little ones she knew in a human sense sounded fun, but for the trolls had a practical bent. They seen how limber and mobile that her grub was. And they knew that the toys were part of it. So it made sense to put something like that into active use. It might help improve a grubs survival rate. Anything to make them stronger.

Hope knew that the toys also increased a grubs sense of play. She watched the other two rescues. The little grubs didn’t quite get the games that Eric and her grub played. Hide and seek, with their giggles and clicks sounding about the cavern. But slowly they began to learn, and if nothing else it seemed to help their recovery from the trauma they had suffered. She knew that the trolls were concerned (rightly) with their young empress, but Hope worried for the other two. One was indigo like Gamzee, and the other was.. Blue, she was pretty sure. But she didn’t recall that shade being among the color chart that Gamzee had helped her put together. It was like the color of earth’s sky.

The other adults didn’t seem to know what to do with it either. For now, it was mostly to see if it lived. She rather hoped it did, for the little indigo and the blue seemed to have gotten close.

Some of the grub’s toys she was going to leave behind, so she didn’t have as much packed as she finished. One of the plushies the two other grubs had taken to, snuggling themselves around it in an adorable pile of blue and purple with splashes of pink and white from the toy bunny.

She glanced up as Jade woke her son. The boy had been resting under the empress’s chrysalis. “Time to go honey” Jade said and the boy backed up shaking his head violently.

Hope felt her brows drop down together in the start of a frown. Something inside her stirring.

“It’s ok, the bad people are gone honey. Mommy made sure of that.”

“No! I can’t leave her!” he gripped the pillar that the chrysalis was attached to “she would cry if I went away.”

Jade blinked and as Hope came over the grand Highblood looked from where he was having a discussion with Gamzee. Whatever they had been talking about was making Gamzee twitch in irritation, which at the point since he was acting his more usual ‘strung out’ was quite an achievement.

“I’m sure the trolls will let you visit.” Jade was saying.

The Highblood came over and crossed his arms “What the fuck is going on over here?” he asked.

“She hurts in her heart.” The boy was saying “She doesn’t want me to go!”

It wasn’t often Hope saw a troll turn ashen. Karkat was the only one she recalled really. “Sirius!” he called and the Lusus wandered over.

He laid down around the cocoon and boy. Resting his huge head near the child. Who leaned willingly against what basically looked like a giant doggy to him.

And Hope had a feeling she knew what he was checking for, and inside herself she felt a surety she knew what he would find too.

The way his head shot up. Hope sank to her knees.

“Oh god, this is going to suck.” She said trying to just figure out the logistics of this matter.

The Highblood looked back at the human and his frown turned into a dangerous scowl. He went to the Lusus and laid a hand on the beast’s head.

“Fucking crap mother-“ the troll then lapsed into a dialect that only the trolls understood.

The highblood walked over to one of the pillars and started to bang his head against it. Actually cracking the structure.

Karkat and Gamzee came up behind Hope. Karkat knelt down nexto to the woman and stared at her her rather blank expression as she was staring at the Lusus who sighed and laid his head down again. Keeping Jade from just picking up her son at the moment.

“What the fuck is going on?” Jade demanded.

“I would like to know myself.” Karkat said.

“They bonded.” Hope replied.

“What?” Karkat turned to stare at Hope in shock. Gamzee gave a honk and the little grub who was currently riding his shoulder mimicked the sound.

“HOW? WHEN?” Karkat demanded sitting with a flop on the floor. This was getting ridiculous! Now children were forming lusus bonds! That should be just fucking impossible!

“What are you all talking about?” Jade rightfully demanded. “What is wrong with my son?”

Hope sighed and rubbed her face. She looked at Sirius who gave a nod. Well, seemed she was going to be the only coherent one to even try explaining this. “You know how I told you that the arrangement between me and the care of the little Jinglebutt was temporary?”

The woman nodded looking towards her son as if she was considering jumping over the lusus and nab him anyway.

“Well, see the arrangement has been made, a bit more permanent, because of something they thought would be impossible. It’s called a Lusus bond.” She said getting up and walking over to lay a hand on Jade, “Its not that different from what I get that goes on the first time you touched your son, and counted all his fingers and toes.”

Jade’s eyes began to soften, the memory of the first time she felt him move in her belly, the first time she got to hold him in the hospital, and he opened his eyes and looked up at her. “Its, just a lot stronger. It’s sort of a mental link. Lets a lusus know what is wrong with a grub. Tells them when they are in danger, and stronger the bond the closer the lusus will stay with the young one until they are more ready to defend themselves. It weakens over time though never fully severs.”

“So.. my son?”

“For whatever reason ended up bonding with the young empress.” Hope had a feeling she knew what happened. Eric was such a compassionate boy.

“And this means what… that my son will have to take care of her? He’s only 4!” Jade said.

They heard a grunt and part of the pillar that the highblood was beating broke off. He just kept up trying to give himself brain damage. Or maybe he was just trying to kill himself…

“Can this one be severed? I know the one with Hope and the grub couldn’t, because it had gotten too strong.” Karkat said.

Hope looked towards Sirius and the other shook his head slightly.

She sighed “Sirius says that will damage both of them, worse than attempting to sever my bond.”

Karkat decided to go over and help the Highblood destroy the pillar.

“What does this mean then for my son?” Jade demanded her hands clenching to fists.

Hope stood and started to walk in a circle thinking herself “Well, you know we could use this.” She said trying to work out the details in her head. It didn’t help that she kept hearing Sirius insert his own observations. “You shush!” she told him pointing at the lusus who looked amused “Let me think by myself for a moment!”

She turned and went over to Eric “Hey sweety, can you tell me… I know this is going to be difficult, but could you do your best to answer a few questions for me?” she asked him.

“I’ll try…” he said softly.

“When the bad people took you, did they put you in with the grubs right away?” she asked.

The boy nodded “There were 6 of them at first.” And the boys eyes took on a kind of horrified expression. Sirius gently nuzzled the boy who started to look glazed eyed instead. Hope rested a hand on the Lusus’ nose and felt a little of that peace he was giving the child.

“What he do?” Jade seemed to recognize something was happening between her son and the Lusus.

Hope took her hand and placed it on the Lusus’ nose as well. The woman instantly relaxed and removed her hand and blinked staring fuzzily for a few seconds “Wow…”

“At the moment, I think this will help us question him without him going into hysterics.” Jade gave a nod and shifted around to sit next to her son, the Lusus shifted enough to let her fit in under the cocoon.

“Ok, you don’t have to tell us about what happened to the others, but this one.” Hope pointed to the chrysalis, “What happened with her?”

“She was hurt real bad…” the boy’s eyes watered up “they chopped off her tail. It was such a pretty tail too, and she was crying. I told her my mom would come soon and she would make all the bad guys go away.” The boy blinked a moment and then stared up at his mother with unadulterated hero worship in his gaze. Hope smiled. “And then?”

“I played games with her, and did my best to be strong like mommy tells me to. I... didn’t cry when the  men hit me.”

Jade hugged her boy a little tighter “You’re so brave.” She said softly to him and he hugged her “I just kept talking to her, then… I just sorta heard her. In here.” He tapped his chest “I just sort of knew how much she hurt and when I talked with her she didn’t hurt so much. So I just talked with her. I told her about day care, and the other kids, and Jinglebutt. Then, she got kind of weird and started to like, get hard but not. It hurt. A lot.” The boy shuddered “the man with the stick tried to hit her, I let him hit me instead.”

Karkat and the Highblood had come over then to listen to the boy talk about his afternoon and night before they came.

“Miracles.” Gamzee said sitting down his legs crossed and the little grub flopping down into the hollow of his long legs giggling. “Just motherfucking miracles.”

“So she made her cocoon?” Hope asked him. The boy nodded.

“It… didn’t feel good, like something was really wrong. I held onto her and she felt better.”

Hope was confused and looked at Sirius, who seemed to be able to clarify that statement to her “Oh my.” She said.

“What?” nearly everyone demanded of her and she blinked startled. Then rubbed her face.

“He basically from what Sirius said, tied her life and his together. This isn’t a lusus bond in the normal sense of the world. Their lives are literately one.” She said. “that, it just.. messed up.” Hell which lifespan did they inherit? Her’s... or his? Hope doubted the trolls would appreciate if their empress who should live several thousand years died in under a century.

The other trolls in the room sat down at this revelation.

“This… is going to really complicate things.” The highblood said. “This sort of bonding, shouldn’t have happened at all. So it must have been something the Empress was able to do.”

“Fuck!” Karkat explained and pinched the bridge of his nose. He relaxed a little when Gamzee reached over a long arm and gripped the back of his neck.

The Highblood stood though and started pacing “Well, this could work in our advantage.” He said suddenly, “YES it could! FUCK YAH!” he slammed his fist into his palm and looked like he was about to, correction, he started dancing about the room.

Everyone stared at him in growing confusion.

“We can use this to advert a war!” he said.

This was new to the humans “Huh?” Hope and Jade echoed each other.

“Oh god, oh fuck, I did not even think about that!” Karkat stated his eyes wide.

“War?” Hope tried to get them to clarify for her.

“It was humans who stole the empress. Even if they didn’t know they had gotten her. The fact they took the grubs was bad enough. Killing them horrible, but in general it could have been dealt with. We could cover it up, say they got nothing but lowbloods or some such thing. There would have been some repercussions with your people’s government and we could have used it to get us more rights in terms of hunts. But it would have been dealt with.” The Grand Highblood said “But they got the Empress.”  He sighed “I was only lucky that Sollux managed to get his data together so we could find them so shortly after they took Eric. Otherwise,” he shrugged “Once anyone else noticed the blood like Gamzee did, it would have been outright war.”

“But the few…” Jade started. “Those people aren’t the rest of us.”

“It doesn’t matter. For trolls what a few do within their caste affects the whole caste. And for us, every human is the same caste.” He said “Now I don’t see it that way, but then blood doesn’t fucking matter.”

This made both Karkat and Gamzee stare at him. “Sufferer...” Karkat murmured and Hope blinked and then stared at the Highblood with growing respect.

“Humans are not trolls.” The Highblood said “But things are already strained as it is. But now, even though those humans kidnapped the empress, if she lives now,” and he held up a hand to forestall Jade saying anything or getting panicked “And she fucking will thanks to your son” he told her “with the bond she has, that means the human’s blood caste will take a huge jump UP for the trolls.” He glanced to the side at Karkat who’s eyes were growing wide as well at this news. The candy red would take a jump from low to high?

He was glad he was still sitting.

“Which means then that we can advert the war, at least for now.” He finished “Fuck what I know about the future.” He told them “I can’t say what shit will happen and change things again. But hopefully if it does go down, we can at least keep things from escalating to complete genocide for fucking both of our races.”

Jade covered her mouth and looked at her son. The sudden weight of this whole mess hitting her like a ton of bricks. Her little boy looked up at her confused, innocent, and not knowing just how close they where to a war and how he had adverted it.

“This is a clusterfuck.” Karkat said and just flopped himself back onto the floor covering his face. Gamzee rubbed his arm and just chuckled at him. “I fucking hate politics.”

000

Notes:

Alright, so I’m taking a bloody break this weekend! Karkat be damn, I’m going to fucking sleep now! Besides I have some real world friends who want to see me and a steampunk picnic on Sunday. I need to cook for that.

Check out my tumblr at relearning2breath for more details, artwork, ask questions and whatnot. I’ll likely be posting a lot of information about the world setting as the chapters progress. And find out where your favorite characters are of the original trolls!

OH and a thanks to spritemix-a-lot who has some absolutely fantastic artwork (and a great sense of irony) on their tumblr and deviant art. They also have given me permission for an outfit that I will be stuffing Gamzee into (likely kicking and screaming.. but I’m sure I can recruit Karkat and Hope to help..) We will likely get to see it the next chapter.

 

 


	16. Dark caverns

Relearning to Breath chapter 16

……fuck it *puts up disclaimer protest sign*

Dark Caverns

000

Hope was curled up sleeping when the phone doing a tango with itself from the couch waking her up. She managed to crawl on all fours to the phone and grab the cell off the side of the couch. She opened it up and with a yawn brought it to her ear “Karkat’s phone.” She said.

“Hope? Just the person I wanted to motherfucking talk to.” The Highblood’s voice said, “Can you come by the club today?”

She blinked, what did the Grand highblood want with her? She blinked feeling a little more awake “Er, I can likely. I mean, I’ll be going down to the hive for them to check on the Jinglebutt’s condition. Little grub getting close to chrysalis”

“Good to hear” he sounded distracted and she could hear papers shuffling. “About what time will you be by?”

“”Um, likely after lunch.” Hope thought a moment and yawned. The other two were still passed out in the other room. She envied them right now, she wanted to be passed out too. Trying to keep anything resembling troll times meant she was feeling constantly exhausted. The fact she had no space of her own to sleep in, and two mostly nocturnal roommates pretty much guaranteed she never got much sleep.

She was really going to need to find a place of her own again. Though Karkat got spiky every time such a thing was mentioned, Gamzee just started to pout at her over it.

“Right, I’ll make sure to have something here for you to eat then.” He told her.

Hope yawned “Okay.. luv you byebye.” She said not even thinking about what she said and closed the phone. One of her cartoon series she had at her old apartment was one called ‘Animaniacs’ and she loved the little blond girl Mindy.

Holding the cell in one hand she flopped her arms over her head and set her forehead on the cool covering of Karkat’s couch. At least she now had her own ‘bed’ of a sort, more comfortable than the couch. An old futon that Gamzee just came in with one day. (it had a little funky smell so likely one of his thrift store finds) A basket next to it was bedding for the grub. Said grub was currently half out of the basket its little face smooshed into the floor and sleeping. She glanced over her shoulder and chuckled. Dropping the phone (where it promptly fell into the cracks of the couch. Karkat would likely be pulling his hair to find it later) she crawled back over and resettled the grub in its bed. Then she curled up on the futon and took a breath to fall to sleep.

Which of course means her mind decided to catch up to what her mouth had said to the Highblood and she groaned.

Oh lovely. He was never going to let her live this one down. When it came to being an annoying grinning asshole the highblood was the worse. He had enough practice at it.

She laid on her side and just thought over the last couple weeks.

Jade and Eric were basically living down at the hive. The Empress had taken an extreme move for her own survival, latching onto (likely by instinct) to Eric’s life and binding the two of them together. It meant that at the moment their bond was much too delicate to separate them. The Empress was not out of danger yet. The little body growing in the chrysalis cocoon was developing, but she also had to regrow whole limbs. Her tiny body had been mutilated by the humans before she had changed, let alone she had started her change early. The little empress was in great danger, but everyone was pretty confident her bond to Jade’s healthy son would save her.

Hope had hope that things would work out. She gave up trying to sleep and got up finding a change of clean clothing and heading to the bathroom to change. Hope locked the door behind her, because Gamzee seemed to have some weird sixth sense for when she was changing. She got herself into her clean clothing of comfortable loose jeans and a long sleeved top (the Hive tended to be pretty chilly)her shoes were in the other room by the front door.

The caverns were not a safe place, especially for a 4 year old boy. Jade kept close guard over her child and the heir. As well as the two grubs who had survived the ordeal. It seemed that the other two were of the same batch as Hope’s grub, so likely they would all pupate at the same time. With the exception of the empress. But it would be a few months yet of waiting for the empress to come out of her chrysalis state and Jade needed supplies. More amo, food, and clothing, Gamzee and Karkat had helped Hope take down some bedding and now around the one cocoon there was a decent set up for the small family.

It was just all turning into such a production. At least Hope was getting a better idea of what she was going to have to face when she took her grub. A Lusus had to not only protect their chosen ward (if they chose them while they were still grubs and didn’t wait until they were a little older) they had to fight other Lusus, some would try and take over the bond with the young one, some tried to kill the young.

Hope sighed, in the end the greatest danger to a young troll was other trolls. They didn’t exactly cannibalize their own young, but it was pretty damn close.

Hope was not a fighter. She had no real skill and so many of the Lusii where the same size as Sirius or even bigger. Sirius was a rather affable fellow, who seemed to take a shine to the humans and would help with guarding the young. But he was an exception, not a rule. Hope stared down at her toothbrush and paused before she put paste onto it, she was scared. She had begun to get use to the caverns, the trolls and even several Lusii recognized her by this point (and she’d met more grubs than she ever thought she would. All cute as buttons.) but she was going to have to fight, to defend. Eric had Jade to defend him and the Empress. And Jade was a crack shot. Once something was a threat it did not last long in her sights. Plus she also had other trolls who vowed themselves to the defense of the heir and the now co-heir human child.

Then there were those that did not accept the change in the blood caste of red, and wanted to put a stop to it. The shifting around would not take effect for a couple generations likely.

Which was a really long time for trolls. The children will accept, once the new batches of this group of grubs began sending their material into the slurry, change would become more accepted. But that left the older ones, some of whom still had incredibly long lives ahead of them to remember what their old home world had been like, remember the old ways, but it was still going to be a matter if by the point of the next hundred years of so if there was enough change in humans to be able to accept the trolls completely.

Humans would always remain casteless, signless, but their blood will be always be red. And the casteless race needed to find their position to hold onto, or the trolls would put them into one.

And that would very likely end very badly.

The usual hate tactics of idiots like those that took the grubs was not the way either. All that did was start a war that the trolls would jump into despite calmer heads like the Grand Highblood. (Hell, once he’d found the guys he was the one that led the charge!) If the war started before the little empress was even near grown, it would carry itself past anything she might order and by the time she was old enough, it would likely be too late to change anything. Only hang on and hope they didn’t destroy themselves.

Hope sighed and started to brush her teeth. Focusing herself on the day ahead of herself, her errands, the grub and evening practice with Gamzee today (since Karkat would be at work most likely) She needed to learn how to use a weapon if she wanted to defend her grub.

Karkat was teaching her a little blade work, and Gamzee… well, most his lessons ended in a pile of limbs, him giggling like an idiot and her feeling like she was wasting her time. Then he’d honk her nose and tickle her into a better mood.

Afterwards would pull a move that would pull… something… out of her and she’d find herself staring wide eyed as she did well... something… And instead of being a pile of limbs he was grinning at her as she managed to redirect a blow. She would stare back with wide eyes.

Then he’d honk and tackle her calling her motherfucking cute.

So maybe his lessons were a bit more silly than Karkat but no less valid. They just felt that way sometimes when she was buried under near a couple hundred pounds of troll, her rather wishing he’d take things just a little more seriously. And spent a little less time in full grapple…

The thing that Hope was discovering about trolls, was just how STRONG they were. Unless a human seriously worked out, trolls were just naturally stronger. Gamzee who was basically considered a skinny fuck (he was still filling out. Little less ribcage showing these days) could still give a man a spiral fracture just by twisting his arm. And he wouldn’t even break a sweat doing it. Even Karkat who was a bit on the tiny side could still overpower a single human in hand to hand combat. Perhaps it was a result of the fact that for them life was war. One trained in a weapon from the time they were old enough to pick out something and start using it. Some, like Gamzee who had a religion made use of tools related to their faith, or ancestry. For Gamzee it was the Mirthful Messiahs, and so he used tools in the vein of the ‘dark carnival’. His juggling pins where incredibly heavy, and made of some sort of bone. When he hit someone or something with those things they felt it. But he could juggle them like they were nothing but lightweight plastic.

From what she could see he could use other weapons just as proficiently. She watched him playing with a hula-hoop that some kids had left outside a couple days ago. From the balcony she watched as he started just swinging it around his waist then began some impressive feats with the plastic hoop. Skipping it from foot to foot, up and down his body like he was a rubber band.

Then he hooked the hoop along one long fingered hand and got serious with it. He sent it flying into the air, caught it and with a deadly twist sent it flying into a soda can someone had dropped in the parking lot. He must have sent that can flying 50 feet, but he’d tossed the hoop so that it bounced right back into his waiting hand.

Then he had grown bored and dropped the hoop taking a smoke break before coming back up to the apartment.

That hoop had just been plastic and she was convinced he could have taken off someone’s head with it. If he had one that was made of something else, like metal, there were few who’d have stood a chance.

Karkat was a bit more strait forward in his choice of weapons. He bore two small curved blades. Sickles.  The way he used them Hope was pretty sure that any small blade in his hands would be just as deadly with. Karkat was a full tilting little whirlwind of motion, the blades dancing about him. And he could even hold up against Gamzee for awhile, until the obvious difference of height and Gamzee’s natural blood thirstiness would hold out. For all Karkat was an angry guy, he didn’t actually want to hurt anyone. He was actually pretty gentle.

Which gave others an edge over him in a battle.

But Hope felt that his gentleness was part of his greatest strength. It was what let him stare at Gamzee in a full rage and walk right up to him to give the other a hug and calm him down. It gave him a strength that made him stand up and defend someone he didn’t always know but needed the help.

It made people, even other trolls, trust him on an instinctive level. Even when his mouth was shooting off more foul language than the MPAA could censor.

While Hope was picking up some skills from the two, neither really suited her. Since going to the Hive regularly Jade had been teaching her to shoot, but she was not that great a shot. Hope couldn’t hit the side of a wall on purpose. Somehow the shot would go off in other directions. Once she was pretty sure that it decided to take a U turn right back at her in spite.

So she had a series of random moves and abilities and nothing coherently her own. There was no way she could win against Gamzee, and barely even hold off Karkat and he wasn’t trying. Any other troll she would be easy pickings.

So yeah, Hope was pretty much fucked when it came to self defense. She wasn’t guarding an important grub like the empress, so it wasn’t likely she was going to get too much help either in the matter. She could only hope that the grub was considered so unimportant that everyone else didn’t bother her at all.

But then all it took was one crabby water dweller who decided to get at the land dwellers and she was in such deep shit.

She rinsed her mouth of tooth paste and when she turned off the faucet she paused hearing a sound and her head shot up. Over her shoulder in the mirror she could see Gamzee standing, half asleep, and using the toilet.

“OH common Gamzee!” she said throwing up her hands in the air and marching out of the bathroom as fast as she could manage. Not looking at him at all the whole time. Crazy ass clown!

000

Karkat had work, more meetings. The poor troll’s schedule was all over the place since he got his new position. He wanted the evening shifts but often had to arrive for a meeting or other. To which he felt like it was an utter waste of time. Most of them slept through the ‘pep’ talk and all the silly productivity BS that the guy at the podium spouted. Karkat sat in his chair and wished he could send someone else in his place to these things. He sat with his legs crossed and tapping his fingers on his knees to keep himself from twitching.

Maybe next time he should bring his weapons, if he was bouncing his blades on his knees he wondered how long the moron in front of them would keep talking? These meetings of the heads of departments was such an utter waste of time and breath. He could be back actually doing something with his team, but no, he was here listing to some idiot spew that he should be forcing his group to sit through a lecture about how productive they should be.

Then they turn around and tell him he should find ways to cut cost but up productivity… Basicly another way of saying they wanted him to fire half his team and overwork the rest.

He rolled his eyes and as soon as the asshole was done talking he stood up and marched out of the room. He didn’t care if there was any closing statements.

He actually had better things to do with his time.

It did not help that this ‘meeting’ had gotten called much too early for his tastes. He would rather be back home in bed. Didn’t they GET that tolls could not be up and about during the day all the time? Stupid light loving humans.

He got to his office and slammed the door. Which told his crew that he was in.

While he crashed into his chair and started it spinning in circles he saw the door open and Lucy come in. She had a huge mug of hot steaming coffee in one hand and a box of donuts in the other.

“Did I ever tell you that I fucking love you and that you deserve a fucking raise?” Karkat said coming to a stop as she set the food in front of him.

The young woman looked amused as she adjusted her glasses while he set into the donuts and coffee like a shark in a feeding frenzy “Only every day you are forced to come in early.” She responded.

He did not know what she did with the coffee. Hell she admitted she didn’t even like coffee herself as she had a preference for tea. Admittedly, he tried a couple of the blends she had in tins in her little office/cubical. And they were admittedly pretty good. That Turkish blend could rival coffee in strength. But she despite not drinking coffee could take the shit that was in the office supply and somehow make it taste like fresh ground gourmet. The donuts came from a shop near their office, fresh made every morning, but usually by the time he got up and down there, it was pretty picked over.

So if anything, he felt this was a well deserved treat for being forced to sit through another boring meeting. He zoned out for a few minutes before he suddenly realized the woman was still talking to him.

“Wait.. Fuck what was that?” he said.

She sighed and pushed her glasses up her nose raising her brows at him. “The office Christmas party. You should have gotten the memo. Each division is suppose to come up with a theme or some such and decorate, and from what I get there is going to be a secret Santa.” She crossed her arms and tilted her head at him.

“Fuck…” he flopped his chin in his hand “I don’t know the first thing about this human holiday. I read a little about it, but mostly its fucking history.” He shoved the last bite of his donut into his mouth.

The young woman snorted “Hey, I grew up one of those religions that didn’t celebrate.” She said “but since I figured you haven’t been paying attention I sent a memo out to the office and we managed to get back a general consensus of theme. Kanaya and I managed to explain the concept to the rest of the trolls in the office as well.” She pulled out a folder from somewhere handing it to him. He took it and began looking it over. Nice, clean, detailed, and got to the point. It screamed Kanaya all over it as well as the wording looking like Lucy’s. Then he paused suddenly glancing at the schedule “You aren’t suppose to be here…” he said giving her a dark look. She laughed at him.

“Kanaya asked me to come in to help her organize some files. I’m actually about to leave but when I heard you come in I figured you’d want some breakfast.” She pointed a finger at him “You bitch about my health, but you never eat.”

“I eat!” he said defensively crossing his arms like a little kid. Well, just not this early, he was usually asleep.

She just grinned at him in a way that said clearly her thoughts on that matter.

“Oh fuck you!”

“Na, you aren’t my type” she responded and he spluttered. She just grinned and gathered up the trash before waving “Anyway, talk with Kanaya or John about the office party. I’m off.” And she left him be.

He shook his head, she was still polite, he figured it was almost pathological. He’d watched her smile and be polite in the face of people he’d have been making their ears bleed with his curses. Which was why he liked keeping her around aside from being the most proficient filer he’d ever seen. Give her a pile of folders and she’d be seen working methodically, then turn around and come back a half hour later and she was done and finding herself something else to do.

Hell, between her and Kanaya there was not a single misfiled folder in his office.

And she always seemed to know what he wanted, when he wanted it. Other than not answering the phones, she was his secretary. Just as he got to know her she seemed to warm up and unwind enough that she would crack jokes and she had a dead pan delivery of the perfect strait man.

Of course he loved when she would get insultive. She had a wit that would rip a person apart and they often didn’t’ catch on until later. During the evening shift there was a couple trolls having some issues. A tall blue blood who tended to keep to himself, except when involving the one copper blooded troll he had. Then he was unusually cruel.

The copper took it well enough, just ignored or if the other got in his face enough he would fight back. And for a copper he was very forward. Didn’t act like a push over.

But Lucy would also hop to his defense in a heartbeat. And that blue blood was left in verbal tatters when she was done. And if he even considered raising a hand against her she would just grin in a vicious manor that left even Karkat’s blood running cold.

Karkat would not be surprised if that guy turned in his quitting papers. Lucy had it out for him and for a girl who was not the strongest physically; she was sharp as a tack. Likely because she was sick so much, she had little time for anything but reading and developing her mind.

As she left he went back to the file she’d given him. It had a few notes in it from other departments and the proposed theme. Something about something called a ‘Christmas Carol’. He figured he could look that up and see what it was about, but the rest was pretty strait forward. Everyone brought some small gift above ten dollars but below fifty for someone who’s name would be drawn for you from a hat or something like that. And on the night everyone can wander about the building from all the departments seeing what themes they had come up with. There would be a vote for best theme of course, giving a touch of competition to the event.

Well, not too bad overall. Different than the stuff he’d read about Christmas and celebrations of the sort. If anything it looked like it was pretty much taken care of by people who actually wanted to plan this, so he just signed off his approval. He really didn’t care one way or another in the end.

That closed he checked over his messages then clocked out. He was going home to get some sleep before he came back in this evening.  

000

The check up at the hive turned into a production. Well, more like a war. Sort of.

Hope had gotten in and her grub got its checkup and she spent a little time talking with Jade while the grub played with the little growing collection of grubs in the cavern and Eric. There was a little rainbow of grubs collecting around Eric and the sleeping empress. A few trolls, a couple other Lusii aside from Sirius where also lounged around the cavern. Most looking amused by the games the children were playing.

And explosion rocked the outside of the cavern and everyone went on alert. Hope rushed to gather the grubs and get them all huddled near the empress, the safest place of the cavern.

Eric buried his face against her side and she heard him murmured softly “not again.”

Hope frowned at the comment. Again?

Again proved to be a small group of sea dwellers and Lusii who were trying to break their way into the cavern.

“Save the empress from the land dwellers!” one towards the front shouted.

“Oh good gravy people!” Jade shouted back “You are putting her in even more danger! And no way am I leaving the care of MY SON to you morons!”

Someone fired a shot, the trolls inside the cavern rolled their eyes. OK, this was giving Hope decidedly mixed signals. Was it a fight or not? Next to Eric huddled another little purple grub, took a moment to realize it was a water dweller. Its little fins shivered in fear. Several of the grubs were sea dwellers as well as land dwellers, and these asshats were threatening them for the young empress?

“Shut up woman! Your people were the ones that put her in danger!” the ‘spokesman’ of the water denizens said dramatically pointing at Jade.

Who took a shot at him, just skimming his hair, close enough to his ear fin like appendages. The troll squeaked like a little grub and winced away from her.

Jade just smirked and readied another shot. The trolls around her congratulated her and jeered at the water dwellers.

“It’s the same fucking thing every time you losers come in here!” Jade shouted “All you are doing is making a mess and scaring the little ones. And your Empress as well! She’s already in enough pain and danger without you losers coming in here making a mess of things. Now, currently she is my responsibility and I already told you. I take that very seriously. Just like I took killing those assholes who took her very seriously. Now, turn around or I add your idiotic body to the growing count I have already gotten with this gun.” Her smile was wide and dangerous.

The water dweller swallowed realizing she had the weapon trained squarely at him.

“Don’t let the bitch scare you! We have numbers with us!” one of the trolls next to him said.

Then there was a shot and that troll had a hole in the middle of his head.

The other troll jumped again. Then slowly waved at the others, “You won’t leave this Hive alive human!” he shouted.

“Kiss my fucking white ass.” Jade responded crudely and the trolls around her hooted with laughter shouting that from the blush on the water dwellers face he just might be considering it.

But the others retreated for now. Hope blinked at the troll nearest her “What just happened?”

The troll was dressed in a style somewhat similar to Gamzee, so he must be another follower of the Mirthful Messiah. He looked at her his face paint resembling a skull with sharp teeth framing his mouth. He gave her a shark smile “Eh, don’t motherfucking worry about it. We can handle these motherfuckers.” He laughed juggling half dozen colorful balls. This seemed to draw the grubs out of their hiding to watch him with wonder at the entertainment.

He released a couple balls and rolled them, the grubs all diving after like a pack of kittens. All squeaking and clicking away joyfully. The troll’s face seemed to soften with amusement at the little ones.

“Anyway toots” ‘toots?’ Hope thought with her own amusement, “the water dwellers think that the empress should be in another cavern, one more dedicated to the water kinds, and frankly, none of us want to turn into prunes hanging out there and I motherfucking doubt Ms Jade or the Prince over there can handle breathing under water.” He shrugged “So it was deemed they stay here. Those motherfuckers just think they can bully what they want because their blood is purple.” He snorted “Bet that when this is over that fucker will be trying to get a formal kismesis with Ms Jade.”

Wow, Jade must have left a favorable impression; the indigo was referring to her with a title. Even if it wasn’t much of one, but then that was likely how Jade preferred it. The idea as well that she was enough of a real threat that the trolls would start considering her for a black romance? And a kismesis at that? That was impressive. Although humans really didn’t understand the whole complicated quadrants of troll romance, Hope felt she at least had a good idea. Kismesis seemed to be something like a worse enemy but still attracted to them enough you wanted to jump in the sack with them.

Of course, that was also more than a little disturbing to the human mindset. “I think he’ll likely get rejected.” She said to the other troll who chuckled.

“Motherfucking yes he will. We were talking with her about it earlier.” And he started to laugh. So Hope took it Jade’s response must have been pretty amusing to the trolls.

“Hey noticed you don’t have Gamzee today.” The troll changed the subject in lightning speed she was taking to be indicative of his blood type. Gamzee did the same thing, often.

“He wanted to come along, but I managed to talk him out of it. He’s still recovering from the Empress’s rescue and well,” she shrugged “The Grand Highblood wanted to talk with me, I figured it would be easier to talk without Gamzee posturing.

This cracked up the troll more and Hope was trying to figure out what was so funny.

“Oh, motherfucking hilarious. So that old Highblood trying to hook you away from Gamzee?” he asked very curious.

She gave him a dark look “Aside from NOT your motherfucking business brother.” She said in her best mimicry of Gamzee, this seemed to pull the troll back enough that he actually backed off a little, which made her smirk. “There are no relationships aside from conciliatory.” She said making it clear to him that at the moment she didn’t consider any of them in anything other than purely platonic. Hell she just hoped she got the right word. Four main quadrants, two sides dedicated to the positive and negative relationships. Then split again with platonic and lustful. Humans could work with these but sometimes the intensity of the emotions involved, even for the platonic, made things more than a little intimidating.

The Highblood teased, and Gamzee continued to try, but after some of the things she’d seen and things she’d had explained about the complexities of troll’s love life, hell just the fact that they were not human and their well... equipment (which she had been an unwilling spectator of more than once). wasn’t quite the same either. She heard from other humans that they were more than compatible. She was just too personally intimidated by the mere concept.

Which brought her to another thought. Practically every troll she met tended to be utter busybodies when it came to romances. And already it seemed they had little issue including any human they actually liked into this mix.

She swore, she might one of these days personally start a war over nosy trolls.

She sighed and stayed long enough to help calm the remaining freaked out grubs. The one poor purple water dweller took longest. The little thing huddled in her hold and when she finally managed to get it calm enough to set down she found that it seemed to be a bit shyer from the others and hung close to the Empress’s cocoon and Eric.

Gabbing her grub bag while the other trolls were talking with Jade, and relaxing. Some watching the grubs and the one Hope had been talking to had a game of fetch going, tossing out his balls for the grubs to roll back to him. She gave a whistle “Jinglebutt!” and her little grub separated itself from the others. Several trolls raised eyebrows at her choice of nickname and the rest broke into laughter.

She picked up her grub and left the cavern heading for the entrance.

She didn’t see anyone outside when she left, she had been careful.

And the world went black and she as her consciousness faded she could hear the squeals and screams of her little grub. She thought she heard gun fire… Hope couldn’t be sure.

000

Alright! So, end of this chapter that I had not meant to write, because I was SUPOSE to be taking a break this weekend….

So much for that..

Anyway. Another bonus chappie for everyone to enjoy.

So now there are two tumblrs. The one where I will be posting a bulk of my notes and such for this story (research and notes and artwork.) Feel free to ask questions of myself or even the cast. Or just enjoy the pretty pictures. LOL relearning2breath(dot)tumblr(dot)com and you can find the ‘dabbles’ fic that goes along with this story (side bits of story, things that didn’t make it, were created after the chapter was finished or are too mature) at stillbreathiing(dot)tumblr(dot)com

 


	17. Dark Intentions

Relearning to Breath chapter 17

LOOK DISCLAIMER! *runs away*

Dark Intentions

000

The first thing Hope registered, before she even opened her eyes, was that she couldn’t really feel much of anything. Slowly more feeling came to her. Her hands and feet tingling from the pins and needles of the nerve numbness one gets from laying in one weird spot too long.

And she was laying very awkwardly. Her hands tied behind her and her feet bound together. 

Hope was also cold, and wet. Like she’d been drug through water and then left to chill. She wasn’t freezing, yet, but she had just enough feeling in her fingers to know she’d been submerged awhile. Slowly she tried to shift, but ended up flopping to her back like some stranded fish.

“I think the human is coming to.”  A voice said and she opened her eyes. At first she couldn’t see anything, it was so utterly dark.

Then a light flared and she winced turning her head again. Her mouth had that rotten feeling she got when she was hung over and her head felt about the same.

As her eyes slowly adjusted she turned back and saw a troll holding the light. Tall, with a weird pair of scars a crossed his face. There were others, but they resided in closer to the darkness and she couldn’t pick more than shapes out. But her eyes did travel around, looking for were she was.

It didn’t look like one of the cavern tunnels. But it was hard to say, there was a pool, and other than a single very narrow hole in the roof she could see no other entrances.

The male troll though came over and grabbed her chin and lifted her up by her face. “How did an ugly creature like you end up with Lusus status?” he growled and she blinked, her head clearing and suddenly she was looking around. Hm pointing it out suddenly brought to the foreground the dull ache that was beyond the muscle pain. Something inside her was throbbing.

“My grub!” she managed to get around her voice cracking.

He snorted “Perhaps it is dead. Can’t you tell?” he grinned wickedly.

She tightened her jaw feeling a twitch forming. Taking a long breath she closed her eyes. There was discomfort but it didn’t feel.. Hollow. It just felt strained. Like she was too far away for too long. This meant she exceeded the roughly two mile radius that she had established was the farthest she could be from her grub before they began to feel the strain. As the years go by they would be able to go further apart, but at the moment the bond was as tight as it would ever be because the grub needed her protection so very badly.

But it was alive. Scared, strained, but alive.

Something in her relaxing seemed to irritate the troll who dropped her “So, you do have a bond.” He growled, he really did not seem to like this one bit. “Too bad it’s not our old world. I’d just feed you to the leviathan. Not like you would have made a good meal. Barely a snack.”

“Perhaps you should kill her, Orphaner, you know they can use the grub to track her if she really is bonded.” One of the others said.

The troll was quiet and gave a shrug “We’ll be moving soon,” he said “For the moment I want this human alive. We can use her to lead them to a location of our choosing. Then either they will give up the Empress or die.” He stated blandly.

There was a general consensus. Hope though saw so very many flaws in this plan. She was one human, other than her closest friends she didn’t see many coming to her rescue. And even if they did come, trapping them wasn’t going to get them the empress either. She was much too valuable to the trolls in general to risk to a small group of idiots.

Hope took a breath and then opened her mouth to pretty much tell them that, but instead… found herself laughing.

The one they called Orphaner looked over his shoulder at her with annoyance. He twitched his brow at her and frowned “Wwhat is so funny?” his voice had enough irritation that he actually started to stutter.

“You are all fucking douche nook sucking idiots” she said choosing some of Karkat’s favorite words. Of all of the curses she found nook the most amusing, it just sounded funny to her. She rolled to her back and just laughed. Once she started she found she couldn’t really stop. She knew she was getting a bit hysterical, but it seemed to have an interesting effect on the trolls. Several started to get uncomfortable.

“She’s laughing like a highblood…” one whispered.

This was only funnier to the girl who was turning to her side and nearly crying she was laughing so hard.

The Orphaner was developing a tick he was twitching so very hard. He got up and grabbed the girl dragging her up by her front and holding her nearly face to face with him. She managed to contain herself, biting her lip as he glared at her “AND WHAT IS SO FUNNY?” he demanded again with a shake.

“Oh geeze, use half a braincell. I know you highbloods don’t tend to be overly bright, but seriously! I am a rather low placed HUMAN, even with a little boy being bonded to your empress; I don’t trump her in the grand scheme of things. They aren’t going to send anyone important after me. They aren’t going to risk the Empress’s already delicate health. If you guys would stop being such utter dickheads for one blasted moment you would realize that! THAT CHILD IS DYING you ass!” she shouted the last at him. Baring teeth.

He blinked at her. Something in her gaze…

“She would be better in the water, were she belongs.” He started.

“And what about the boy? Do you even know what she did to survive? She bound her life to his. Which basically means right now. If he dies, so does she! She has no strength to live without his energy. She’s trying to regrow limbs. THOSE ASSHOLES CHOPPED OFF HER TAIL! They mutilated her. They nearly killed her. It was chance that they kidnapped that boy and she was able to attach her life to his. If not for that you would have a dead empress. How many thousand sweeps would it be before another one is POSSIBLY born?” she asked.

He dropped her and half sat. He just… He started to shake and suddenly turned and growled at the others in the room who had gone deadly silent watching the exchange between the one that seemed to be their leader and the human girl. When he growled they jumped and seemed to get whatever order he was giving as they all dove into the water and disappeared. Leaving the human and water dweller alone.

Hope was on her knees seated back on her heels. Oh she knew just how much trouble she was in right now. But also knew that being afraid was a very fast way to an early grave. Finding the humor, getting mad, it kept her from being afraid. She kept herself focused on using words and her anger as weapons, to keep herself from thinking of anything else at the moment.

Because the moment she lost her focus she was going to start shaking like a leaf on the wind.

“Then…” he was still sitting and pulled up his knees. He looked, a lot younger suddenly. “Its all been in vane” he said softly.

She stared at him comfused. “Eh?”

“The land dwellers will take the empress and raise her how they will. All our structure, society, will be lost.”

Oh, the whole segregation of land and water thing. “No, not lost, changed. But that was forced upon you when you lost your home and became refugees.” She said and he suddenly glared at her

“What would you know about loss?” He demanded of her “I lost my EMPRESS”

She felt herself softening. And she just smiled at him.

“Why are you smiling? Stop that!” something about that smile said so much and he didn’t want to be pitied by a human. He wanted nothing to do with them. He wanted to chase them from the seas and make them stay on land like they belong, and anyone trying to ruin the water should be destroyed. Some of the things they had found already, the clean up, just to make the water safe for them to live.

And he was getting pitied by one of those same creatures. It made him angry. She lowered her head but that understanding did not leave. He growled and grabbed her by her front pulling her up until she was level with him, her toes barely brushing the floor “I SAID STOP THAT!” he shouted in her face “Or I will gut you here!”

“Were you on the same ship as her?” she asked.

He began to shake his eyes going incredibly wide. Her gaze softened more “I see.” She said softly “So, you are the only one to know what happened then.”

“It was her fault!” he said, jibbering “She forced me! We all would have died.. and she.. she.. she chose that land dwelling psychic over me! We had to make that last push, the land dweller was going to die anyway, and she was going to kill us all to save him.”

Hope was confused, but she stayed quiet for the moment, letting the water dweller go on. She was getting somewhat of an idea. There was some sort of complicated quadrant thing going on. As he kept talking, in confused disjointed pieces she slowly began to build an image of what happened.

The ships each had a pilot of a sort, a troll with psychic powers, who could direct the ships. The Empress’ ship had one as well and the empress spent a lot of her time with the troll. And seemed to have decided she liked him for whatever reason. That part was kind of confused because some of the stuff this troll was telling her sounded like she abused the poor guy. But there was no way she was going to try and be a judge of what troll’s considered romance. That was opening a kettle of worms she was so not ready for.

It seemed this guy had feelings for her, even did a lot of things for her to try and get her to see him as more than a servant. Seemed on the ship he had finally gotten somewhat closer to her but when the call went out that there was a place to go to, (earth) they were in bad shape and had been a long way away. They had to make a decision or all die.

And she seemed to have chosen to die.

In a panic the ship mutinied and this fellow in his fear and grief rose up and led a few other survivors to go against their empress.

Hope was honestly impressed, she’d gotten a very good idea just how deep the need to follow their empress ran from her conversations with the other trolls. It was no wonder this fellow was falling apart now. Even if it had jealousy and very likely more than a little insanity that had driven him, he was trying to in his own eyes make up for what he’d done. His fingers gripped her shirt front and held her there steady even as he was falling to pieces. She bit her lip and debated how to use this.

Suddenly he looked up at her and she found herself staring into a very angry paled out purple gaze and slammed into the wall. The airs left her lungs in a burst and before she could register more than the growing pain in her back and arms her lips were covered with his.

Oh…. Fucking…. Hell…

Hope started to struggle, all thoughts of being brave completely flying out the window with the unexpected onslaught. She managed to hook her feet up and gave a sudden kick out. Striking him in the stomach and throwing him back. He let go of her and she had a moment of feeling weightless before she hit the ground on her tailbone.

Now her back and butt hurt and she glanced up in time to see just how angry she made him.

She had a brief moment to contemplate just how screwed she was right before he dove at her.

000

Karkat got the call on his way back to the condo that something happened at the hive. A random squabble that had been put down turned ugly when the attackers had decided to kidnap someone leaving.

They took Hope.

Karkat bit his nail as he sat in the car outside still staring up at the condo. He was worrying the nail to ragged bits. The Grub was safe, was with the others at the Hive, though it was in a complete panic, which meant Hope had been taken too far away from the maximum radius the pair could handle being separated for any period of time before it started to try and pull them back together again.

He was not looking forward to explaining this to Gamzee. Hell, Karkat was pissed himself! Hope was part of his well… to use a human term, family. He depended on her being there. It was her, him, Gamzee and the grub. It had become normal. He knew when he got off work there would be a meal waiting. He knew that he always had someone at his back, he might cuss them out and there were times they annoyed the shit out of him, but… they were there.

That ‘family’ was being threatened. Hell he wanted to take his blade and go find those forsaken fucking water dwellers and chop them to fish food, but Gamzee was incredibly unstable. He’d already fairly recently gone into one of his Dark Carnivals and barely came out of it. The news of Hope being taken, would that send him completely over the edge? Would he go to save her, only to destroy her too? If he did that then Karkat knew he’d never be able to pull him back.

He’d lose them both.

He pushed the sunglasses up with one hand rubbing at his eyes under them. There was no choice, Karkat wasn’t strong enough to go up against a group of purple blooded sea dwellers. He would be taken out in no time. And this was not something that they could get help on like with the grubs. The highblood couldn’t risk going after Hope. The Empress’ safety came first and at the moment she was safe.

Hope was only a single human, even if she had Lusus status, it was her grub’s position to protect her.

But the grub was too young. The grub could not do anything for her. Except panic and try and get to her.

Slowly he got out of the car and went up to the condo. Taking a long breath he opened the door. Gamzee was seated on the couch with what looked like a mixing bowl and a box of fruit loops and looked like he was using Faygo in place of milk.

Karkat was rather glad he had other things on his mind at the moment or he might have been ill.

“Hey my best motherfucking friend” Gamzee greeted with a grin around his fruit loops.

Karkat took a breath and walked in, closing the door behind him. He could tell that Gamzee knew something was up from his uncharacteristic silence.

This was going to fucking suck.

000

Gingo got the call that Gamzee was at his club, and that if he didn’t get there soon there might not be much left of it.

He pulled into the parking lot and even from there could tell something was up. The heavy metal door was off its hinges and Equius was sitting beside it rubbing his head.

“What the fuck happened?” the Highblood asked the blue blooded bouncer who looked up at him dazed.

“I am so sorry Highblood, but the other highblood got past me.”

The grand highblood sighed and patted the other’s shoulder “It’s motherfucking ok. I’ll take care of this.” And he went inside.

He had a feeling he knew what likely set off Gamzee. But he wondered why the clown had come here first instead of to the hive to get the grub and go after the idiots that had laid hands on Hope.

Inside he found Karkat currently helping Sollux to his feet, the other looked like someone had hit him in the face with a bottle. Very likely, especially with the bottles spewn about the room, most broken. At the stair Unique was standing her hands on her hips. She had a black eye and a very pissed off expression. Seeing the Grand Highblood she marched over “the psychopath is in your office. I’m not sure WHAT he is doing there, but he went in, threw me down the stairs.” She told him to the point.

He leaned over and kissed the bruise which made her wince but relax. She knew he’d take care of things. “Just let me know if you need back up boss.” She said.

He chuckled “I’ll let you know if I need you to sit on anyone.” He promised “Go help the others clean up the mess, we still have to open on time. And get the inventory stocked so we know how much booze we are going to have to motherfucking replace.” He pulled a face, that was going to be expensive.

She patted his shoulder and went off to do that.

The Grand Highblood snapped his fingers and waved to Karkat, the younger troll coming over hesitantly.

“What happened?” he demanded.

“Hope was kidnapped during an attempt at the Hive for the water dwellers to take charge of the Empress.” Karkat said, “I, had to tell Gamzee and well.. He decided to come here first. He…” the other rubbed his face pushing the shades he was currently wearing up onto his forehead “He was actually pretty calm until the idiot at the door wouldn’t let us in. I tried to fucking tell him!” he defended himself.

The Highblood waved him off “Equius is very particular about his orders. I’ll just make sure that in the future he has orders to cover unexpected visits from Gamzee.” He promised. “So then he went up there?”

“Well, after juggling with the contents of the bar.” Karkat admitted looking very worn. The Highblood chuckled at that.

“Fine, so just follow me. I may need you to calm him.”

“I’m not sure I can-“ Karkat started and stopped when he was glared at by the highblood

“Sufferer’s descendant. You can calm him because I fucking told you to!”

Karkat swallowed and just gave a tiny nod following behind the juggelo who marched up the stairs and to the office door.

It wasn’t closed, it swung open easily. Inside looked like a whirlwind had gone through his office. Little remained on shelves, papers were strewn all over and Gamzee was currently seated in the Highblood’s chair. One foot up on the desk and elbows on the arms of the seat as he rocked it back and forth with his other foot on the floor.  He was dressed in a completely different outfit from his normal mode of loose pants he had painted polka dots on and baggy shirts with his purple canvas sneakers. He now wore something that the Highblood had gotten for him and had been trying to talk him into wearing. The young troll had still refused his position even after he agreed he had needed the Highblood’s help in learning to control himself.

The uniform of one of his underlings.  It had been the thing he had wanted to talk with Hope about. To see if she could get him to listen to reason. There were so many reasons for the uniform. Not the least of which offered a huge bonus of protection if Gamzee ‘belonged’ to someone. Meant as well that he would have an easier time if Gamzee was one of ‘his’ guard for the event he was still arguing with silly humans over with the deaths of the Empress’ kidnappers.

Loose pants pattered with the outlines of dots, a long shirt marked with his sign, a collared striped vest and striped gauntlets. His feet covered with heavy steal toed shoes that still had the same feel as his old canvas ones. He wasn’t looking up at them though the smile a crossed his face was wide and full of pointed teeth.

“Just needed to motherfucking pick up a few things, alright motherfucker?” he said his voice very low at the moment.

Karkat swallowed and even the Highblood was taken a little aback. “It’s all cool brother.” He told him and Gamzee leaned back to toss himself to his feet. He walked around the desk and picking up his weapons he started for the door, pausing by the other young troll. He didn’t even look at him as he said his voice still very soft “With me my motherfucking best friend?”

Karkat seemed startled then looked up at the other “I have never left you.”

With a chuckle and a honk the juggelo left the room. Karkat glanced at the highblood “Go.” He told them “I’ll smooth over anything that needs it after it’s all done.”

Karkat nodded and trotted after his moirail.

000

Notes: Welp, got to the absolutely awesomesauce outfit that is designed by spritemix-a-lot. Check out their tumblr. More credit links to go into my own tumblr under the user name relearning2breath. Subscribe and check out the info I have added, plus art, and feel free to ask questions of me, the cast... AND the ongoing vote for the Grub’s name and gender!

Also check out the other tumblr stillbreathiing for dabble ficlets, and the more ‘mature’ content, added scenes and basically all the stuff I didn’t include in the main story. 


	18. Dark Carnival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> has artwork from Vonpipkin from tumblr!

Relearning to Breath chapter 18

(DISCLAIMER USUAL NONSENSE)

Dark Carnival

000

Hope was curled into a sick miserable ball. Her arm had been, somewhat, bandaged after the troll broke it. She was covered in bruises and bites. This ‘Orphaner’ fellow seemed to decide he was going to try and beat every ounce of pity out of her.

Didn’t work. She pitied him just to piss him off now. It was becoming a kind of dark humored game. Every time he gritted his teeth and snapped at her was one more badge of victory. They had kept moving as well. She was getting use to the way that the trolls helped her ‘breath’ underwater. One of them carried her and she would poke when she needed a breath. Then they would kiss her and she’d get another lungful of air. It was so disgusting. Why someone couldn’t just rip off a scuba diver she didn’t know.

And why they insisted on taking her with them she knew even less. She thought for sure after that first beating back at the underwater cave that she would have been left alone in the darkness. Instead they drug her along like so much baggage.

But the constantly being wet, cold, and having injuries was taking its toll on her human body. She was getting ill. Whenever they stopped she was shivering so incredibly hard they didn’t even bother tying her up anymore. She could only shiver and try and warm herself up.

They were stopped again. Up on land for once. But it was cold, so very cold. Dark as well. She felt gritty rocky sand beneath her so knew they were on a beach. A northern one it seemed, so they must have come out of the Atlantic.

She was a long way from the central south of the country.

Orphaner came over and knelt down looking at the miserable human, who despite her features being paler than usual and her gaze having a sort of glazed appearance still managed a good glare. He smirked. She had fight in her, he liked that. They were almost ‘home’ and he could replan how to get the Empress. He reached out to touch one of the bruises he’d put onto her face. She didn’t even wince just stared at him.

She felt, kind of hot though. He frowned. He didn’t want her to die yet. No, he planned on keeping her alive a good long time. He would make her pay for her pity until the only pity she might hold would be for herself. Her broken arm still had not healed and was turning some interesting colors. He gave a sneering snort “Humans are truly pathetic.” He said and one of his followers came over to see what he was talking about. The female troll frowned.

“She looks sick. Shouldn’t we just, kill her or dump her?”

“NO!” he snapped at the female and his hand struck the other troll, sending her falling back “Do not question my decisions! She must learn! Learn her place! Red will never match purple in the hemospectrum!”

The other trolls pulled the female back towards them and just shrugged. They followed him because he was strong; he was a beacon of the old ways. At the moment they were all pretty sure he was just nuts. Several of the original band had snuck off during the night and standing, the female troll he’d struck stared at him with utter loathing before she turned around and marched away into the sea and not likely coming back.

He did not even seem to notice. Just marching back and forth grumbling to himself. This started the others to staring at each other. Some got up and followed the female into the sea. There was very few left of the original group now. And even they began to wonder if it was really worth all the trouble.

000

Karkat adjusted the wrap and the restlessly sleeping grub. It took them awhile to get a bead on anything but finally they got a definite direction. Currently they were paused while Gamzee beat the head of one troll into so much purple muck at the end of his club. They had caught one of the trolls that had been involved. Got the name of their leader and were they were headed. Then Gamzee decided he wasn’t quite done with the fellow.

Karkat felt no remorse for letting his friend get it out of his system. When Gamzee wasn’t being unusually silent but for a few honks and giggles (the honks he could handle, the giggling though... that was scary) he would sleep, at least it seemed like sleep. It was hard to say really. When he slept Karkat could drive with the Grub giving him a general direction to go into and the little one would huddle down on Gamzee’s lap, not at all afraid. And since the other troll seemed to show no sign of hurting the grub, Karkat tried not to worry about it.

Finding the troll that was part of the Orphaner’s group had been a pure chance. Karkat was rather shocked that the one leading was the THAT troll, the one closest to pirates and the old Empress. He was known for performing huge atrocities on their old home. Most rumored to have been under the direction of the Empress herself.

He was known for his hatred of land dwelling beings and for killing Lusii to feed to the great Leviathan. A water monster who thankfully had been much too big for any of their ships and was left behind on a doomed world.

Gamzee came back finally. Karkat didn’t bother to see what was left of the other troll, he just pulled a face “No fucking way you getting in my car like that” Gamzee was covered in gore. He looked like a horror show. At the moment Karkat was much too tired to be frightened anymore. He’d been driving constantly now for going on near two days. The hallows of his eyes were deeper and his gaze had a kind of bloodshot quality to them.

Gamzee just started laughing. At the moment it was almost a broken sound. The clown had spent the same amount of time as Karkat been driving in his crazed state. Karkat didn’t even want to think what it must be doing to his friend’s already damaged psyche. He walked over and reached up, grabbing Gamzee by one of his horns and pulling him down to Karkat’s own level. He rested his head against his friend’s head and took a breath “We should sleep, at least a couple hours.” He said softly.

“motherfucking can’t” Gamzee replied back, his voice hardly more than a whisper, “That motherfucker told me what she looks like right now.”

Karkat winced, oh god, he didn’t really want to know. But he took a breath and looked into his friend’s eyes.

And the purple ones gazing back told him without words how bad. “Any word of how she’s holding up?” he asked

This actually earned a twisted smile “Like the brave little motherfucker she is. She’s going out of her way to piss them off.”

This got a snort out of Karkat. “That’s our fucking girl” he grinned and Gamzee took a long breath. Seeming to somewhat calm himself, before he broke into a wider smile “Shall we get this fucking party started? They are not that far away according to the swimmer.”

Karkat nodded “Right.”

000

By the time they reached the current ‘home base’ a small beach front house. There were not many left at all. No more than 6 counting the girl. Only she was hanging limply off the back of one of the trolls who wondered if she was even breathing. She felt hot to the touch, so she hadn’t gone cold, but the broken arm was a mass of blackish blue. And from her breathing and the trickle of candy red blood from her nose, she was likely bleeding inside too.

“Put her in the pod in my room.” The Orphaner said to the troll when they came into the room. The other troll nodded. He wasn’t sure if slime would work on humans, but at the moment, it didn’t matter. She would likely not live out the night.

The other trolls wondered how the Orphaner managed to keep a real pod of slime. Few had seen it since the last of it died on the ships on the way. No one really had any cultures and nothing set up to keep the stuff alive. Without the red sun it was thought that it wouldn’t grow at all.

Yet, here was a pod of the green sopor. The troll slid the human into the stuff and made sure her head was put into the rest to keep her from slipping into the stuff completely. Up till even just an hour ago she was cursing their very existence and with grinning disrespect daring the Orphaner to hit her again.

“Brave little bitch” the troll said feeling a sense of pity for the girl. It would be better for her if she did not live. Otherwise, well, she would be Orphaner’s slave for the rest of her existence, however long that lasted.

The troll returned to the main room. The others were seated about, their leader currently going over his maps and drawings. Above his head on the wall was a huge gun, it did not work anymore, but it remained as a symbol of their old home and the old ways.

Staring around the troll put his hands in his pockets and felt like they were already defeated.

This was not going to work. Never would of. The hope for the old days really was gone with their old home. Not even that he remembered them much, he’d been young when the ships left.

He was an adult when they landed here. Not the first ship, more of one of the resent ones. Orphaner was a symbol of the old ways and he had fallen in with the other’s charisma and talking about how things should be.

He was thinking perhaps that wasn’t how they should be anymore. The girl in there. Human. Supposedly lowest of low and yet she held up against them with the wide grin of one of the followers of the Mirthful Messiah.

He gave a sigh and then he walked out of the house. No one even noticed him.

And he was to be the last to escape as a mid size torus pulled up next to the house.

000

Karkat was going to put the grub in the back seat, but the moment they stopped it started to wake and just as quickly started to chirp and try to get at the house before them “Well, we definitely have the right fucking place.” Karkat said.

Gamzee’s smile widened. “And no other houses around for miles.” He said.  He’d been keeping an eye out.

Karkat snorted “Of course not, why would one of the old vanguard to the Empress want to live next to low blooded humans? I’m just surprised he has a house at all and hasn’t like, grown a coral home or something like that.”

Gamzee gave a shrug “Eh, likely just what he got given when he got here.”

Karkat snorted. Each troll had gotten part of the ‘price’ of all their sold off tech. Depending on how many survived on their ship was how many ways it got split, and of course it wasn’t an even split. The older trolls got a greater bulk and the lowest trolls got next to nothing. Karkat lucked out in that while there were a lot of survivors on his and Gamzee’s ship, they managed to get a fairly nice modest sum. It let them get their places and held them long enough to get jobs. He heard of a few trolls, especially in the larger more densely populated areas were homeless. Or forming gangs just to survive.

So either the Orphaner had grabbed a good portion of what came from the sale of the tech, or he had been on one of those that had a very low survival rate. Either way, he got a good portion of money to be able to afford a secluded beachfront in the Carolinas.

Gamzee was itching to go busting inside. He had already started juggling outside the car. Karkat for his part frowned, he couldn’t leave the grub, but taking it inside…

“I’ll go around the back and come in from behind” he said to Gamzee “While they are focused on you, I’ll find Hope.”

“ALL IF MOTHERFUCKING GOOD BROTHER” Gamzee cackled and deciding to walk on his hands he headed for the front door. He flung himself at it feet first knocking it in off its hinges “hello motherfuckers!” he greeted as his hair flew around his face and he brought up the juggling pins, “HONEY I’M MOTHER FUCKING HOME!”

Karkat went around the back looking through windows, he paused when he came to one window, it was covered in a heavy curtain to block light, so very likely a bedroom. Trolls would want their bedrooms dark as caves because of their light sensitivity.

He tested the window and found it would open. So he did and pushing the curtain aside paused.

There was a real honest to goodness sopor pod in this room. How on earth did it survive? Shaking his head he was about to move on when he noticed movement. Eyes widening he climbed into the window and went to the pod. They had suspended Hope in the thick green fluid. Her face a mass of bruises and as he came up beside her, ignoring the screams, shouts, laughter and gunfire from the other room. The little grub on his shoulder toppled itself into the pod and swam floated to desperately nuzzle Hope’s face.

Karkat started to lift her and stopped when she whimpered. After a pause he carefully pulled her up just enough that as the slime fell away he saw her arm and took a long breath. She needed immediate medical help, and the flesh under his hands that was not a mass of bruising was hot, and incredibly pale. She was very sick. As he settled her again in the slime, figuring if nothing else it shouldn’t hurt her at least and the support it gave seemed to ease her pain.  

He was desperately torn. He should call the police, but that would lead to way too many questions. And even if this was a troll matter, human laws still applied and well, Gamzee was supplying so much in a case of first degree murder out there in the other room.

Pulling his phone he checked and found signal, so he called the only other person he could think of.

He got the human who took the cash at the door. Before the man could even finish his greeting Karkat was already talking “Get me the Grand HIghblood. This is Karkat.” He shouted over the screams from the other room.

There was a pause, then suddenly he could hear the murmur of another voice and the man talking to someone. Karkat wanted to start screaming obscenities at the man but in a moment there was another voice.

“Yes fucker?”

“We found her, Orphaner took her.”

There was a very long pause and then “Didn’t know that fucker was still alive.” The Highblood said “Were are you and has Gamzee killed the bastard yet?”

“I still hear screams, so I can’t say, but they beat up Hope pretty bad. I found her in one of the bedrooms, she’s a mass of bruises and has a broken arm that is turning very unhuman colors. I can’t call for an ambulance and I’m afraid to move her.” The grub was huddled close to Hope’s shoulder and crooned softly. As if asking her to wake up and hold it.

“Chillax.” The Highblood told him, “You’re hyperventilating. I’ll make a call, get someone to come help. But Gamzee can’t see them until he’s come off his dark carnie high.”

“If they come around the back there will be an open window. They can come in that way.”

“Right.”

Hanging up Karkat sat on the floor, back to the pod and watched the closed door. Waiting to see what would come.

000

Gamzee used the handle of his club to hold a female troll by her throat and with a twist he sent her to the floor with her head near ripped off. Laughing he half danced about the room. The Orphaner was standing to the side, holding a gun that was on its last couple shots. Gamzee knew, he’d been counting, he knew too that the other troll likely had been counting too. The elder troll took aim and when he shot Gamzee grinning widely moved. Coming closer. “One shot left motherfucker, think you can motherfucking MAKE IT COUNT?” and he leapt at the other troll.

Who hastily raised his rifle and took the desperate shot. He hit, striking one of Gamzee’s arms, but the other troll barely seemed to notice, his clubs coming down in unison upon the other’s head.

The elder troll crumpled like paper. Gamzee snorted and with a sniff he spat upon the other. He didn’t even care if the motherfucker was dead. Instead he turned hearing a sound.

Eyes dilating he went slowly towards the door at the back of the room. Distressed sounds of a grub made its way through his crazed fogged think pan. The sound was familiar and hit a cord inside him. Hope.. his Hope.. Karkat.. his Karkat.. His Grub little Jinglebutt.

MINE!

His eyes narrowed as another sound made its way into his mind. A voice that didn’t belong to Karkat or Hope or the grub..

Then he did hear Hope’s voice. And his vision clouded to purple. Her scream was pained filled.

000

The door didn’t just bust in, it practically shattered in its frame. And Gamzee stood there. His smile very wide. “Get your motherfucking hands off of her.” He said, his voice very low, very dangerous.

Karkat gave the trolls who had been trying to figure out how to get Hope out of the pod credit. They backed off fast.

“FUCK GAMZEE!” Karkat screamed at his friend startled by him “They are here to help! Hope is going to die if she doesn’t get treatment fuckass!”

Gamzee half focused on his friend, and the bloodied clubs lowered to the ground and he seemed to droop.

One Troll made a hesitant move towards Hope.

And nearly lost his head. The other indigo ducked fast as Gamzee went from sagging lazy still to movement. The crazed troll leapt and was crouched over the girl in the pod and baring his teeth at the other trolls.

Karkat slapped his forehead. This was going to be a pain. “We have to move her! Her arm been shattered, she might be bleeding inside. She needs medical attention. WE CAN NOT DO ANYTHING FOR HER!” he marched over to his friend. The last few days left him more confident that he could handle Gamzee.

He ducked under the half hearted swing, even if it connected it was only a warning not meant to maim. He got up and grabbed Gamzee by the horns forcing him to look down and register the injuries.

Gamzee went very still “We have to get her to help. Or we will lose her.” Karkat spoke softer, his fingers still a tight hold on Gamzee’s horns.

The other seemed to pause and shook his head breaking Karkat’s hold and reached down. Carefully his long arms reached into the green goop and he pulled her out. Hardly a whimper from the girl as he seemed to almost suspend her. He made it look so fluid, easy though this close Karkat could see his muscle strain. “I’ll motherfucking carry her.” He murmured.

Karkat quickly waved the other trolls away and they moved, letting Gamzee walk calmly out of the house carrying the girl.

“Back of the truck Gamzee, it’ll be easier on her.” Karkat said and the other troll didn’t make any acknowledgement of the statement but seemed to be going the right direction.

With a sigh Karkat lifted the grub “Let’s go.” He wasn’t about to risk the grub to someone else as well at the moment. Gamzee was too unstable, but seemed to be holding himself together at least for the moment.

He was not looking forward to the hospital. He was so not looking forward to the hospital. He thought a moment and tossed his keys to another troll “Take my car after the clean up here. I have to go with Hope and Gamzee.”

There was no arguments. Karkat climbed into the back of the truck with Gamzee who was seated his back to the cab and he had the girl cradled between his legs, her back to his chest and his arms keeping her caged so she wouldn’t get shaken around.

When Karkat sat next to him he reached up and stroked back Gamzee’s hair from his face and saw the tears.

Getting up on his knees he cradled his friend’s head at the truck started and pulled out of the driveway. He shushed his exhausted friend.

“I want a fucking faygo.” The other finally said as they finally reached the emergency entrance and the troll driving hopped out to get emergency help with a gurney.

Karkat chuckled, Gamzee was sounding more like himself. “I promise I will get you one, even if I have to fucking break into every dollar general between here and home.”

“Motherfucking best friend. Motherfucking miracle you are.”

“Let’s hope for a few fucking miracles tonight.” Karkat said softly.

000

Karkat sat on the couch, remote in hand and flipping channels. Hope curled up next to him. Her eyes half closed as she seemed to doze her head on his leg. He stroked back her hair. Gently soothing her as she rested. Gamzee was currently on the floor chin in his palms and feet kicking the air and the grub laying on its back on the curve of the small of his back munching on a granola bar. Gamzee didn’t seem to mind the crumbs.

Karkat glanced at the young woman.  The human was still doped on so much pain medication it was a wonder she even knew up from down. He was just glad that Gamzee seemed to really step up on this one and was doing a good bulk of the grub sitting while Hope recovered from her treatment at the hands of the sea dwellers. Most the bruising was faded to a range of paler colors from the deep black. Her arm still looked horrible. The pins they had to hold the bones in place while they healed did not look pleasant. She complained that they itched.

It was going to be a few more weeks before they removed the pins and then she still had to have a stiff brace for awhile longer. She had some minor internal damage, mostly from a rib that was cracked but not broken. The rest really had just been heavy bruising. Still dangerous but at least she was healing. And after the four or five bags of antibiotics they shoved into her, Hope’s fever had broke and she started to get better.

But her arm was only real issue with how close it was getting for the grub’s chrysalis stage. Regardless of her condition, she as the Lusus HAD to be at the hive.

With what happened last time, neither Karkat nor Gamzee were ever letting her near the place alone.

Finding some cartoon on that was one of Gamzee’s favorites he stopped channel surfing and settled his head back. The office party was going to be happening soon. Seemed he was to be dressed up as a grumpy character from a book called Scrooge, who didn’t like the holidays and called it a load of Bah Humbug, which from what he got from a couple wiki look ups was early human way of saying ‘Fuck you’. So sounded good to him.

He hadn’t even had a chance to pick up anything for his secret Santa. Hell, he didn’t even know who it was he was going to be gifting to yet. The drawing had been done, but between just getting through the day and rushing back home to Gamzee and Hope he had not even had a thought about anything. He’d likely just pick up a gift card to something local of around fifty dollars and call it good enough. He had too much on his mind.

Orphaner survived. Either Gamzee didn’t do a good enough job beating that fuckass’ head in, or it was lined with titanium, Karkat wasn’t sure which, the nook sucker managed to escape during the clean up and left a purple blood trail to the ocean.

Karkat knew better than to hope that the fuckass died in the water. Got ate by a shark or something else bigger and meaner. At least for now he didn’t seem interested in coming back around. So one hoped the rest of the empress’ chrysalis stage would stay calm.

Jade had earned herself enough rep that she was developing a fan club. It amused Karkat. She had her pick of several trolls, male or female, who would drop everything to be her matesprit, or any quadrant really, just so long as she chose one of them, or multiple of them.

He was pretty sure there were a couple Lusus who felt the same, old fucking perverts.

The human didn’t seem to be overly interested. “I was married once” she had told Karkat “I’m still recovering from that mess.” At least with her little growing fanbase she had more than enough to cover a babysitting hour so she could come and give the guys a hand with things like giving Hope a bath. Karkat was just glad that Gamzee didn’t get growly at Jade. That would likely have made the smaller male just break out one of Gamzee’s clubs to beat him with it himself. They could take care of a lot of Hope’s needs, but she was surprisingly body shy. Well, not that Karkat blamed her. He’d heard of the incident awhile back were Gamzee decided to go molesting her in the bath even after she locked the door.

Karkat had found the key hidden above the doorway and removed it. So now if Gamzee wanted in there he would have to go breaking the door. And that wasn’t going to happen unless it was a real emergency. There had been much pouting on the clown’s part. Many insults on Karkat’s part, and even more obscenities on Hope’s side of things. The grub just giggled it’s little self silly.

Karkat frowned, something was tickling his toes through his socks. He gave a warning growl. The tickling stopped.

Then started again. He shifted his foot, and it followed him.

Lifting his head he glared and found Gamzee grinning up at him like a loon “What is fucking wrong with you?” he said.

“Just motherfucking happy motherfucking best friend.”

Karkat rolled his eyes “Yeah well stop making me twitch, it might wake Hope.”

Gamzee grunted and then standing he caught the grub that tumbled off him giggling. “Time for your nap” the clown said taking the grub off to the bedroom.

Karkat watched the other go and shook his head. Gamzee seemed to have well, calmed down, since that two days ride to the ocean and then back again with the badly injured Hope. It was as if something inside him seemed to find a new balance. He’d all bit quit smoking. Not that Karkat didn’t mind the loss of that habit. He was tired of everything smelling of smoke.

Gamzee disappeared for a little while, settling the grub. Karkat could hear him telling the little one a ‘story’ in his usual colorful fashion. He rolled his eyes; he hoped they could get the grub not to be the first green blooded follower of the mirthful messiahs when it pupated.

That would just be wrong…

When Gamzee came out again after the grub was securely sleeping he leaned over the couch and poked Karkat’s horns. Which made him wave a hand at the other to shoo him off. “What gives fuckass?”

“Move. My turn.” The other said. Karkat rolled his eyes but carefully shifted to not wake Hope and soon the two had switched out. Karkat glanced at the time, he needed to head to work anyway soon.

 “I’ve an afternoon meeting.” He said and sighed “Those fucking idiots are constantly wasting everyone’s time with meetings and not fucking working.” He complained as he went to the clean laundry basket hunting through for some clean clothing. They had washed recently but nothing was put away yet. He found some garments and headed for the bathroom.

Gamzee retrieved the remote and started his own channel surfing, finding another set of mindless programs. Some sort of home improvement show. Eyes half lidded he just listened to the various sounds. Hope’s breathing, the grub’s light bubbly noises as it seemed to be dreaming something. Likely eating cookies, and Karkat in the shower getting ready for work.

He felt so much better now. Everything was right again. His world was all together again. He had Karkat, and Hope and the grub.

000

Note: and two chapters in one day! Enjoy!

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Relearning2breath and stillbreathiing 


	19. Of Grubs and Christmas

Relearning to Breathe book 2

Chapter 19

Of Grubs and Christmas

 

000

Hope woke up to soft whirling buzzes and when she blinked her eyes found her little grub moving about its nest and looking uncomfortable. She yawned, her arm a dull ache. Hope was going to need some more pills, she reached over opening the bottle of prescription and found herself looking at the last one. She was pretty sure there was another refill waiting, it was hard to remember.

It was pretty hard to remember what day it was what with the pills she had to take since her abduction. Glancing out the window she felt herself blinking, there was a thin layer of snow. Lovely, snow in the south was usually always light on the ground, but tended to always cover ice. Not fun to drive in. Let alone so little of it fell that everyone got crazy and there were never enough plows or such things either.

The grub was making an odd distressed buzz noise and when she looked again blinking slowly she frowned. Then her brows shot upwards "I am so sorry sweetie, is it time then?" she asked the little grub, reaching over with her good arm to stroked back the hair from around the little horns. The grub clicked at her and she smiled.

Karkat woke to soft knocking and he managed to get out of bed (a wonder what with Gamzee decided to cuddle. The larger troll had a way of crowding Karkat into a corner when he crawled into bed with him.) He opened the door and saw Hope blinking at him "The jinglebutt needs to go to the hive." Was all she said taking her clothing to the bathroom to change. After over a month of working around the pins in her arm she was getting pretty good at managing to dress herself. Although she always kept it to lose fitting easy stuff. Her yoga pants and tank tops. "Oh, it's snowing." She stated as well.

Karkat blinked multiple times and then glanced at the time. "Gah! Fucking grub and its timing!" he whined. His day off too! Of COURSE it would mean he had to go to the hive on his day off.

Wait, did she say SNOW?

Karkat twitched remembering the last year when it snowed in the area. The innumerable cars sliding about the road, the pile up and subsequent insurance hike.

"FUCK!"

000

When Karkat pulled up to the gate of the hive he was a shattered wreck of nerves. The only saving grace this morning was that it was that in between time. When the early commuters had already gotten cleared off the road and the later morning ones had not yet tried making their way out onto the terrors that was an undecided road.

"That was motherfucking fun." Gamzee said with a lazy smile as he adjusted the sunglasses against the sun's glare. Not that there was much sun to be seen. When they got out of the car it was snowing again. So there was a kind of grey dreariness.

Hope wrapped up and bundled with herself and the antsy grub got out of the car and headed into the hive heading for the chrysalis chambers. She was met at the door by Sirius, so Karkat didn't feel the need to utterly panic about her heading off ahead of the other two trolls, who had to unload the other supplies from the car.

Hope's futon, extra bedding, food, refills of medication, weapons, a bag of clothing. They were all three going to be spending most their time here.

Well, Karkat still had work, so he was going to have to travel back and forth, but that just meant he was the one to pick up things from outside the hive for them as well. Gamzee though would stay the whole time to defend the grub and Hope.

When they got the last of the stuff out of the car some of the other guards on the hive came over to help load it all into the caverns. There was a small segment that due to Jade and her son was turning into a sort of 'human den' in the hive. Even managed plumbing enough for a large hot pool bath (it was proving popular with the other Lusii, so plans to put in others around the other caverns for the grubs and Lusus was in the works. Karkat thought it was going to make all those silly grubs soft. But then, if it kept the Lusii calmer that wasn't a bad thing either) and a toilet. It was all still very basic, nothing fancy and very open. There was really only any form of barrier set up around the toilet, the rest was pretty open air. Hope had already been complaining about the lack of privacy, especially since she was going to be forced to spend a couple months in the caves.

When the guys got the load into the cavern they saw the grub wandering from pillar to pillar looking for 'just the right one'. Several other pillars had more chrysalis on them as other grubs of this batch began to pupate. The Empress' chrysalis was actually looking pretty good. She was likely to break out of it at anytime. After those first few months she began to develop more normally now, she was just going to be in a little longer because of her need to regrow whole segments of her body.

Jade had given the groggy Hope a hug and they were chatting while Eric followed the little grub about talking about the different columns. The way the little grub kept clicking and buzzing back made Karkat wonder yet again if the boy had broken the code of grub speak. Several other grubs were following along and it was quite an adorable procession of human child and troll infants.

Hope's grub finally seemed to find a spot it liked, close to the area Gamzee was currently setting up Hope's 'bedroom'. The futon laid out with a half curtain being strung up. One of the other Lusii (A tiny fluttery little bull with wings) was holding a bit of rope while one of the other end was being tied by a troll. Next to Hope's area was the one that was set up similar for Jade and her son. The grub was beginning its final stages of hardening and going into its cocoon as it was to change and come out looking more like a troll.

Eric was watching and looked beside him as several other grubs seemed to think it was a good idea and started wandering off to find their own columns. Three next to the boy, the two survivors from the children's kidnapping and the one little purple waterborne who seemed to have taken a liking to the little group decided to find themselves columns next to the human's dens and the empress, other little grubs went out further, but the change of Hope's grub seemed to mark some sort of exodus of little grubs going into their changes. There were still grubs wandering about the cavern. Likely would for awhile until this batch finished and then there would be a short time before the next group makes their way from the deep to attempt their escapes.

More Lusii were gathering as well, meaning it was getting close. Just another month of two for these to finish changing.

Hope watched the grub and then paused and sighed "I'm out of my pills…" she didn't seem like she wanted to get more, well not that Karkat blamed her. He wouldn't want to be as fuzzy headed as those things made her while hanging about in the hive. That was just asking for trouble.

Sirius rubbed his nose against her good side and she sighed leaning against the large head of the other lusus. Her eyes half sagging closed. Gamzee finished supervising the set up and went over leading Hope into the little area, letting her lay down and get some more sleep. For now, everything was fine. She could rest and if Gamzee had his way (especially with the expression he wore) he was not going to let anyone disturb her or the grubs.

It felt odd seeing him in that outfit he had worn the days they had gone to rescue Hope. Gamzee hadn't touched it since that time. It still had the bullet hole from the shot the Orphaner took at him, and the blood stains. Mainly purple of the sea dwellers and Gamzee's own blood from his injuries.

Karkat did not even suggest trying to wash it. Gamzee likely would refuse. He'd leave that to Hope, she had better luck to getting Gamzee to do things that went against his instincts than Karkat did. He could bully the other troll into things sometimes, but other times it wasn't worth the headache. Juggelos like him tended to enjoy wearing the colors of their slain like badges of honor.

He found it disturbing and gross. But he had to admit, for the moment, he was completely intimidating. Gamzee was a troll that looked like he had no issue chopping into anyone who bothered him.

Karkat sighed and when Gamzee came back held up his keys "I'll go get the refill for Hope and park the car. Want me to pick up anything else while I'm out?"

Gamzee shook his head "Its all cool motherfucking best friend."

Karkat gave a nod and left the hive.

Great. It was snowing again.

He was so not going to enjoy this.

000

Gamzee leaned his back against a pillar. He seemed to be asleep to anyone just glancing at him. Above his horns was a pair of cocoons, the last of the surviving grubs from the empress' rescue.

The other troll found it rather amusing that the last couple months seemed to be spent in rescues. The defense of the Empress and then Hope as well.

Just showed there were miracles.

He leaned his head back and stared through half lidded eyes. He was feeling pretty calm. Overall he'd gotten good at pretending to his old half drugged state he spent a good portion of his life in. But now, he didn't really need the drugs anymore.

He had found control.

Mostly.

At least he found a new sort of balance. One that kept him from trying to kill everything that moved and the Grand Highblood was keeping him under wing, at the moment it was mostly just dropping by to see how the group was holding up. Gamzee had to stay near Hope. She could not be alone and the grub had needed tending that she was unable to do, and the grub could not tend her like a pupa would have. It was part of the relationship the pupa's were guided and raised by their lusus, but in return they cared for their lusus when things came up that the lusus could not do. Now with the animal forms of the lusus it was a lot of things that they needed. Hope on the other hand was able to take care of herself for the most part.

Karkat had work, irregular hours that was slowly sorting themselves into a more routine. When he could he spelled for Gamzee so the other could get some rest, do some work of his own with either his little side jobs or the Grand Highblood, or just go zone out in a corner somewhere for awhile.

He glanced and saw that the grub was done with its cocooning, now, it was just waiting. And hoping the little one was strong enough. He was pretty sure it was. Hope took good care of it. But one could never put past the idea that things happen.

He glanced above his head and the two little survivors. He knew the one with his bloodline would make it. The little motherfucker was strong.

But the other one. The one who's blood was sky blue. It was not a normal color and while mutations happened. Karkat being a good example, there was a low survival rate among extreme mutations.

The two had twined themselves even in their chrysalis, it was motherfucking cute. Even at this age they were flushed for each other.

But he stood and stared closer at the cocoons a frown hidden among the painted smile he wore.

Over his shoulder he felt the lusus Sirius come up. He glanced at it and the lusus shook its heavy head.

Gamzee sighed resettling himself to acceptance. Yeah the little blue one was not going to make it then. Even the Lusus did not believe it would. Poor little fucker. He knew the humans had likely gotten attached, he knew the indigo had for sure, that would be the only reason it chose to share its chrysalis space with the blue. But it was a fact of life. He reached up touching lightly the cocoons. So warm and he could feel their hearts, then he paused and raised a brow.

The damn little motherfuckers took that silly pink plushie in with them. He chuckled. Well, it would be a comfort to the one that lived. And thankfully, at this age, once it came out of the cocoon it likely would not recall much of anything about its time as a grub. Most don't remember. Even he only had vague fuzzy dreams of his time as a grub.

He… remembered rage. That was really all he could recall. An all encompassing rage.

Maybe that was why when he was a pupa he was so prone to finding ways to calm down, his lusus finally settling him on drugs rather than teaching him to control his own rage. At least, when he had been around.

But then, it would be practically expected when a sea dwelling creature chose to raise a land dweller. Gamzee spent his young years alone most the time. On a strip of sand bar with not a lot to do and alone most the time.

Until he started meeting other trolls online. The humans wondered why the trolls so took to their concept of the internet. The trolls had had their own version for centuries. Differences existed, but it was similar enough. A way to exchange information, meet others. So he talked to other trolls online and eventually got around to meeting up with them in person. He, who was most usually always strung out. He'd met Karkat first, and had decided then and there that the small red blooded troll was going to be his best friend for life. Best friend, brother in soul. The smaller troll had screamed and raged and yet always stayed so surprisingly gentle. He might yell a lot but he would then turn around and when he thought no one was looking open the cage of a trap or help someone to their feet even as he was calling them a dumbass. There was so much anger in the other troll, and yet he kept a lid on it. He didn't try hurting people. He always kept himself. Gamzee admired that and wanted to be like that. Though Karkat he met others, some he had forgotten over time, others he remembered only as vague memories. Practically none of the old gang ended up on the same ship during the evacuation, and of those who did make it, only Karkat was still among the living.

Gamzee wandered among the grubs and cocoons. Little Eric was sitting under the Empress' cocoon reading to a group of grubs who were gathered, a new cocoon had been set up, that little water dweller it looked like. The one that tagged along after the group like it was motherfucking shy. He paused though as he found a coppery little cocoon. This one was close to the ground, set off by itself. Gamzee crouched to look at it and before he could touch it a little form shot out and snorted at him. He backed off from the little flying bull. Grinning as it seemed this little one already had a valiant protector. He reached into one of his pockets and fished about before coming up with what he was sure he had, one of the grub's granola bars. Unwrapping the package he set the grain brick down in front of the bull that gave him an untrusting look.

"It's all cool bull bro" he said "Everything is motherfucking down and chill brother. I ain't going to go hurting the little motherfucker." Gamzee stood and took a few steps back. After a moment the bull dove in and nabbed up the bar, pretty much chopping it down in a single bite. It chewed seemingly contemplating him before deciding if he was a danger, he was at least a danger willing to feed it. Gamzee gave a small smile. He didn't offer to touch the grub again and after a moment moved on, likely to the lusus' relief.

He use to have a lusus like that too. Small but so brave. Kinda like he'd been too, and so kind. Gamzee remembered those bright smiles of his Matesprit. Like with Karkat, he'd just known from the moment he met him that he would never let him go. That it was a piece of his very being was right there staring up at him with wide bright eyes and a huge honest smile. No matter what happened the little dude never lost that smile.

Right to the end, he kept up that smile and it was only wiped by the look of surprise he wore when Gamzee had spun, not seeing much of anything and his club had struck the other. If he had been higher then Tavbro's horns likely would have deflected the blow, lower and he would have hit his shoulder and would have knocked him over but likely would not have hurt him much. Scared him plenty sure, but not motherfucking killed him.

The horror of what he'd done, what he had not meant to do, had snapped him out of his rage. He had crouched over the dying body and held onto the copper blooded troll, wailing like a pupa.

It was later that Karkat found him. Found him curled in the nest he had made and refusing to release the body of his matesprit. Karkat had been the one to sooth him, to pull him out of the grief he had been trapped in.

When they landed, they had stayed together for a short time, but when Karkat bought the condo, Gamzee went and found an apartment nearby. He'd dumped most his portion of the money into some saving thing, collecting on the interest. It was some human money number thing. He wasn't the number crunchers other were. But it had fit together well enough. Between that and his odd jobs kept him busy and with enough money to try the various drugs, hunting for something to fill the holes in his heart and insides.

He had not wanted to do to Karkat what he'd done to Tavros. Slowly he had found himself falling apart again. Lost in nightmares and the sickness of withdrawals, the loss of everything he held dear.

There were no more miracles.

Until one moved in next door.

Eyes as grey as a pupa's. A bright smile with teeth that didn't look as flat and boring as most human teeth tended to. Who smelled of fear but just stood there and flippantly, cheerfully even, told him were she could stuff his intimidation tactics. Who smiled at him just like Tav use to.

And inside, a part of his heart he never thought would stir, felt again.

At first, it had been a game. Something to pass the time, but it so quickly turned into more and he knew. Knew, without doubt or second guessing, that she was meant to be his.

The darkness in him had cried out for him to do horrible things, to her, to everyone around him, but then she'd smile and sing and that darkness would calm down and eventually even that part of him would purr and want to curl up at her feet.

Even that day when Sirius led her into the chamber they had locked him in to let him rage alone before Karkat attempted to calm him. He could have hurt her (he still needed to get even with the Lusus for pulling that stunt) he had wanted to hurt her. Hell he had wanted to do a lot more to her than hurt her. She had been so afraid, and it made his blood boil with glee.

But then she only looked at him with such… Pity.

Another plug filled those holes in his soul and he managed to painfully pull himself together. To not hurt her. To not do all the things he had wanted to do.

For the first time, he saved himself. Not saved by Karkat or anyone else, or even with the help of drugs. She had helped him find the strength to pull himself back from the edge of the rage and insanity.

And when he'd chosen to leave the Orphaner rather than beating him until he was nothing but pulp. It had been his own choice. His own decision. He had chosen to leave him to live or die as the Messiahs willed.

He'd taken his own destiny by the horns and honked them bitches hard.

For now, Gamzee was content and there were other trolls and Lusus about. He kept an eye out on the grub. With Hope doped and sleeping she couldn't keep other lusus from attempting to steal her bond with the little one. Lusus were gathering, choosing the children that they would care for. Some would wait, and make their choices of the survivors. Some chose now. Some would force the pupas to fight to prove they were strong enough to be worth bothering with.

But his little family already were set and he didn't want no one trying to mess with that zen he had found.

This time, he wasn't going to fuck it up, or let anyone else fuck it up ever again.

000

While picking up Hope's meds Karkat was wandering the pharmacy. As he paused by the display of gift cards he remembered the blasted secret Santa thing from work. He still hadn't checked to see he had gotten for his gift to go to. He looked over the list of cards there and grabbed a random one that looked good. Online electronics it seemed to be the current winner. It was fifty bucks and that was about all he cared about at the moment. It was one less headache out of his way for now. There was only remaining it seemed the matter of that suit he was told he was going to have to wear at the office party.

He wondered if he could avoid it all by not showing up.

Karkat sighed and went to pay for the medication and card. Over the speakers was playing what he had learned in the prior months was called 'Christmas Music' he hardly considered it music, it was pleasant at first but very quickly it was growing very annoying. His mind started to create its own lyrics for some of them. "Someone please explain caroling to me, is the purpose not to make someone's ears bleed…" he didn't realize he was singing along out loud until he heard the cashier crack up.

He glance up feeling a bit of embarrassment creep to his cheeks. The Cashier only waved him on so he could pay the total "Seriously, you just made my day. If I have to hear that song one more time I will scream. I can NOT wait until the season is over."

"You and me both." Karkat said. Paying cash and gathering his purchases to head to his car with. He was rather glad that last couple years he really had managed to avoid it all. In among their ship crash landing, the quarantine time, learning new everything in how his new home world was about, then moving, starting his new job and pretty much being dead on his feet from one hour to the next. By the time he got out to do much shopping at all it had been incredibly late and while tunes had played in the background he had been too out of it to even pay attention. Living where he had chosen to in the country also meant that the seasonal changes were not as extreme. There was snow right now sure, but in another day or so it would all be gone and everything would be normal again. Which was how he preferred it.

He'd heard about trolls who had taken to some of the more extreme temperatures the humans enjoyed. Like the snowy mountains. They didn't tend to get that sort of thing back on their home world and it kind of freaked out Karkat.

Thinking about it though, it really wasn't until right before Gamzee drug Hope into their little messed up family kicking and screaming that he actually started to pay attention to the world around him. Hell the day he banged on her door he had been distracted and was one door over from where he knew he should be. Mostly he'd come over because he'd gotten word that there had been, shady, types hanging around Gamzee's place. So he came to sit his moirail down and tell him to stop that nonsense. Yeah, he hadn't been that great a moirail from the time they landed, and hell not that great of one before either. But he was going to keep an eye on his friend's health.

And having drug dealers coming and going from one's hive was a bad start to trying to blend into the world.

Sure, trolls and humans did not have the same view on things like drugs. Overall to the trolls, if it didn't kill you it wasn't anyone else's business. But the humans practically waged a war against the stuff. And he'd heard through a few forums about some of the things happening to trolls who got caught up in that clusterfuck of a quadrant's illegitimate love child.

Seeing Gamzee stuffed into a small room to try and take him off anything he might have been taking cold turkey was a horror show waiting to happen.

Driving down the street he spotted a dollar store and pulled in. It looked like they were going to be closing down because of the weather, but he managed to sneak in and grab a couple bottles of Faygo.

He had told Gamzee to stop seeing those people and the clown did. None too soon it seemed as the other's attempts at finding a way to self medicate his issues were not working as well with the human choices available. Now he had a better idea of what was going on in his friend's head since Hope gave him a key of something to look up and read over as to what was wrong with both of them. What was still wrong, but slowly recovering. They both were, and it was hard. But Karkat felt would be worth in years down the road.

Karkat paid and got back to his car heading back slowly towards the Egg Hive being careful for slippery patches of road and idiot drivers who didn't know how to do anything easy. He passed several cars that had crashed themselves to the side of the road. One wrapped themselves around a light pole.

Lately Karkat had noticed that Gamzee seemed to have worked through something, and it made the other happy. He could trust Gamzee more not to pull some of the crazy shit he use to. Trust him not to lose his head and possibly hurt people.

Well, at least not people who didn't deserve it.

Karkat still hoped that the Orphaner wasn't going to be coming back to bother them anytime soon. The less he saw of that asshole the happier he'd be. That was another messed up troll there. And doubly so because that one had been one of the vanguard of the old Empress. The Grand Highblood use to be as well, but Karkat heard that the subjuggulator had abandoned his post a little before they all had to evacuate the planet. Karkat had been too young still at the time and then he had been too concerned with his own safety. He didn't know what happened, nor what happened to the old Empress. Rumors abounded that she was dead, but no one knew how.

Perhaps she wasn't dead at all and was just out there in space, found another world even. They didn't know really. She was just not here and now they had a new Empress who would be breaking from her shell and ready to take on the world.

Perhaps it was good that in this case, she was going to grow up with a human companion. It would give her an insight to this new world and might make her decisions later better as well. Karkat couldn't be sure, he was no sage prophet like the Sufferer had been said to be.

This last thought made him twitch. As of late the Highblood took to calling him the Sufferer's descendant. Karkat thought that whole descendant beliefs were load of bunk. (let alone he did not wish to die as his ancestor did which seemed to be everyone's greatest wish who believed themselves to walk in the footsteps of their ancestors.) But having someone like the Grand Highblood who other than the last Empress was currently one of the oldest Trolls Karkat knew of insisting made things difficult to just randomly dismiss. He wondered sometimes with the things he would say, if the Highblood was a follower, or if perhaps he had actually known the Sufferer somehow.

Pulling up to the parking lot he got his car situated and picking up the bag of recent purchases and his weapon he headed for the egg hive.

000

 


	20. Wishing You a Merry x-mas!

Relearning to Breath chapter 20

Book 2

Wish you a merry x-mas!

000

Gamzee threw another cover over the resting Hope. She had been up and around until he talked Sirius into getting the drop on her and knocking her out on a mental level. She wasn’t taking her medication because she wanted to be aware so she could do her job for the developing grub. Which meant she was in pain, and that made her exhausted so then she couldn’t do her job at all.

Which was why she had help. She had Gamzee and Karkat. As well as a handful of others. Lusii like Sirius and other trolls who since they were already around didn’t mind throwing in their hand. The story of her standing up to the Orphaner, and she herself a Lusus who that bastard was known for killing, had gotten around and impressed a few. Including one scarred female troll who had lost her own Lusus to the Orphaner back on their home world.

Gamzee felt it was a shame they had to be sneaky. But Hope was getting a bit belligerent with her refusal to let others do what they could. She still had to be here, but just her being here was making a lot of Lusii back off. She had preverbal sacks the size of melons in their eyes.

Today Gamzee was playing with a rather large and very colorful mallet he’d gotten from the Grand Highblood. It resembled something one might find at a carnival. A bit of blow up fun. Only this one was a colorful candy colored shell over solid titanium. Gamzee flipped it about in his hands a few times before resting it on the floor his hands resting over the end of the shaft. The pole on the hammer came up to Gamzee’s chest and he was not a short fellow. He found he rather liked flipping the weapon around himself. The juggling was also fun, it let him move about in nearly any direction plus he could fling the weapons at targets besides just swinging them into people’s faces.

Of course when this one hit, it practically wouldn’t matter where he hit. It had enough heft to be damaging even with a glancing blow.

And since he could keep it in motion in multiple directions that would make it difficult to get under his guard, and anyone thinking that if they just got under the guard they could get at him would be in for a nasty surprise. He had no issue dropping his weapons just to bite or punch. Or hell, bring out something smaller and faster.

He just liked to roll with it.

Sirius came up beside him giving a tired nuzzle. Gamzee got the idea that using his powers for more than communication with humans tended to be very tiring. It took shifting somehow, into another ‘wave’ or something like that. Gamzee wasn’t a strong enough psychic to get more than vague images on the matter. But he got the idea. He knew from things Hope said she could understand the Lusus fine, even without touching him. It seemed she had some skill herself, perhaps one day she could develop it. There was some other stuff after that but it honestly made no sense to Gamzee. So he just shrugged it as unimportant for now. Likely Sirius could tell Hope all the stuff easier than trying to get Gamzee to translate.

He leaned back against the pillar and slid down letting his hands slide down the pole of his mallet and then leaned his cheek against it. So much, yet so little had happened.

Tonight was that office party of Karkat’s. He grinned, a crossed the way Jade had gotten a tree into the cavern. It was all decked out, colored glass catching the dim light, and even bits of the glowing moss the grubs chewed on to make it pretty. The trolls were in general amused, though a few others, mostly the mirthful messiah followers like himself, thought it was just miraculous.  

There were a few packages under the tree, and one little enterprising yellow blooded grub who discovered it could hide in the branches and pop out at others passing by. It would be better with its little scare tactics if it wasn’t giggling itself silly revealing its hiding spot.

Gamzee was actually enjoying being in the egg hive, it wasn’t as he recalled it the last time he was there, or his earliest time, but then he was trying to get himself as far from it as he could since when he was but a tiny thing.

Sirius had gone over to the tree and was in a rather adorable game of peek-a-boo with the grub who’s little voice echoes with its clicks in the cavern. It was bringing grins to adult faces.

Gamzee grinned as he heard Eric teaching one of the adults a couple Christmas carols. From the look on Jade’s face he had a feeling it was the alternate lyrics Karkat had been coming up with recently or perhaps some that the kid was inspired to do himself. Gamzee thought the tunes were cool. Nice and cheerful. The grubs loved it. Purring and humming along.

It was lining up to be a rather chill evening for everyone.

He glanced to the entrance when he spotted a figure marching in with a determined look on her face.

000

“Stop fussing.” John said as Kanaya finished pinning the collar of the outfit into place.

“Fuck off! This thing is uncomfortable.” Karkat complained trying to loosen the high collar around his neck as Kanaya balanced the stupid item humans called a ‘top hat’ on his head.

He was currently locked up in his office with a more than pleased looking Kanaya, a smirking John and Lucy was currently setting out ‘props’ to make his office resemble the character’s from the book.

He had his ‘gift’ in a drawer at the moment but still hadn’t had a chance to look at the card that held the name of the person he was suppose to give the damn thing too. At least he had been able to stick the damn thing to the envelope with some tacky before these three sycophants came in and then practically stripped him to get him into the outfit he was meant to wear for the night.

“It’s not fuck tonight, it’s Bah Humbug!” John corrected him.

“I will take that bah humbug and shove it so far up your excrement filter until you choke on it Egbert.” Karkat warned.

The stupid human only laughed and smiled “Hey, long as I keep my job.”

“Don’t tempt me” he said pointing at the other who just grinned at him.

Kanaya finished her fussing and he was finally able to sit down. He paused. His normal swivel chair had been replaced for the evening by a high backed wooden thing that Lucy had managed to come up with. A cover on his desk hid that it was a modern piece of furniture and a hanging behind him gave a look of him sitting in front of a snow covered street. It was a simple but kind of cool. An oil lamp on the corner of his desk was a nice touch, especially since it was actually electric. The only thing he’d thrown out was the bucket of coal she’d originally intended to sit next to his desk.

OK he knew humans didn’t have the same views of the use of a bucket. They had different ways of handling procreation. And even from his home world they had other uses for buckets besides JUST that. It was though that the one she brought in looked too much like the kind they did use and was metal. It if had been made of anything else he might have been able to handle it. It would have been embarrassing and he KNEW the other trolls would have made comments like stupid immature little pupas. But there was no way he was going to have THAT bucket in his office. No. Fucking. Way.

Lucy had rolled her eyes but simply pulled out a cardboard box, started to draw on it with the colored pens from his white board and soon there was a ‘wooden’ box with a sign on it saying ‘coal’. She even managed to doodle some chains and a padlock on it that was a nice touch. The offending bucket disappeared into her office. The other three were also currently dressed in either the era of or other characters from the story.

John seemed to have taken on the mantle of a rattily dressed fellow who seemed to be Karkat’s character’s employee and he supposedly treated badly.

Karkat could live with that.

Lucy was his little sister, and Kanaya seemed to be an old girlfriend he dumped. Karkat nabbed up the book that Lucy had set on his desk and started reading up to figure out how much he was going to have to know about this character. Luckily it was a shorter story so wouldn’t take long.

The other three finished with him and his office opened the curtain and doorway heading out to mingle with the rest of the employees as things started to get on their way.

Karkat finished the book and leaned on his palm. Well not a lot to go by, it seemed the main character was a generally disagreeable fellow who cursed a lot and didn’t like the holiday then got visited by a bunch of ‘spirits’ who basically scared the crap out of him and made him realize he was about to die an old and lonely old man so he better start filling something of his quadrants. So he decided to get a little less disagreeable and start treating people nicer.

A few things didn’t make sense to him, likely human reasoning. It was a simplistic story but he at least got the idea of it. A time that was meant for being with people one cared about and he let himself drift away from all of it. Becoming a lone, well not troll, but he could at least see the similarities. Trolls snapped if they lost all their connections to others. And it was not pretty.

Lucy paused outside his office with a step stool and put something above his doorway. “What the fuck is that?” he demanded coming out of his thoughts.

“Mistletoe, someone brought some in so it’s going above the doorways.” She told him.

“Why would I want that vile plant above my fucking door?” he growled at her. He was playing along, but if they expected him to go with every single one of the silly traditions then they must be joking.

“It’s traditional. Now get over here.” She put her hands on her hips still standing on the stool.

“What for?” he was distrusting .

“I can’t get down.” She admitted blushing. “Um, the dress…” she fluffed the wide skirts “I can’t see the step and I’m afraid I’ll fall.”

He snorted with amusement. OK he could see her point; he’d hate to have to step down without seeing where he was stepping too. So he came over and held out his hand helping Lucy off the stool. She was definitely unbalanced and not comfortable with it, but he got her down and she quickly leaned over and stole a kiss. It was fast and hardly more than brief touch of lips to his cheek. But it made him splutter and blink at her in shock. She gave him a mischievous smile and pointed up at the mistletoe “You’re under it. It’s what you do, give the person under the mistletoe a kiss for luck!” and she picked up the stool and headed off.

Karkat got himself out from under the vile evil plant before anyone else got any ideas.

But he sat at his desk and picked out the envelope. Finally looking to see who he had gotten to give this gift to. Opening the little flap he stopped and had a feeling of ‘of course.’

John Egbert.

000

Karkat had dropped the stupid envelope off at John’s desk when the other wasn’t around. It seemed to be what most everyone was doing. Seemed the point was to let the santa stay a secret. He’d spotted Lucy and Kanaya about with a pair of baskets holding gifts. Seemed they were helping to pass out some of the santas and when he asked Kanaya about it she also said they had a few extras. Since some didn’t make it to the party, thus someone might be left without a gift, and some people forgot to get a gift at all. Made sense. Would kind of suck if you were meant to get something from someone and left without anything. And, it was something he should have thought of himself.

He sighed and then as he was pausing for a picture with some people from one of the offices he found his arm suddenly hooked and before he could say anything John was dragging him off down the hall.

“What the fuck!” he growled at the crazy human.

Who laughed “It’s Bah Humbug!” he corrected him “Look, we gotta put our vote into the other departments. Remember?” he said and after a thought he figured it might as well get that out of the way. So he let the crazy human drag him down the hallway.

He had to admit some of the other departments had been creative. Collections decided to let everyone decorate their own cubicles as little holiday houses in Christmas Town. The billing department a crossed the hall was doing something similar but going by ‘Halloween Town’.  Which didn’t make much sense to Karkat until John explained the old movie that by this point had a monumental cult following. So the two departments had gone in together with their bid. Some of the other departments either got just as creative. (The ‘circus at the end of the world’ theme would have tickled Gamzee. Karkat decided he’d try and get a picture of it) or got lazy, one was just decorated in a half done manor, but then their draw seemed to be the table set up in back covered in every sort of booze imaginable. Including one bottle that Karkat nearly walked out with other than the other trolls who spotted him wouldn’t let him. Not without sharing.

John looked at the bottle, it was like a small keg made of wood and raised a brow.

“What is that?” he asked.

“Grub spit!” someone else said “Try it!”

“It’s a troll beverage. I did not know any made it here.” Karkat told John savoring his glassful with a look of such glee that John paused and held out his own cup for a taste.

The color was a strange almost luminescent green/amber. He held it to his nose and it smelled similar to drinks he was familiar with.

So he took a sip.

It was, well, sweet. With a really powerful aftertaste that about knocked him off his feet. “God damn! It’s a gargle blaster!” he said and downed the rest accepting another cupful from the troll pouring. There was general laughter about his statement, but it did also draw over a couple more humans.

“A galactic gargle blaster?” someone asked and John laughed nodding.

“For sure, definitely a lemon wrapped around a gold brick.”

Someone of course wanted to know what was in it. John for his part put his hands over his ears and said “Don’t you know NEVER ask what is in something, you will always regret it! So for me? LALALALA! I don’t care! This shit rocks!”

The troll who looked like she had been about to explain just laughed at John’s reaction “It’s nothing gross, it’s just made from the moss grown in the hives for the grubs to eat. If you boil them, and then squeeze the material you end up with this. In its unfermented state its very sweet, but to get to this state, it has to sit in a dark cool place for about..” she seemed to be trying to do the math.

“20 sweeps” Karkat supplied.

John heard and did his own calculations “Wow, 50 years? No wonder you’re excited, it’ll be awhile before we get to see more of this.”

Karkat nodded “We have to wait until the moss has been established before any real quantities can be harvested for brewing. Then it’s the time it takes.” He gave a helpless shrug “I don’t expect to see any within the next century.”

“Damn, so... this isn’t just alien booze, its likely old and been horded booze that someone decided to share?” One of the other humans said.

“That… is Christmas love there.” John added.

At the moment, his mouth and belly full of the alien beverage, Karkat had to agree.

000

Gamzee rubbed his head near the base of his horns “Motherfucking sorry we forgot about that hearing Terezi, but.” He indicated behind him and the currently out cold young woman.

Terezi sighed and stood back on one leg her cane before her “I know, between the timing and with what happened.” She shook her head “I was able to give enough information that she was in absolutely no condition to be even on the telecom for the hearing. I managed to talk them into postponing the hearing until after the New Year. But unless she is dead, Hope HAS to be there.” The lawyer told the other troll.

“Hearing for what?” Jade asked coming over out of curiosity. A couple other trolls were hanging back but also obviously listening in.

Terezi gave one of her wide grins “Murder.” She laughed.

Gamzee rubbed his head and shook it. Seriously, this troll was messed up in the head sometimes “Before Hope came to stay with us she lived with this girl, I guess they were like Moirails, the girl’s guardians didn’t motherfucking approve, I guess they thought the two were flush for each other or some fucking shit.” Gamzee gave a shrug “The other girl died. Got sick. You know, motherfucking life hit her and all that. She chose to have a dignified death. Hope complied by her wishes, like a good motherfucking best friend, and the guardians didn’t take that well.”

Jade’s face screwed up at that and several of the other Trolls looked sympathetic.

“Oh geeze, so they are trying to charge Hope with murder because their daughter got sick?” the dark haired woman rolled her eyes expressively. “I mean, unless their girl was still a minor,” she glanced at Gamzee who shook his head.

“Na, she was the same age as Hope” he threw in. “Saw a picture of her and all that. Chubby as a grub she was.” He laughed. “from some of Hope’s stories she was a right terror.”

“It’s nothing much to worry about really.” Terezi said “but these people are being incredibly annoying and their lawyer is taking them for every cent over it.” She threw up her hands in a universal ‘come on, seriously?’ motion. She pulled off her glasses and licked them. Jade blinked at the odd motion. One of the other trolls explained that was how the blind lawyer could see.

Gamzee flopped on the floor and sighed then looked at Sirius who was half curled by the entrance to the area that they set up for Hope. “Can you do anything?”

There was an amused shake of its great shaggy head. Gamzee knew realistically it was so, he just wished he could go over there and give them a grin from the dark carnie and see how fast they ran.

The thought amused him enough that his giggles caught the Lawyer’s attention. “What is it Gamzee?” she asked him.

“Just imagining giving those fuckers a smile and seeing how fast they ran.” He said, eyes half lidded he gave the lawyer his best smile.

Making everyone realize just how ‘sober’ he really was right now.

Several hands went unconsciously to weapons and more than one troll shivered and he got hit with the delicious whiff of fear.

Terezi for her part though didn’t react, just looked his direction as if she was making out the face he had and then she broke into her oh laughter “oh that would likely be funny as all get out. You could always stand behind her during the hearing. I’d record that, so I could lick the screen later for their reactions.”

Gamzee burst into real laughter honking out snorts between guffaws. And soon he and Terezi were practically rolling. The others seemed to relax, if anything was going to happen, it didn’t look like it was going to happen now. They would just walk a little more carefully around the seemingly tame troll.

Which was fine by Gamzee’s reasoning. Keep the peasants on their toes.

000

Karkat got back to his office. The Nightmare Before Christmas bunch won the best office decorations. But Karkat’s group was second. The booze room had an honorable mention, but then they had more than enough drink to knock out the whole complex, and pretty much did.

He blinked at a half dozen gifts on his desk and tried to think if there were meant to be more santas than he recalled. Glancing over the name tags he saw that one was for Hope, he looked at the size of it and grinned, looked like the nerd came through. Her laptop had to be in that box. The others were from various other people in the office, only one saying it was from his santa.

It was a small box and he blinked at it and groggy he sat back in the chair and began to open it. He blinked at what was inside. It was a movie. One of the films he’d been trying to get his hands on. A human romantic comedy, but one of those he felt was actually almost close to the complexity of a troll film. He’d watched it a few times with Hope.

That meant his santa had to be someone who knew him and his tastes pretty well. Unless it was meant to be some sort of insult. Well either way he was pleased.

Out  of curiosity he picked up one of the other gifts, the card said it was from Lucy. Opening it he found there was a flattish box. Inside that proved to be a pocket watch. He raised a brow. It took a moment to figure out how to trigger the button and open it. Inside he found a quote engraved on the case.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.  
-Mark Twain

Karkat snorted and decided he liked that quote. He put the watch in a drawer of his desk for the moment and decided to open the others later.

When he wasn’t about to puke.

Troll and Human booze did not mix he decided, and next time, he was not mixing it. He had a sudden tingling in his belly that told him he was not going to be keeping anything down much longer.

It was a rather mad dash for the bathroom, the only cold comfort that Karkat had was that he was not the only one in there either.

That’s it, party over or not, he was going home…

000

Notes: Another chappie! A little slower, but it’s Christmas… 


	21. Empress

Relearning to Breath chapter 21

Book 2

Empress

000

Hope was glad that for now she didn’t need as much of the drugs. There had been a few complications with her coming to the Hive. One being that the trolls had to bring a doctor to the hive itself to check on her injuries and remove the pins. Now she was much more comfortable, no metal obstruction on her arm and able to scratch at the inches left from the punctures. She wore a sling now as well. She had to keep her arm still or risk damage to the healing appendage, but it was still better than rolling over onto that series of bits of metal shoved into her flesh.

With the pins gone, so to was some of the pain and for the first time in long weeks, she was mostly clear.

At the same time she wondered if she was still doped. Gamzee and Karkat were still there, the grub was now a cocoon above her head. The Empress was expected to come out of her shell any day now. Sirius was being his usual enigmatic self, meaning he hinted at a lot of shit but didn’t tell her a thing. But things had changed while she was out of it and she wasn’t sure what to think about it. Well, there was a couple Christmas gifts for her waiting for her to recover enough to open them. One being her laptop, completely refurbished, and upgraded. She immediately set about getting all her files off of Karkat’s computer and putting them in her new one, which was running like a dream.

Someone even managed to find and replace her stickers on the casing.

Another gift had been from Gamzee, and the moment she looked into the store wrapped package she’d gone beat red and refused to show anyone what was in it. She glared at Gamzee most the evening until Karkat tired of the smirking clown and glaring girl had grabbed the box before Hope could stop him. He’d looked into it. Gone about as colorful as Hope had the first time she looked. Shut the box, and promptly tried to beat Gamzee to death with it.

If Hope had been feeling better she would have helped him. Gamzee for his part had only laughed his ass off at the pair of them.

OK, the bucket in the box didn’t have the same meaning to humans as to trolls, but the ‘supplies’ in the bucket were very _very_ clear on intent.

He at least made up with the other gift. A box of DVDs, replacing a good portion of her animation collection. He must have been buying them up practically since the attack on her apartment.

Karkat ended up with just giving her a gift card and a few new toys for the grub, some things that would be better for a pupa rather than a grub.

Other things she noticed aside from the fan club that Jade had seemed to acquired for herself. Hope noticed she herself seemed to have acquired a few fans as well. One being a female troll whom she found out lost her own Lusus to the Orphaner, and a few other Lusii who seemed to think she was something having actually survived an encounter with the guy.

Frankly that was a near thing. She’d spent the whole time terrified. The only way she kept him from just outright raping her, or doing worse, was to keep him in such an angry state that he only wanted to beat the shit out of her.

Which still sent her into a dark place she didn’t want to be. That place of fear and hopelessness. Hell, she wasn’t even conscious for her rescue. She didn’t even know she had been until she woke up in the hospital after her fever broke. Her good hand being held tightly by Karkat, a frantic grub cuddled to her side and hissing at anyone it didn’t like and a very scary clown haunting her hospital room. It seemed Gamzee had been scary enough that aside from the staff giving up trying to make the trolls leave after visiting hours, they had moved out anyone else who had been in the room with her.

And even now, while Gamzee smiled. While he aped that lazy way of his before. He was no longer like he was before.

It really was gone the goofy clown who’d been her neighbor and took to simultaneously stalking and annoying the shit out of her. This fellow was the Gamzee she had met in the cavern those weeks ago. The one who had shoved her to the ground and made her wonder for her safety.

He treated her like she was made of glass, but in his eyes she saw something that honestly frightened her. Those eyes that were now deceptive in their laziness.

He wasn’t stalking her anymore, but he was being much bolder with his ‘claim’ of her. In his eyes she saw a look that was both similar and so very different than the Orphaner’s gaze on her. The feeling of danger she had from him intensified. If she made the wrong step, she knew what happened would be fast, likely brutal even. And she’d have little choice in the matter.

She shuddered and when Gamzee looked back at her from where he was standing guard. Leaning lazily against the pole of one of the largest mallets Hope had ever seen outside of anime. She pulled her blanket around her shoulder like she’d just been a little chilled. He tilted his head and picking up that huge mallet like it was nothing more than a tiny hammer he wandered over, dropping it down beside her futon, then the other troll flopped himself down beside her pulling her over into the cage of arms and legs. Pulling her head so that she fit snuggly under his chin, “Chilled?” he asked her “Might want to take a fucking bath, that should warm you.”

She gave a snort. The bath was a little too, open air, for her tastes. She bathed when she absolutely had to, and not before. At least she got Karkat to get her swimsuit. The one piece was not ideal for trying to get every part of her clean, but she didn’t have to worry as much about too curious gazes. Or giving Gamzee ideas.

She was trying very hard not to give him ideas. He had enough of them on his own and she rather wished he had a few less starring her.

He poked her side and she squeaked then glared up at him through bangs. “Stop that! I’m not supposed to be moving about too much!” she could feel his grin widening. So she elbowed him “And don’t go making any suggestions of things or I’ll sick Karkat on you!” she threatened.

Gamzee chuckled. Tightening his arms a little with a sigh. He missed her. He had really missed her. Even with her right here, she had not really been. She had been doped and in pain.

As well as still suffering from her treatment under the Orphaner. The way she shook as he held her told him much about her treatment and just made him want to go and find the bastard and finish what he started.

But he had been distracted. He’d heard her scream…

Hope for her part tried to keep calm, admittedly it was easier when he did nothing but hold her until she started to feel warm and comfortable. Well as comfortable as she could be. She mentally reminded herself that insofar, Gamzee had never hurt her. Scared her yeah, but it wasn’t even like he was trying to overpower her, more like he was testing how far he could push.

And she noticed that seemed to be a troll thing. Pushing until the person snapped and told them were the boundaries were. Then they would try and push those again. Like little kids constantly testing the rules. Even Karkat would push her. Although his way was very different than Gamzee’s, but then too, Karkat wasn’t trying to get into her pants like Gamzee. Karkat was also more than happy to help her push back against Gamzee as well, telling him to back off if he started to push too fast or too hard.

At least neither of them were the Orphaner. Who didn’t push, he tried to just overpower and bully her. To forcibly make her submit to his demands and desires. No matter how messed up those where.

Thoughts of the Orphaner made Hope pull herself closer into a huddle. Which drew her closer to Gamzee, but in a way that made him look down. With the odd way he was acting she found herself suddenly terrified that she screwed up, that her fear was getting the best of her and he would snap out at that fear. Turning her from a friend to prey.

Gamzee though went still then he shifted her enough to just give her a more comfortable hug. One hand stroking back her hair in a comforting manor. “No one will ever motherfucking touch you again.” He whispered to her.

And she blinked staring up at him startled, he just gave her a slight smile and kissed her forehead “It’s ok.” And as she felt her eyes begin to water and the pain she felt started to come to the surface she felt the tears gather and spill over. Then buried her head against his stronger shoulder.

“I was so scared!” she sobbed.”So, fucking, scared” He just cuddled her close and soothed her as she had seen him do for Karkat on occasion, and she had done for both of them and Karkat for them.

In a way it made her realize just how much of a family they really were. It was the oddest, most functional dysfunctional family she’d ever been a part of, but it really was her’s. It wasn’t going to go away. Hope was never going to be ignored, or the unwanted outsider. She had a child in the grub, a best friend and older brother in Karkat, and Gamzee was the boogieman, who was going to smash and slash his way through anything that terrified her. This dark clown who smelled of blood and crazy, wanted to protect her.

It was a really weird realization.

For now though, she just wept out her heart and he let her, slowly drawing out all the things that happened to her. Seeming to catalog every strike she was given so that one day he may pay it back to the giver. He growled when she described the other troll kissing her. Confessed her confusion. But also how she got around worse happening to her.

Though Gamzee wondered how nearly dying of her injuries was the lesser of two evils. At the same time, if the Orphaner had gotten his way sooner with her he might have lost interest in her and just killed her. Or done worse.

And the way she spoke, she wasn’t sure of a lot of things, but she knew she had to stay ‘interesting’ to a troll. And her ability to utterly piss him off had been interesting. If anything, breaking her became more than just a matter of course. It became a challenge.

Gamzee knew she had read the situation right and acted right. He just wished he had been able to get there sooner, or that it did not have to go so far. She was terrified, and while she tried not to show it, that fear was transferring itself over to her reactions of other trolls. Karkat was ‘harmless’ enough in her mind that she didn’t react to him. Most of the Lusus did not seem to earn her fear as much either. Of course some of the scary ones did, but not the same way. The grubs were safe as well, but highbloods like himself.

They got her terror now.

Oddly the Grand Highblood didn’t seem to fall into that category with her. Something he must have done convinced her he was safe. Gamzee didn’t know what it was. That troll was way more dangerous and crazy than even Gamzee was. Although even as Gamzee thought of it, while he had done things that had annoyed her, and sometimes startled her, he had not ever been anything but kind. As kind as one of his age and caste could be that is.

There had to be something though that he had done. Gamzee would have to find out what it was. Because he did not want his little miracle being afraid of him. Not in that way at least. He wanted that glare, the smile in face of fear. He wanted her to push him as he pushed her and he wanted to make her do many things, most of which were in bed.

But he did not want this fear. This fear that made her weep like a child and shake afraid of even his touch. Because he wanted, no needed, to touch her. If he was forced to stop, he would go quickly mad. It would be like living without knowing someone was at his back to help bring him down from a dark carnie ride.

After awhile of stroking her hair and murmuring soft comforting sounds that rumbled through his chest she began to calm and when she did, he could feel that fear leach out of her. To which he was glad. It was still there, but not directed at him so much. He would have to try harder to convince her that she had little to fear from him. Oh, he knew that in a rage he could hurt her by mistake, but he was going to do more to control that rage. To keep her safe. To not do to her as he’d done to his friends and love before.

She gave a soft sniff, her cheek against his chest as he rumbled and long fingers stroked back her hair. Hope was warm, and comfortable. She felt cried out for now. And too tired to be scared of much of anything.

Outside their space there was a bit of commotion. She glanced up wiping away the remnants of tears from her cheeks.

Gamzee didn’t want her to move but sighed and got up slowly moving his way to see what was going on. Then he grinned “Might want to get on up and see this fucking miracle.” He said to Hope.

She got up and walked over. Then suddenly broke into a huge grin.

Eric was practically dancing he was so utterly bubbling excited. On the column that the empress had been this whole time.

There was a crack in the cocoon.

The Empress was about to have her first wiggling day.

000

When Karkat came back to the hive there was a definite air of celebration.

And a whole load of trolls. He managed to squeeze his way through the crowd near the entrance by the fact that one of the guards keeping the other trolls back was there to let him through. He recognized a couple trolls from work, did every troll in the district come to the hive today?

“What’s with all the excitement?” he asked the guard who grinned at him.

“It’s the Empress’ wiggling day.”

OK well that definitely explained the crowd.

They got inside and there was still a crowd. Mostly now a few guards and a pack of highbloods. Those old and high enough placed to be allowed in the hive at the moment.

He felt a hand grab him by the back of the neck and his eyes widened enough he was afraid he’d lose his contacts as he was suddenly drug to the side. He glanced up and found himself staring at the smiling Grand Highblood, whose bouncer was behind him. The woman gave Karkat a friendly wave “Just in time fucker. Let’s go.” And he waded through the other trolls with no issue. Most no matter how well they were placed in the hemospectrum moved out of the Highblood’s way. They reached the cavern and inside Karkat saw a new looking water dweller who held tightly to the hand of Eric. The boy looked almost like a proud knight from a story book. Ready to defend his lady at all costs. It was rather cute. Karkat’s rom loving heart warmed at the sight. Jade was nearby her hands on her hips and glaring at anyone trying to come near the children. She currently had Gamzee backing her up, his arms draped over the pole of his new toy that was stretched over his shoulders.

He also had a bit of new blood on him and on his candy colored rainbow mallet. So it seemed there was already a bit of a scuffle that had happened.

Hope was sitting under the opened pod and had been helping the Empress put on an outfit that looked like it might have been cut from a couple t-shirts patched together for something to cover for the time being.

Eric was talking excitedly and the Empress was looking withdrawn but as she looked at the boy she started to smile.

“The Empress should be raised in the sea, it is after all were she is likely to rule from” one of the water dwellers was saying.

Jade leveled her gun “You are not going to even say one more word asshole.” The water dweller had sense to swallow and not say more.

Grand Highblood just laughed and everyone turned to look at him and the little entourage that he had with him. “Oh like a human can grow gills. Can’t any of you fucking see? The boy and Empress are one, she CAN’T go anywhere he can’t. Not until they are old enough to get some more distance on that binding. And if any of your fuckers try and separate them, we end up with two dead children.” He crossed his arms.

“But, she’s the Empress! We can’t have her raised by humans…”

Jade had a look of weather she was considering taking offence at the comment made and trying to locate who made it.

“Yeah, and we’re fucking on a planet full of the motherfuckers.” The highblood snorted “Now the Empress was grubbed in my region, so I think I get more of a fucking say than any of you idiotic fuckers.” He grinned suddenly widely. With incredibly white teeth, reminding all whom they were messing with. “Now, I’m putting this woman under my care, and since she is the fucking guardian of the boy that means the Empress will be under her care until she is older.”

“But what about a proper Lusus?”

The older troll snorted “The Empress always goes to the Leviathan. Which if you fuckers forgot, is dead. So there IS no lusus for her right now. Its happen in the past, so we deal with it like then. She gets raised by a troll until the leviathan comes, and way things are, we aren’t likely to see another one of those motherfuckers.” He said with a wave of his hand “Now, since she got a bond, one she chose and in such her choice is MOTHER FUCKIN’ ABSOLUTE!” he raised his voice bellowing the last and nearly all the trolls cowered. Even the few humans in the room blinked their eyes in shock at how fast the as far as they could tell, usually good humored troll turned into a tyrant. And a dangerous one at that. “Now, I’ll keep an eye on the Jade human and her spawn through my choice of my new Second.” And he waved a hand at Gamzee. Who in turn was leaning on his mallet. Several heads snapped over and did a double take. The similarity of smiles was very obvious at the moment.  Other than a couple inches shorter, hair not as wild, or nearly as muscled as the older troll, Gamzee could have been his twin.

And his wide eyes had a look of greater insanity than the elder, who’s evil smile was promising a lot of pain to anyone who tried to argue matters at the moment.

Everyone was silent. Oh, no one was fooled that this was the end of matters. But for now, it was taken care of. At least, no one was going to argue with the Highblood who was swinging a juggling pin in one hand as if begging someone to say anything.

And for self preservation, no one did. Not with a dozen armed trolls looking ready to start some violence in defense of the human’s rights to take the Empress on this matter.

“Now, this is a Chrysalis Cavern. If you ain’t a Lussi or ain’t got fucking permission from ME to stay here, get the motherfucking OUT of this Hive before I throw you all up out of here IN PIECES!”

And the trolls fled.

The Highblood grinned blood thirsty as he turned and kissed Unique soundly. When he finished he seemed calmer. Poor Karkat for his part was trapped between the Highblood and a pillar, unable to not be anything but an up-close spectator of the spectacle.

“Right, well once the Empress is ready, we’ll parade her near the entrance and then bring her back here for the night.” He said turning to Jade who frowned.

“Well, if Gamzee is staying here to protect Hope and her grub until…”

“Until it’s wiggling day yeah.” The Highblood said, as if to say ‘what’s your point?’

“Then what about us? You said he was watching us.” She rested her gun on her shoulder.

“You stay until that little motherfucker wiggles too basically.” He shrugged “It’ll let us set up some security.”

Jade sighed and rubbed her face “If I have a job after this…” she said into her palm.

The Highblood chuckled “We’ll find you something, if anything with you being the caretaker of the Empress, I am sure we can arrange some compensation for her care and upbringing.”

Jade paused and her lips pursed “Well, that could work.”

“If its settled then, I’ll go scare the general populous and see if we can thin the crowd a bit before human news casters show up. Get the kids all looking their best. Though the squirt needs a name.” he said the last thoughtfully.

Eric who was sitting by the young Empress looked up “It’s Feferi” he responded.

Everyone raised brows and Eric grinned widely “She told me!” and the two went back to just staring at each other. The Empress currently cuddled down into Hope’s lap as she brushed the little swimmer’s hair.

Any remaining eyebrows promptly disappeared into hairlines.

“Well then, guess that is taken care of then. I’ll come up with something for a last name.” he shrugged and marched out the door.

It was going to be an interesting night. 


	22. Tirade

Relearning to Breath chapter 22

Book 2

Tirade

000

Hope Newell sat on her knees and bit her lip. She was still so out of it, but at least no longer on the drugs, just a couple Tylenol now and then to dull the ache if it made it difficult to sleep.

Currently Sirius’ head was resting against her side as he watched the screens set up with interest. Gamzee sat behind her, a kind of grinning shadow that dared anyone to try anything. Her other side Terezi sat, her arm resting on her upraised knee. A couple lights had been brought in and their cords stretched out of the cavern to the other side were a generator was keeping the telecom and lights working so the camera could see them.

“I apologize for the rustic environment, but because of Hope’s unique standing among the trolls as the fist human Lusus, she has responsibilities in the Egg Hive to her grub.” Terezi said to the judge who gave a nod. They could see the court room, the other camera set up behind the judge and he would turn to speak into it.

“Right, now let’s get this hearing finished. This is not an official court proceeding, only a hearing so each side may state its case and I will decide how much further this goes from here. If either side is unhappy with my ruling, take it up with another judge.” He said and pointed to the lawyers each in turn “And both of you. I said this is casual, but I won’t have any arguing or I throw this case out the door and make sure no court will take it up!” his glare was wasted on Terezi, since she was blind, but he did turn it on the other lawyer.

“Understood” the other lawyer said and Terezi echoed.

“Alright, let’s start with the whole reason we’re here.” The judge said and looked at his paperwork, his gravel dropped to show that things had started.

Next to her Terezi got a very intent look to her. A wide smile coming into play as she leaned forward slightly. Hope glanced to the side and could FEEL just how tensely held the other troll was. Behind her Gamzee was a calming presence. Even if his smile was all pointy teeth that had made the couple seated next to their lawyer on the other side of the screen uncomfortable.

The judge shuffled papers “The accused is here because the parents of Susan Harper feel that there was willful negligence in the treatment of their daughter. Now, Mr and Mrs Harper, says here that your daughter had an advance form of Multiple Myeloma. According to this report given by her doctor she showed none of the usual signs except for minor pain and a little shortness of breath right up until her hospitalization, which was done by Ms Newell.”

“The Harpers feel that if their daughter had stayed closer to home, which she would have done if Ms Newell had not taken her a cross country, then they would have taken notice of her earlier signs and gotten her to medical treatment sooner. Which would have possibly lengthened her life significantly.” The other lawyer stood while speaking and as he finished he sat down again.

“Alright Mr Johnson, now Ms Pyrope?”

“Yes, well according to some of the papers I have sent you, we have testimony by the deceased herself stating that she actually had prior knowledge of her condition, but chose to keep it to herself as long as she was able to. Because of personal reasons she did not wish to submit to the current treatments of the time for her particular type of cancer. As I will also point out, she was over the legal age of human adulthood and able to make this decision for herself.” Terezi stated, the cackle in her voice just barely held in check. “My client Hope Newell had no prior knowledge of this decision and should she have known she would have encouraged Ms Harper to seek treatment and possibly even go home to her family for moral support.”

“Objection, this is purely conjecture.” The other lawyer cut in.

Before the judge could say anything Terezi cackled “Conjecture? Oh what, we have personal testimony of the deceased and Ms Newell is right here beside me.”

The judge fought down a smile at the troll’s amusement and cleared his throat “Sir, I will remind you, this is just an informal hearing. Not a court session. I have only asked for the evidence you have to be presented not for you to try and get it thrown out before its even stated. Ms Pyrope’s statement still stands. Now Mr Johnson, please sit down.”

The judge went back to the paperwork “Alright so we have here that Ms Newell paid for the apartment that the two young women lived in. Ms Newell, can you tell me how you managed this and why?” he asked.

Hope half jumped and laid a hand on Sirius’ head taking a breath as the Lusus gave her a little silent bolstering of strength and calmness. “I had been working sir. Various writing jobs and any money I gained I had been investing and putting towards my own college education.” She stated, “When Susan got the scholarship to her first choice, well” she shrugged “My grades were only good enough to get me into a community school. So it didn’t matter to me where I went to school. I chose a small tech school near Susan’s college and was able to fund us to move there.”

“And why then Ms Newell,” the judge continued “Did you offer to fund?”

“She was my moirail…er Best friend.” The first slipped out without her thinking about it, it made sense to the trolls around her and Sirius gave her a small comforting rumble, “I guess, she was kind of like a sister. I would have done anything for her. As I said, it didn’t matter for me, but Susan wanted that school very badly. It was one of the best for the field she wanted to get into. So her being able to go there meant she could have a better chance of succeeding in her chosen field.”

The judge nodded “Alright a couple more questions then, why did you fund this expedition of yours and not Ms Harper’s parents?”

“Because the Harpers wanted Susan to stay home and marry some guy they had picked out for her because they were afraid she was gay.” Hope stated.

“Objections!” the other lawyer started.

The Judge pointed his mallet at the lawyer “Quiet you.”  And Terezi started to cackle. Her harsh laugh making the other lawyer and Susan’s parents look incredibly uncomfortable.

“Ms Pyrope, if you are done cackling like a flock of chickens, Ms Newell” he turned so he could face the camera and Hope saw sympathy there. He seemed to be on her side and unless Susan’s parents came forth with something particularly spectacular he likely was going to throw this out. She kept herself stiff though, not showing her emotions, “Can you tell me then, this first term you used, Moirail?”

“Um, well it’s a troll term having to do with the way they form their relationships. A Moirail is a best friend, also sometimes called a Palemate. Like someone they feel is fated to be family. Doesn’t matter your parentage you are connected in here.” She tapped her chest “It is not a sexual relationship though it falls under the same categories of what they consider romantic love. A Moirail will mediate relationships for their friend; will be there if things go wrong, help support and fill in roles if others in their life are found lacking.” She stated. “Not to be confused with auspistice, which is a mediator between two individuals for a very pacific reason, but most often used to keep an argument from falling into violence.” She was going to stop there, and not get into the other quadrants or they would be all day at this.

Terezi gave a grin to Hope approving her assessment of the troll Moirallegiance quadrant.

“How then have you come by this knowledge?” the judge asked her and she gave a grin, he was curious.

“Well I ended up getting to know a moirail pair because of the apartment complex I moved into and have seen firsthand the sort of familial relationship they hold. Among troll society it is held in an incredibly high regard and trolls are just as likely to call a moirail over any other relationship if a decision is needed for the well being of a given troll.” It was actually easier to talk about this sort of thing, and even the other humans in the room looked curious.

“That does make me curious then. How did you end up in that residence?” the Judge asked her. He held out his mallet without looking at the other lawyer who settled back looking irritated.

“Because the apartment I shared with Susan ended up burning in a fire that struck our complex.”

“Any word of how it started?”

“Well the firemen thought it might have been faulty wiring in one of the other apartments, an overloaded circuit or something. But I never received anything further. When I got my insurance claim, I did not have the finances after the early court hearings over Susan’s final wishes and then remains or to continue school or living in the area. So I choose to move somewhere I could live on my budget and get myself out of Mr and Mrs Harper’s hair.” She stated “Since Susan’s final wishes for her remains were not going to be followed and I had no more money to continue fighting on her behalf.” She was shaking slightly and a large grey hand covered the one she was squeezing in Sirius’ fur. She glanced back at Gamzee who gave her an encouraging look. One that with those sleepy eyes told her just how much he understood the pain she was not talking about. She had to fight to keep her lip from shaking but she squeezed his hand back.

The judge went back to his paperwork “Right, so, even after the deceased had passed away you continued to fight for her wishes as stated on her will by her own hand and drawn up by Ms Harper’s lawyer. It was overturned by Ms Harper’s parents and instead of cremation her body was interned in accordance to her parent’s wishes.” He stated.

“Yes sir.” Hope replied.

“You could have saved yourself a lot of money by not fighting this.”

“But what sort of friend would I have been if I had abandoned her?” Hope said blinking and feeling pretty clueless as to where this questioning was going. Terezi was silent beside her, just smiling widely.

The judge gave a small smile like he was very pleased with something. Hope just bit her lip to keep from blurting out anything she might regret.

“Alright then, after hearing what’s had to be said and reading all the reports. I have to say there is no case here. No neglect can be seen by me for the evidence provided. “

“But!” the parents had leaned forward and the Lawyer started to object.

“What I have here is criminal treatment of a young woman who has done absolutely nothing but being a good friend and following the wishes of another adult and rational human being. Ms Harper was not on any medication not provided by the hospital, she followed all directions and chose not to take further treatment she viewed as a determent to her way of life. If she chose to keep this information to herself it was her choice. Ms Newell was not aware in any way of Ms Harper’s illness and had no way of making any choices on her behest. Now, if you don’t want me turning this into a case of slander and intent against Ms Newell I suggest you drop this immediately. These hearings are a drain on our tax system and personal finances and a waste of my time. Now, I am calling this ended. If you want to continue this, I strongly suggest Mr and Mrs Harper to talk first with a few other lawyers not just the first one that agrees to take your money.” And he slammed his gravel. “Get out of my court room.” He turned to the telecom “I am sorry for your loss and the recent events I have been filled in about by Ms Pyrope, Ms Newell, and I do hope that things are going better for you.”

Hope gave a hesitant smile “Yes, thank you.”

He gave a nod “Ms Pyrope, I will be calling you to go back over some of the details of this case. So do keep your schedule open this evening.”

She smiled widely “It is my pleasure.”

The Judge reached out and turned off the screen, disconnecting the call.

Hope was immediately grabbed and pulled into a tight hug by Gamzee and she felt her lip shake. Tears falling down her cheeks as she took a long breath. Pain long buried coming to the surface. She felt silly, the last few days she’d done more crying than she recalled doing since she was a small child. When she was alone even with her parents in the house. Sitting in her room with her knees drawn up to her chest. She had decided then that weeping over her situation was useless, and began the process of just.. smiling. When Susan had bounced herself into Hope’s life, for awhile Hope had begun feeling again. Smiling more.

Then she lost that. It felt like she was going to die it hurt so much. But she had to keep smiling no matter how much she wanted to curl into a ball and weep.

Then Gamzee, dragging along a kicking and screaming obscenities Karkat, waltzed into her life and cheerfully flung her entire perceptions of the universe though a messed up carnival ride.

Hope knew she was strong enough to handle it now, but, it was nice having someone stronger willing to be there for her. She could cry now. And it was ok to do so.

So she cried into Gamzee’s stained vest and Sirius and Tarezi got up to leave them alone. Gamzee was quiet, but there wasn’t anything needing to be said. Until she used the term Moirail for her relationship with Susan, and just easily it had come to her, as if having the word to finally describe something that was as instinctive as the bond between guardian and child.

The other girl Susan had meant just as much to Hope as Tavros had meant to Gamzee. Gamzee had had Karkat to grieve with, but Hope had no one. Plus Susan’s guardians had blamed and ostracized her for the death. His arms tightened around the girl as she let out everything she’d been holding inside. Those tears he’d caught her in before when they had first met. Her gentle understanding of other’s pain and loss.

One doesn’t lose someone that important to them and be not able to understand other’s pain.

 

000

Karkat sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. He gave up even being remotely polite to the fuckers running this show and still they had not fired him. Something to do with human troll relation contracts. Hell, for all Karkat knew the Highblood had made a visit and told them what he thought of their business or something.  Not like the guy couldn’t put a chucklevoodoo on them. Not that Karkat had seen the Highblood do such a thing. Other than the brief moment when he got all the adults to back off from the decisions made for the new Empress.

But then, if he had made any threats they would be leaving Karkat alone to run his department. Not constantly bothering him or trying to make him fire his good employees.

Oh he got rid of a couple guys, one had been just not doing his job and the other was a young man who had actually been doing what they had tried to accuse Lucy of doing. Just calling out because he didn’t want to come to work. Got himself hung over or wanted to go party with his paycheck. Very narrow minded of him as far as Karkat could imagine.

No, now they were attempting to cut the hours he could give out. Which point he told them he wasn’t cutting anyone’s hours and he wasn’t giving up a single member of his department. Hell, he wanted to hire to replace the two he lost but they would not let him.

Karkat was just really ticked off at the moment. He lost two guys, couldn’t replace them and come end of the month he was losing two more for maternity leave. Trolls didn’t need that, but humans did. And considering how well... large... those human women were. Waddling about the office.  Karkat felt a mix of embarrassed and befuddled by them. At least while he was losing them a few months they should be back.

Just getting by those few months.

Closing his computer down he sat back and rubbed his face. It was time for a break, before he went throwing company property through his office window.

Standing he stretched his arms up over his head and back feeling his back pop. Then exited the office. He ran into the copper blooded troll with the huge horns, making his careful way around cubicles.

“Hey, watch it.” Karkat said instinctively.

“Pardon” the other stated and Turning a bit went past him and started again down the isle between the wall and cubical.

“Wait,” Karkat said and sighed “I’m sorry, its not your fault and all that.”

The other started at him and Karkat felt himself color “Fuck.” And he left fast.

The other troll raised a brow and figured it must have been a bad day for the boss if Karkat was apologizing.

000

Karkat got a drink of water from the crew room and sat in a chair eyes closed the lights off. He could see the light through his eyelids when they got turned on.

Cracking them slightly he saw John had come in and was currently routing through the staff frig. He came back frowning “Seriously, if I ever find whoever keeps taking my lunch…” he started and seemed to think before grinning “THAT’S what I should do!” he put his hands on his hips in victory and turned insead to the vending machine to get a snack.

“Do what bucktoothed nook sucker?” Karkat said.

John jumped and blinked over at the till now silent troll “Oh hey Karkat!” he grinned “Oh the lunch thing? I was just thinking of putting in a spring loaded package of like blue powder, something that will mark the person stealing my lunch every day this week.”

Karkat couldn’t help the snort. OK that would be entertaining. John might be an annoying little moronic nerd, but he knew how to pull a decent prank. John seeing he got a reaction went onto describe a couple more ideas he had to pull on people in the office while seated on the back of one of the chairs. Karkat always wondered how he pulled that stunt off, it was like the kid was made up of air or something.

While Karkat was trying to pretend that John’s sweet dorky nature and harmless pranks didn’t amuse him, the fact he had to cover his face from the embarrassment of laughing, rather belied that. But at least Karkat wasn’t so annoyed in general.  After a little he got up to get back to work.

His good mood dissolved quickly again and he once more turned off the computer and wandered about the office just seeing what everyone was doing. Not long later he was paused staring into Lucy’s office. The girl was seated at her desk staring down at something and looking a bit sick.

He gave a knock and poked his head in she didn’t react at first so came over to see what she was looking at.

His anger returned very fast and he literately saw red as he ripped the paper from her hands, startling her out of her thoughts.

It was a termination notice. And NOT from him.

He ripped it to shreds and she blinked at the angry troll who marched out of her space, paused by the door and pointed back at her “DO NOT MOVE!” he shouted at her. She blinked at him wide eye.

Karkat was going to go take a few heads. People moved out of his way fast as the small troll went down the hall and did not even know he was currently armed. Twin blades from his desk in his hands.

This was going to not be pretty.

 

000

 

Notes: No dear readers, the story is not over yet! Sorry for the lack of notes, I put them on the blog relearning2breath(.) Tumblr(.) Com anyway.. if you want to see more and also on tumblr check out the stillbreathiing blog for extra blurps (not all work friendly which is why its marked such) and dabbles for more stories with the group.

Anyway more coming.. Just a little off my salt this weekend. It’s been a long high and low… 


	23. Communion

Relearning to Breath chapter 23

Book 2

Communion

000

When Karkat got to the hive he was still mad as anything, but he was a lot calmer. It was a long argument.

He won. Well that and he doubted the higher ups trusted their ability to call for security before the troll completely laid waste to their board room. He’d used one of his blades to block the door. Keeping everyone in, and anyone else out. Then the other blade buried itself into the long table they were all sitting at.

And Karkat had their full undivided attention.

He was most proud of how calm he kept while talking. Pointing out, as he walked in front of a white board hands behind his back like he’d seen some of them do, that they put him into the position he had to fill a need of understanding between the humans and trolls of his department.

He also pointed out that since he had gotten there, the numbers for their output and effectiveness had doubled.

And then pointed out the hypocrisy of trying to force him to lose half his staff and still get the same output.

That THEY were making HIS people very unhappy. And when his people were unhappy.

Karkat was unhappy.

His smile was positively bloodthirsty as he leaned over the table. Unhappy trolls were very libel to fall back on the sort of ‘normal’ behavior of their homeworld.

And that got a gulp and a ‘what would be normal’. He calmly stated that killing every last motherfucking one of them was ‘normal’.

Oh, it was, but at the same time his blood caste would have meant that he likely could not have laid a hand on any of them. They likely would have been made of sea dwellers and crazy juggelos. All of whom would have also been armed and Karkat would have been dead the moment he walked into the room. Hell, before that. On their old home he couldn’t have held down a reliable job, he would have been in too much danger of being discovered.

But here he could smile like he was the juggelo and these guys were about to be schoolfed.

Karkat still couldn’t believe that they didn’t fire his fucking ass, but he had practically been singing with smugness when he went back to his office to tell Lucy that she could ignore any further ‘pinkslips’ from anyone that did not come from him, from his own hand and the words from his own lips.

Karkat wasn’t going to be some pansy to not tell someone to their face he was unhappy or that he was going to let them go. Hell, he told the two losers he fired. One hadn’t cared, the other had yelled at him until he literately grabbed the guy by the trousers and tossed him out.

Bringing his mind back to his car he sighed. The momentarily happiness he had with telling off those idiots and making it clear their ‘help’ with his department was not needed nor wanted, had passed and he was back to his usual irritation from having to deal with stupid people over the phone. Being the ‘guy in charge’ meant that there were certain clients that only he could deal with and sometimes a really difficult case came up to him. Plus there was his own paperwork to finish.

Then the drive home.

First to the apartment to pick up clean clothing and drop off the dirty stuff for everyone, picking up some more food and snacks, then dropping by the store for a few other things as well. There was the standing in the one open lane for twenty minutes even as there was a dozen registers not even opened. The traffic and having to detour twice around accidents. He was wondering if this was an effect of the whole ‘full moon’ thing that Lucy had tried to explain to him and Kanaya earlier in the week.

The crazies were out in force.

At least no one shot at him.

000

When Karkat came in Gamzee hopped over to take some of the stuff he carried and go back to the little shelter area. Hope was relaxed in a net like hammock that she had strung between two pillars. One of the other grubs wandering about getting ready for their chrysalis napping on her belly while she read a book, the book light attached to the cover.

Jade was teaching Feferi  and Eric how to jump rope with two long ropes being swung around by a couple other adult trolls who looked rather impressed with her nimble fleet footedness. Hell, Karkat was pretty impressed himself.

Things were just nicely quiet. Which was a relief to the smaller troll. He went over to Hope and brushed back a bit of hair to see what she was reading. A half grin came to his face as he noticed it was one of his books. Trashy romances that he found utterly fascinating. When he was younger he loved the romances because he never really thought he would ever have a life, or even one of his quadrants filled because of his blood. But now? He had friends, he had a life, and he felt, content.  Even if work and the commute made him want to rip out his horns and take his blades to the world in general.

“How that hearing go?” he asked her and she sighed putting in her book mark then turning off the page light.

She tilted her head back to look at him “it went, the judge threw it out like Terezi said, though it is still open for Susan’s parents to try and pull shit still. But for now, hopefully they will stop.”

He gave a nod, noticing how red her eyes looked and how tired she sounded. This took more out of her than she would admit to. Being on the painkillers and other medications she’d had to take over the last couple weeks had not helped either with how well she was handling much of anything really.

He looked back over his shoulder and saw that Gamzee had gone over and was double dutching  with Jade the two of them doing some weird hand thing as they moved their feet in patterns that still somehow managed to keep them from tripping up. The kids loved it. Feferi was cheering and bouncing in place while Eric clapped his hands.

He shook his head and Hope noticed what he was looking at and whistled “I always sucked at double-dutch. I was better with just a single jump rope.” She said with amusement and managed to get herself up without disturbing the grub, whom she set on the hammock. She gave a sigh and then leaned over and gave Karkat a big hug. He paused startled then just hugged her back. Relaxing and stroking her hair.

Gamzee seemed to notice and tilted his head, and with a honk he jumped out of the flipping ropes and made his way over. Then just with a large toothy grin threw his arms around them both and picked them up.

“ACK” Karkat said and Hope burst into giggles.

“PUT US DOWN YOU DERANGED FUCKTARD!”

“honk”

000

Karkat leaned against the pillar and glanced back. Hope was asleep. She had started aching enough to take a few pills and try to sleep. Gamzee was looking sleepy so Karkat shifted his weight to one foot and poked his friend with his other toe “Get some sleep.” He told him “I’m good for now. And unless there is a fucking fire, tomorrow is my day off, so I can watch for a bit.”

Gamzee was tired enough that he did not even so much as say a word and went in crawling in next to Hope. The girl didn’t wake when the clown decided she was his new teddy bear. Karkat rolled his eyes and just dropped the curtain. Gamzee did the same thing to him, so he wasn’t too worried about him molesting her or anything. He just didn’t like sleeping alone sometimes, and that seemed to be more common since he decided to go completely sober.

Maybe the comfort of being near another reminded him he wasn’t a crazed killer. That his views of the hemospectrum was so very different from the rest of the troll society. Or at least most.

Karkat shifted around to check the various chrysalis. Hope’s grub was looking good. The shell was strong and he could see the form inside silhouetted and was looking more like a young troll. He paused by another. The pair who went together. One had grown, the other, was dim. He touched the sky blue shell that had gone nearly white. There was no warmth.

It was dead.

The other side was alive still. And doing well. The little indigo would likely become another juggelo. He felt a little sorry for the other one, but at least with all the adults who had been wandering about the little one had just been given a chance to pupate. He gently stoked the other shell and could hear it start to crumble, he pulled his hand back. Poor thing. It had been strong enough to survive so much, but not the change that was the growth of a troll from their infancy to their childhood. He touched the other, in comfort if anything and moved on. They were so close. It looked like it might hatch around the same time as Hope’s grub. He wondered what it’s lusus would end up being. It wasn’t uncommon for the indigo to get theirs after they got out of their chrysalis.

He made a little circuit around the cavern. Jade was getting the kids settled for their own sleep, reading them a story. The other adult trolls were taking a bath a few grubs poking about out of curiosity, though most had decided to sleep since others were. There was a rather adorable pile of them under one low hanging stalactite. Just a rainbow of colors in a pile on the floor. There was a few Lusii walking about or napping as well, or with others keeping guard of their own waiting grubs and chrysalis.

Making sure it was all as it should be Karkat settled himself by the pillars again and leaning his head back, his curved scythes resting beside him in easy reach, he took a breath and relaxed.  Just waiting and watching and letting his mind wander down into nothing.

000

_Lusus Hope_

It was hard to tell morning from night when in the hives. There was nothing to tell them one way or another. Hope woke up snuggled next to Gamzee. The larger troll had her wrapped up loosely in his arms. She managed to get out and stood up. Slowly she padded her way past Karkat. Something seemed to be calling to her. She… heard a voice. She didn’t even notice Karkat who had been seated next to the curtain that separated her little sleeping area and the rest of the cavern.

“Hope what are you?” Karkat ended up cutting off as he realized the girl did not hear him at all. She was utterly focused on something else. And heading for the entrance of the cavern. He stood and glanced back, Gamzee had come out of the sleeping area as well and was using one knuckle to rub the sleep from his eyes. He frowned at Hope and Karkat waved a hand at him “Follow her, I have no clue where she’s off to, but,”

One of them had to stay with the grub, Gamzee gave a nod “I got this” and he ambled off after Hope. A couple other trolls watched them leave with curiosity. The human girl didn’t even have shoes on but seemed to be padding her way sure footedly enough.

Gamzee decided for something a little more mobile over the new toy. Going back with a pair of his juggling pins. He hooked them up as he set off after Hope and hooked them to his belt. As he continued he noticed a couple trolls watching. Another suddenly got up and followed him, the female who’d taken to being Hope’s shadow. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of the other troll. He gave her a growl, “Mine.”

The other waved him off “No encroachment on quadrants highblood.” She said. The other rubbed a point behind her ears were her horns curled around the appendages. “It’s only respect on my part.” She said, “The human is the first Lusus of her kind and she managed to survive the Orphaner.” She said, “I want to see what she does with one of our kind.” She looked at the other her eyes serious, and one side paled out in a way that showed she was very likely blind in that eye even if the eye still tracked with the good one, “Perhaps this might be the link between our species without bloodshed.”

Gamzee paused and then gave a slow nod. He then ignored the other, he had at least established their positions in this and thus the other meant little to him other than back up. As the two trolls followed the human she walked with a dream like footsteps that made Gamzee’s frown deepen.

They followed her down into the caverns. Very deep into the caverns. They had left the upper regions were the adults could come and had gone into the regions inhabited by only grubs and Lusii. Very few others were allowed, namely only the Jade blooded chosen to care for the Queens who gave birth to the eggs that would hatch into the next generation.

A few other Lusii watched them as they passed and there were many grubs. Most running away in fear, some staring in curiosity at the adults. At first glance Gamzee could see many copper bloods. And being where this hive located a lot of water dweller colors as well. As they got deeper he began to wonder just where they were heading. And how Hope was able to see where they were she was going. It was nearly pitch black around them, only the faint glow of the still sparse moss growing on the walls was the only light to be found. And even that was being munched away upon by hungry grubs.

Until they came out of the heart of the hive. There was a couple jade blooded trolls wandering about doing their own things and there was light in the form of luminescence globes , under the globes grew the moss, the lichen like cave stuff the grubs ate. It would be harvested by the Care takers and then replanted throughout the caverns, until it became established enough to grow itself despite the grubs eating it. Then it would still be harvested, but to be boiled down and turned into teas and beverages. Shipped out of the caverns and sent off for sale, or as tribute to the highbloods. They no longer had the huge armadas of the past at the moment so there would be less tribute and more general sale. Gamzee heard from Karkat that some of the alcoholic beverage Grub Spit made it to the Christmas party. Gamzee was a little sad to have missed that. He hadn’t the taste for the beverage some did, but the sweet concoction was a taste of old days gone. But seemed that if anything, once the teas and beverages did start hitting market shelves, there would be many buyers and not just of the trollish kind.

In a few more months they would have enough sopor, thanks to the find at Orphaner’s, that they can ship cultures to the other Hives and from there begin to make the beds that many trolls were missing. Oh, human beds were comfortable enough, but the nutrient rich slime was preferable. It helped a troll heal faster, and also kept young ones calmer. Soothed the nightmares that all trolls were prone too, especially the very young. They would start keeping whole long ditches in the hive filled with the stuff once they had enough, for the young ones to rest in. 

Gamzee had been considered more than a little weird for eating the slime himself, but then he had his reasons.

Reasons that he didn’t need it now for. He had no desire to even touch the stuff.  

 He spotted Hope, but was stopped by a kindly looking Jade blooded female, she was tall, nearly a height for Gamzee’s lanky length. “The Mother speaks currently with the human Lusus” she said “Please wait.”

He looked beyond the female and saw Hope, her head touched to a giant lusus. The more luminescent being, great wings flapped idly behind. He blinked, he had not realized any of the Mother Grubs had survived. Most the Queens currently active were much younger trolls who had the ability to sieve the genetic material given them and lay the eggs. But the Mother Grubs were Lusus, very old Queens who could not just sift the material but also keep it for generations. They were also rumored to live as long as the Empress unless they choose to leave their posts and take on the care of a young troll. No one knew why one would choose such a thing, since it shortened their lives incredibly, but some said that the strongest of the Mothers could tap into the ‘hive mind’ of the people and see future events.

And currently Hope seemed to be in a deep conversation with the grub. Frowning, but unless he wanted to start some shit, he wasn’t going to be able to get to Hope, so instead he went and leaned against the wall by the entrance, watching all around the cavern for any danger. The other female seemed to think a moment and joined him, standing to attention by the other side of the entrance he flanked.

000

It was a song. Something so very old that Hope knew she would remember for all time deep in her own heart. A song that for trolls came instinctively, those who chose to go to their lusus state would remember the song from when their own lusus would sing it to them, when the mother grubs would sing it as they laid them.

Hope never heard the song. The song of linage, the song of history. It was the genetic memory of every troll.

The Mother sung this song to Hope now. Excepting her status among the trolls. She was no longer only a Lusus by write of a name on a screen, but she was one in spirit and heart.

Though she knew she would share this song with her grub through the connection of their hearts, she would never be able to reproduce this song. It was so in ground inside them. This was the core belief of their ansestory. The song was just a little different for each grub, but the lusus had to know the whole thing.

When the song ended the Mother leaned away from the girl and with a flap of its huge glowing moth-like wings the angelic looking creature went off to one of the egg chambers dotted about the huge cavern, to lay another batch of troll eggs. Hope wobbled in place and felt her eyes roll back into her head.

As she collapsed Gamzee jumped from his position and was too the girl before she completely hit the ground. Catching her up he held her close. Not sure what was happening, but the time passed he had gotten concerned.

Finally he had asked the other troll to head back up through the caverns to the surface to let Karkat know where Hope was.

At least the other had no work today. After the resent chew out of his employers at work he had to walk carefully in terms of punctuality. The female had been replace by Sirius who had laid his great head down on folded paws and watched the scene of the human and Mother communing. Gamzee asked the Lusus if he knew what was going on but the other only shook its head, not really all that sure.

Hope stirred in his arms and blinked a moment at him, her eyes still heavy. “Gamzee” she seemed to almost half sing his name.

Then she snuggled down into his arms “So tired.” She said and Gamzee felt himself freeze.

Even Sirius blinked its eyes.

She’d said that in Alterian, the Troll’s language.

000

Hope wasn’t really able to explain what happened to her in the egg chambers with the Mother. But whatever the Mother Grub had done to her had left the girl with what seemed like a more instinctual knowledge of troll culture and languages. Even a couple dead ones, as well as a greater understanding of the clicks and buzzes of the grubs. Sirius only said that with what happened to her it was normal she would retain more than most.

But that didn’t tell anyone what was done to her.  But Hope seemed to settle and was getting better. They still had time to wait for the grub to hatch, but that time was growing much shorter. The cavern was about filled to the brim with grubs, some of the other caverns were near empty. The presence of the adults and lusus protecting the young ones in this cavern seemed to attract many of the little ones getting ready to go into their chrysalis state. Plus there were toys and the giant hot pool that attracted others.

There was definitely going to be a few changes. The toys for one thing. The grubs who interacted with the jungle gyms and plushies seemed to be showing more physical and mental strength, both things that would lead to a higher survival rate. At the moment the trolls were all concerned with keeping a higher survival rate the usual. Just to get their numbers high enough again. Perhaps they would in a few generations rebuild their ships and take off looking for another world, though in a few generations there likely would be many trolls with no real memories of their old home who would just wish to continue here on earth as their home.

So long as the trolls and humans did not kill each other first. Discouraging the lusus to ‘cull’ young grubs was another change. Lusus like Sirius were already working on the rest. Though some of it wouldn’t really ever completely stop. It was in ground in their culture. The culling of the weak so that only the strongest made it . The strongest, the smartest. It was their greatest strength that they removed obvious defects from their numbers starting at an early age. But the excessive culling had to stop. There were especially among the higher blooded Lusii those that would stop out any grub of a lower caste.

Which was likely in part why the lower castes seemed to feel so intimidated. Bullied from the moment they hatched.

Gamzee was actually all for the lessoning of the last part. While the higher bloods did live longer which is what made them better for keeping the laws and discipline since they could hold onto the positions. Plus they tended to be physically stronger than the lower castes. The lower caste though tended to have a greater connection to their home world. They might not live nearly as long as the highbloods, (a century or so of sweeps added the further one goes up the hemospectrum.  Although there were exceptions, such as the Grand Highblood, who was flipping old and still kicking like a troll in his prime.) but they had a closer contact with the planet and all its creatures. Stories of copper blooded trolls who managed to grow wings like the Mother’s and could summon to them beasts of all walks of their world abounded in story books and legends passed through the troll’s histories. These days such summoner trolls were rare, like certain non mutant bloodlines. (the empress being a prime example of rare blood) He’d heard of one right before the planet had to be evacuated. Some fellow who seemed to be gathering trolls under the banner of the Sufferer and was plotting a revolution. Gamzee honestly hadn’t been paying that much attention, other than at the time he had told Tavros that he hoped the other troll would be lucky enough to get wings.

To be able to fly, that just seemed like a real miracle to Gamzee.

But the world died and with the ships leaving no one knew what happened to that revolution. Since they had gotten here there had been little choice in the matter but to try and throw out some of the old ways of doing things. Some bucked against such change, but there was little choice in the matter. It was a new world, new rules applied when mixing in a new race and their own ways of doing things.

It would still be a few generations before blood didn’t matter. But Gamzee did hope that it would happen.

It would be like the Mirthful Messiahs really had come and destroyed the old ways.

He’d had a lot of time to think about his faith since coming to the caverns and spending all his time watching little grubs go about their business. Really he had time since getting Hope back from the Orphaner. It really did seem that some of the prophecies had already come true, which meant a few more were yet to happen.

And the Messiah’s themselves had not yet been present.

Gamzee had talked with the other indigos of his own faith about this, including a few others who while not fully part of the ‘church’ of the Messiahs, did at least follow some of the edicts. Since among the trolls which faith you were likely to adhere to really did have to do with their blood types.

But the conversations passed the time as he and Karkat worked out the new change to Hope. Who been spending much of her time with her head against the cocoon of the little grub and humming. It was odd how… familiar... the near tuneless tune she seemed to almost buzz with felt to the other trolls. Her humming tended to draw the other grubs as well, who would gather around her feet and listen with interest.

She was getting stronger as the days passed. Gamzee looked over and seeing her commune with the young again he frowned. She still was sticking to tanks and loose pants even as her pins had been removed. Hope didn’t need the sling either anymore, but she held her arm against her belly as if it ached still.

Gamzee thought a moment about that and went to find the various things he had been mixing together to put over her arm. The concoction was a soothing lotion that helped her much with the itching she use to experience with the pins buried in her healing flesh, but now, it still helped her heal and also allowed Gamzee to rub her shoulder and make her relax. It seemed to help ease the constant ache she felt. An ache that would fade with time but Gamzee felt she was likely going to forever feel that pain, as well as the fact she was relearning to write. Orphaner had broken her writing arm, and with the pain of just holding an object on that side, she was learning to write again with her other hand.

Once it healed more Gamzee would start to work with her to strengthen the arm again and hopefully get her over some of her issues for using it. If she continued to favor that arm it would be seen as weakness, and that could lead to trouble later on down the road.

His mind finally settling on one thing he set about to gather all he needed and when she finished with whatever she was doing with the grubs, he would make her sit down and start rubbing the salve into her arm and shoulder. As long as she didn’t start talking to him in any dead troll languages again.

That kind of freaked him out.

000

Notes: blah. The last couple days have not been the best for me. Sunday was filled with distractions. And Monday ended up with an allergy attack from ending up with some rosemary in something I had for lunch (I am deathly allergic) so after a couple days on this chapter I have finished it. I just hope it’s not too disjointed. (wee eppy pens and Benadryl! And coffee lots of coffee)

So I’ll likely still finish chapter 24 to post as well, but for now it’s 2 am and I’m going to bed.

Check out the blogs, and please don’t feel embarrassed if you don’t think you are a good artist or something. I love fan art and comments and just hearing from you guys! While I write for myself for fun, it’s all your guys comments, art, and enthusiasm is what keeps me going! As well as making me feel bad when I can’t keep to the schedule I ended up with for the story. LOL

A new dabble will go up sometime day as well. So check that out.

Tumblrs: relearning2breath and stillbreathiing. 


	24. Birthday Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on going through and adding some of the fan art pieces I've gotten to the story where they fit. This chapter has one of the pieces gifted by Vonpipkin from tumblr!

Relearning to Breath chapter 24

Book 2

Happy Birthday

000

Hope was definitely more coherent at the moment. Especially as all around her the batch of cocoons that were the same age as her grub began to break from their shells. Small troll children falling out of them. Either to be gathered up to find their lusus, or already having one being taken to be named.

A fellow had set up a desk and as the children, cleaned up and dressed, were brought forward the Lusus named them. Some Lusii had enough skill to be able tell the name they wanted to the troll taking down the names in the registry, but others just bleated out a gurgle of sound and the sound that was close enough to a name ended up going down.

It reminded Hope of an old joke she heard once in school about woks and naming Chinese children.

Because of the difference in human and troll culture when it came to raising kids, and the fact that teachers were not going to be able to talk to a giant animal in a classroom, instead of the lusus going off and start building a hive home for the little one, they instead were either already with a troll or group of trolls, or were assigned to a troll as a sort of secondary guardian who could interact with the humans when necessary.

It was a huge change from how things use to be done. The trolls adapted to this change well enough, many even seemed to take a shine to this change, allowing the adults to take a greater interest in the young ones and in the care and keeping of particular Lusii.

At least with Hope and her grouping of troll there was going to be little issue. She already had the status and could communicate just fine with other humans, and she also had Gamzee and Karkat. Gamzee wouldn’t leave her, and Karkat wouldn’t leave him, so they made a group. A very odd one, but a formation that Hope was pretty sure would become more common over time.

Well she hoped. They could end up in war and segregation. She saw in the paper one of the trolls had brought along recently that some idiots wanted to get some laws in that would make unions of any sort between trolls and humans illegal.

She had thought they were already passed that sort of stupidity with the color issue back in the 1960’s and the gay issue back in the early part of 2000.

But now she had to think of a name… What if it’s a boy, or a girl? Or? She knew she was panicking likely about nothing. She was trying to think. Gamzee wasn’t much help, he just said that anything was cool when naming. They would just take about six letters and throw them together anyway. But he did comment that her last name was about the right length already. That at least took care of one part.

So she found herself biting her nail until Karkat rolled his eyes at her “What’s wrong?”

“A name, the grub is going to be wiggling out of that cocoon soon and I don’t have a name! Hell, I didn’t know I was going to have to come up with one!” she said.

Karkat just shook his head “So long as you don’t name it ‘Jinglebutt’ we will be fine.” He told her.

“But that doesn’t hold any meaning!” she told him “I mean, should it be something important or special?”

Karkat patted her shoulder “You got the knowledge, shouldn’t you know that we really only use names as a way to not be saying ‘hey you’ all the time?”

She gave him a glare “I slept since then! Hell I don’t even remember talking to the Mother Grub at all! Gamzee told me about it afterwards.”

“You keep popping out with our language”

“Which I don’t even realize I’m doing as you recall!” she pointed out “I’m still sorting all this info in my head.”

He chuckled and then he thought a moment “Well, you know. If it’s a boy, it might mean something to Gamzee if you decide to go with Tavros.” Karkat pointed out.

She paused trying to remember and then it hit her “His matesprit.”

Karkat gave a nod “If you want to put so much importance on a name, you can’t get more important than a loved one who is gone.”

Which made her pause and she thought a long moment on that one. “hmm, well that makes sense.”

Karkat paused “If it’s a girl, you could always name it Susane” he stated.

“They... would let me?” she said softly looking like she might tear up.

Karkat leaned over and pulled the girl into a light hug. “It is fine.”

This gave her new thoughts. So she wandered back off. Her thoughts now on grub names, and thoughts if she wanted to do what Karkat suggested or perhaps a combination? Or something else entirely. The thought of naming the new troll off a roman god or goddess seemed amusing.

She glanced off to the side. Jade was keeping her two entertained with a story. One on each side of her as she sat reading. They already had everything packed to go, and a couple trolls were taking it all out to her car. With it being obvious that Hope’s grub would be hatching soon, or not at all, the need to stay in the caverns with the empress was less. She would hopefully be safe. Gamzee and another troll were starting in packing up their own things. Rolling up the futon and picking up litter.

Hope took a long breath to steady herself. There was the chance still that her grub wouldn’t make it. That it wasn’t strong enough to break free, so many things could still happen.

So she took a breath and told herself to be calm and wait. She noticed Sirius was watching from the side and went over to see what he was up to.

When she touched his side he leaned over and nuzzled her. She got a feeling of calm and amusement. “What are you up to old timer?” she bumped his shoulder and the large dog let his tongue lowl out and gave her a very doggy grin with those incredibly sharp troll teeth. Then getting up the troll walked over to a particular cocoon. Touching its nose to the shell, it broke open.

She blinked recognizing the particular cocoon, as the one until recently had been two cocoons. The sky blue having passed away and its shell bleaching itself to white and dust. Nothing left but for a handful of bones and a bunny plush hanging from the other cocoon.

“What is he doing?” Karkat blinked coming over by her.

She glanced at Karkat “What’s wrong? He doesn’t seem to be taking care of anyone right now.”

“He’s also of a different hemospectrum from the grub he’s putting a claim on. Indigos usually all go to the arena to do their choosing.” Karkat informed her.

“I guess, he figured if a red blooded human can bond with a green blooded grub perhaps it’s not as big of deal.” She said.

Karkat paused and saw how she folded her arms and looked away from him. He sighed and touched her shoulder “Don’t fucking mind me. There has just been too much change for me to handle the last couple years.”

She turned back and gave him a smile “Just, I think that little one needs someone who be able to understand what it went through.” She said. “What it was put through.”

Karkat paused and looked back over to the large pawbeast lusus and the hatching grub. He had to agree. Whether he wanted to or not. The little one had been through a hell that most grubs did not suffer. There was struggle, there was a fight, hell there was fear. But not the slow torture the humans had been doing.

The shell cracked quickly and the young female toppled out to the waiting paws. Blinking up at the beast and breaking into a sudden bright smile. The young girl troll started trying to get to her feet. Karkat grinned, a little fighter that one was. She glanced back and with a happy giggle reached up to grab the bunny pulling it down and giving the plush a joyful hug. Then suddenly paused.

The young girl stared at the spot next to her old cocoon. The clinging bits of white shell and then she followed her gaze down, to the few bones.

Sirius nuzzled the young troll who looked up at him and then burst into tears. Clinging to the muzzle of the lusus, who just let the little one cry as long as she needed.

Karkat glanced back to Hope who was stroking the shell of her grub, shaking slightly. She was afraid.

He went over and touched her back “Breath” he said “It’s safe. You can feel that inside right?” he told her and she paused. Closing her eyes she took a long breath and nodded.

“Sorry, I’m just, antsy.”

He grinned “It’ll be alright” he told her “The fucker is strong.”

She gave a nod.

He leaned against the nearby pillar and watched. Gamzee came in after clearing the last of the stuff, and leaned next to Karkat “Got a bit of an issue outside. One of the little new wigglers is putting up a fight.”

Karkat raised a brow “Oh?”

“That little water dweller that took to following the kids about? He’s putting up a right fight about being given to a lusus. Seems to want to stay with the Empress.” He said. “Little motherfucker is screaming bloody murder.”

“Huh” Karkat said and gave a shrug “He got a name yet?”

“I didn’t catch it. Eridan or something like that. I figure it’ll get sorted out.” The juggelo gave a shrug.

“Yeah, it will.” Karkat said.

Gamzee glanced over seeing Sirius and the calming wiggler and raised a brow “Well well, that is a motherfucking interesting development.”

“Think there will be issues among the Messiahs?” Karkat asked.

Gamzee just gave a shrug “Hey long at the fucker isn’t ignored like I was.” He said.

Karkat nodded. Then looked as a squeal came from Hope and saw her grinning ear to ear fit to burst her face in half. A distinct crack forming down the side of the cocoon.

Gamzee chuckled “Fucking cute.” He said softly, smiling widely himself. Karkat grinned as well.

The crack widened and suddenly burst open, a form falling out into Hope’s waiting arms. Crusty eyes blinked fuzzily for a long moment as the now wiggler began to focus its eyes for the first time.  Looking up at the face of its Lusus.

Hope’s smile was even wider when her little wiggler gave a huge smile, arm reaching up to touch her face as she pulled closer, sitting down on the floor her forehead touching the young troll’s. Who cooed softly in response.

“Welcome to the world.” She said softly “Tavros.”

Gamzee had been moving over to see the wiggler closer, and came to a complete standstill as she announced the name. Then he sank down to his knees, tears filling his eyes as he tried to take a few breaths. Karkat came and stood behind the other troll “Gamzee?”

“For me… she named him... for... me?” Gamzee seemed to be utterly shocked.

Hope turned and grinned at Gamzee, then set the wiggler on the floor who stood on shaky legs. The little boy blinked up at the other two and with a wide smile held out his hands to them and with a happy giggle took a couple shaky steps. Gamzee held out his arms and scooped up the wiggler. Holding him close and the juggelo laughed and cried as the little boy in his arms hugged him back.

“Gam! Mir’cle!” the boy managed which made Gamzee hug the little one and laugh all the more.  

Hope smiled and looking up from Gamzee’s joy to Karkat’s incredibly happy expression, knew that she made the right choice in names.

000

There was some debate from the troll taking down names. He hadn’t really liked not having the choice of being able to translate blubbering noises of the Lusus into whatever he wanted. But Gamzee holding the little wiggler behind her gave a long look that finally made the other troll back down and the new wiggler was put down into the books as a jade blood male named Tavros Newell. His Lusus was one Hope Newell. Liaisons being Gamzee Makara and Karkat Vantas.

Karkat was hanging back a little and half jumped when a nose poked him in the back. He looked at Sirius and gave the dog a frown. Then started cursing the creature out when the lusus gave a gap mouth grin and then licked the other troll, sticky saliva slime coating him from jaw to hairline and making one side stand strait up.

Hope was focused on making sure the Troll put down every letter exactly as she wanted him too to notice Karkat’s explosive expletives. Gamzee turned and blinked at the other before snickering at the overly pleased Sirius.

“So what you going to do old man?” Gamzee asked the lusus who tilted its head and nuzzled both Gamzee and Karkat.

Gamzee didn’t quite catch the image that came to his head, but Karkat got it alright.

“NO FUCKING WAY! I know I had been setting up… but... NO!”

“No what?” Gamzee asked as after Hope was sure everything was perfect she turned to see what the other’s were talking about.

“This fucking idiot expects to move in with us!” Karkat growled.

Gamzee scratched his head “Well, the grubs could be able to play together.” He started.

Karkat growled wordlessly at the other and Gamzee held up his free hand in self defense.

“Well, each of the lusus are needing liaisons if they want to be able to interact with things like schools and such.” Hope added, “Though, the condo is … not that big.” She started.

Gamzee looked like he was going to say something but ended up jerked down to Karkat’s eye level the other troll just growled louder.

Hope blinked “Er… ok?”

Sirius moved past them to the troll taking down names and put his nose to the troll’s forehead.

He wrote out a name without saying anything. If anything he looked a little, out of it. When Sirius pulled back the troll blinked and then suddenly glared down at the forms and glared at the Lusus, who just looked perfectly smug. On his back the young troll he had blinked her large eyes and clung to the fur of her Lusus and the plush she held.

“Fine, I’m sick of arguing with you nuts!” the troll growled “Anatol Cronus, female, indigo blood, Lusus Sirius, and Liaisons Gamzee Makara and Karkat Vantas.” He glanced at the other trolls. Karkat had an open mouth look like he so wanted to say something very nasty.

“You two are popular, it’s the 4th time today I’ve put you down.”

Gamzee gave a slow blink and scratched his head “Well I knew at least I was going down for Jade and her bunch because of its rather messed up fuckery, but who else?”

“Eridan Ampora and his Lusus. It was the only way that Jade lady was going to let things go. It at least stopped the brat from screaming bloody murder. The bastard had some lungs on him.” And the troll said and handed over a pair of symbols. One to Sirius and the other he gave over to Hope. The little one’s marks.

Karkat’s eyes were huge and he was fairly slacked jaw. Like he just wanted to say something but could no longer bring out the proper words for how angry he was at the moment.

Gamzee sighed and gave a helpless shrug. It was now in the books, so it was the Messiahs’ will for anything past that. Hope took her jacket off and draped it over the wiggler on Sirius’ back and the child gave her a sleepy grin. The little girl snuggled with the plush and now under the jacket.

Hope sighed “Lets just get home and we can sort this all out.” She said and paused “Will Sirius fit in the car?” she asked. The large lusus rubbed the side of her face with his nose and she nodded “Ah, Ok!” and she held her arms out to the little troll “Would you like to ride with us sweety? You Lusus will be following right along with us, ok?”

The young troll stared at her a moment then with a trusting smile tumbled off her lusus and right into Hope’s arms. The girl caught little troll and plushie with a giggle.

Karkat was still in a mode of very angry twitching. Jaw still working in attempting to get words out. He had even started forming several of his favorite curses on his lips, but nothing came out.

Finally he just grabbed up his keys and marched angrily past everyone for the car. The impression very much was, ‘if you don’t follow, I am leaving you behind.’

They all made haste to get after him.

Jade was in her own rig next to Karkat’s torus. The kids all settled inside along with another young troll, who was seated between Eric and Feferi with a definite pout in place.

Feferi had been picking up her words during the time after her wiggling, and was bubbling excited on her first exploration of the world outside the hive. Her fined fingers were glued to the window, as was most her face, leaving little streaks of saliva. It was a chilly day outside and even Hope shivered a little as her jacket was currently covering up a young troll’s nudeness.

Gamzee got into his usual spot at shotgun, Karkat in the driver’s seat and Hope crawled into the back with the two troll children. After a moment, Karkat started down the road. He at least managed not to take off from the parking lot and attempt to run over Sirius. Which nearly everyone in the car was almost expecting him to try.

It was very evident though that they were not heading back to the condo. Hope frowned from the backseat, but at first figured there must be something Karkat was avoiding. Jade followed along behind, so Hope sang songs and played games with the wigglers. Tavros was a bit more developed than Anatol in the department of his words, but he needed to relearn to use the new facial muscles, so his words tended to be chopped, though he was greatly enjoying talking to Hope. Calling her Momma often. The other troll was still silent but she was all grins and giggles as she and Tav batted at each other over Hope’s lap.

The young woman looked up and realized they were nowhere near the condo at all. In fact they were on the highway heading a bit further out of town entirely. “Guys, were are we going?”

Gamzee just gave her a grin over his shoulder and Karkat glanced at her from the rearview mirror. Past that neither spoke.

Behind Jade was still following and periodically she saw the flash of a white shape along the side of the highway showing that Sirius was still actually managing to stay with them.

It wasn’t that long later that they took an exit, then a few more turns later they came to a small complex of home. It was very close to the river, there was even a small park like area they passed that had a bit of beach and protected swimming. Over another couple blocks Karkat pulled into a two story home’s driveway.

Hope blinked at the place. It was a duplex, two sides and each two stories tall. “Four bedrooms on each side.” Karkat finally said. “We got enough room for us to be comfortable, though Jade  will likely have to do a bit of sorting about on her side.” He got out of the car and headed for Jade handing over a set of keys, the two of them talking as he was pointing out a few things.

Hope blinked as Gamzee got out and opened the door, letting the wigglers get out and practice running about the yard with the other children. Eric and Feferi helping to keep all the children steady on their new legs. Gamzee held his hand out to the stunned Hope. His grin was very wide “Me and Karkat, we got to talking” he told her as he pulled her out of the car “With the little wiggler and all. You couldn’t be all up and sleeping in the livingroom. You needed your own mother fucking space to call yours, and the wiggler could use his own room too. Just a place to put his stuff and all. Its not an ideal hive, but it will work for now.

Hope blinked several times. She had figured she’d be finding an apartment nearby and would be with the guys often, but it seemed the guys were a bit ahead of her on the matter of what to do about a home for all of them.

Gamzee watched her out of the corner of her eye and then taking her hand he pulled her along “Let me give you the tour!” he grinned.

He drug her off into the house. The first floor consisted of the livingroom, kitchen, bath and a back room that was already scattered with computers and toys. A set of stairs lead up to a second floor with three rooms and a second floor bath, and another stair went down, were the fourth room, another half bath with a shower and toliot was, as well as the laundry and an extra storage room that also had the water heater, climate control and fuse box could be found.

The room and bath looked like Gamzee had claimed the darker region for himself. She poked about the extra storage and laundry, then went up to the second floor. The furthest room Karkat had claimed and darkened to a subterriarian dungeon, the next room was turned into a bedroom for the grub and the largest room had been fitted for Hope. A new dresser, and the closet had all her clothing, there was a proper real bed with head and foot board. Nice bright wide windows. She could see why Karkat had chosen not to take this room, the windows were very big and the direction would allow a lot of light to come into the room. Which would be a pain to darken. Better to take the back room that was easier to keep dark since it would be furthest from the direction that was facing the sun’s path.

Hope could already tell that the second floor bath was going to be her favorite. The bathtub was huge. Wide enough and deep enough she could sink into her neck in hot water. And Gamzee on a lark grabbed her and with a woop lept into the tub proving that it was more than big enough to fit him and her comfortably with a bit of room to spare. Even if his nobby knees would still be popping out over the edge of the tub. She laughed at his silliness and he trapped her in the tub tickling her until she was crying for mercy and Karkat was yelling at them from the foot of the stair.

Hope managed to get away from Gamzee and half tumbled herself down the stairwell. Karkat caught her at the bottom and she threw her arms around him in a huge hug. “OMG! This is just so awesome! Thank you guys!” With a few dancing steps she picked up little Tav who had started to feel uneasy with her out of his sight and came looking for her. She spun him around and he burst into giggles.

Karkat looked half bowled over and sighed shaking his head. Outside Sirius was sitting and being a jungle gym for the little ones. Little Eridan had managed to get himself on the very top and was balancing on Sirius’ hide looking quite proud of himself. Eric was holding his sides laughing as Feferi and Anatol seemed to be plotting how to topple Eri from his ‘throne’.

Jade poked her head into the house “So, are we ready to move the last stuff in and get settled?” she asked.

Hope practictly buzzed to Jade’s side and gave the other woman a huge hug “You were involved in this too weren’t you?” she demanded.

Jade laughed “Well admittedly, this is the first time I’m seeing the place!” she said tweeking Tav’s nose. “Karkat did all the work. He found it, got the paperwork, the inspections and arranging all the moving of my place and his own. PLUS the sale of those two condos as well. All Karkat.” She waved to the troll who was sitting on the stair and trying to get the side of his hair unglued from the lusus’ lick. “He thought a set up like this would be best for all of us. ADMITTEDLY we have two extra kids, but I’ve already figured how we’ll sort ourselves. Since I had the spare rooms. We’ll give Sirius a room, the girls can take a room and the boys can take the other. As for Eridan’s Lusus, he’s a water creature, but Eri will be able to visit anytime.” She pointed in the direction of the river. “Sirius says that he can keep contact with the other somehow and would be able to help guard the house.”

Hope nodded. “if you need to take the futon.” She said, afterall she now had a real bed. She didn’t need the futon and Jade ended up with three spare bodies. “With mine and Eric’s futons we should be able to cover beds over there as well.” Jade said smiling at her “Right, you over there. Big guy.” And she reached in, grabbing Gamzee by the front of his collared striped jacket and drug him outside to give her a hand unloading the cars.

They all ate their first meal in their new home together that night. The kids running themselves into exhaustion, they were all bathed, with various results of that. Feferi and Eridan loved the water and had to be pulled phsycicly out of it or would have taken naps in the tubs, Tav had learned to like water but was just as happy to be bundled into into footed pjs and tucked into his bug shaped new bed and was happily asleep in no time.

Ana had to on the other hand be bodily shoved into the bath by Gamzee being he was the only one that could hold the child AND fit into the bathroom. She still ended up streaking down the hallway, twice, and even after she was clean getting her into clothing was a task that involved all the adults plus the lusus to manage.

They all still ended up with a few scratches, bites and bruises by the end of it from the little hellcat.

But in the end. Sleepy and content, Hope was curled up in her own new bed and sighed in contentment. Three children, Jade and Sirius on one side of the building, one child and three adults on the other side.

It was going to be very interesting for the next few years Hope knew this.

And she was finding herself looking forward to it.

 

000

Notes: not the end! There are some more chapters coming for this story. But happy wiggling day!

I have notes and a picture of Tavros Newell up at the blog at relearning2breath on tumblr.

The votes were a near thing! Only 1 vote difference between boy and girl. And at least 3 people who wanted the child named for either Susan or Tavros. So the troll has been named Tavros and will carry the nickname ‘jinglebutt’ to his grave… It will be the name that they pull out on him when they want to embarrass him in front of his friends.

And Yes... even Karkat will get involved in the hazing...

 


	25. Some Adjustments Might Be Necessary...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork by me in the chappie, be sure to check out prior chaps for added artwork and if you would like to illustrate a chapter, feel free I would be thrilled!

Relearning to Breath chapter 25

Book 2

Some Adjustments Might Be Necessary…

000

The next months were spent in setting up their home. A decision to add a swimming pool in the back yard along with the other toys for the water Dwellers (and the Gran Highblood was looking into ways of attaching the water source to the river to allow for Eridan’s Lusus to have closer access to his ward.) They figured out how to wrangle so many children. All very different in their personalities, Eridan was very needy, he needed a lot of reassurance that he was not just a tag along, but was also utterly smitten and devoted to the young Empress. Feferi was such a bubbly personality. Full of kisses and bringing home every ‘stray’ she got her hands on. Including, one point, a baby skunk. That ended up as a rather smelly fiasco. Although the house was getting an ever growing collection of kittens and injured or baby animals she wanted to take care. Most they took down to the wild life center. But one baby bird she was currently feeding and looking forward to releasing when it got bigger.

 Anatol on the other hand was a completely wild child. Climbing everything she could manage. Twisting herself into pretzels that even boggled the other children. Bath time with her was still a trial on every adult. She was closest to Tavros and Gamzee. Tav seemed to be her favorite ‘toy’ and Gamzee seemed to somehow become the only other adult outside her Lusus who could get her to do anything when she planted her feet and crossed her arms. Even if that meant just bodily picking her up and giving her a toss in the direction he wanted her to go.

Tavros was much as he was as a grub. Overflowing with joy and happiness. A wide eyed innocence that infected his giggles and in turn set off everyone around him. He loved to draw and this included every bit of wall space, banister, and furniture he could get to before anyone could put a stop to his artist adventures off of the page. Eric being the only human child tended to be the butt of Eridan’s jealousy as the other water dweller was able to sense the bond between boy and Empress and seemed to resent it. But Eric was so determined to be the other boy’s friend that one could tell the young troll was utterly torn in his emotions towards the other boy.

And the two girls ended up half the time at eachother’s throats. Feferi got along with most everyone she met, but Ana had such a stubborn streak that she would do things just to piss off the other girl. It had all started over trying to sort out the color for the girl’s room. Fef wanted bright colors like pink or purple. Ana though; wanted sky blue. They had argued until the only answer was to separate them. Letting Fef have the room to herself and Ana got put into the basement room with Sirius. Down there she was able to have as much blue as she wanted.

Then Fef had decided to play with the bunny plush that Ana tended to carry about with her no matter were she went to. Ana had left it to watch TV with Eri and Eric while she found a snack. And when she came back Fef had been sitting in its spot waving the doll about in the air by one leg. Saying ‘Fly bunny fly!’

The other girl had jumped to grab it back, the young empress had cluched onto the toy in an automatic response.

And all the children heard the rip.

Ana had gone into a rage and attempted to rip out Feferi’s hair. The other had in turn tried to go for the eyes. Eric had tried to jump in and separate them, which resulted in a few bites and bruises. Which both girls had been sorry about after. But Eri had run to get an adult.

Jade dumped a bucket of water over the girl’s heads. Which stopped them like drowned kittens, and Sirius had literately sat on Ana. Who once she was done spitting rage mewled for her plush and curled up into the fur of her Lusus and wept brokenly.

Jade had gotten, mostly out of the boys, what happened and forced Feferi to apologize, but that didn’t go as well as hoped when the girls decided to become mortal enemies instead.

When Hope had heard all this, she could only stare at Karkat and go ‘you guys start that nonsense early don’t you?’ He’d only spluttered over it.

But Hope was going to go and talk with Fef, about the plush and the color blue for Ana’s sake. If only because she knew Ana was going to be too angry to talk to for awhile. They would let Sirius calm her down and get Gamzee to talk to her when he got home.

She stopped outside Fef’s incredibly pink and bubbly room to hear several voices already inside.

“Wow Fef, you were being a bit harsh.” The voice was Eridan’s, he had been developing an almost floaty accent she hoped wasn’t going to get him teased in school. Partly it was the way his gills formed around his neck, never quite closing so that it often echoed certain sounds.

“She’s so mean! I was only playing with that stupid toy, it wouldn’t have broke if she hadn’t of yanked on it! And Momma Jade made me apologize! I didn’t do anything wrong! It was all her fault!” Feferi was seated on her bed hugging a pillow tightly.

“Do you remember what happened to us Fef?  Cause... I do.” Eric’s voice was oddly subdued. The close to five year old was being incredibly mature at the moment.

Feferi made a sudden squeak hiding her face into her pillow and Eridan tilted his head in confusion. He was crashed into the beanbag chair in the corner of the other girl’s room. “What, are you talking about Eric?”

“Before you came, several of us got taken by some very bad people. Momma, Karkat and Gamzee came for us, as well as Uncle Highblood.”

Hope grinned and wondered if it was the Grand Highbood himself who told the boy to call him uncle, he was weird enough to like the head breaky that would cause.

“That, sounds terrible” Eri said softly leaning forward intent on the story “So you and Fef?”

“And Ana. Ana was there too. She and another grub, who’s blood was the color of the sky.”

Eridan blinked “Blue?”

“Sky blue.” Eric nodded.

Eridan rubbed at his eyes, being on the land tended to make it difficult for him to focus. He was better at seeing in the water. “Wow, what happened to the other one? I mean, I don’t recall hearing about any pale blue bloods.”

“The grub died.” Fef said softly sinking further into herself as if she was feeling horrible for forgetting “They were sharing a cocoon space and the blue one died.”

“Oh” was all Eri managed.

“They had shared everything. Including.” The boy gave Feferi a stern look that mimicked his mother “A certain pink bunny toy.”

Feferi suddenly broke into tears. “I didn’t know she remembered! I barely remember, I… don’t’ want to remember!”

Eri and Eric moved to either side of the girl and gave her a one armed hug “You should find a way to say you’re sorry.” Eric said “Ana’s too stubborn to accept just an apology so we should come up with something really nice to do for her!”

“Yeah, that is a great idea Eric” Eridan echoed.

And Hope had left the children to their plotting, feeling oddly heavy. That had been a much deeper conversation than children their age should be able to have. They should all be concerned with coloring books and getting excited over bumble bees and crawfish from around the river. Not talking about bad people and death.  She heard Gamzee come in next door and when she went over, Karkat was explaining about what happened. The other troll had nodded and giving Hope a brief hug in passing. She stopped him a quick moment “Eric has gotten Fef to feel really bad about what she did. So an apology is in the works,”

He gave her a nod, he looked tired “I’ll talk with her. Get her to see a bit of sense. Can’t have a future juggallette all mad at her empress, that could get messy.” He commented.

“I bet” Hope said and he gave her a kiss on the forehead before heading off to the other side and the basement room Ana shared with her Lusus.

000

Aside from feeding the whole lot of them, Hope felt that the other greatest expense in the household was clothing the lot of the growing children. Even Eric was hitting a growth spurt, and the wigglers were all gaining a good amount of weight and bulk in their first few months before they slowed into something considered a more ‘normal’ growth among humans. Currently they all were shooting from toddlers to something closer to resembling Eric in age. Feferi had a couple months start on everyone else, so she currently looked the eldest out of the troll children. Karkat and Jade spent much of their time going over the numbers and recrunching to pay the bills and keep the children clothed and fed. Most troll groups only had to deal with one child, their group had five children. All with different needs and for one a higher level of security around the property.

Hope stared at Sirius as she looked at a pair of shoes that Ana had literately walked her way right out of in under a week, she’d gotten them a couple size large in hopes they would last longer, “How do you manage this sort of thing before coming to earth?” she asked the lusus, who gave her his doggy chuckle and projected to her;

  _The Old Empress ordered the young ones care to be a priority. All was provided until they were old enough to provide for themselves._

She shook her head, like that was ever going to happen on Earth. At least, not in a country like the USA that was more concerned with a dollar than care of its people. “Ana needs new shoes, again, and” Hope glanced out the window and looked towards the ceiling as if asking for patients “And another bath, all of them do.”

Sirius glanced out and she heard his rumbling clicking laughter.

Outside the children seemed to have decided to ‘garden’. Jade and Hope had been digging up a few patches of grass for the creation of garden spots. For flowers, shrubs, and some vegetables.

Currently the children were in one such plot with the water hose and turning it into a swampy mud bath.

Were Feferi was currently sitting on Eridan while Eric tried to talk her out of whatever she was doing, to which the young empress responded by lobbing a particularly messy glob at the human boy. Who narrowed his eyes and lobbed one back. While that corner of the mud pit devolved into a three way war, Ana had painted herself to look like Gamzee with the mud and was forcing Tavros to endure the same treatment.

Sirius got up and oozed his way out of the house to go herd the children out of the mud. And likely put another use to that water hose of at least getting them to be a little less muddy when they drug them all inside and attempted to get the mud out from all the various improbable places they likely got it.

Hope sighed. Karkat had finally got his hours settled after long months of arguing and fighting with his superiors. After his little scare a few months back when they tried to fire one of his favorites, they hadn’t tried getting their noses too far into his department.

Nor had they tried to fire him. Something was up on that one. John had told Karkat he found a money trail that seemed to have led to a small group of majority investors, but that was the only trail he had and it dead ended.

Gamzee began to spend longer hours doing jobs for the Grand Highblood. Most of the time it was fine, but periodically he came home very late, in a dark mood and smelling strongly of blood. Usually he went straight to his room and no one saw him until the next day sometime when he could be more like himself.

Jade reinvested some money, her own and including any amount of cash the others wished to contribute. And with others to help watch the children as times she also picked herself up a part-time job at a nearby connivance store. Stocking shelves and tending costumers for a few hours for a little extra money and a bit of time away from the kids.

While Tav didn’t have to be nearly so on top of Hope as he had as a grub, the distance they could be apart before it got uncomfortable was still a short few mile radius, so Hope tended to stay home. She had her writing and everyone gave her enough of a break she could keep several ongoing projects going for various clients and pulled in a little extra money. Or she could pile the children all into the new van they had picked up to be able to hold the whole group when heading for outings to the zoo or other activity. (Which also required a leash for Ana, or she would be climbing into the pen with the lions and likely scaring the poor beasts, or trying to get on top of the giant pile of television sets at the art museum, or well… getting any distance away from the adults in general, the child was a terror.)

Trillian’s was right on the end of the distance that Hope and Tavros could handle. So at least once a week Gamzee would drag her down to the club with him to dance and unwind. Other than dancing, she tended to spend most her time up on the VIP staring down at the crowd and listening to the music. After the time a small group had tried to corner her, a troll and human group of drunks looking for a bit of fun, and Gamzee had broken a few skulls over the matter the Highblood deemed it was safer for his patrons as well as Hope to stay where he could keep her under watch. Hope figured it was more of the safety of the patrons than for her part. Not that she minded, the bonus she got was not having to fight by the bar for drinks, Unique or Sollux would bring them to her. Hell, the Highblood gave her a tab so she didn’t even have to pay for the drinks! Which meant she more often than not needed to call Karkat for a ride home as neither she nor Gamzee were near sober enough to drive and Gamzee didn’t even have a license.  The shape of his horns tended to make driving difficult because he had to lean his seat so far back for most cars (or something without a roof). And there was no point for a gas guzzling tank when there were at least three others who could drive for him. The rest of the time, he walked. His long legs just had a way of eating the distance and he always made surprisingly good time.

Karkat teased Hope about being a cheap drunk. Just two or three drinks later and she was plastered for the night. And that was the ‘fruity girly drinks’ she often asked for. She rolled her eyes, but usually did her best to have no more than two drinks over the course of the whole evening. Mainly because while Gamzee never took advantage of her while she was an utter giggly drunk, she had more than once woken on the couch in various states of half dress and snuggled to a Gamzee body pillow.

Screams of the kids being hit by the water hose turned on them by Sirius, Hope got up and found things like spare clothing and towels. She was going to have to do a load of laundry after this. The kids were already short on clothing and now they were going to run even shorter on what they did have that still fit. At least troll fashion senses often ran towards simple lines. Jeans, tshirts and not a whole lot more. While Feferi preferred bright colors and floaty materials they could still dress her just like the other kids most the time. Attaching the symbol decals was always the biggest issue; it meant that getting rid of their clothing after was more difficult because each piece had to be so personalized. Until they were adults each child had to wear their colored symbols. They were easy ways to identify color and placement among the little ones until they were old enough that their eyes took on the color of their blood.

And since each symbol was practically individual with only certain lineages (Hope had no clue how this was figured other than if a troll showed up and everyone went ‘hey that looks like…’) would share a symbol. Gamzee shared his astrological symbol with the Grand Highblood.  Being there were so very few of Feferi’s line ALL Empresses received the same symbol regardless.

It was interesting, but also meant that personalized gear couldn’t get reused much. And young trolls were incredibly hard on their clothing. (Very likely also the reason for the simple lines preferred, easy to replace and make clothing that didn’t take a lot of thought into it) So even if they managed to outgrow something without destroying it, passing it to another wasn’t likely to happen.

Hope sighed figuring another run to walmart for tshirts and fabric paints was in order. This time she was just getting the kids all sweatpants. Screw jeans. They were not wearing them long enough to make the purchases worth it. Well and new swim suits. The kids made use of those constantly during these warmer months with Feferi and Eridan around. About the only time they could get Ana willingly to go near water was to take her swimming.

That unfortunately didn’t get her clean.

Sirius was herding the children into the house as Hope finished gathering and she sighed “You want the boys or the girls today?” she asked him.

_I best take the girls. I have a better than average change of keeping Anatol from streaking down the hallway. I will take the upstairs bath. The larger tub is easier to keep Anatol in._

She chuckled and gathered up the boys “Ok kids! In the bathroom. MARCH!” she separated out the boys and got them all tucked into the bathroom on the main floor. It had the larger walk in shower, so she just got the boys to strip and crawl in. Making sure they had enough soap and cleaning implements to get themselves cleaned off. “Now I’m taking this stuff down to the laundry, I do not expect you boys to come out of that shower until it is running glacier cold. You hear me?” she said.

“Yes Momma Hope” was the chorus and she gathered up the dirty things. At least the boys were easier, they would help each other get clean and Eridan was finicky enough about dirt that he could be trusted to make sure the other two didn’t try getting out without washing behind the hears and the back of the neck. She found the piled of girl’s clothing outside the bathroom and could hear the hellcat Ana hissing and spitting over being washed. She rolled her eyes and was glad that Sirius was dealing with this one today. Feferi would just clean herself to prove she was better than Ana in that respect, but Ana needed to get sit on.

Hope wrinkled her nose as she went down to the laundry tossing the kids clothing into the washing machine with enough detergent to do at least three loads. It meant she was then going to have to help Sirius get cleaned up afterwards, and he was going to smell like wet dog the rest of the day.

She was going to be washing towels all night.

000

Hope heard the buzzer from the dryer from the doorway she kept open. It was a rare moment of being utterly alone, well Tav was sleeping upstairs. He ended up swallowing more than a little mud likely thanks to Anatol, and was not feeling very well at all. After heaving his guts up in the shower (much to the other boys disgust) Hope had gotten him to drink a little soda and put him to bed. Ana was horribly sorry for the whole matter and stayed by the resting boy until she was drug off by Jade.

Hope had spent most her time drying Sirius after he had gotten the girls clean. He was still on the damp side so chose to take a run for awhile and dry off outside. When Jade got back from her job, she decided to take the kids out for some McDonalds and possibly a movie. She also offered to get the extra clothing they were needing. So taking along kids to be able to fit them for shoes and pants was a good idea.

Which left Hope the rest of the evening to herself. Karkat was still at work and would be for another hour or two, Tav was sleeping off his inadvertent mud pie. Sirius likely would come back around the same time as the kids did with Jade. And she wasn’t sure where Gamzee was at the moment, but he likely wouldn’t be back for a few more hours either.

So she did laundry, made herself popcorn and put in one of her favorite movies to enjoy without commentary or interruptions. Well, except the laundry, but that was easy to pause go shift things and come back again.

Heading down the stair she blinked as she noticed Gamzee’s door open. He must have gotten home, but she made a face at the pile of clothing that started halfway to his door and into the room. She paused and began picking it up. Her face pulled, it smelled like a sewer, and was covered in too many bright colors.

And holding up the vest she found that was pretty much shredded.

Hope pursed her lips and pausing by his doorway heard his shower running. So she quietly closed his door and decided it was best to pretend she hadn’t noticed him home.

So she gathered up his clothing and threw what was salvageable into the next wash. It wouldn’t take out all the stains, but at least it would take out the smell.

And she transferred the stuff from the washer to the dryer. From the dryer she began folding, humming softly to herself and trying to recall a tune that was floating at the edge of her thoughts. Likely something trollish, but until she managed to grasp the whole of it she couldn’t be sure. It was hard sometimes sorting through the troll memories that had a way of blending and mixing with her human ones. Especially since the troll’s ended up proving the ‘nothing new under the heavens’ because so much of their favorite things overlapped with the humans stories and culture. There were just those niggling key differences. Which made for things to not quite fit. Those differences that would either let them co-exist together, or would send them into a war.

Something brushed along her back and she paused and turned, nothing was there. When she turned back she about jumped out of her skin as she found Gamzee perched on the top of the dryer, crouched over the clothing. It took a long moment for her to register that past the smile he wore, his wet hair dripping down his front that he wore nothing but a pair of loose pants he hadn’t even bothered to tie and were in danger of slipping off his hips.

Hope blinked, the smile was at least somewhat comforting, it meant he was just being an ass and not being too dark. “Gamzee! Jeeze!” she gave him a narrowed glare, “Stop doing that! Seriously! I’m just finishing up here. I was thinking of making something to eat, would you…” she was cut off though as when she looked up from the towel she had continued to fold she found he had moved closer, his nose nearly touching hers and his eyes an incredibly deep purple that for whatever reason, perhaps some inner animal in her recognized as danger, made her heart pound against her ribcage.

“Gamz.. um.. “ she took an unconscious step back, if only because he was so close it made the currently unpainted face in front of her blur.

He matched her step back with moving forward, which forced her to attempt a larger backwards step.

He stepped off the dryer, and the way his smile seemed to widen, his gaze as well told her she was not dealing with a ‘safe’ Gamzee at the moment.

Oh joy.

Hope stamped her foot and shot herself towards him and for her part was surprised when he actually backed up a moment, the smile fading from his lips for a second. She thought perhaps she managed to convey she was not in the mood for his games. So she made the worst mistake of her life.

She looked away.

It was only a brief moment. The washer was unbalanced and the tub started to bang against the side of the machine. It was automatic.

She suddenly found herself against the wall in such a rush that the breath was forced from her lungs. Hopes hands came up to try and push away but they were gripped and shoved up against the wall above her head. Lifting her off the ground until she winced at the pull on her recently healed break.

“GA-“ she never got out more than a gasp of his name before she found his lips upon hers.

Her eyes widened, oh crap. He’d maneuvered until he was using his hip to prop her up against the wall which took the weight off her arms, but did not in any way shape or form stop the little voice in her head that was gibbering like an idiot. The hamster wheel in her head was spinning but the rodent had hit the side of the cage and knocked itself silly.

And it didn’t help that what he did felt good. It left her tingling were his breath brushed her skin as he ran his nose and lips along her cheek and down her neck, resting his face against the curve of shoulder. His horns practically digging grooves down the wall. The rush of fear mixed with the adrenalin leaving her body feeling horribly confused.

Hell, she was feeling horribly confused. She managed to pull one hand free of his grip and very hesitantly she touched the side of his head.

“please” he finally spoke, his voice shaking and oddly pitched. As if he was fighting something. “don’t. speak.”

She started to say something and bit her lip instead. He rumbled and the sound was dangerous and well with where he was located she couldn’t help the intake of breath. The sound hit a core part of her and made her shiver.

This seemed to make him chuckle darkly and he planted a harsh kiss on the side of her neck, very likely going to leave a spectacular mark as well.

When he pulled away it was just as sudden as his shoving her against the wall had been and all she could do was fall to the ground with an ‘oof’, feeling suddenly very, cold. Barren as if something was started but left undone. She saw him march out of the laundry and heard the door of his room slam.

“fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!” she finally groaned out after several minutes of utterly stunned silence with only the sound being the washer and dryer. God damn the… She didn’t even know what to call him at the moment. Nothing seemed right in her head.

So instead she just got up on shaky legs and tore her way up the stair. Someone ELSE could deal with laundry!

Hope locked herself in her room until someone else got home. She had even gone so far as to push her dresser infront of the doorway. It likely wouldn’t do more than by her time if Gamzee really wanted in.

She sat on her bed, legs pulled up and trying to calm the hammering of her heart. She was startled, she was scared, and she was suddenly very unsure of herself. That had been the worst set of mixed messages she’d ever gotten from Gamzee. Hope was so embarrassed, and angry and confused.

The worst part, she wasn’t sure entirely if she had wanted him to stop…

 

000

Notes: *grins* OK yeah, not sure if this would ‘up’ the rating enough.. (what with all the cussing and violence) but well.. Yeah.. I can say I was beginning to wonder if this scene was going to get cut and put into the dabbles…

Anyway, here we go, another chapter.

I’ve gotten some FANTASTIC fanart, you can check it out on tumblr!

And thanks so much to my wonderful reviewers, stalkers and friends. You guys have been absolutely inspiring to this humble writer.

OH a picture of Tavros ‘Jinglebutt’ Newell can be found on the tumblr account as well as other sketches and bits of random shenanigans.

 


	26. Messiah’s Retribution

Relearning to Breath chapter 26

Book 2

Messiah’s Retribution

000

Karkat came home to an odd scene. He saw a movie paused on the TV, the house silent, though there was a bowl of cold popcorn. No one else seemed to be home though nearly every light was on in the house.

Going up the stair he checked Tavros’ room and found the young pupa sleeping soundly, though with what was beside his bed the ‘puke bowl’ as Hope called it. At least, it wasn’t a bucket was all Karkat could think, it made him wonder what was wrong with the little one. Out in the hall he went to find Hope. The human wasn’t in the bathroom, or anywhere on the first floor. There was laundry in the basement but Gamzee’s door was locked. Shut and the other didn’t reply when he gave a knock, so he figured it was one of those rougher nights.

The Highblood had been training Gamzee, and that also meant that as he was being taken more into the position of the subjuggulator, meant he did have to take out some targets.

Karkat knew this likely upset Gamzee, but at the same time he was proud of the other for managing to hold himself together so well.

On the second floor Karkat paused and knocked on Hope’s door. There was no immediate response so he tried the door.

Which was locked.

This made him blink “Hope?” he called out.

No answer. Karkat started to feel a little worried. “HOPE GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE AND OPEN THIS DOOR!” he growled and gave the door a half push. Not a bang, he didn’t want to scare her. But he wanted to be sure she knew it was him on the other side.

There was a longer moment of silence and then he heard something being moved. Which made him blink, and blink more when the door opened and he could see that Hope had pushed the dresser back from the door. She’d locked and barricade her door? Just what happened today?

Then his eyes narrowed on a mark on her neck. He reached out and tilted her head to the side and just stared a long moment, his eyes taking in the side and shape of the bruise on her neck that was quickly darkening to a very deep color. Then he turned around and marched down the stair. Intent on having a word with his ‘best friend’.

Hope’s eyes went huge and she dove after the other. She seriously didn’t want to cause trouble at the moment and she grabbed hold of Karkat’s arm. The girl being half drug down the stairwell after the troll. “Karkat wait! It’s not as bad as it looks. Seriously. Karkat!”

At the bottom of the stair he threw off her arm and turned to glare at her. She could see the way his brows seemed to alternate between worry and anger. “What the fuck am I to think? I come home and you’ve barricaded your FUCKING DOOR Hope!”

“Look, I.. just kinda needed a bit of time OK? Seriously, he just startled me is all! He didn’t try to hurt me.”

“What is this then?” he said pointing at her neck.

“He just kissed me Karkat.” She replied back “Stop acting like affronted parent seriously!”

“That does not look like a ‘kiss’” the troll growled back at her.

She suddenly stopped and stared at him in confusion then spoke “I guess Trolls don’t get hickies?”

“Hick-WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?”

She suddenly went beat red and looked down at the floor her hand coming up to cover the mark, which made her wince slightly, it was tender. “Look it’s basically a kiss. Seriously it’s not nearly as bad as it looks.”

“Just HOW do you get this then?” he said crossing his arms and glaring at her.

She went even redder, the color taking up her face and going down her neck “Er, I really don’t want to give all the details Karkat, this isn’t one of your trashy romance novels.”

Suddenly he went still and she saw his own cheeks begin to color spectacularly he looked off to the side and coughed into his fist. “Ok, no details, but.. What did he do to you?”

“He, just startled me, I think he was just playing, then he kissed me, then just... kinda left.” She said “He locked himself into his room and well, I ... just wanted to processes for a bit.” She admitted still keeping the mark covered and so not looking at Karkat. “Okay, I mean... it’s not like I’m innocent and stuff. But my last boyfriend was over 5 years ago, I was just a kid still really, I mean I know a lot of others were getting it on, I just wasn’t comfortable and well Susan and I did not have that kind of relationship.“ and she covered her face. God she was babbling!

Karkat was looking more and more uncomfortable. Sure he read a lot of about things like romance, and he had a strong interest in it, but well, he himself had ever to do more than crush when he was younger and then gave up on the idea of ever finding romance for himself. With his blood color, it was too dangerous to put himself into a situation of that much trust.

Let alone what would happen to a loved one if it was discovered they had been with him. He couldn’t watch them killed just for love or hate of him.

After a moment though he knew he had to do something because Hope was beyond embarrassed and she was also very confused. It was one thing when Gamzee was just teasing her. But he had a feeling this was a lot stronger than any prior flirtation she’d received from Gamzee before now. Fuck! Karkat himself had begun to wonder if the idiot had decided to keep things more pale. But it was obvious that this was not the case. Hope was normally so careful that Gamzee didn’t tend to get many openings. But obviously this was a different matter.

Karkat reached out and gave the girl a hug. Just sighing, he wasn’t angry anymore. Just tired really. This was a mess. Hope was getting drug further into a situation she was obviously too innocent to handle. She put on a brave face, got angry at the mirror of her fear and stood up even to those who would kill her. She helped two messed up aliens to her world fix their own issues, did a wonderful job of understanding them and their feelings, was willing to raise a child not of her own kind and even move in with two adult males in a situation that he knew other humans (Or trolls) would not see the way it really was. Theirs was a very un-normal relationship.

But she was utterly unsure of her own feelings and Karkat was not being a good Moirail for either her or Gamzee. He had to give up on the idea that Gamzee was not one hundred percent serious about this. The possessiveness, the smiles, the way he would go into a rage if someone hurt her.

Fucking Hell he was willing to leave an enemy alive because he heard her scream.

She was already his in all but deed and title. Karkat sighed and rested his head on hers. “I’m sorry” he said softly “I have messed up so badly on this.”

She blinked at him confused and seemed to wait for what he was going to say “I still need t talk with Gamzee, find out how far gone he is tonight, but, please. Just, be patient with me.”

“Patient about what?” she said as she felt a brow going up into her hairline. To her Karkat was making absolutely no sense. It was like he was trying to admit feelings or something like some sappy Japanese anime.

He chuckled and reaching up he bumped her forehead with his knuckles making her ever more confused.

“Karkat! What’s with this sudden mysterious smile shit? Karkat…. KARKAT!” the other had turned and was heading down the stair to Gamzee’s room. She was left standing at the foot of the stair to the second floor and looking rather like a very confused carp.  Feeling confused and embarrassed she stamped her foot in a fit of pique and stomped up the stairs to her room.

Karkat got down to the basement floor. He flopped himself against the door to Gamzee’s room. “You left Hope feeling more than a little fucking confused moron.”  He said randomly leaning back. He could hear a soft thump on the other side. So likely Gamzee was leaning against the door too.

“What’s the deal? You really that fucking serious? Cause you’re going to have to spell it out for her. I think the only person more innocent and clueless in the house besides me is Tavros,” Karkat sighed, “and I bet the pupa already has it figured out too.” He added thoughtfully.

There was a long pause and a sudden chuckle. He heard the door unlock and taking that as a tactical invite he opened the door and stepped in. Gamzee flopped himself onto his bed and was staring at the ceiling.

“Was afraid I motherfucking screwed up. Just, she challenged me and..” he sighed. “I know I just motherfucking scared her” he covered his eyes with the palms of his hands, “But she was backing off if she kept at that I would have let her go at the door, but then she… then she motherfucking suddenly just stepped forward just all up in my bitchtits. I was still being like all motherfucking dark carnie and…”

“And you basically reacted without thinking like fucking usual.” Karkat said and flopped on the edge of the bed his arms on his knees and clasping his fingers in front of himself. “Well that at least explains some of the details she didn’t want to go into. I don’t think she realized when she stepped forward it was a challenge.”

“I know, it’s why I stopped.” He said “But I couldn’t say motherfucking nothing.” Gamzee pulled a bit on his hair in frustration “If I started getting all talking and shit, I likely would have just..” he gave a groan. “FUCK!” he exclaimed in frustration.

“Well she knows stuff, but since the egg hive it’s like she knows even less than she’d figured out before.” Karkat said.

“Likely just getting all messed up in her think pan. She has to go on remembering shit that she ain’t got no motherfucking place to start from now.” The other troll mumbled as he pulled his hair to in front of his face.

Karkat blinked “That, is surprisingly fucking insightful” he said. It made sense. If she was having issues trying to sort what was human and what was troll in her head. Then it would likely make it harder for her to even recall things she already figured out because it might rival with what she ‘knew’. He wondered if perhaps they took her back to the Mother Grub? He would have to talk to the Grand Highblood about the suggestion. There should be someone who could help Hope sort out the lusus song from her human memories.

Would it be a problem that could get worse over time if left alone? Or would it fix itself? Fuck, as far as he knew this sort of premature song thing had never been done before. It was part of what made some speculate that the sufferer having been raised by a non-lusus troll the Delarosa, meant he never got the song and likely never had that knowledge given by it.

Instead, he had dreamed.

Gamzee flopped onto his side and reached over tracing a finger along the seam of Karkat’s jeans. Just seeming to try and find something to focus on, that wasn’t whatever had him getting bothered.

Karkat sighed and leaned back against his friend’s waist and stroked back his hair. Rubbing a bit at the flecks around the base of his friend’s horns. As a troll’s horns grew their whole lives, there was always a small build up of flaky material around the base and the more sensitive new growth itched horribly because of it. The two were silent for awhile, Gamzee just rumbling at the gentle ministrations.

“Fuck” the taller troll said suddenly putting his face into his limp excuse of a pillow. He was tense and every muscle of his shoulders was a long knot of emotion. Karkat leaned on his friend and folded his arms over the other’s shoulders and rested his chin. Just waiting for Gamzee to get himself contained.

He was going to have to take a bit more time to help Gamzee get off his dark carnies, not leaving the other to work it out himself like he had been.

“You should talk to her soon.” Karkat said softly, “Tell her what you want, and don’t be mad if she doesn’t feel that way too.”

“I motherfucking KNOW” he said his voice fluxing with emotion. “I just…I want her so motherfucking badly.”

 “Matesprit?” he decided to confirm, because if Gamzee wanted to go black rom, he was going to tell him he was kidding himself.

“All. Like Disciple was for Sufferer. She’s my motherfucking miracle…”

This made Karkat raise both his brows. That was pretty serious. Very few trolls ever found a person who could fit all their quadrants like that. To be all?

But then as Karkat thought more about it, could it be possible? Humans tended to form less specific bonds, though as far as Karkat could see it appeared more of a serial monogamy. Loyalty to one partner for a period of time then separating to find a new partner.

But if Gamzee wanted Hope as he said he did, it would mean he never indented to let her go. Ever.

He was wanting a fairy tale.

“You know that sort of thing is pretty much impossible. We got to be fucking realistic” he told his friend.

“i MOTHERFUCKING know!” Gamzee snapped but sighed into his pillow speaking much calmer “I just…”

“We can all dream” Karkat interrupted sounding a touch wistful.

Gamzee turned his head giving him a toothy grin “When this is done my best bro, I’ll go out and motherfucking find you someone.”

Karkat suddenly drew back and went techno colored “Hey now! I never said I needed anything like that!”

Gamzee rolled onto his back laughing.

Enraged Karkat grabbed up Gamzee’s pillow and attempted to subjuggulate his best friend.

000

Jade poked her head into the house when she got back with the kids, Sirius was leading the kids off to their own beds on the other side “Hey, everyone alive over here?” she asked spotting Hope who was seated at the couch. Who was oddly wearing a turtle neck and was crashed at the couch flipping channels and wrapped herself around a fluffy pillow like Gamzee might wrap himself around Hope.

Raising a brow Jade walked over and flopped herself down on the couch next to the other girl “Hey, what’s with the shirt? Cold?” which was odd since Hope was wearing pj shorts. Although she was also wearing her toe socks. The bright rainbow colored things she’d found awhile back and seemed to put on when she was being moody. Because as she told Jade; “They just make me smile.”

Hope gave her a look of ‘not talking’ before going back to flipping channels. She settled for some sitcom.

Which Jade found very odd as she knew from Hope’s commentary on the subject when Karkat wanted to watch one that she really didn’t care for sitcoms.

“Oooookay.. So what idiotic thing did Gamzee do?” she stated.

The other girl jumped “Who said it had anything to do with Gamzee?”

“The only time you ever watch comedy sitcoms is when Gamzee did something.” Jade responded.

With a frown she quickly changed the station.

“Too late!” Jade said and then suddenly reached over and pulled the neck down.

Then paused at the mark. It practically covered half her neck “Daaaaamn.. Did he mark you anywhere else?” Jade said trying to tug on the pillow as if she was going to check Hope all over.

“ACK!” Hope curled herself up and pulled away “JADE!” she batted at the other girl beat red from utter embarrassment.

Jade laughed “Oh common, I use to be married to a guy I swore had vampire tendencies. I don’t think I was ever without at least a half dozen hickies until after I left him!”

“it’s just the one!” she said, at least she seriously hoped so. One was bad enough. Especially with Karkat flying off the handle about it and now Jade teasing her. OH GOD! If the kids saw?

Trying to explain to a pack of 5 year olds.

She did not want to do that. Seriously.

Jade calmed down and patted Hope’s hip “Oh common, it’s ok. Seriously. I mean I knew he’s been sweet on you since I first met you.” She said.

Hope gave a groan “I can’t seem to dissuade him either and with everything that’s happened.” She said in frustration “I’m just... so confused! I mean, he’s an alien, why the fuck would he be interested in someone like me?”

“Well, let’s flip this the other way. What do you think of him?”

“Besides annoying?” she said looking at her friend distrustfully.

“Besides that. Just start listing all the words that come to mind.”

“Rude, crazy, clown, idiot, asshole, funny, lazy, sweet, intimidating, helpful, kind…” she paused and covered her face with her pillow saying something else that Jade only picked out ‘oh god’ from.

“What was that? I can’t hear you.” The other woman said leaning closer.

Hope dropped the pillow “Sexy as fucking hell. Happy?”

Jade smirked and leaned back “Amen to the last,” she gave a delighted shudder “I mean he just drops his voice and gives you that look.” She did her best imitation leaning closer to Hope who started laughing and pushed the other woman away.

“I get it I get it!” she said using her pillow as a shield between the ‘amorous’ overtures of her friend.

“So, seriously what’s holding you back?”

Hope gave Jade a dead pan look, then sighed flopping with her head on the back of the couch and her feet out and knees together. She held the pillow in her lap and blinked at the ceiling a bit “It’s just, I don’t know. I guess… I’m scared. I mean, I haven’t been with anyone since like, high school, and even then I really didn’t get serious. I just... got scared I guess and ran away. Until Sue came around I don’t think I was ever in any form of a ‘steady’ relationship.”

“Didn’t your parents…” Jade stopped as Hope was already shaking her head and the girl leaned forward and half pulled up her legs to rest her chin on her knees.

“I… haven’t ever been close to my parents. I call them now and then, just to tell them if I changed my address or phone number. But, they haven’t ever called me.” She sighed “I know mom wished I never existed, and dad was always nice enough but...”

Jade softened, Hope never really talked much about her time with her own parents. She talked about Susan a lot.

And it made Jade realize just how little real affection the other woman knew. She was uncomfortable with commitment because she was afraid.  Hope sighed and rubbed her face like she was a little kid “I still call, hoping mom would just say, something. Anything. Even just that she hated me and wished I’d go away or never to speak to her again. But she doesn’t say ANYTHING just stares past me as if I’m not even there.”

The girl sighed “Susan said my eyes were pretty. It, was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me, I know I’m not that much of a looker. I’ve never held any illusions about being anything more than average. I’m ok with that you know? Its fine being perfectly unnoticeably normal. I know when I was little, I was always so afraid that I would be forgotten. So I tried real hard to be stand out. When my looks didn’t improve I tried with my grades, but the most I ever managed was, average. I missed too much school, I couldn’t complete assignments. My parents never came to the parent teacher conferences. I mean, it got better. The doctors said it had to do with scaring on my lungs, but I got better. I don’t get sick much anymore.” Hope picked lightly at a bit of loose nail from her toe.

“Gamzee sees you.” Jade tossed into the other’s babble softly, “sometimes, it seems like he sees nothing else.”

Hope went quiet and stared down at the floor and Jade leaned over giving the girl a one arm hug “I have to ask. Who named you?”

Hope shrugged, not knowing the answer. “Maybe, you should call your dad and ask him that.” Jade gave her a bit of a smile “But you know, I know what it’s like growing up alone. I was left with my Grandfather when I was just a little baby. We lived on this secluded island. The only other person I ever saw who wasn’t online was the guy who delivered our supplies. And when I was ten, my grandfather passed away.”

Hope looked at the other girl who was leaning back against the couch and staring off “I think, I would have been a lot more lost if not for my online friends, and my dog. My ex? He was the first guy I ever actually met. He came with the delivery plane once, you know, he was going to replace the other guy. I was like 17 and so horribly lonely. Unlike the other guy he was actually willing to talk to me. And he took me off the island.” She laughed “I just didn’t know he was kind of a nut until after we got to the main land.”

They were both silent for awhile and Hope leaned over bumping the other woman with her shoulder.

Jade bumped back. “You know what, we could both use a drink. Now I know were Karkat has hidden a stash of this absolutely awesome hot chocolate.”

Hope blinked “What? You actually know where he hides his stash? I’ve been trying to find it like forever!”

Jade grinned “He keeps it in the back shed.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep. Give me a tick, I’ll go get it!”

Hope laughed and she got up heading to the kitchen to get mugs and milk.

She paused as she set down the mugs on the island in the kitchen. Her cell was charging sitting in the bowl with her car keys. She reached over and picked it up.

Scrolling through her list of numbers she started to hit the dial button, then stopped.

Instead she composed a text and fired it off. Closing the phone and not expecting to hear anything for awhile.

Jade came in through the backdoor banishing her contraband, and the two women cheerfully started to warm the milk and make up the last of Karkat’s secret stash of rich dark chocolaty goodness.  They were both leaning against the counter sipping coco when Hope’s phone buzzed with an incoming text. She paused and reached over picking it up and taking a breath she bit her lip and opened it up.

It took a moment to retrieve but when it did she bit her lip and blinked.

Jade took the phone and read the message out loud. “Your Mother. Love Dad”

Hope sniffed and rubbed her eyes. The other woman moving around and giving her a hug.

000

Jade was on the couch with Hope. The blond was passed out half stretched over the cursions with her feet perching on Jade’s hip, the dark haired woman half curled with her feet tucked up under her and cruising through the tv’s on demand selections.

Karkat leaned on the back of the couch looking at the two and Jade leaned her head back looking up at the troll “So, how Gamzee holding up?”

“Frustrated. But not bad” he said with a shrug.

“For the flustered state he left Hope I’m sure.” The other woman snickered.

Karkat rolled his eyes and scratched his nose a little embarrassed. Jade flipped the TV to the late night news. Watching the ticker tape with various headlines going by and pausing it to expand a single story here and there. Get the weather for the next few days. Sunny and Hot. The kids were likely going to be spending all their time in the river then.

“So how’s Hope?” Karkat asked.

“Conflicted, but working through it.” Jade replied in the same tone Karkat used. The other gave her a thin smile.

“He’s either going to have to just barrel through her issues, or take it really slow.” Jade said after a few minutes as she let the new start running again.

“Yeah?” Karkat blinked, wondering how she came to this conclusion.

“She ever talk about her parents?” Jade paused another news report.

Karkat shook his head “She doesn’t tend to talk at all much about her past. Not unless something else makes her have to say something, and usually it’s about Susan.”

Jade nodded “How good are you on the last 30 years worth of history?” Jade asked and Karkat shook his head.

“I didn’t seem much relevance.” He admitted. It really was how it was with trolls, history just didn’t hold the same kind of importance to them as it did to  the humans.

“Yeah, as expected. Well, the day Hope was born was a pretty, nasty day for us here.” She said “I admit that I didn’t know much about it myself. I just read about the event years later on the internet, but it effected a lot of changes around this country on how things were handled, launched a couple wars. A group of terrorists highjacked a group of planes, and well, a lot of people died because they crashed two of the planes into a pair of towers that once stood in New York.”

Karkat nodded, he understood the concept of terrorism, first hand with the near loss of the Empress.

“Hope was born ground zero of that mess.” She said.

Karkat raised a brow. That, was definitely an intense moment. Jade sighed “Mostly though her mom got pretty messed up and pretty much ignored her since she was a tiny baby. So, she basically doesn’t think anyone really wants her basically. Even if she KNOWS it’s utter bull.”

Karkat recrossed his arms on the couch and stared down at the sleeping Hope. “Logic has nothing to do with emotions.”

“Exactly. So, as I said. Gamzee either needs to step it up and push through or she’ll convince herself he’s not interested, or he needs to keep it so subtle that she won’t realize what he’s done until she can’t think of him ever leaving.”

Karkat rested his chin on his hand and tried to think if there was another way. Slow sounded the better option, but Gamzee needed his balance and Hope was part of that, he needed contact to know that the object of his devotion was never going to leave him. Karkat found it amusing it was likely for similar reasons.

Gamzee’s Lusus was never home. Their time together was short and sporadic. But their home world was also very turbulent. And without his guardian constantly swimming around the sandbar that Gamzee’s hive had been located on, Gamzee would have been killed by sea dwellers. But then if Gamzee had had a completely land bound Lusus, he would have had a more normal pupahood. Likely would never have been put on the sopor, would have had better control of his rage even.

Or, he could have just gone completely off the deep end and without the drugs he could have been one of the most dangerous creatures alive on their homeworld.

It really was hard to say what choices in the past would have changed what and if it would have been for the better or the worse. As it was, if Gamzee had been ‘normal’ Karkat would never have come to be his moirail very likely. Gamzee wouldn’t have had the need of him that he did have. Or he wouldn’t have put up with the temper that Karkat had his whole life.

“If he tries to just overpower her objections he’s likely to scare her silly. And that could trigger a hunter/prey response. That… would get nasty.”

“You’re his Moirail, isn’t it your job to make sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid?”

Karkat gave her a dark look and she just grinned her bright pearly whites back at him.

He sighed “Fuck.”

Of course she had to be right.

Jade chuckled and turned back to the tv. Suddenly she frowned and stopped the ticker tape. Pulling up the story she bit her lip “Oh, god..”

Karkat stared and his eyes grew wide “oh sufferer preserve us.”

Behind him, Gamzee came up, half dressed in his uniform, he carried his weapons and the dangerous glow in his eyes as he closed his phone and tossed it at Karkat said he already knew.

“The Grand HIghblood calls for motherfucking retributions. The Messiahs will sing tonight.” He said heading for the door.

Karkat swallowed even though his mouth was utterly dry and there was nothing to swallow.

The headline on the screen staring back at them in stark horror.

Someone had blown up the hive.

The bomb had been planted in the egg chamber itself.

The Mother Grub was dead.

And the Subjuggulators were singing the Messiah’s songs of Retribution.

Fuck…

 000

Author’s notes: I’m mean. I know.

Anyway.. PLEASE check the tumblr! One of my readers have given me some of the most fantastic fan art illustrating a few scenes from the story. I am still punch drunk on all the good reviews and the beautiful art and fun comments, pms, and reviews you guys give me! Seriously! I love you all honey bunches!

Relearning2breath for the main story tumblr with notes, info, art and fanstuff!

Stillbreathiing is the dabbles page! Full of extra side stories, random bits and some of the more mature content and fan submissions.

Seriously, I cannot say how much I love you guys!

OH and I’m thinking of changing the ‘books’ to ‘acts’ What you guys think?


	27. Can You Hear the Clarion Call?

Relearning to Breath chapter 27

Book 2

Can You Hear the Clarion Call?

000

Hope, Jade and the children were gathered around the television all day. Watching for any bit of news of what was going on. Sirius kept up a watch around the house. After Gamzee left a group of trolls showed up. Water Dwellers, and Land, who were keeping a close eye on the house and had asked them all not to leave it unless they were needed to be moved.

Karkat was sitting behind the couch. His laptop balanced on his knees. He was firing off messages to a half dozen people. Most from work, as he was not going to make it in unless someone decided to let him leave.  With the trolls acting like some sort of secret service squad outside their door. If that wasn’t something screaming ‘look we have a target here!’ he didn’t know what was.

He had another messenger open, it was the hacker from Trillians’ the bartender Sollux. He flipped between three main messages, with a half dozen other minor ones from other employees. Many just wanting to know what was going on. Hell, Karkat wanted to know the fucking same thing.

 _SO WHAT HAS THAT GRAND HIGHBLOOD ORDERED SOLLUX?_ He tapped out on the keys, so angry and worried with the whole situation that he ended up abusing his cap locks.

_Iit2 not good KK, They put out a Me22iiah Retriibu2iion 2ong._

_I FUCKING KNOW THAT! Karkat typed back, AND STOP WITH THAT STUPID TYPING QUIRK! ITS FCUKING HARD TO READ!_

_Heheh_

Karkat twitched. Fucking asshole. He rather wished sometimes his species were a little less prone to being smart asses and jerks.

_2eriiou2ly KK, I’m doiing a2 much re2earch a2 I can iinto thii2 matter. The 2ubjuggulator2 have all ju2t left for the hiive. I would not want 2B down there riight now. Anythiing that move2 miight end up a 2platter cro22ed the ground riight now._

_OH GOD… THE REPORTERS._

_Thii2 ii2 goiing 2B… me22y._

_FUCK._

Karkat flipped to the other window that was blinking. He saw John’s message flashing until he pulled it up. The little Ding of the received message, he read over what was there and ended up frowning and felt his throat close.

Karkat, I was looking up the stuff you told me to, and well I am not sure I like these implications. I know at the moment the news and I’m sure the trolls are thinking this was a human based attack, but from the logs I’ve managed to get into (here’s the link to them if you want to verify for yourself) there have been no signs of any humans coming within a 200 yard radius of the place. While they could have fired something into it, the reports all say that the explosion came from inside the building, near the egg chambers.

The implications point to this being a possible inside job. Someone had to have been able to get that bomb inside and then planted it. I know that there was that thing last year with the grubs being kidnapped and that had been done by those who had dug in from outside, but whoever got the bomb inside would have had to take it down past everything else that is in there AND find the chamber before getting caught.

Karkat? Still there? Look, I’ll get some more research done. Lucy and Kanaya are currently trying to see what else they might be able to get as well. They went out a little earlier to hit the archives. Kanaya’s pretty sure that she can get them both inside even with the tighten security that’s likely going on over at the troll info desks.

Oh and don’t worry about no one stepping up to keep the office calm. That guy with the really big horns? He’s really pretty cool. You should consider him for a promotion. I mean I know there is that whole thing with blood, but hell he’s even got that annoying blue blood guy Lucy hates doing what he tells him right now.

Karkat just fired a fast note back thanking John for what he’d gotten and to keep him updated. And barring the last bit about the guy who was apparently keeping his office in order while he wasn’t there, he cut and pasted the rest to Sollux’s window.

After a few moments of silence he got a message back

_That Make2 2 much 2en2e. But who would have done that?_

_THINK YOU CAN GET ON THAT THEN?_ Karkat asked back and chewed his thumb claw to hardly more than a nub looking more like a human nail.

_On iit_

He closed the laptop and rubbed his face. This was the worst case scenario that they all feared would happen. That there would be something that could only be considered an outright attack and send them into war. The humans were confused, the trolls were pissed. This was not going to turn out well if some cooler heads did not manage to rise up and tell everyone to calm down.

That cooler head wasn’t his. Karkat knew he wasn’t anything like the person even the Grand Highblood insisted he was the descendant of. He wasn’t a leader who could rise up and tell everyone that they just needed to live in peace.

He was just a troll. One singular insignificant troll, who wasn’t even that brave, and right now, behind him, he had a room full of children and humans who were as scared as he was. One was the future Empress, whose safety had to be his main priority. They were surrounded by a small army and still not likely safe.

Karkat was beginning to think they might have to put themselves on the move for now, just until things settled. But depending on the orders of the trolls outside, they might not make it out of here. For now, he was just, gathering information. As much as he could.

On the TV a news camera caught the chaos at the hive. So far it was staying, civil. Humans and Trolls were digging into the debris and trying to save any they could. But the indigos were on their way and once they got to the scene, it might not stay quite so nice.

Karkat grabbed his phone and sent off a text, hoping perhaps that even if Gamzee had left his phone, perhaps the Grand Highblood would still have his on him. Someone on the front lines needed to know that the humans were not necessarily part of this mess.

He was surprised when he got something back rather quickly. He opened expecting some sort of bounced back message.

_keep up with the miracles sufferer_

He blinked and then growled. Just what did that fucking bastard child of a roach mean?

He gave a growl and Hope looked back at him. She was currently snuggling Tavros on her lap, glued to her side was Ana, and between her and Jade was Eridan, Feferi in Jade’s lap and Jade’s son Eric was on his mother’s other side.

Karkat waved her off and sighed “things just going from bad to worse.” He said.

“Currently at least according to the news the juggelos are all running up and down the river at the moment” Jade told him “they seem to be hunting for something.”

Karkat sighed glad that they were not currently going to the hive. He paused though when looking up at the television he saw a familiar shape walking acrossed the rubble. “Oh fuck…” he breathed and they all looked up. Hope covered her mouth as she saw Gamzee clearly heading towards the camera man.

The subjuggulator held out his juggling club and said very clearly “Turn that motherfucking thing off. Now motherfucker.”

The news reporter didn’t take him seriously going on about rights.

Gamzee started to laugh, half curling up on himself “Do you think we motherfucking CARE about YOUR rights MOTHERFUCKER? I SAID TURN THAT MOTHERFUCKING CAMERA OFF!”

All eyes felt like they were glued to a horror movie as it almost went into slow motion. Gamzee stretched himself out to his full height and his smile was far from sane “turn it off. now.” He said his voice gone deadly quiet.

The camera man seemed to be getting the idea and was backing off, the camera shifting.

But the reporter was still talking. Trying to bully a troll out for blood, who then suddenly sprang into motion. A near blur on the camera before the moment that the club came into clear view.

The camera went dead. At the studio the reporters were panicked. Until they got word from the people on the scene that no one was hurt, just the camera was destroyed. They would report more once they moved back to a more secure location.

Hope swallowed. “Karkat.. I don’t think it’s good for Gamzee to stay that angry.” She said softly. She looked, grieved. Like she was watching someone die right before her.

Karkat leaned over and rested his head on the back of her’s. “We’ll get him back.” He promised her.

Her lip shook and she snuggled the kids closer to herself.

All over the new stations word was coming that camera teams were being driven back and cameras destroyed. One case showed a brief image taken with a phone of juggelos destroying a whole news van. The trolls did not want this all over. It was already viral enough.

Karkat didn’t’ blame them. The human’s insistence at broadcasting every little thing was already annoying enough. This was an incredibly volatile situation were there were a lot of lives in danger. Human and Troll.

They needed to find answers fast, before this turned into an all out war.

The news gave another report that the humans were sending in military.

“MORONS!” Jade was the one to scream startling everyone she held her hands out towards the TV “They are sending tanks? They are just going to blood antagonize this whole mess! Who’s brilliant idea was that?”

Karkat grinned and gave the dark haired woman a light bop on the side of the head. “Look, I’m conserned with our own safety here. I think we need to prepare ourselves.”

Jade paused and then gave a nod “Right. I’ll get my guns. Kids, we’re going to need you all to be really brave ok?”

The children all looked towards Jade who gave Eridan and Eric’s shoulders a brief hug “We need to have everyone go and pack one bag OK? A change of clothing and your favorite toy. Just one toy ok?” they all nodded. Most the children got up and followed Jade who took them to the other side. She had to bully her way past the troll on guard outside. But Sirius simply came up behind the troll and grabbed the fellow by the back of his collar and pulled him out of the way letting Jade and the children to her side of the duplex.

Tavros got off Hope’s lap after he gave her a big hug and then went trotting upstairs to get his own bag. Hope sat staring at the tickertape for a few moments and then before Karkat could try and say something she half tossed herself to her feet in a move reminiscent of something Gamzee would do. “I’ll… pack some food.” She said.

“Don’t forget your own bag, and make sure to bring a weapon. I know that Jade and Myself will be armed, but.” She snorted cutting him off.

“I can’t shoot for beans and the rest of my ‘skills’ are a sorry lot of nothing.” She said bitter. She had been trying, and getting better. But Karkat knew she would continue to compare her skills to the others in the home. Who all had years of actual battle experience and training. Hope had only been training for less than a year. She really was better than she made it sound.

Well, except for the shooting part. That was accurate.  He had no clue how someone could manage to make a bullet U turn, but she somehow managed.

Karkat put a hand on her shoulder “But you’ll fight like a hell cat with anything at your disposal for the pupas.” He told her.

She glanced back with a bit of a smile. Hope was so close to just wanting to curl up in a ball and cry. She wouldn’t. Not until she was sure they were all safe. He gave her a smile and a pat on the shoulder. Hope would be alright. She just needed to get her head together.

She went off to the kitchen and he heard her hunting around. He didn’t expect to have to run, but they needed to be prepared for anything. So Karkat went to take care of his own preparations. She got his computer bag, and kept it close to his laptop. Then made sure to put in a change of clothing, his mobile hotspot and the small backup power box. He would still have to recharge his computer at intervals, but with the power box he could have some added time between charging. Karkat was going to need his computer to communicate with his informants and to help them with figuring out what to do next. He checked his own, Hope’s and Gamzee’s phones. Making sure they were all charged before he dropped those into the bag too. He would toss in a few other things that could be of use, like some snacks and a pad of paper, pen and a ball of twine. He got the idea from Jade who had a habit of tying bits of string to her fingers as memory aids sometimes. She said it was leftover from her childhood, but she tended to keep a small ball of the stuff in her pocket and there were times it came in useful just to have a bit of string to tie things with. And a pocket knife. Jade made sure everyone had their own swiss army knife. Karkat thought it was rather cool. The little pocket knife had pretty much everything except a flash drive on it.

Which did remind him to pack his keychain flash drive as well. Never could be too careful with having backups of important information.

He finished gathering things and looked up to see Tavros coming down the stairs with his bag and a pillow toy that also had his blanket tucked into it. Practical. The young pupa dropped his bag next to Karkat’s and then turned and went down to the basement. Karkat raised a brow wondering what the boy was up to.

He felt a bit dry when the young troll came back holding three juggling pins.

“Tav, what the fuck are those for?” he asked the boy.

Who paused “Well,” he started reasonably “Gamzee taught me and Ana how to use them. He said these three are the lighter ones so we can use them if we got need. I think we got need.” He responded. He held up one, it was banned in a deep green reminiscent of the boy’s blood “I use this one, cause it bugs Ana.” He said. “She’s better at it than me, she can use two. But Gamzee can use up to six, it’s really amazing.” The boy flipped the pin and caught it deftly in his hand his other arm hugging the two other pins, they were mostly clean though Karkat could see some old stains of bright colors on them.

He had known that the kids had been training. Eridan and Eric both had been taking range weapons. Ana was a juggelo and thus her learning to use a weapon that was common to the line was normal and with Gamzee as her teacher, he was likely to start her out on weapons most familiar to him. Feferi was learning to use a Trident, the preferred weapon of her line.

But it had never actually crossed his mind that Tavros would pick up the same weapons as Ana. Those were subjuggulator weapons, not a green blood. Most of Tav’s shade chose to move to the hives to tend to the queens and mother grubs. They learned weapons like Karkat’s. Short blades, hell he heard from Lucy that Kanaya another of the same blood type as Tavros, used a chainsaw! But all good for the close quarters of the catacombs in the egg hives.

Has there ever been a jade spectrum using a juggelo’s weapon?

Well, they were already a weird ass family, Karkat decided. So for the moment, he was not going to sweat it. If the kids were confident enough to defend themselves with their chosen weapons, then he was not going to force them differently.

He would just have a talk with Gamzee about it. When he didn’t feel like his eyes were now dry husks in his head about to fall out from lack of blinking.

Karkat checked his own weapons and made sure they were cleaned and next to his bag as well.

About then Hope came out of the kitchen with a large duffel. She set that down, leaned over to kiss Tavros on the head and then went up the stairs to her own room. To get her own bag together.

Karkat sat on the couch and pulled over his laptop. Checking for any new messages.

Hope grabbed the small back pack from the closet. She’d picked it up because Gamzee had been a bit of a dork over it. Originally she planned on gifting it to him at a later date. It was on the smaller side, was an obnoxious shade of purple with glitter all over it and a goofy clown juggling balls.

It was the right size now though to hold the few things she needed. Toiletries, a change of clothing, a spare change purse that had all the accumulated cash she’d been getting out of the washing machine forgotten from various pockets. She had a little more room, so she just threw in a few more pairs of underwear and an umbrella.

Then she sat on her bed and clasped her hands between her knees, just staring blankly at the floor. The Gamzee she saw on the video feed had been one she’d seen before. The side of him that scared her silly and she couldn’t be sure what he would do. Even as she was growing more confident he was not likely to hurt her.

She still had that time in the cavern. He had not been trying to hurt her when he pushed her around and grabbed her arm. He’d still bruised her, he’s frightened her badly. Even as she had been able to get over that fear, there was still the undercurrent. He was so incredibly dangerous. And he could not always control himself.

She held her head and leaned forward. It was starting to hurt to think when it came to troll things. So much was going through her mind all at once. She could barely even grasp her own thoughts anymore. She just, wanted it to be quite! But the only time it was anymore is when she sang. But the songs she sang were growing stranger and she couldn’t always place them as either human or troll.

“Hey, you ok?” she looked up, someone was standing in her doorway. An unfamiliar troll. She drew back in shock as the troll came forward, hands out in a motion to show he was meaning her no harm. His hood was so deep, and his eyes red as the blood in her veins.

Hope blinked and the one who reached out to touch her was familiar. She stared Karkat who had nothing but concern in his gaze “You alright Hope?”

Hope began to cry and Karkat held her tightly. He had no clue what was wrong, he’d only stopped to see if she needed any help, and remind her to dig out at least one of the weapons she had been hiding in her closet and refusing to try as of late. But she had looked up at him and the fear in her eyes was that she had not innitally placed him, when he spoken she had drawn back away from him.

Karkat had taken several steps towards her side and finally her gaze reflected him and not a stranger. And she broke into tears. As he held her she was gibbering, but not in any human language, it was troll, but an older verson he was not placing. And even of the few words she said he could make out, practictly none of it made sense.

Suddenly Hope sagged and curled up on herself holding her head like she was in pain.

Karkat felt a rising sense of panic. Something was wrong and the way she was going on, meant that it had to do with the messed up memories in her head. He had no clue what to do at all!

Behind him a tiny voice rang out clearly. He glanced and saw little Tavros standing at the doorway. He walked in, singing troll lullabies.

Slowly Hope seemed to calm and she wavered. Karkat held her shoulders to keep her from falling off the bed as Tavros came forward and climbed up next to her, he leaned his head on her back and just sang, purring softly as he held her tightly.

Karkat smiled slightly, and he had wondered what Tav would be able to do for a Lusus who was human. It seemed, a lot.

Tavs young voice, a little reedy and wavering in pitch slowly took one troll tune and with a deft twist turned it into a popular tune from the radio. A slight shift in the temp as the tune was the same, and then a change in the words.

Going back to what was a native language for Hope seemed to help her as she stopped shaking, and relaxed against Karkat. Then slipped an arm back to pull Tav into a tight hug, the boy moving to her lap and snuggled between Troll and human.

Hope still had no real words at the moment, she was just, so very tired. And cold. She felt so cold right down to her core that the trolls, who were normally always a little bit cooler in body temperature, felt warm as she snuggled Tavros and leaned against Karkat. Her head still a mild ache behind the eyes.

There were voices downstairs. Jade had returned and wiggling out of Karkat and Hope’s hold Tavros ran down the stairs to inform the others that Hope wasn’t feeling well at the moment.

Tavros wasn’t sure what he’d done, but glad that it seemed to have helped. When he left Karkat was humming soft tunes over Hope’s head. Tavros liked with Karkat sang, he didn’t do it often, but he had a nice voice. But when he got down to the main floor he handed the other two pins to Ana who grinned flipping the pair in her hands and doing a couple spins with them.

The others were armed too. Eric had this really cool looking cross bow. He never seemed to miss having the same great aim his mother did. Feferi had a fishing spear at the moment. She was learning to use a trident, but the weapon she was given was still much too big, so she was starting with a harpoon gun and a spear that was down to something she could handle in size. Eridan had a rifle. He couldn’t take it into the water, he was promised by Uncle Highblood that he would get something better for his land/water status soon and the rifle he had yet was a bit big for him. When he had it over his shoulder the butt of it nearly brushed the ground.  Well most their weapons were. They were all just little kids. The trolls barely out of their grub hood. They all knew the stories though, of their home world. This would actually be pretty normal. In terms of having to defend themselves and their ‘families’ It was just unusual that they had themselves a group to watch each other’s backs.

Jade looked over the children. All with determined expressions, except Ana, whose smile rivaled some of Gamzee’s in wide sharp toothidness.

For the moment they had all their things gathered, sitting behind the couch in a pile that was easy to reach. And with Jade in the center, the kids all piled themselves on and around her while they watched the news feeds for anything. Outside Sirius was sitting on their door way and growling at any troll coming too close. He was not going to let all their exits be blocked.

Not with the chance that they could be attacked. Small army or not, there was always a risk, and Gamzee was called away to deal with the mess down by the hive rather than being left to guard his family.

Sirius thought perhaps the Grand highblood made a sever error in judgment. But he could only hope that it was not the case.

 

000

Notes: Yay! Another chapter done.

Running a little thing over at my blog. When I get 20 followers I’ll draw a picture by popular demand (so send me notes of what you’d like to see!) I’ll do another at 25... and if we go above that I’ll pass out from hyperventilating. lol

 


	28. Give Me That Old Chucklevoodoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My art on this one again

Relearning to Breath chapter 28

Book 2

Give Me That Old Chucklevoodoo

000

Karkat came down from upstairs. Hope was, better, he guessed. But she needed real help and he did not know what to do. Currently she was curled on her bed loaded with enough pain killers to tranquilize a whale. She said she’d come down once the pain eased up a little.

He brought her single bag down with him and just hoped if they had to run she was down in the living room with the others rather than someone having to go up after her.

He felt like he didn’t know anything at the moment. He was beginning to feel panicked frankly. Wanting to curl up in a corner and just cry for a bit, that actually sounded like a very good idea.

But then he would be useless to Hope, which would likely upset Gamzee whenever the fuck he got back, and Jade would rightly just shoot him.

So he managed to keep himself together. Barely.

When he reached the ground floor Tavros came over the back of the couch and gave him a huge hug. He thought at first that the child wanted comfort, and then slowly realized that it was Tavros comforting him.

He grinned “You are going to make a great Moirail for someone.” He told the pupa who gave him a big grin. But, Karkat felt better. It was hard to feel too down with that sweet smile staring up at one.

Karkat just hoped that nothing would destroy that smile. If anything, Karkat sore that the first subspecimen of troll or human who dared to destroy that smile would die painfully at the end of his blades. He would not make it quick either!

He released the boy and went over to where the stuff was sitting behind the couch, picking up his lap top he found only a couple messages. One from Sollux giving him a heads up that he hadn’t yet gotten the real people who caused this mess but he had found a bit of missing footage that was at the perfect time for the bomb to have been placed in the hive.  The other message was from John, stating that Kanaya and Lucy had gotten into the archives and they would report anything they found there. From a side message it seemed that Lucy was about to have a fit over the state of the so called ‘order’ in the archives.

He had a feeling that when she was done he was going to have to fight the Archive Keeper to be able to keep her himself. Fight he would to, she was much too valuable to him to let her go without hanging on tooth and claw. She kept his coffee cup full, gave him notes of creative uses of his own curses to rehash with the higher ups when they were being utter douche bags, she stalked people he needed things from. And so long as she was kept in a clean environment she was loyal and reliable. There had been a couple times he’d had to send her home because she actually felt so needed at work that she would work herself to serious hurt for him.

He didn’t think he deserved that much loyalty, but he appreciated it. He knew that in that office he had a few people who had his back. Lucy being the little growling pawbeast humans called a bulldog, not much to look at, but damn if it didn’t have a bite! Then there was John, Karkat sighed staring at the messages on his screen. John was one of those people that if not for his good humor and inability to see badness in anyone as far as he could tell, would make a perfect black romance. Other than for some reason one just, inexplicably, stopped hating him.

Which still annoyed the shit out of the troll. At the same time John seemed to have something going with a troll down at Trillians. Karkat saw a picture and shuddered. Of all the old gang to have lived it had to be her. Of course it was her. The tenacious creature would live just to spike the world. Karkat almost felt sorry for John. Vriska Serket. He was surprise she hadn’t already ended up in some human prison or running a gang or something like that. Instead she seemed to be hanging out with a dorky human and drinking herself silly at a troll night club.

Karkat was just as glad that none of them recognized each other. The last meeting had not been any form of friendly. She had attempted to kill Tavros Nitram. Gamzee had not taken that very well.

The only reason the other troll even survived was because she abscond as fast as she could and managed to escape. None of them saw her after that. Although thinking back it was likely that point was when Gamzee and Tavros formed their relationship. They’d all been kids still, hardly more than 7 or 8 at the time. Karkat corrected himself for human ‘years’ which were a lot shorter than a troll’s ‘sweep’. So, 14 to 16 human years then.

Karkat rubbed his face. He made a random comment back to John, something appropriately insultive and congratulatory. Mainly so he wouldn’t show just how freaked out he was feeling inside. Nothing was going how it should. They had entered worst case scenario and to add to that HE was right at ground zero.

He was feeling about as panicked as he did when he was first told of his promotion at the office.

This though was ten times worse, because the lives of those he cared for most were on the line as well as the hope of his people. He glanced from where he’d been sitting this whole time by the stairway. He could see Feferi’s growing mass of hair. The curls refusing to stay in any form of order, even if Jade had attempted to tame the locks until they were long enough to be able to seriously braid.

The news was reduced to distant shots and texted news feeds. No one could get close to the hive. Most of the rescue teams had been driven away, human or troll. But admittedly the indigos were also still hunting the ruins for survivors and doing a fair job at it.

But the humans had sent in military that surrounded the area, in part to keep the curious away, but they were also antagonizing the situation. Already several scuffles had broken out. There were reports of one missing soldier from the scene. No confirmed deaths, but that was just a matter of time. Then it would turn into a blood bath.

Karkat and those helping him were finding time running out and very fast at that.

He paused as there was a new message on his screen.

_Karkat. Run!_

 He paused looking at the handle. Then he blinked his contact darkened eyes “Oh fucking CRAP!” He slammed the laptop closed and shoved it into the back “We gotta move. NOW!” he shouted.

“What happened?” Jade said.

“I just got a warning from Lucy. Grab your stuff.” Ana and Tavros dashed past Karkat up the stairs, the two were going to bring down Hope. So he went to the front door.

Karkat had a brief moment of shock. Before he could touch the door it was completely blasted off its hinges, knocking him back into the sofa. The kids screamed behind him and he shoved at something ontop of him.

Realising it was something white. Moving fast he managed to get his feet out from under Sirius’ still form.

He looked up and saw Ana at the top of the stair. Clubs in her hands and her eyes very wide with a horror written a crossed her features. Then as the first of the attackers tried to come into the house the little troll practictly flew down the stairs and right through the broken bit of wall and bowling herself into the attackers.

Karkat had a brief moment to recognize that the attackers all wore black. It was impossible to tell species or pick out much detail. Karkat didn’t register any horns either. In the end it didn’t matter as little Ana went screaming into the group. Next to Karkat Sirius lifted his head and shook it. The troll felt a vague sense of relief. At least the lusus was well, though the green blood on its fur was evedent it was still hurt.

“The back, head for the back!” Karkat waved at Jade who had been getting her gun ready and was taking aim. She gave a brief nod and started herding the children to the back of the house, the exit through the kitchen.

Karkat helped the Lusus to its feet and for a moment he stared into the others eyes. He felt the rage in that gaze and he gave a nod “I’m with you.” He said and the lusus turned. Arching back its head it gave a howl that felt like it rocked the ground. Karkat was startled by the shear amounts of psychic energy that came off this creature.

Seriously, just who was this lusus when it had still been a troll?

They both charged out together into the fighters, keeping them focused so that the children could escape out the back way. Sirius came upon Ana and stood over her, the little girl covered in minor injuries and a couple downed bodies. She had been kneeling on the ground hissing up at one of her attackers.

Who only had a chance to look up before he got his head literately bit off by the lusus. Red blood spilling onto the ground.

Human? Karkat thought and then stared at one of the bodies that Ana had bashed into a pulp, he lifted the hood and was staring down into the face of a troll.

OK! Now Karkat was officially confused.

But he had no time to dwell on what was going on as he had to spin, his curved blades cutting into the flesh of a new attacker and with a turn he hooked his other blade around the knee and pulled, sending the larger foe to the ground. With another deft turn he neatly slit the individual’s throat. Karkat felt a sort of calm take him. Now that he was engaged in the fight all the passions and rage just sort of left him for the moment. Leaving him coolly analytical and clear headed. It was just him and his opponent.

Karkat dropped one of his sickle blades and as his opponent came at him he grabbed their arm, twisted around with their movement and his curved blade hooked around the neck and with another twist his brought his target to the ground with a long gash through his throat. Continuing the motion Karkat dropped that blade, picked back up his other and hooking that around the arm of a knife fighter coming in at him he pulled the arm down and with a flip brought down his foot hard into the other man’s skull.

He could hear gun shot, but so far none had come his way. Karkat glanced up to see that most of the attackers were withdrawing. Ana had brought her clubs down onto the skull of one attacker and Sirius was standing there, eyes blazing like miniature green suns.

“Around back!” he shouted as he realized were the gunfire he heard was coming from.

Ana gave a howl and the little troll went up the side of the house as if it was a climbing wall and was over the roof. Sirius with a deft leap went after her. Karkat darted through the house and out the back door.

Ana and Sirius came down from above like raging death. Jade had set up a bit of a barricade and she, Eric and Eridan were held up there firing out into the attackers. Feferi stood over Hope holding her spear in one hand, her Harpoon gun resting on her shoulder. The little troll’s eyes were flat and dangerous. Hope for the moment seemed alright, though she had a gash in her arm and was grinning dangerously. She held Tavros tightly.

“What happened?” Karkat said as he came out.

“They were ready to ambush us. Someone hit Tav and tried to put a bag over him and Hope nearly took the guy’s head off... It was so cool!” Feferi explained to Karkat suddenly looking disturbingly bubbly, “Then Eric and Eridan started to fire and this one guy just EXPLODED!” she made a ‘poof’ motion.

Ye-ah… Karkat decided not to go there and just thanked the other girl for her, explanation. He went up beside Jade who was calmly reloading. “How many?”

“They are starting to retreat.” Jade told him “There are just a few left.” She glanced up “But I think between Ana and Sirius they won’t last much longer.” She set her gun down and reached over stroking back Eridan’s hair the other boy looking up at her and then sitting back. Eric shouldered his crossbow and watched as Ana and Sirius took care of the remaining attackers.

“We’re going to have to move. We should head down near the river. Eridan’s Lusus will likely want to be closer to the boy as it is and Feferi and Eridan can always escape into the water and likely be gone before anyone can get to them.” Karkat said and Jade nodded. She knew the games that the children had developed involving hiding in the water. If the children wanted to disappear around the river, it was unlikely anyone would find them.

The field cleared, Ana half collapsed, all her rage spent. Sirius got down and the child climbed up onto his back. Seemingly to pass out draped over his shoulders. The large Lusus limped over to the group. He went to Hope, the two seemed to talk a moment and then the human put Tavros up behind Ana. The boy seemed to react but she shushed him and he settled again snuggling up to the girl who took a breath and must have really gone to sleep.

Karkat felt no pity for the children, in the old days this sort of battle was fairly normal, even at a young age. One did battle to live. And they had an edge, working together as they were. Even without the adults they would survive. So long as they had their early care with their lusus they would be fine. Trolls had been doing so for sweeps before they came to earth.

But he was proud of how well they managed. Even if Ana went a little ballistic. She seemed to have calmed down quicker than he recalled Gamzee doing. Or could just be because she was younger, and had less energy to put into sustaining that much rage.

Or maybe it was because she had a powerful psychic lusus who could calm her as well.

He really wasn’t sure really. In the end he decided it really didn’t fucking matter much either way. She was under control whether it was with help or not.

For now though, they had to leave. Their guards were all pretty much dead. A couple was coming back into view and looked disturbed at how tactical a strike this had been. “Are you all that is fucking left?” Karkat asked them.

One female nodded “I got knocked out in the first run, and he chased them on their retreat, but we’re all that’s left.” She said and rubbed her face “That was a ruthless strike.”

Karkat nodded “We’re heading for the river. The kids are more familiar with it and we can hide there.”

The other two looked at each other and then gave a shrug “Right.” The male said and he put away his weapons. “Lead the way” since it seemed Karkat had the ideas the other two decided to fall into line with him.

This would have been so much easier if they had done that to start with!

Karkat flung a couple bags at the two remaining trolls. They could carry the extras. He needed to be able to get to his laptop and Jade had the most reliable shot. Hope was already carrying three bags. Her’s, Tavros’ and the food bag.

So the other two carried the remaining bags except Karkat’s. He carried his own.  Keeping one of his sickles on his belt he carried the other.  They headed for the river. On the way he pulled out his cell phone and dialed up Lucy.

He needed to know how she knew there was an attack coming, and why didn’t she call him instead leaving a message?

The phone rang then an automated message came on saying that the caller could not be reached. He frowned at his phone. His bars were full. Why wasn’t it going through? So he shot off a text to her massager and sent another to the Grand Highblood telling him they were moving. Not to were, in case it was intercepted, but that the house had been compromised. OH and he owed them a new door after this.

000

The Grand Highblood, stared at his phone. The small thing was obsean in his large hands, but his growing frown and growl made several around him stop and stare.

Then begin to discreately back up as they realized that the highblood was beginging to seep darkness. Raw power melding together into a vortex that struck into the worst primal fearsof those watching. Other indigos around him recognized the chucklevoodoos singing their songs off the Highblood and began to gather.

Suddenly he threw back his head and raged.

A god damn TRAP! This whole thing, destroying the hive, and so many precious lives, was a distraction so that they could strike against other targets.

And three of them were on his phone.

The Archives, his bar and the Empress.  He got word from some human girl working under Karkat that the Archives were under attack. From Sollux that they were currently trapped in the bar, and from Karkat that they had managed to thwart the attack and were currently moving to safety.

Holding up a hand all eyes turned to the looming giant “My Brothers! MY SISTERS! A motherfucking tragedy has occurred. THIS WAS ALL A FUCKING DISTRACTION!” growls came from the crowd as his juggelos and subjuggulators began to gather. He pointed out a group “YOU! Get to my bar, I want nothing to happen to what is MINE. That includes THOSE IN IT! GOT IT FUCKERS?” they nodded.  “GO!” he roared and the group trotted off. sudden shouts  or ‘woop’ filled the air and their trollish voices echoed the sound, and their own rising chucklevoodoos, reacting to the Grand Highblood’s, warped the sound eerily. They were over the human’s army before they could react the primal horror they were giving off made many cower away from them.

“The rest of you” he indicated a larger portion “The Archives motherfucking blocks from here are under attack. GET YOU ASSES OVER THERE!” and they did not even hesitate. A mass of purple, black and bloody rainbows charged.

By this point, someone just decided to order the tanks moved out of the way. There were a few remaining.

He reached out and put a hand on Gamzee’s shoulder his rumbling voice quieter “Your home was attacked. I need you to take a few men and get caught up to them. Got it?” he asked the other. Who’s eyes took on a strange look, Gamzee was a little too close to completely loosing it, so sending him back to his Moirail and mate would likely be the better option at the moment. Gamzee didn’t even nod, just bared his teeth and went trotting off. The Highblood waved a couple more after him. He looked at those remaining with him “We guard the hive, and keep searching for motherfuckers still alive.” He told them.

Nods and the trolls went back to work.

This was turning into a mess. Humans getting involved, well meaning or not, in this case they had to back off. Or there was going to be an even greater loss of life.

It was time he went to edugate a few idiots in the…subtleties, of troll diplomacy.

His grin grew very wide as he started to the line of tanks and military men, then paused and moved to the side, crouching down. He saw a human, tried up and looking a great deal put upon. Someone had decided to stuff him ‘out of sight’ by some rubble.

“Now just how the motherfucking did you end up all in here motherfucker?” he asked crouching down to his heals, arms resting on his knees and finding his good humor returning.

The man was the palest human he’d ever seen aside from that DJ he hired now and then.

“Just let me go, that crazy bitch put me here.”

“Hardly informative.” The Highblood tilted his head and rested the side of his face on the curled back of his hand. Knuckles rubbing the underside of his jaw.

The man actually blushed “Look, I was doing my job! I was told to stand there. This chick comes over and started getting in my face. Then she started doing like this weird thing… So I hit her in the face. I fucking warned her first!”

With a brow raised he began to get an idea. The weird thing was likely a weaker form of the chucklevoodoos. He’d have to find out which juggelatte managed to start controlling hers. That was a great gift to be able to harness. He rumbled a bit and the man looked up at him uneasy. With a wide grin he leaned forward and reached up, stealing the shades the man wore. Which made him blink painfully. Aw so the glasses had a reason then. Those pretty ruby eyes staring back at him. But out of morbid curiosity he turned up his chuckles and was greeted with a sight that made him laugh. Oh-ho! So there were other humans who had the same odd reaction that Unique did. Were instead of hitting their fear, it hit them in, other , ways. So, the young man had a rather unintentionally positive reaction to the troll and she likely decided to keep him. If she defeated him, that was her choice, at least by old laws. She just better have gotten his name then. He reached out and his nails tore through the rope binding the young man. “Get yourself under control.” He advised him “You are going to take me to your leaders.”

The young man got his glasses back and put them on, “A Strider ain’t nothing but always in control.” He said.

The Highblood chuckled. He liked this kid.

000

NOTES: *nothing but the repeated sound of forehead hitting desk*

Most notes at the tumblr. New images and stories too. Relearning2breath and stillbreathiing

I go now…

Oh, anyone have an invite to Ao3 around? I’m thinking of making a move. I’ll still finish this story here on FFnet. But I can put chapter art on my stories at the other one!


	29. In Touch

Relearning to Breath chapter 29

Book 2

In Touch

000

It was getting late when they found a place to set up. Karkat checked his messages. Still nothing from Lucy, but John informed him of the update of the other attacks.

The Archives were under attack at the moment. Someone wanted to wipe out all of the current known troll history and all records of births and deaths.

What on earth did they hope to accomplish going after the archives?

He gave a note if John heard from Lucy, or even Sollux, to let him know.

Just what was going on? He closed his computer to conserve the battery and put it away. They had no light, currently Feferi and Eridan were in the water. Jade sat on a rock near the water with her son sleeping on her lap. Hope had Ana and Tavros asleep against her. Sirius and their remaining guards had set up point around their makeshift camp. Putting away his laptop Karkat moved over next  to Hope and sat down, he took charge of Ana the girl more than willing to sleepily crawl into his lap and curl up contentedly.  It had been a long day for the kids. A scary one too. Karkat just hoped when this was over they would be able to go back to their house. They had just got the hive! It was paid for damn it! And the two sides was perfect. Giving the whole growing clusterfuck of people room to stretch out without feeling too cramped. It was not as ideal as his old hive when he was a little pupa, but then that had been built by drones for him in particular. This one, was prebuilt and human laws meant that they couldn’t just go adjusting it however they wanted. Not without permits and stuff first. But there was more than enough rooms for the time being for all of them.  Perhaps after this they could add another door between the dwellings, and  perhaps add another bedroom for the kids. So far Eridan and Eric didn’t seem to mind sharing, but as they got older that could become an issue. With the growing relationship among Eric, Eridan and Fereri. The ‘teenage’ years were confusing enough for troll children, the bond between the Empress and Heir was already confused without adding in that Eridan seemed to likely be a Prince with the mark he was given. Which meant that in normal times, he and the Empress would have been the ones to grow up together.

Yeah, Karkat was not looking forward to that, or hell to Ana getting older either. It wasn’t uncommon for those of her blood type to utterly flip their shit. Gamzee did, even if he drugged himself, the rage was ingrained into the highest of the land dwelling caste.

Karkat was drawn out of his thoughts when Hope rested her head on his shoulder.  She looked so incredibly worn. Hollowed out eyes.

“What were you seeing earlier?” he asked her “When I came in the room. I know didn’t see me”

She was quiet and said “I saw a hooded man with red eyes, he had horns like yours, but he wasn’t you.”

Karkat was quiet, she saw another troll? A redblood like himself. There were not many of those to go by. So was it an illusion or something tied to the memories trapped in her head.

She covered her face a moment and he wrapped an arm around her. Pulling her closer. She felt so incredibly cold, and humans usually ran a little warmer than most trolls. With his other arm he managed to get a blanket from the bedding pile without disturbing human or pupas and wrapped it around all four of them. The pupas both snuggled merrily down into the warm cocoon created. He rubbed Hope’s arm and sighed.  She was singing softly, but her song was muddled. As if she was trying to figure out the words, he caught part of the melody and realized she was trying to go for a popular song off the radio.

So he started catching the line of melody and helping her remember the human words. Separating out the troll melodies from the human ones, which seemed to calm her. She slowly relaxed enough to fall to sleep against him.

It was getting worse. Whatever was going on in her head was making her sick and there was nothing any of them could do right now for her. If not for the chaos he already would have had her down at the Hive figuring this out. There was a little stirring and Tavros sat up in her lap with a yawn, the young boy looked around and then getting up on his knees he rested his head against her’s and started humming.

She relaxed further, sagging as if every muscle went utterly lax. Done the boy curled up against her again chewing on one of his nails in a sleepy way. Karkat reached over to pull his fingers away from his mouth. Just what was the pupa doing? He was going to have to ask him later.

For right now he was just as glad that he was here.

Sirius limped into camp and laid down near Karkat and rested his head on his paws with a sigh. A bandage up one of his forelegs green blood seeping still.

“Holding up?” Karkat asked softly so not to wake the kids. He reached out and ran a hand along the Lusus’ soft furry head.

The lusus rumbled softly and gave a sigh. He got the image of ‘ok, just hurting’

“There is a small island out in the river” Karkat said he’d been seeing it on his drive to work. It was just a strip of land that flooded sometimes so nothing was out on it. Sometimes he saw boats with sport fishermen who headed out that way sometimes when fishing on the river. “I was thinking we could make our way there, it would be safer than the mainland for now.”

Sirius lifted his head and followed the pointing, none of them could see it from here.

Sirius had a few doubts but Karkat shrugged “What else can we do? The Empress is priority even above our own safety.”

Sirius gave a heaving sigh. Karkat was right. The large pawbeast wrinkled his nose. And Karkat chuckled scratching the base of the horns. “I don’t think any of us are looking forward to the smell of you wet. Maybe we’ll be lucky to find a boat big enough so you don’t have to swim. It would likely be a bad idea with that injury anyway. The water is a muddy mess.”

Sirius rumbled an agreement.

For the moment, they rested. Eri and Feferi had hooked their feet under roots of trees sunk into the riverbank and just rested, the water going a crossed their gills. The water was always so muddy he wondered if it was bad for them, but they didn’t seem to mind all that much. Neither had seen the ocean and the cleanest water they ever swam in was the pool behind the house, but that was currently under construction for letting Eridan’s travel from up the river to the pool to be closer to his pupa so sat empty. There was always them submerging themselves in the bathtubs. Eridan was fond of taking afternoon naps as long as he was allowed. With multiple baths in both sides they would let him. The water over his gills was soothing.

Of course soothing as well as Sirius’ pleasant rumble as Karkat rubbed and scratched around the other’s ears and horns. The lusus leaning over into the other’s ministrations. Karkat grinned as he got the image of having until oh, forever, to stop what he was doing.

A sudden shout from the parameter had Karkat up in a heartbeat. Half scattering Ana and Tav, as well as dropping Hope who sat up blurry eyed and looking as if she was just trying to figure out were she was. Weapon came to hand and he moved forward.

“Wait!” someone shouted “We were sent by the Grand Highblood!”

Karkat rushed into the scene and found himself blinking. Gamzee was currently crouched over one of the guards, holding one of his mallets were the other was being choked. There was another pair of trolls behind him holding out their hands and stopping the second guard, who was baring her teeth and looking rather confused. Karkat knew the feeling, She’d met Gamzee before but at the moment the troll didn’t seem to recognize them.

Karkat gave a loud sigh “Oh fuck, Gamzee let the guy up. He was just doing his job!”

The larger troll blinked and looked up at Karkat. Slowly Gamzee let up on the troll he was sitting on and moved back. The other’s were smart enough to try and touch him.

Karkat went over and grabbed him by the horns and rested his head against him “Okay bulgehead. Calm your ass down. Everyone is safe.” He assured him “now come on, you can cuddle with Hope and Tavros.”

Gamzee reached up and took the other’s hands from around his horns and held them to his lips. Just resting there for a long moment.

Karkat sighed and kissed Gamzee’s forehead. “Common, you got everyone all worked up over nothing.”

Karkat glanced at the others. The guard that Gamzee had pinned was slowly rubbing his throat. Likely been bruised, “You sort yourselves out.” He told them. “They can fill you in.” he indicated the female to the other two and slowly he stood pulling Gamzee up with him. The taller troll sagged like a rag and walked limply along with Karkat back to the main camp. Once he saw Hope he zeroed in on her and was by her side, picking up the girl before she could do more than squeak. He held her tightly.

“Gamzee…” Hope half wheezed “You’re cutting off my air.. breathing.. breathing is a good thing.. Gamzee!”

Karkat chuckled and went over and grabbed the back of the other’s uniform and gave a tug. Gamzee flopped do the ground and he resettled Hope in his lap. Caging her completely. The other woman gave Karkat a look that clearly said ‘traitor’ but the other troll just gave her a wicket grin. He sat down, his back to Gamzee and Tavros crawled into his lap. Anatol resettled herself next to her Lusus who gave a sigh at the antics of all the children.  Karkat caught that thought and flipped him off, which just made the Lusus click in amusement.

Behind him Gamzee rumbled in a way that had the troll honestly worried about his friend. Gamzee was so close to a complete breakdown. This wasn’t just a dark carnie high, this was as he was the night they rescued Hope from the Orphaner. Gamzee was so close to just, breaking.

Karkat gave a sigh and leaned his head back against his friend. The other was keeping Hope like his personal teddy bear. After a few minutes the girl sighed and seemed to resettle herself to sleep as well. She was still cold, cold enough that Gamzee felt warm. She found herself humming softly. Unconsciously echoing a troll lullaby. Gamzee relaxed and rumbled pleasantly in response, but he was soon resting. His head back against Karkat, so he wasn’t drooling on her for once. Darkness covered her when Karkat took the blanket from earlier and flipped it around to cover over Gamzee and close over himself and Tavros.

And slowly the young woman fell back into sleep. While her dreams were weird and twisted, her body at least floated in the sea of images. Without pain. She could see things all around her. Past, presents, and even other images that didn’t seem to belong to either. Floating above her in clouds she watched things yet to come.

Seeing Gamzee scream his weapons covered in blood and beneath him seemed to be the crumpled form of Karkat.

Someone was holding little Tavros by his throat. Hope felt tears prick her eyes, it hadn’t happened, it wouldn’t happen.

She would make sure of it…

000

Dirk Strider did not like having to report that he got kidnapped from his post because some amorous troll clown chick thought he was cute and wanted to take him home. This was a serious situation. Everyone was trying to be horribly serious about this whole situation.

And was that big guy juggling bullets from his gun? HOW DID HE GET THE BULLETS OUT OF THE CLIP? Dirk checked his weapon and sagged. He took the laughing evil clown from space to the unit commander and just kept himself as small as he could.

Whatever weird thing the guy was doing was making the soldier uncomfortable. He was glad for the loose army pants but he was not happy with having some freaky weird dude somehow turning him on, he didn’t like dudes! Especially a really big dude who looked like he would be able to strip the flesh from him faster than a group of starved piranhas and use his finger bones as a toothpick.

They reached the tent and before Dirk could say anything the guy just marched in with a jovial cry as if he was some weird pastor about to speak to his congregation “Hello my little motherfuckers! Right now you are all in my motherfucking realm, so you would all best be sitting your plump asses DOWN while I begin to schoolfeed you a bit of motherfucking knowledge.”

Dirk just stood outside, one hand raised and then he dropped it to his side.

No. No. He gave up. He was reporting to his sergeant and going home. Maybe he’ll quit. He wondered if his little bro needed help with his Dj business. Or maybe he should get back into making puppets or something.

Whatever. He was through with dealing with trolls.

000

Chaos erupted at the beach. Hope sat in the boat with Sirius and the children. Eridan and Feferi had hold of ropes and were pulling the boat out through the water. The thought had been to float themselves out to the small island out in the water. It was heavily wooded and they could hide there until things calmed down.

But at the moment instead the group sent the injured and children down the river and away from the chaos happening as the rest of the trolls battled the masked figures that attacked. The other children hung close to the sides of the boat, weapons ready. Hope was ready to grab up Feferi and Eridan should anything show itself in the water. Sirius gave a growl and she leaned over grabbing both children and hauling them out of the water and into the boat.

A webbed hand gripped Eridan’s ankle, the boy gave a watery scream and kicked out. Eric was beside them, his bow aimed over Hope’s shoulder. He fired into the water and the hand let loose. Feferi was to the side of the boat firing off her harpoon gun and then taking up her spear. She drove that down into the water, hitting something as there was a welling of pale purple blood floating to the surface.

Hope struggled to the back of the boat, dropping the motor into the water. They had tried for quiet at first rather than advertising their location. The boat rocked as more tried to grab the boat and the children. Sirius snapped out at fingers and several people lost theirs. The children were all situated around the boat and their weapons struck attackers.

Pulling a couple times Hope tried to get the motor started. “FUCK!” she shouted and gave it a kick. The motor finally roared to life and grabbing the handle she set it into the water shooting off fast enough to knock Feferi off her feet into Eridan and Eric who were behind her. Ana and Tav grabbed hold of the side of the boat and Sirius was in the middle.

From the beach Karkat looked up heard the off board motor sound “Everyone! Boats!” he shouted heading for the boat.

“You go ahead! We’ll block them here!” one of the added guards shouted.

Jade reached over and grabbed Gamzee by the back of his shirt and started for the boat. Gamzee only hesitated a moment before he went tearing down the dock and hopped into the vessel. Karkat got the motor running while Jade took shots at anyone that got past the four fighters left on the dock. Gamzee scanned the water for swimmers.  He stood there as Karkat got the boat going and directed them out into the water to get to the kids as fast as they could.

000

Hope got the boat down the river, she killed the engine and let them continue floating for a bit. So far nothing else showed up so they must have outrun their chasers for the moment. “I’m moving us to the river bank” she told them. Ahead would be the egg Hive.

She really didn’t know what was safer, pull up and hope she could get hold of the Grand Highblood before she was sujuggulated or risk being in the city with a huge Lusus and a bunch of children. With unknown enemies chasing them?

Hope decided to risk the juggelos.  She aimed the boat and pulled the cord again when she felt a wave of dizziness.

“Momma?” Tavros’ voice came to her and she glanced up at the worried looking pupa. She gave him a weak smile.

And toppled off the boat.

000

She floated though nothing, falling though blackness. A glowing form came to her, floating above her. Like some sort of angelic being it sang.

And she sang back. It was an odd feeling, being both herself and yet not. She was the mother grub and herself and nothing at all. Her mind broke, unable to handle all the information within it.

But there was a hand held out to her. A separate song she heard. She could feel it, a connection to something outside. Something that loved her so utterly unconditionally.

And she found herself smiling as she held a hand back, trying to catch those small fingers held out to hers.

“Tavros…” she whispered and her eyes sank closed. She fell into blackness.

000

Note: Short chapter short…

And we have a Monday update on time! WOOOOT!

Anyways, check out the tumblrs for more notes.

Also, still hoping to get my invite soon for Ao3.. so I can start moving things, stuff has gotten….. a bit rude over here.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost over with the repostings. Then finish up the first few chaps and the rest of the dabbles. I hope to have a new chapter of Still breathing up very soon on both here and FF.net!


	30. Reload

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last of Relearning to Breathe chapters. Still Breathing goes up soon and the rest of the dabbles. I'll try to make sure to put into them about when they take place to help.

Relearning to Breath chapter 30

(wow! Big 30!) Act 2

Reload

000

“She needs to be resuscitated.”

“I said motherfucking BACK OFF!”

“But she needs…”

“That is her wiggler’s job! A fucking lusus lives or dies by her ward’s fucking choices! Stop interfering human!”

“I don’t care what you guys put her down as in your books. She’s fucking human asshole and that’s just a child!”

“Want to say that again?”

Hope could hear the argument going on and she opened her eyes. For a moment she saw strange people leaning over her, no one registering, until she registered one face. The only one that mattered. And she arched her body drawing a real lungful of air.

Which made her turn and throw up a small river of water.

Tiny hands stroked back her hair and she could feel damp drops falling on her cheek as her little pupa leaned his head against the side of her face. “I was so scared. I felt you slipping away from me.” He whispered.

“I’m here.” She rasped and tried to sit up, instead all she could manage was rolling to her back. Slowly she started to focus. There was the Grand Highblood, holding back some human EMTs. She could see ruins around them, it took a moment for her to place what the destroyed building was.

The egg hive. She could see to the side a growing pile of tiny bodies. At least the ones that were not immediately squished to jelly.  Tony hands stroked back her hair and she looked up at Tavros. “Hey jinglebutt” she said softly. Reaching up to touch the face of the little one bent over her. He was balanced on his knees. Suddenly the little boy seemed to break into tears. “You nearly died!” he cried.

She reached up pulling his little head down to touch her forehead to his. “Not as long as you are here.” She said softly to him.

He hiccupped. His little hands closing around the sides of her face. She didn’t really know what was going on, only that her pupa was upset and she was trying to comfort him.

After a moment she got him settled enough that with his help she was able to sit up, slowly. When she wrapped her arms securely around Tavros, only then did the Highblood let the meddling humans close to her.

There wasn’t much they could do. She glanced around seeing military guys and juggelos searching the debris.

She glanced up at the highblood “What changed?” she asked him.

“When we had to stretch our resources thin” he responded “I was able to get the humans to.. understand, that in this case, this place, is my jurisdiction, and if they don’t want to end up a smear they gotta follow my orders.” he just glared at the rescue people “They on the other hand, are just a pain in my ass.”

He knelt and held out a large hand to take her’s and haul her to her feet. Then he supported her to a spot to sit. Tavros staying at her side like a small burr.  Sirius was being properly bandaged and Ana sat on his back giving death glares to anyone coming too close to her Lusus. Even the fellow bandaging her lusus for her.

The other three children were sitting together. Feferi in the middle with both boys flanking her. They stared out over the water as if watching for something.

Hope looked around “Where’s the others? I know that Gamzee and the others were behind us, but they should have gotten to a boat to follow.”

The Highblood shook his head. “I haven’t seen them” he told her.

Hope bit her lip and stared over the water. Next to her Tavros hugged her tighter “They got Gamzee and Momma Jade” he told her. “They will make sure they all get back.” He tried to sound confident, Hope smiled at him and gave him a tight hug.

There was a shout, it was Eridan “From the water!” the boy screamed pointing with his rifle, he started to fire off shots.

Out of the water came dark dressed figures. Most armed, some with horns, some with scuba gear.

“YOU AIN’T FIGHTING MOTHERFUCKING MOVE!” the highblood shouted and then started an odd war cry, it sounded almost as if he was singing, or rather rapping, and the other juggelos picked up the rift giving loud woops and cries of their own, diving past the humans an crashing into the attackers.

Shots from behind and Hope could see that another wave came from land as well.

Hope was about to see about finding a spot to hide when she felt a large hand close over her shoulder and with a yank the Highblood stuffed her in a spot between slabs. “Stay there!” he told her and grabbing up his clubs he gave a cry and dove into battle, darkness and fear gathering around him and chuckling like a demented cluster of birds.

Hope kept herself down and out of the way. Her head started to feel, funny, again.

_“What are you doing?” the female voice as harsh, and very annoyed sounding._

_“You have to choose, me or her!” the voice was authoritative, condescending and male. A hint of a watery accent that one who is familiar with trolls associates with sea dwellers._

_“You are an idiot! WHY did I ever think we could work anything out?” the frustration in her voice was almost grieving._

_“Then you choose a slave, over a prince?”there was a plaintive sound, as if he deflated and wasn’t sure what to do._

_“I choose to protect something precious over letting you ruin shit you don’t know anything about!”_

Who were these voices? One sounded familiar, the male voice, like one she’d heard in recent memory. The other she didn’t know at all, other than something inside her knew it.

A sudden feeling, as if shot. She doubled over, clutching her chest.

_“Can you do anything for her? We have to save her!” it was that unfamiliar female voice again. She was talking to someone._

_There was a rumble and it was one that didn’t just feel familiar to the owner of the memory, but to Hope as well, “We’ll have to push her transformation, it’s the only motherfucking way.” The way the voice spoke was not how she was use to hearing it now, this was younger, more authoritive._

_But Hope knew the Grand Highblood when she heard him._

_There was a pause and the last thing the owner of the memory heard was a soft “do it. I just can’t let her die.”_

Hope came to herself when she hear Tavros’ growl. Looking up she saw a figure standing there. Her eyes didn’t fully focus. For a moment she thought she was on the deck of a ship seeing her doom come at her.

“Leave us alone!” Tavros screamed making a swing with his club.

The figure grabbed the club and lifted the little pupa “If you are good little one, I’ll bring you along, otherwise you’ll be a smear.”

She knew that voice. She knew that voice! Hope leapt out fast and her arms wrapped around the pupa and she pulled him back against her into the area they had been sheltered in. The sound that emanated from her throat hardly sounded human. A long dreadful growling hiss.

“Still defiant.” The Orphaner chuckled “We’ll break you of that.” He promised her and reached for her.

“I suggest sea dweller you back the motherfuck off.” The Grand Highblood’s voice sang out from behind the other troll.  “You don’t have Condense’s protection anymore ‘Prince’ Orphaner Dualscar.”

“The same can be said for you. How old are you ‘Highblood’?” the troll turned “She’s not here to heal ye and keep ye young anymore is she?” he half purred “How fast ye rotting mmm?”

“I have no regrets.” The Highblood said pointing his club at the other troll “What about you?” he said suddenly smiling very widely “Hope told me everything you told her.” He said “So, you yet again kill the very thing you loved most, because you were just too greedy to share.”

Hope couldn’t see the other’s face as his back was too her. But she began looking for an avenue of escape.

The Orphaner lifted his gun silently and shot. “I’m through talking” he said his voice completely dead sounding.

The Highblood managed to dodge the shot. Then he charged in like a raging bull his club coming up to swing at the other troll. Who leapt backwards and managed to avoid the hit, though the club caught on his cape and pulled the material ripping it from his back.

But close seemed to be what the Orphaner wanted. Hope was making Tavros duck down into a hallow shelter created by fallen rubble. It looked like it might go a little ways and open up again. She knew the pupa would fit, it would be a tight squeeze for her but she was confident she could make it too.

She glanced back at the fighting trolls in time to see the Orphaner drop his rifle, and pulled a small hand gun.

Which he held right to the Highblood’s chest. The other had his great arms around the other troll digging his claws into flesh.

“Good bye old ‘friend’” The Orphaner said and pulled the trigger.

Hope stared with huge eyes as the troll fell backwards. She stood there precious seconds trying to register what just happened.

For Orphaner to turn and see her. She ducked down and started to crawl after Tavros, but felt the hand close around her ankle. She was pulled back out, rubble scraping along her belly. The troll lifted her up and grinned at her “All your protectors will be gone.” He hissed at her “And this world will burn. All for you.”

A sinking horror filled her belly and she hissed at him. He chuckled “Sounding more like a god damn mothergrub you are. So you get that bitch’s memories? This would make things all the sweeter. Mindfang and Highblood tried to hide that traitorous slave bitch from me, but I still killed her in the end. Centuries later, but she is dead now, beneath that rubble. The Dolorosa is fucking dead.” He laughed “And a few floating memories in a human’s head just makes my revenge so much sweeter.” His grin was so wide, so completely insane. “Happy Rosa?” he said nose to nose with Hope. “You raised that red blooded filthy mutant, and set the whole thing into motion. You destroyed our world selfish bitch!” he shook the girl who could only hang onto his arms and feel such a sinking feeling of horror and sick confusion. She had no clue what the crazy troll was talking about. “And no human is ever going to be a match for a troll. You are lower than us, and I will make sure you know your place!” Hope stared into his mad eyes and was trying to focus on the here and now. She was flung over the Orphaner’s shoulder and the troll marched through the battle, shooting a few targets. He didn’t seem to care who he shot. Just clearing his path for his escape.

“Orphaner!” Hope found herself shifted to the ground, but as a shield. A hand closed with choking strength around her throat. She found that Gamzee was standing there. Somewhere behind Karkat and Jade could be seen coming from the bank.

Gamzee’s eyes blazed a strange reddish color, the centers so incredibly purple. Hope found herself feeling more than a little panicked. He did not look sane.

“I’M going To motherFUCKING rip YOU to PIECES!” Gamzee said dangerously.

“And risk damage to your precious human?”

Gamzee’s smile only grew wider. Inhuman Hope would call it. From his hunched position he launched himself at the troll holding Hope.

And Hope found herself flung INTO Gamzee. The other troll half turned in midair and wrapped his arms around her. He crashed into the other troll and then kicked himself off him. Teeth bared Hope expected to be put down. Instead he tighten one arm around her and charged right back in.

The girl felt her eyes go huge. Gun fire blasted around her and Gamzee did not release his hold.  Holding two of his clubs in one hand he flung one at the Orphaner and while the other ducked that one he came smashing in with the other he still held. Striking the troll who half crumpled under the strike.

And Hope got herself a front row seat to the fall of the club into the water dweller’s skull. She could hear the crazed rumbling laughter in Gamzee’s chest as he brought his weapon down again and again. She turned her face away from the scene. Tried not to think about what fell on her when he dropped the weapon and grabbed the now very dead troll and lifted him. Stepping on his legs he literately twisted the other’s head off his body laughing.

His arm around her tightened to the point she could feel her bones creak. Fearing he would crush her she got one arm free and reached up to grab his face.

He turned that crazed gaze on her. Water dweller purple smeared along his face with his makeup. Crazed eyes turned their attention to her and his grin twisted. He dropped the corpse and that bloody hand came up his thumb circling down her cheek. He seemed to like the effect of the color and drew another line of blood on her face. She gulped not sure about the odd expression he wore.

“Gamzee… “ she started but before she could try and say more, or even just try and calm him down his lips closed upon her’s. The kiss was intense. Enough so that her lip caught on one of his teeth and she got the taste of her own blood mixed a bit with the blood of the troll Gamzee just killed.

He just pulled her closer kissing her deeper as if trying to suck her soul out through her mouth. Her fingers closed on his vest top and she could only clutch on. Her head swam with so much, but at the moment she was completely in the terrifying now.

He pulled back staring at her with red tinged eyes. She shook in his hold and just tried to get her head together. To figure out how to react to this. So far he wasn’t trying to hurt her, but he was scaring her. They were in the middle of a battle field.

At least the answer to her shock came in the form of Karkat climbing up Gamzee’s back, his hands wrapped around his friend’s horns and with a toss backwards he pulled the taller troll to the ground. On top of him, which seemed to knock the air from him “Calm the fuck down!” the smaller troll shouted and kept hold of Gamzee as the larger troll struggled. But Karkat’s legs were wrapped around his shoulders and arms, and his hands firmly had the other by the horns, forcibly keeping him from struggling.

Tavros had gotten hold of Hope’s legs and gave a tug as Gamzee been falling, the young troll managed to pull the girl free and she fell back to her rump with an expelling of air.

She curled up wrapping her arms around her head. Something inside suddenly snapping. She felt Tav throw his tiny form over her and was attempting to calm her down.

Jade set up with her gun, the other children and Sirius with her, keeping a parameter around the four figures. She knelt by the grand Highblood and managed to turn him over.

She checked for a pulse and sighed when she found one. He was bleeding badly and she wasn’t sure how long he’d last without help.

At least though, with the rather spectacular death of Orphaner the word began to spread and a retreat began to be called. Masked figures disappearing into the water or around buildings. A chase (mainly by angry subjuggulators) was conducted, but the fighting seemed to be done for the time being.

Jade though knew this wasn’t the end. This, was the first such violent conflict, and there would be more. The line was struck and even with cooler heads, the extremists were going to be screaming for blood. Humans for the trolls over the loss of human lives and the defiance of human authority in a troll matter. Trolls for the fact it was humans who in their view initiated the attack. Killed one of their Mother Grubs and destroyed thousands of young grubs, let alone the archive and whatever other targets were involved.

She glanced back and saw Karkat shushing the crazed troll who was laying against the other, who cradled him like a small child. And Hope, who whimpered from pain that no one but her pupa seemed to be able to calm, but he could not fix what was wrong.

“This is, so messed up” Feferi said softly. Leaning against Eric’s shoulder. The human boy placed a hand on Eridan’s arm. The young troll reaching up to squeeze the other boy’s hand back. Eridan was looking down at the remains of the Orphaner. His face was still and contemplative.

Jade looked up at the smoky destruction of the hive and the hundreds of bodies littering the ground around it.

What would be the cost of peace?

 

000

End of act/book 2

Continues in the story “Still Breathing”

Please visit the tumblr relearning2breath and stillbreathiing 


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